Zero Proof, Infinite Power: Embracing responsibility & resilence with Katey Armstrong Season 3 Ep. 19

Our guest Katey Armstrong comes to us with a unique perspective on living alcohol free. Unlike most of our guests Katey didn't grow up struggling with her relationship with alcohol. Katey was actually only an occasional drinker who never really enjoyed it. What Katey did always struggle with, were the objections she continually got every time she said "No" to drinking.  3 years ago Katey realized there was no real reason for her to continue to consume alcohol, she didn't enjoy it nor did it align with her lifestyle as a health & wellness coach, so she gave it up completely.  Katey explains to us how she finally found her voice after years of continuing to say "No" to alcohol. It's no surprise that Katey has found many sober curious people gravitating towards her now, as she is a perfect example of what it looks like to be living an abundantly energetic alcohol free life!

Follow Katey in Instagram https://www.instagram.com/healthyevolutionbykatey/
Check out her website: https://healthyevolution.ca/

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**Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this episode are not professional or medical opinions. If you are struggling with an addiction please contact a medical professional for help.

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Song: Rise and Thrive
Artist: Young Presidents

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Transcript

Kelly: 0:02

Welcome to the LAF life podcast, a lifestyle podcast based on living alcohol free and a booze soaked world. My name is Kelly Evans and together with my friends, Tracey Djordjevic, and Lindsey Harik. We share uncensored. Unscripted real conversations about what our lives have been like since we ditched alcohol and how we got here by sharing our individual stories. We'll show you that there isn't just one way to do this, no matter where you are on your journey from sober, curious to years in recovery and everyone in between, you are welcome here, no judgment and a ton of support.

Lindsey: 0:40

It's Tuesday and that means a brand new episode of the LAF Life podcast and today I'm really looking forward to this episode because we have a wonderful guest that I've been really excited to speak to and her name is Katey Armstrong and she is a health and happiness human. How fun is that? I love it. So she's a special guest. She's a speaker, she's a wellness coach, she's an instructor, and if I'm correct, Katie, you've been in the wellness realm for 30 years, right? Over 30. In some capacity? 34. Oh my gosh. Yeah, this is my 34th year. That's insane. I just love it. You talk a lot about resiliency and I met you at a work conference where you were the guest speaker. And I just remember sitting, listening to you. And we did it through zoom. And even though you weren't there in person, your energy was amazing. And then when I found out that you were alcohol free, I was like, that's it. I need to ask her to be on the podcast because the things that you were saying, your story, I was just sitting there and on, I was like, our listeners need to meet this. Incredible woman. So thank you so much, Katie, for joining us today. We're so excited to get to know you a little bit better and ask you some questions and hear about, your resilience journey, your wellness journey, and how that all kind of ties into you living alcohol free. So welcome.

Katey: 2:15

Thank you. What a nice welcome. Hi, Katie. Hi. Hi, Tracey I've been so excited to meet you too, just from some of the stuff you've been putting out on social media, and we love the energy and the support, yeah, your energy is infectious, even virtually. Nice. Thank you. I've worked on that the last three years, given the whole world situation and, I run a full business online. So it's important that I can send this energy through a screen now in person is fricking wild. So I love in person events when they happen, but. Even through a screen, I've been told that and that's why I've been continuing to run my business through a screen, even though the world's kind of all gone back to quote unquote normal, there's still a large audience I have that I'm able to reach through. This device right here. So yeah, we're going to probably go down a few paths today. I am so excited.

Lindsey: 3:13

We're super excited. One of the first things I wanted to talk to you about or ask you is what's your most. vivid memory you have of your first encounter with alcohol. And part two to that question, and I tend to lose track of the part twos. So if you need a reminder I'll give that to you. Part two to that question is how do you feel that has shaped your relationship with sobriety and wellness today.

