"Reel Tok" about how Social Media "Feeds" our addictions. Facebook Fake & Fuck'd! Season 2 Ep. 3

In this episode we explore the good, the bad & ugly sides of Social Media. How it has become the latest addiction that everyone needs to overcome. Ways to unplug and knowing when to put our phones away. Try some of our more nature suggestions for boosting your daily dopamine. Re-visit some of the old school practices we have lost touch with like a face to face meeting or a good old fashion phone call instead of text. We should all practice being a little more conscious of how the ever changing world of technology is creating the allusion of being connected when we are all more disconnected than ever!

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Song: Rise and Thrive
Artist: Young Presidents

**Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this episode are not professional or medical opinions. If you are struggling with an addiction please contact a medical professional for help.

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**Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this episode are not professional or medical opinions. If you are struggling with an addiction please contact a medical professional for help.

Music provided by Premium Beats: https://www.premiumbeat.com
Song: Rise and Thrive
Artist: Young Presidents

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Transcript

"Reel Tok" about how social media "Feeds" our addictions, Facebook Fake & Fuck'd Season 2 Ep. 3

Intro

[00:00:00] 

Kelly: welcome to the LAF life podcast, a lifestyle podcast based on living alcohol free and a booze-soaked world. My name is Kelly Evans and together with my friends, Tracey, Djordjevic, Mike Sutton and Lindsay Harik. We share uncensored. Unscripted real conversations about what our lives have been like since we ditched alcohol and how we got here by sharing our individual stories.

We'll show you that there isn't just one way to do this, no matter where you are on your journey from sober, curious to years in recovery and everyone in between, you are welcome here, no judgment and a ton of support.

Lindsey: Hey everybody. Welcome back to the LAF Life podcast. We're so glad that you're here tonight. Well, whenever you're listening, we're gonna be talking about social media and addiction, how it can be addicting, or how it feeds into addiction, if you hear anything [00:01:00] that you think a friend wants to hear or would be helpful to them, make sure you fire it over. Yeah, here we go.

Tracey: Hello, everyone. 

Kelly: Hi. 

Lindsey: Hi. 

Mike: Hello. 

Tracey: How are you guys doing? So, Kelly, you had some hot information on this topic. 

Lindsey: She's like, really? We gotta start right. We just gotta go right outta the gate. 

Kelly: Right? 

Tracey: Just, just go right into it. 

Lindsey: Oh, well I just wanna first just make a comment first because, 

Kelly: Yeah. Yeah. 

Lindsey: Think about it, social media, what do they call our, how do I even say this? They call it a feed, right? Your social media feed. 

Kelly: Right. 

Lindsey: Just think of that word. It's like pray. It's consuming. What are you feeding your mind or what's, 

Tracey: feeding your addiction. 

Lindsey: Feeding your addiction. I know. I thought that was really ironic. And then I'm like, I don't think that's a mistake. I don't think that's a coincidence that it's a social media feed. 

Kelly: Oh, 

Tracey: good point. Lind’s never even thought about that. 

Lindsey: Yeah. 

Kelly: Yes. Feed. [00:02:00] So last night I decided to delete temporarily. I don't know for how long, but temporarily delete Instagram and Facebook off of my phone cuz I was just finding myself scrolling way too much and a lot is changing in the world right now and I find it quite fascinating and interesting and it's happening quickly, and all the information is right there, mm-hmm. and you can read it all day long if you want to. I started a business this summer and right now it is requiring me to be in a really creative space. If you ever wanna take yourself out of a creative space, start scrolling mindlessly on your phone I couldn't do both. I'm committed to this new business and yeah, we'll see how it goes. Cuz, I do love my Instagram. 

Tracey: Well, it's good that you recognize that though. Myself and my partner have been trying to be very conscious about how much we're on our phones. We're actually, doing little [00:03:00] competitions of this are my screen time.

Kelly: Mm-hmm., 

Tracey: To motivate each other to stay off of it. Right. 

Kelly: Like how you go into Instagram, and it tells you how long you've been on it. 