Katey: 3:40

Okay, so my first vivid encounter with alcohol, oh my Lord, this is funny and I can't say who I was with because I didn't ask permission, but if they listen to this episode, my friends, I don't know, we were about 14, 15, 16, I think 14 ish and we went and got a big bottle of Jack Daniels and my sister and her boyfriend at the time had their own apartment. So I have a bunch of siblings and I was able to go. So I showed up at my sister's place and we thought we had mix. We had a giant bottle of alcohol. And like a liter of pop, we thought we were like, gonna do this thing up. Girl, let's just say we, I think she let us get sick on purpose. And that was one that was my first kind of fun, but really scared to, and then the one event, and this is going to sound crazy, but. When I was in high school, early ish, grade 9, grade 10, a bunch of us got drunk before a school dance, and I upchucked to the floor. All over at the dance and there was a bunch of people that were drunk that night and my most vivid memory is being in a room at the high school where they kept us all. They detained us all shut down the dance. The police came. And I remember being mortified when my dad walked in because I knew that I had really, disappointed him. Then I remember even through high school, just really cutting back, a lot of people would be partying. And I can remember being even a DD as soon as I got my license, it was almost like, yes, like now I can be the DD. So I had a purpose at parties versus just feeling like a loser. And I remember being at parties and being like the Uber. Not, I didn't mean Uber. I meant like Uber as in super, not the Uber. Okay. Yeah. I remember being super cocky, like sitting, drinking a glass of milk just to prove a point. I couldn't just sit and have a pop. I was being a bit of a shit and I was like, I'm drinking milk and I'm having just as much fun as the rest of you. I drank alcohol right up until three years ago and then, but not a lot. So I was going to share with you guys when I told my children that I was getting interviewed, I'm like, you guys, I'm getting interviewed on another podcast. This is. Fuckin fun for me. And I hope you guys can handle F bombs because they sometimes fly out of me. I love it. I love this opportunity. And I just want to say thank you. This is like soul filling for this human. This is exactly what I love to do. So thank you for the opportunity. First off, so welcome. But when I told my kids, I'm like, I'm being interviewed on this podcast and it's a living alcohol free. And they're like, And what's the big deal mom, we've been drunk like five times since we've been alive and I'm like, they grew up urging me, they wanted me to get drunk because I'm pretty funny human, on the normal life. And they put alcohol on me. I was more of a happy let's have more fun. Except sometimes I would go overboard and then I felt remorse. I was a bit of a, like a drunk that then felt guilty for, whatever. So I remember one time getting really drunk with a good friend of mine, I was going through a bit of a rough patch in life and she texted me and she's do you need a hug? Hug, wine, a visit. I'm like all three and I didn't even like alcohol. So she brought over this wine and I was like barf and I drank it. And I got so drunk and then I threw up that night and my daughter, this is when my kids were big. My daughter held my hair back and I was in the toilet. I'm like, Oh my Lord, that was like around 2016, 2017. It was a handful of times, like it wasn't something I did a lot. And then in around 2021, I just decided for the amount that I did do. I'm like, why do I even fucking do it? I'd rather be done with it. And I actually can be a really big support to those who don't want it in their life. I've become, I don't know if you would call me like an ally or a friend or a sister in this life, but I definitely know. That I attract people who are either sober curious or are on a sober sobriety journey in my wellness business. I attract a lot of women. Now that I am like for real decided I'm done and for me it wasn't like, sure a couple of years ago when I was married, went on an all inclusive vacation and I was probably drunk almost every day cause we paid for it. it was ridiculous. I'm like, getting my money's worth I'm not gonna lie. going to leave here, and they're not going to owe me a dime. I'm going to drink and drink this resort dry. Exactly. I paid a lot of money and I remember, just drinking to drink. Very early on though you asked about how it related to my wellness. journey. Okay. So I got into wellness young. Part of it was just out of default. All my friends were leaving university. I had just graduated high school and I was working at Sears. Do you guys remember Sears? I remember Sears. Okay. I was working at Sears and a friend of mine, Tammy who were still friends today and we still are in wellness together. She said to me, Hey, I'm taking a fitness course to be a fitness instructor next weekend. Want to take it with me? And I was like, sure. Cause I wanted to feel like I was doing something more than working at Sears. And I fell in love after that course, that was in 1990 and I haven't taken my foot off the gas. Like I've been teaching in some capacity. in some way, shape or form for 34 years. Wow. And it was very early on that I'm like, this alcohol doesn't mix. It's empty calories. So for me, it was a bit of a deterrent. Cause I'm like, if I'm going to have 300 calories in booze or 600 or 800, I'm having fucking cheesecake. I'm not drinking alcohol. Like it was just, for me, that was a huge. In my twenties, I was like, fuck that, I'd rather eat food than drink this shit. And then when I had children, it was another big anchor, let's say. Cause like I'm in a mom, these children, and I was partnered sometimes with unreliable people. And so I was like their number one and I'm like, what's that going to be like if they're sick in the middle of the night and I'm drunk and I can't take them to the hospital. So shit like that crossed my mind and I don't know. My oldest boy Jack. He said mom like you've probably been drunk five times and they're probably right yeah, I just didn't really want it and I'm gonna tell you something can dance I can really dance like me and my best friend. We would dance on dance floors. People thought we were pissed And we were both like so sober, and it's funner when you're sober. And then when the night's done, it's done. Like I hated after parties so Tracey in Manitoba, we have socials. Do you have socials in Ontario?

Tracey: 10:26

I'm sure we have something similar. What is a social?

Katey: 10:30

A social is like a dance where you drink and party and have fun, but you can have dry socials as well. But I would go to I guess wet ones. Yeah. Are they called wet? So we would go to socials and dance and we would be Like the ones on the dance floor, I was never someone that had to be like, Oh, wait till I have a few, then I'll go dance. I was like, fuck that. I'm not wasting that good song. I'm going to go dance now. And I didn't care. So I'm very lucky that I had a bit of a, don't give a shit attitude. I love that. Not always. I'll be straight. Yeah, not always. There was some situations when I would be in them and I really hated intimate gatherings because then people ask you yeah oh, why don't you drink and I'm like, yeah, I can ask you why you do like I write I don't you know when my youngest one he played hockey and I remember being on a hockey trip And I was the mom that packed her own food and worked out in her hotel. I went to the games and shit, like I cheered him on, but it wasn't all my life. I had life and he had his life and we watched hockey or he played hockey. I watched we had that, but I remember that being a big thing, parents partying and I often either wouldn't go party with them or I would go and sit and have a pop and I remember being asked Hey, why don't you just have one or two or, what would you say? Sometimes I wouldn't say anything. And sometimes I would say, you know what? I don't knock on your door at six 30 and ask you to work out with me. So like you do you, and I'm going to do me and we're good. Wow. We're just good. I don't need to, I once had a kid ask a kid on the hockey team. How come you don't drink like the other parents? No, you didn't. I did. 10 years old. Oh my God. I'm like. Do I fucking punch him out now or do I punch the parents? Punch the parents out, for sure. Also, why? Like, why is it? It's like the conferences, the hockey tournaments, where everybody goes on the road and they've got their tumblers with their booze, and oh my god, it's such a drinking culture. We are in a drinking culture I would listen to an episode that you guys shared a while back. I've been trying to listen to them and catch up and get to know you guys a little bit better before coming here and you talked about the mommy wine culture. And I don't know if I heard it from you guys or another, and it's so degrading that we women or whoever, Would say, this is my mommy juice or whatever. Meaning like we can't do life without it. Are we inadequate that we need fucking alcohol to parent? That's so sad, but then it becomes trendy. Ellen DeGeneres, okay tV show lady. How many times, if you watch her show. She would reference alcohol all the time. I never noticed that. Oh, if you go back and watch it. Yeah. You'll pick it up now if you watch old episodes, but there's so much of it and I was just like, God it's everywhere. It's thirsty. Thursdays, like these things, fishbowl Fridays. Yeah. And I think it's an escape. It's disempowering and it is there. I took a lot of criticism. So I have to share with you when I was invited here, I was a little bit like. apprehensive because I'm like, I don't have a sober journey. I didn't know what I was coming here for, to be honest. Okay. And then I was chatting with a niece of mine and she's allowing me to share her journey here. Alyssa, I love you. And if you hear this, I am so incredibly proud of my niece. Who's in her early thirties. She's over. I'm going to lose track, but I believe August is her two year. And yeah, Alyssa, I know. And I've been able to be her auntie that has been able to be there through the really shitty times and then through this journey as well. And it was a couple of weeks ago I made a reel and I found a real sound that suited my feelings because. I've taken a lot of hits being the non drinker. I've taken a lot of ignorant criticism and I've had to defend myself numerous times, like more than I can count getting older. Now I am like, you don't have any right to talk to me like that. I will stand up to myself now, but in my twenties and thirties, I heard so many, why don't you, why don't you, you're a loser. All of it. And she said to me, you have every right to be on that show, this show. They need to hear you. You've taken more of a hit because I took it from her and my kids when they were younger, they were mom. They just wanted me to drink it. They just wanted to, they thought it was like. I don't know what, I think they were just curious to see me in that capacity and then they saw it a couple of times, but literally a couple of times and never when they were little, either I did it when they were little and I just had like good babysitters overnight, they never got to see it. The few times that I did do it, I just felt like shit after, so then why bother? Because of my lifestyle too, they just didn't go together. However, it goes with a lot of people. They work out all week, they eat all the healthy things and then they drink all weekend long and then they start again on Monday and they wonder why they feel like shit for three days.

Lindsey: 15:45

That used to be me. I was doing the green smoothies. I was working out. I was going to the gym five days a week. I looked like shit. I felt like shit and I was gaining weight. I was super puffy. Yeah. And I was also drinking to the point of blocking out, but I was alone when I drank. And I was isolating myself because I didn't feel good about myself. I think listening to you speak, you were so confident and you were really somebody who like, I'm going to go out on the dance floor and dance. I don't give a shit if people are like, Oh my God. I feel like when I was in my twenties, I didn't have that confidence. And I felt that alcohol was. something external that was going to give that to me. We call it liquid courage, right? Exactly. And then I would do ridiculous stuff and make really poor decisions. So instead of building confidence, it ended up doing the opposite. And it ended up Making me feel alone, small, embarrassed, ashamed, and it was just this vicious cycle. So I just think that people, need to hear your perspective because you're this pillar of Wellness and you have this holistic approach right now, it's trending to mix alcohol and wellness. You're seeing yoga events paired with wine.

Katey: 17:07

You're seeing memes sent right time. Yeah. And I don't even like them anymore. I don't mix. People send me them and you're right, I heard you saying that one gym offers shots on Fridays or something. And I'm like, I have to admit though, because I take a pre workout and I was thinking about this all week. Okay, all the good fucking dad songs all talk about drinking and partying and getting shit faced And I'm like we need more songs that are just like that but without the alcohol So like I like this song by pink raise your glass. Do you know that song? But does she talk about what she's in her class? Maybe she doesn't she just says raise your glass We assume it's alcohol. Isn't that sad? You know that song I think it's by, I don't know who, that Shots. Shots! Shots! Shots! You know that song? I have a video of myself doing that with energized, like my pre workout. Love that. But, I don't know is it still promoting alcohol like even if it's a shot of and I don't know I just think that I like to have fun without it Now I'm almost 53 years old and I don't know It's a whole another chapter coming along, menopause, do you guys know that there's more link of alcohol, the damage that this does to you, cardiovascular and for your brain health is the one of the greatest, it's a carcinogen. So people are just drinking it and it's so glamorized and it's poison. Yeah, but it's so beautifully wrapped and it tastes amazing but so is a chocolate bar, right? Beautifully wrapped. Tastes great. So it's a whole lot of shit that has to take place. Sometimes go way off topic, but