Tracey: No, not that one. On your actual phone, in your settings, you can see your screen time and it will break it down by app. So, it will tell you, you've been on Instagram this many minutes, you've been on TikTok this many minutes, or Facebook or whatever.

Kelly: Yeah, 

Tracey: It's great actually. Yeah, so we've made a real conscious effort and it's interesting because my partner especially had said that he feels better not being on his phone as much and that he's gotten back to doing other things that he used to enjoy, which is amazing. He used his phone in a totally different capacity than I did. I really used my phone as a tool. I do find I will scroll or be on it mindlessly when I'm bored, I definitely use it as a tool to entertain myself when I'm bored, He was a lot bigger culprit of [00:04:00] being on there he doesn't have TikTok. And I said to him at one point, cuz he was asking me some questions about TikTok because I have it and a lot of people, he knows at work have it. And he's like, What's with TikTok? Why is everybody so hung up on TikTok and into TikTok and I said, well why do you want TikTok now? And he's like, No I don't because I don't wanna get addicted to it.

Kelly: Yeah, yeah. 

Tracey: And I was like, Yeah, good for you. Because he is more susceptible to that with his phone. Just based on his personality, cuz he's a little more introverted than me, so I tend to entertain myself with doing things. Whereas he spends more of his quiet time sometimes on his phone. He uses YouTube a lot and that's something I don't use. But I've often said if I didn't have this podcast, I would be completely okay with being off Instagram. at this point. I'm really on there for this podcast. I really had no interest in being on Instagram. It was my friends when I was single that told [00:05:00] me to go on it and it's never really been the outlet that I've enjoyed.

And I've really just more enjoyed Facebook for the fact that it keeps me connected to people that I'm long distance from because I have a lot of friend’s long distance cuz they've moved away, or I've also lived far away and moved back. So, I still have friends where I used to live. So, I find it is a good tool for that. But I don't scroll through people's feeds and stuff like that. I don't really get hung up. 

Kelly: I find Instagram for scrolling and Facebook just makes me I've had a few things happen lately that I've seen on Facebook regarding relationships. That makes me just feel like everything's a lie.

Lindsey: Oh man. 

Kelly: So, oh my like, happy anniversary, blah, blah, blah. And really, 

Lindsey: I know you know what's really going on. 

Kelly: Yes. So that's made me feel really negative towards social media too. 

Tracey: And really, I should call it fake book. 

Kelly: Fake book. Yeah. But 

Lindsey: that's [00:06:00] what it is. People are 

Tracey: hundred percent 

Lindsey: painting a picture, like they're showing you the highlight reel.

Tracey: Mm-hmm. 

Lindsey: I see that too., a relationship isn't good, but then they post their trip to Hawaii or they're whatever, the fancy dinner they're at and the Yeah. It's all for show. 

Kelly: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 

It's all for show and, and likes and I don't know, maybe it's like an ego thing or something.

Tracey: Not to mention all the things on there, including the whatever Instagram models or whatever that is. So photoshopped or filtered, nothing on there is really realistic. I remember my partner at one point sending me a picture of some buff dude and I was like, Listen, that guy does not look like that in real life. You can't, draw some sort of conclusion or comparison to someone like that. And image you're pulling off social media because there's nothing about it that's realistic. 

Kelly: [00:07:00] No. Same with faces, people want their faces in real life to look like the faces on Instagram. 

Lindsey: Yeah, 

Kelly: those are filters. 

Lindsey: They're filters. And, and I, 

Kelly: I'm not saying I've never used a filter, but like, that is prompting people to try and do things to their bodies. That's, mm-hmm. They shouldn't be doing because they wanna look like a filter. 

Lindsey: Yeah. 

Tracey: Well, not only that, the young kids, that's what drives me crazy. I said that to my partner too, that we need to be more conscious of how much the kids are on their phones and make a conscious effort to try to get them off their phones for at least periods of time, because they're on at like 24 7 it seems like.

So, we actually had a family dinner a couple weeks ago, and we had a game night with the kids, and it was like, dinner, no phones, game night, no phones. 

Kelly: How'd that? 