Tracey: 18:53

I just wanted to say Katie that you're definitely a unique guest for us because we do normally have guests that struggled with their relationship with alcohol and are coming from having some sort of sobriety journey. But I think you're coming from a perspective that people need to hear too, and the perspective you're coming from is also inspiring and encouraging for those people that want to find the confidence, or even those people out there that currently are doing the same thing as you, saying no to alcohol because they don't really dig it. And they're getting the pushback or they're getting, the negative responses. So I think you're a good example of how you're responding to those things and how you're treating that type of scenario. Also just showing as part of wellness that you're not encouraging that type of behavior. Why you made the choices as someone in wellness, not to do it and that you came to the conclusion, you're speaking to those occasional drinkers out there when you came to the final conclusion to say, why bother at all? I can not do it and feel much better. And I can not do it and because I've made that absolute choice that I am not doing that. I can be an absolute rock to the clients that I have, to the family members that I have that don't want to do this anymore. Friends that don't want to do it. And I have to just put this out because if anyone's listening, I don't give a shit. If you are, if you're a user and you love it and you're living a great life, I don't judge. I don't judge people. Everyone's entitled to live their own life. But where I am done is not standing up for myself. I love that. Oh,

Katey: 20:41

But anyways, back to the menopause and our health. Because our health is so important, because I've been in this industry for so long, and I also work your listeners can I'll share a little bit about what I do. For sure. I work during the day. I work at a retirement home so I work with clients that are 65 to 100 maybe I've got one or two or a hundred and one ish. And so I can see the long term effects of how we live, okay, play out further. And I've been working in that demographic for about 15 years. And so I see that, okay. So I see that what's that

Lindsey: 21:16

the first hand experience. Yeah, like I see it every day. I see it every day. Aging population. Yes. And so when I look at say people in their twenties, thirties, forties and fifties and I've been working so much on trying to help other people get stronger and put some good nutrients in their body. And I'm not perfect. I am so not, I run really great groups and programs there for that basic person that just wants it basic and easy. Nothing too complicated because it just isn't who I am. I've gotten this far on a real kind of basic duplicatable path and alcohol now because I'm learning so much about menopause and how it's gonna make any listeners, if you have perimenopause menopause symptoms. They're going to multiple, not multiply whatever it's going to exacerbate those symptoms. They're going to be worse. If you're drinking and yeah, and your long term, your cardiac health, your brain health, this is all impacting it. And so I'm biohacking man. I want a long health span. I want to live well, long, like I want to live full and well, I don't want to just be like in a chair and people roll me around from room to room, sad. And do you guys know how early it starts to decline? like mobility decline in your early sixties. Oh my god. That's young.

Katey: 22:41

But it's when it starts. So it starts there. This lifestyle It's now something I'm really conscious of. So like I drew the line in the sand, I think partly cause I just was like, why bother? And again, I could be more of a support and an ally to others. If I'm just that person. I've had a few really great friends reach out to me. that have decided to stop. And they shared with me intimately how addicted they were, but they didn't have the courage to tell me some of my clients that would even joke at me make fun of me. Do you even have fun? I get that a lot. Do you even have fun? I'm like, do you even spend time with me? I fun on fucking Wednesdays. You people only have fun on Fridays and Saturdays. I have fun on Tuesdays. I. Don't need Friday to have a good time.

Tracey: 23:34

I don't know how anybody could question if you're having fun or not. Exactly. You exude fun.

Katey: 23:40

It gets challenged, like when I'm out socially

Tracey: 23:43

people think they need it. That's more about them than it is about you. I just want to go back to the menopause thing for a moment because I'm in menopause. So I've been doing a lot of research as well on it. And I just recently heard something that was very shocking to me, too, that our tolerance for alcohol is less during menopause.

Katey: 24:02

Absolutely.

Tracey: 24:04

So that's another thing for people to be conscious of and be aware of because the way you're processing it is not the same. Yep. When your hormones start to change. And also if you care about your sleep and your quality of sleep, and that's something that starts to deteriorate through perimetopause, metapause, post metapausal, goes on for a long time. Yeah. If you're drinking. That is detrimental to your sleep. I've heard people say you're basically making the decision between having a glass of wine and getting a good night rest. Yeah. Yeah, so I'm super excited that you touched on that because that speaks to me and the phase of life I'm in, but I'm just so thankful that I stopped drinking before I started this phase of life. Yes, because I know that my symptoms and what I've been going through would have been way worse if I was still drinking.

Katey: 24:56

Absolutely. Yeah,

Lindsey: 24:58

I'm just listening to you talk, Katie, and you said something that sort of sparked something in me. Do you know how long I was actually just super done with drinking alcohol? Before I actually quit the final time, two years. Yeah. But I would continue to consume it because I didn't have any other coping mechanisms. So I feel like if I had somebody like you in my life, even following you on Instagram or working with you, having you as a wellness coach, you're somebody that would inspire people to. Ditch it earlier, before they were even ready because you are just so aligned with wellness and health and just living life and a quality of life, living it to the fullest. And. Alcohol just doesn't fit in. Like I tried so hard to keep it. I was like, oh, okay, maybe it's this cupcake that I eat or, oh, it's, I'm not getting really great sleep. My wonder why I'll start taking sleeping pills. Let's, I'll go to the doctor, I'll get the sleeping pills. And I'll do that because then that'll help me sleep better, but I'll still binge drink on Friday night and then be hung over all weekend. I was so done and sick of myself, but I didn't have the courage to give it up because I was so afraid of what would be left, who I was without it, how would I deal with life? How would I deal with setbacks? And I didn't know. So I feel like, somebody like you could teach people. This is how you can navigate life, living it to your best and living it to the fullest. And you don't need this substance to do it. Yeah. I hear what you're saying. I know that there's this part inside of me that I'm like, I never really liked it. So that was part of it. Like I didn't get to that place, I would love to say, yes, I can really help people because, but I don't know what that feeling is

Tracey: 26:57

It's interesting that you never really liked it, but you obviously still felt the pressure to do it. Yeah. Still made the choice or decision, even speaking of an all inclusive vacation. Exactly what you said. How many people are boozing themselves to death on vacation because they're paying for it and then how are they really Enjoying the experience of their vacation after getting drunk every day, because they feel the need to, because they're paying for all inclusive. Exactly. If you think of that experience alone, yeah, it's crazy that people will put themselves through that just because it's something that they paid for, regardless of whether they really enjoyed it or not and not expensive vacation that they're paying for. Is like a big blur because they spent the whole time drunk. Did they really have fun and what parts of it did they remember?

Katey: 27:51

Yeah, it is. It's something that like I said, I've done it and I don't even desire a hot vacation. I know this sounds crazy, but like I've created such a life. That I really just and it's taken me a minute. I'm so happy that we're here today chatting together because I moved to Winnipeg one year ago and it wasn't easy for me. And there's absolutely probably no way that. We would have even met Lindsay until the timing was right. And I'm so glad we met when we met because I've been able to curate a good life for myself here now, but it took time and it took me putting in the work. That's one thing I will share with listeners as I don't care, give a shit what you're trying to do, what you're trying to heal or fix or change. You have to do the work. Nobody's coming to do it for you and you have to take absolute responsibility for yourself. And when you do, it's empowering as fuck, but you've got to do it. I can't expect my children to do life for me, my friends, my colleagues or clients, I'm the only one. And your listener are the only one. So if you're hearing this listener, you have got to do it. You've got to do the research. You've got to put down the bottle. You've got to do the work and it's not easy work. So I've been living one year now alone. She's my only roommate. So I've had this year of a lot of solitude, a lot of alone time to do a lot of thinking and things that are coming to me. Some of them are going to be turning into workplace presentations like I've done with Lindsay's group. When you learn a skill and really get good at it, you can then teach it. To others, that's part of where I want to go with this journey I don't talk a lot about living alcohol free, but the couple of times I've shared about it, and I will be now, I feel like I've ripped the bandaid off. I will be helping others. So the couple times I have, I can't believe how many people. Have either wrote me privately or commented. I'm so happy you shared this. I don't like it either or you give a voice to somebody that's not ready to shout it out. Yes I'm just so happy I'm here today with you guys. Cause like I said, a year ago, I couldn't say that I wouldn't want a Mexico vacation. And I'm not saying listen, listeners, if someone wants to give me a vacation, I'll take it, but I'm not like. I don't hate my life that I need to go escape and not that people hate their life. I'm not saying that, but I truly love my day to day. But I really, I like the classes I teach. I like the interactions I have. I have. Really good friends that I chat with. I don't see them a lot here, but I've really created a life in this space and without alcohol, without drugs, and it doesn't make me better. I don't feel better than anyone. I'm just here for myself. I'm better for me so that I can be like, I walked into work today. And I'm like walking, I'm full of energy. And one of the guys, our bus driver, he's man, you're always like that, aren't you? And I said I fill my cup before I get here. And he's what? I said, I fill my cup before I come and see you guys. I said, I wake up and I prime myself to come here. I don't just show up. I like wake up two to three hours before I go to work so that I am ready to pour into others. And Instead of just showing up empty cup feel like shit hate my job hate my life, and there was times I did hate my life so I had to make changes, but it's taking that full responsibility. I think that's a big word that people They we want to blame we just do. And I think it boils down to who we surround ourselves with and not just people, but like the places we frequent how we live, our surroundings your reality. I read somewhere that your personal reality becomes your personality. And so if you're surrounding yourself with toxic shit, whether it's input, I always say this, you can go to the gym, you can eat the good food, you can take the vitamins, but if you're still not taking care of this upstairs. What's the point? What's the point? So I've had to do a lot of the work in my head in the last five years, like a lot of work I've lived in my head for a few years now. And it's hard. It's dark sometimes, but it's also everything starts in the dark, right? That eventually blooms. So

Lindsey: 32:22

You did this what dirty water Yes. Demonstration. Yeah. At the presentation I was at where you were speaking, and I want you to tell our listeners a little bit about that and what the point of that was, because the illustration of what you were saying at the time, you actually doing it, that blew my mind. That was the first time I had ever heard that. And I was like, Okay, this is awesome. Yeah, tell our listeners, I'll try to explain it and it's something that I turn to a lot and I turned to it before I saw, ever saw that illustration And then I'm like, Oh my God, this is amazing. So what you do is when you think about life, you think of your life as a nice tall glass of water. And in that tall glass of water is all the goodness of life. The good health, good energy, all the goodness is in this cup, you have a glass. And then all of a sudden, I toss a little bit of dirt in the cup and I swirl it around. And the dirt is like the disappointments, the failed marriages, the, I have plural anyways different things like. People cutting you off in traffic bad diagnosis, like really serious stuff is the dirt. Sometimes even when I moved here into this apartment, I focused on everything wrong with it. Everything. I was just picking at the dirt. And so as I was picking at the dirt and trying to get the dirt out of the cup, out came all the goodness out of the cup as well. And the illustration is. If I could pour more goodness in. So then I took a pitcher of water and I poured more water in till my cup was overflowing and soon almost all the dirt was gone. So whatever you focus on expands. So if I'm going to sit there and pick and pick, so when I moved into this apartment, it was under a bit of a tough time in my life. And I remember. Being in this place and my best friend, Tammy, the one I took the fitness course with in 1990, we're still friends. We were on the phone and she says, Katie, go find some water. That's all she had to say to me. Oh, on the second day that I moved in here and I went for a walk and I walked down to the end of my road and I found water like an actual river and I'm like, holy shit by river is five minutes away. And then I walked back, I walked into my building and my neighbor across the hall, she came at me a little bit like aggressively I won't say the C word, but she was actual a C word. And thank God I went and saw that water because I handled her very well and I just basically put her in her place. And we have not spoken a word since because she was very out of line. She was trying to tell me what light fixtures I should use in here. She was telling me the fan was going to make too much noise in the hallway. And so she was my dirt. And if I allowed to just pick at that and focus on only her, I would have never stayed living here. And now I leave the fan on whenever I feel like it. And it's really loud in the hallway. But the moral of this little story is the more you can focus on the good that's in your life and add to it, listeners, let's say you got a lot of shit going on and you had a lot of dirt in your cup. If you can start finding one thing. Even adding to the cup, maybe your cup, you feel like, Oh my God, I can't add one more thing. Add three minutes of breathing. into your day. It doesn't have to be a huge thing. Go do a wash, load, fold, and put away. You'll feel like a fucking boss. If you do all four of those steps, you're going to feel accomplished. And as you do another win and another little win and another little, they start stacking and that's where you get confidence from. From the stacking those wins. And they don't have to be big things. They can be little things, but back to that illustration. Sorry, I get a little sidetracked. The moral of that story is we could run through our whole life picking at the dirt, or we can add nice fresh water instead. There's always going to be some dirt, our lives are not perfect. The less we focus on the things we can't control. Things we can't change. When I was in my first marriage, relationship, marriage, whatever, the father of my children, I'll just say that I went to counseling for a good couple of years before ending. And I remember sitting in her office one time and she said to me, Katie, you can't change anybody. You can't change what they say. You can't change what they do. All you can do is act. And I've taken that with me in so many situations where you want to be able to change something and you can try and get help as a couple or whatever. But if things are. I can't change that person. And so many times now had to build up my own self again. And now I'm 52 and I don't know that I meant to be coupled with someone. I just don't putting that out to the universe world. And I don't give a shit. Like I, I don't need that. I don't know yet where that is going to go, but I know that I really love my career. I love what I do each day and I put my career right now. I, probably a lot of people say, Oh, you don't, you love your kids. I love my children, but they are grown adults and have lives. So I had to find a new love for my day to day here. Empty nest. Oh, it has not been my favorite. favorite season of life. And so this year was my full first year of empty nest and I've had to recreate parts of my career and pour what I need anyways, going a little all over the map. I just love it. Cause I feel like that. If somebody is struggling with alcohol and using it as a substance to cope. This is relevant. Focusing on the good things, focus on adding things in instead of taking things away. We look at not drinking as a punishment, as something being taken away from our life, but instead change your mindset and focus on what you can add in to make your life better. I think it's with all things. I'm just going to say this with alcohol, with finances, with nutrition, with exercise, there's always this okay, the word discipline, when you think of a five year old, And you're disciplining them for putting crayons on the wall or something like that. It's called discipline. Hey, you don't do that. Here, use the paper. We redirect them, whatever. The word responsibility we shy away from that word. Who's going to be responsible? I'm running right now a food group in a, about four days. And it's called food focus. I hear so much in the world right now in the Instagram world and all of this stuff. Everyone wants freedom, food freedom. They just want to eat what they want and feel good. Guess what? If you don't get a little focused for a little while, then that freedom comes with finances. Same thing. Some people might want to reduce their alcohol maybe some want to remove it. The other pillars of life, we can live without alcohol, people, but you can't live without food, and you can't live without exercise, and you need some form of income. But alcohol is the one variable in this. equation that you could actually eliminate and live. The other ones are quite tricky to manage because if you have a food addiction or an unhealth addiction, like people get addicted to not doing things in their life. And so I work with old people and yesterday one member got upset in my group. And she was talking down to herself, and this little 93 year old woman said to me, she doesn't mean to say that about herself. Nobody would choose to talk to themselves that way. There must be something wrong. 93 years old, and then she says, She said this, she's very, she comes to every activity I run. She goes, it's just like exercise, people don't choose to not do this for whatever reason, something inside of them tells them not to go. Like it was so profound. I feel like I'm talking about a lot of things, but when it comes to All of those things. So nutrition, fitness, exercise, mobility, whatever you want to call it, your word for it, finances and alcohol. We tend to talk about the, we give the negative all the glory. And then the positive we call it punishment. Oh, I have to go to the gym. Oh, I better go to the gym. And I'm not someone who, I don't love exercise. Like I've conditioned myself to it. It's part of what I am. I brush my teeth. I comb my hair. I actually exercise more than I brush my hair.

Katey: 41:13

Anyways, it's just, I think that life, sometimes the things that, you know aren't the best for us do get glamorized and unfortunately it's going to take a long time to make the switch, but I have listened to some of your episodes and there is definitely more of a upswing right now of people that are removing alcohol and a lot of famous people that are coming out that always helps, right? When they decide to share that they're no longer using and

Tracey: 41:41

I'm just having a delayed thought here about what you were saying there. Because it's so true, you're right. Why do we see everything that's good for us as a punishment? We do. And then we're glamorizing all the shit that's bad for us.

Katey: 41:56

Yeah, it's like discipline

Lindsey: 41:58

and motivation. Anything that requires discipline is bad, is a punishment.

Tracey: 42:03

Yeah we've talked very often about the idea and the fact that alcohol or even food, for example, is a reward. Doing these bad things are reward, but it's a complete contradiction because you're rewarding yourself with these bad things after you're doing something good for yourself. Yeah, but yeah, the same goes for what you were saying. I've never thought of it that way. But what you said is

Katey: 42:29

I've studied it for a long time, right? I've been studying habits. I've been studying people and I also follow And watch a lot of accounts. So if I post a a post about a bootcamp I'm running or something like that four people like it. And then if I post something about my dog humping my leg, a thousand people like it, there's something that people don't want to acknowledge things sometimes Taking responsibility is hard. It's not easy. Sometimes when you're forced, like I've been forced into responsibility because when you become a person like for me I've decided to live my life on my own. I had to take my health into my own hands. I had to do research for my own self and. I talk to a lot of people work online all over the place that it's so easy to just say, Oh, I'll just do it tomorrow. I'll just get to it tomorrow. And there's some things I put off until tomorrow. And then there's a lot of things that I'm like, just get her done. Just get her done. And it goes back to stacking those wins and it just feels good it gives me a little bit of a confidence boost when I get it done. And I also. Something like cleaning my kitchen before going to bed at night. I love waking up to my kitchen nice and clean, even though I'm only by myself. It's still nice. I want to do it for me. I'm not doing it for anyone else. Just doing it for myself.

Lindsey: 43:46

The environment you create, right? And I think action, people think that they need to feel motivated. To do the thing, but it's the action that creates the motivation. A hundred percent. We're motivated when we're motivated. Okay. So that's a word I don't use with my classes. I am like, you will not always be motivated, but you can work with momentum, but momentum can roll both ways. So you can be like, I tell my participants and anyone listening, if you don't. Want to move your body or do whatever the thing is, first start by having your workout clothes ready to go. Have them piled, just pile them for a month. Don't even worry about working out. Just get that consistent habit of my workout clothes are sitting there. Good. Now get them on your body. Okay. So you woke up 30 mornings in a row and you put your workout clothes on, then you're going to build the next step. Of moving your body and build slowly. I say this all the time, consistency over any other, like I could give a client the hardest, most grueling workout, but if they're not going to come back and do it another two or three times that week, what's the sense? Like we just can't do that. It's the same with nutrition. We can't eat one salad and one protein shake and be like, Hey, I'm good. But we expect that we expect it. And that's just the way it is. motivation, is only there when you're motivated, when you're motivated, things are rolling, things are good. And then you have a day where it's not good. And then what you got no motivation. It's not going to get you going, action, take action. And sometimes you don't want to, that's when the support system helps. Someone you can text, call, whatever. Like I run groups and if people are like, okay I'm not feeling it. Just pop into the group. If they popped in and said, I don't feel like doing my workout today. 10 people are going to say, come on, let's go. Let's do it, and I

Tracey: 45:43

think that's where consistency comes in.

Katey: 45:45

Yeah, and just having accountability, like you girls, ladies I sometimes say girls or ladies, it's all the same, but you guys have each other on this journey, right? Isn't that lovely that you have that? It's neat when you can find your people. In whatever you're trying to accomplish. Yeah. I think community is a really good thing and connection.

Tracey: 46:07

That's been huge for us for sure. I think Lindsay would agree with me in the sense that. That I had no idea this big community exists before we started this podcast. And it is an amazing, super supportive community. So it's been mind blowing to experience that. Absolutely. And I just want to say again, Katie, that I think that you are a perfect example for people of living a great alcohol free life. It's not shocking to me that people looking to potentially give up. alcohol would gravitate towards you when I was looking to give up. alcohol I definitely would have gravitated towards you. I ended up with a partner that didn't drink. And I think that was. Unconsciously because of where I was trying to take my life and I think I probably gravitated towards him because he didn't drink. And it was the total opposite experience of my previous relationship. And I admired the fact that he didn't drink because there was a time I wasn't a drinker and I recognized a lot of my older self in him. So I can totally see why people would gravitate towards you. And that's why I think you've been an amazing guest for us to have on the podcast, regardless of the fact that you haven't had a sobriety journey per se. You're just an inspiration and wellness and making that decision and being confident in it. Also, teaching those casual drinkers how to tackle those situations where people are pressuring them or keep questioning why they're not drinking.

Lindsey: 47:51

Katie, I wanted to ask you a question to close us off. And you touched a little bit on it. I could see how my question relates to the things that you just said, but as a wellness coach And doing your groups, what strategies would you recommend for our listeners who want to embrace an alcohol free lifestyle or cut back, but they struggle with societal pressure or social situations?

Katey: 48:20

I'm just going to share a recommendation and work on yourself, period, because as you work on yourself and you do things that build your confidence, you will grow the strength that you need in those pressures. Cause you're going to have more than just alcohol pressures in life. So for instance, when I'm teaching class last night, we were in the middle of a hard exercise. And I said to them, we are going to do this hard together so that when you're in your next board meeting and you want to stand up, you're going to have the strength to come here. And when you're in a situation and you want to have that strength, we're going to be there with you. I'm not saying that we replace one thing with the other. So for 10 years, I didn't even share this part for 10 years. I worked in an addictions rehabilitation center. So the AFM, have you ever heard of that addiction foundation of Manitoba? So I worked for them for 10 years. Wow. Yeah. I taught fitness classes. Two mornings a week. And I would often say we're not taking an addiction and making another addiction. Like we don't want to replace, but lifestyle has to change and period. So if you're going to change that lifestyle. From a drinker, maybe you don't want to your friend group might change and that might be the case your tolerance is gonna change you might no longer really want to tolerate Certain behaviors because you're just not there anymore And you might take a hit because your friends might think you're better than them or whatever so if you work on yourself and I'm a big believer in that I've been working on my own self for a long time and when I'm going through a really tough time, I double down on it like and how I do self work, I listen to podcasts that are good for my brain and not just podcasting. Rah, like you go girl. Like I listened to some of that, but then I listened to like real thought, how my brain is thinking and processing and food and getting enough sleep and having good humans in my life. Laughter. I didn't realize, like you guys call your podcast LAF life. Is that what it's called? So like the word laugh, I just love it. Totally. Yes. Totally. I laugh a lot and I do. And so finding the right people that you vibe with, I wrote on this little note in my gym here, like you vibe or it's bye, like vibe or bye. If I don't vibe, I'm not gonna spend a lot of time in a certain space. I think no matter what you're trying to change in your life, your health, your finances, your thought processes, whatever it is, it has to start from within. And it goes back there every time too, whenever I'm in a crossroads or something's challenging me. It always has to go inside and it's the hardest place to go. It's dark. It stirs up a lot of stuff, but it's the only place you're going to be able to get to the truth.

Lindsey: 51:24

Geez, you're amazing, Katie. If our listeners are vibing with you. Where can they find you on social media so that they can go and follow you and listeners you need to follow Katie Yes to see her reels and her stories. She's amazing. So where can people find you katie?

Katey: 51:42

People can find me on Instagram. My handle I believe is just healthy evolution By Katie and I have a website I'm actually meeting with my web designer after this call I had a website and it's great, but I completely rebranded to something. That's more my vibe. So different colors, different schemes. Everything is It's going to be a little different over there. And I made my first website two years ago and I've evolved. It's called Healthy Evolution and I've evolved in two years. So my website needed an upgrade. So it's getting an upgrade and it should be live. So that's healthyevolution. ca. And Facebook, if you want to hang there too, I do have a lot of people that find me on Facebook. If you send me a friend request though if you could just send me a message too, because friend requests, I find people can just follow you on Instagram. But when I get a friend request, if it was like, just say, Hey, and I won't be weird. Don't worry. Don't be like, Oh fuck. She's going to hell me with all her shit. No, I am not that person. I am so not. Now, if you want to join my bubble, that's totally cool, but I'm not a hounder. I'm not a shove it down your throat type, unless you choose to follow my stuff, then yes, I'm going to share with you daily my opinions and thoughts. Cause it's my page. I can do that. But if you come into my inbox, don't worry, I won't be a crazy person, but I just find on Facebook when people friend requests me, if I have no mutual friends. I tend to not friend them back. Yeah. And if they have a mutual, I'll go check. I protect myself because you get a lot of creepers out there. Yeah. Yeah. So anyways, those are the main places that I like to hang out. I love hanging out on Instagram. That's my favorite place to hang out. I love watching you on Instagram. I have fun. I just do. And I just think life is really short and I don't have time to fuck around. I have a lot of stuff I want to do and I only have 50 ish, 60, 70 years left to do it. So who wants to fuck around in that time? When I got this opportunity to share, I was hoping to get this chance to share that message with others. Like it's way too short and and if you are looking for a sober coach and you want to start your wellness journey and you don't want to worry about me saying, Hey, let's get drinks on Friday or whatever. And I also don't hound people if that's their thing and they want to come in my world and they are having drinks on Friday, we can work that into your plan to I work with everybody, but I know that I've been a real. support to the sober community that's just wanting to live differently. Thank you for that. Cause it's needed and it is needed and really down to earth. If you were, tell us what your sweatshirt says. Holy shitballs. Holy shitballs. I love that. Katie, this has been an amazing interview with you. Your little nuggets, they just really resonate with me and stick with me. And I truly feel like you are going to impact our listeners and we will probably get messages, direct messages from people after your episode comes out with people telling us the same things. So I'm so grateful that you decided to come and join us for this conversation this evening. And thank you so much for taking the time to chat with us. Oh, so appreciated. And you're just an amazing person. It was my pleasure and I just want to say thanks for the invite. I'm so happy. We connected at that conference and now we're here so nice to meet you, Katie. I want to say thank you. It's been such a pleasure to meet you. You're such a light. You're such a great energy and we love that. You have such a good high vibration, which we've been living at and trying to execute ourselves since we gave up alcohol. Yeah. It's a good, it's a good vibe. It's a good place to hang out. Yeah. Thank you so much. You're welcome.

Lindsey: 55:50

Everybody, that is a wrap on today's episode. Don't forget to head over to Instagram where you can follow us at LAF Life Podcast and subscribe to our show as well. That is going to be super helpful. Getting us out there spreading the word and you just never know who this could help. So share this episode with your friends, your family, and anybody that you think needs some positivity in their life. So we'll be back next Tuesday with a brand new episode. But until then, you guys know what to do. Keep laughing.

Kelly: 56:27

Thank you for listening. Please give us a five star rating like and subscribe, share on social media and tell your friends. We love getting your feedback and ideas of what you'd like to hear on upcoming episodes of the LAF life podcast. If you yourself are living alcohol free and want to share your story here, please reach out.