Tracey: No, it was fine. I mean, my daughter was being a bit of a pain about it, but finally [00:08:00] I just said, no, get rid of it, don't have it. But I noticed with my daughter and her friends, you gotta take 50 million pictures with her because she doesn't like any of them. And then, because everything is through a filter, especially on Snapchat, they don't send any pictures without a filter, so 

Lindsey: Oh, wow. 

Tracey: That's all they know, right?

Lindsey: Mm-hmm., 

Tracey: It's really sad actually., 

Kelly: that's crazy. 

Lindsey: I can't imagine growing up I didn't have my first cell phone until I was 19. I honestly can't imagine growing up, going through high school having Facebook and Instagram, and. Following all these celebrities, I think that would just really mess with my, not that my brain needs to be messed with more, but it's like, I, I don't know. That's a, that's scary. 

Kelly: Mm-hmm. and relating this to alcohol, you know, our podcast is about alcohol. I really, and I've talked about this several times on here, but I really do see that as a part of keeping me stuck is what people were posting. And I [00:09:00] was part of that too. I was posting all the booze and, and I see young people posting it like cheers with, champagne glasses or whatever, and cocktails and all this stuff. It's just creating that culture of booze fueled everything.

Lindsey: Mm-hmm. 

Kelly: Yeah. 

Tracey: Well, it's also adding to the distraction, right? People. Get a couple drinks in and then they're just stuck on their phones, stuck in that cycle. And like you said, Kel another way just to make you stuck in general. Right, 

Kelly: right. Numbing out and all that. 

Tracey: Yeah. Numbing out again, comparing or if you're in a darker place and you're drinking and then you're looking at all these other people's lives or images they have it better than you or whatnot and it just feeds that depression and that feeling of unworthiness too.

Kelly: Right. 

Lindsey: Relating it back to alcohol too, Facebook and Instagram have that algorithm thing. It's really sneaky. If you [00:10:00] look at your feed. Ironic way to refer to it, but a lot of its advertising. So, if you hesitate for even like 0.03 of a second on something, it picks it up. So, picture this, you're in recovery and you're trying to get sober, and you see an ad for Budweiser, and you hesitate for a third of second, guess what? Facebook is going to show you more of ads for booze. things that you stop on, it will literally pick that up and it's like now it's feeding you more, more, more of the stuff that you hesitate on, even if you're trying to scroll past it, but your brain is like, Oh.

It'll just keep feeding that. So, it's almost like how can you prey on people like that? 

Kelly: Mm-hmm., 

Lindsey: that's the feed.

Kelly: You can change those settings 

Lindsey: Yes. 

Kelly: In your phone so that you say that you don't wanna see alcohol. Mm-hmm., for example. Mm-hmm., but I still get them sometimes. Even though I have that right? Yeah. Yeah. It says, why don't you wanna see this ad anymore? And I always say It's offensive. 

Lindsey: I [00:11:00] was gonna say, which is my offensive content. But it is, it's to me continue.

Kelly: It's, to me, 

Lindsey: it will continue to serve you that unless you change things. But I'm like, you dirty buggers, 

Kelly: I can't remember if we've talked about this before, but one of the things that I did in the past was I unfollowed people who posted those pictures. So how do you guys feel about that? Cuz there are some people that I still have on there, but there was a while there where as soon as somebody posted a picture of booze, I unfollowed them because I didn't wanna see it. I did, I wanted to protect myself. I didn't wanna be tempted. So, what do you guys think of that?

Lindsey: I love that. I, I did that too. I did like a whole Facebook cleanup, and I do that every once in a while. If I'm noticing I'm triggered by somebody's pictures or posts unfollow, I don't have to unfriend them, but I don't wanna see stuff and be triggered by it or, Sometimes I don't even know why I feel triggered by it and I'm like, Mm, unfollow

Tracey: I didn't even know you, but that's have the option of [00:12:00] doing the ad thing. Kel, actually. 

Kelly: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Next time you see an ad, just go, and look at the options there. 

Lindsey: Just click on the three dots or something. I don't know. Mm-hmm. 

Tracey: Yeah. For me, it's a little hard with the people posting pictures of alcohol because I feel like my friends are guilty of that and they're my friends, right. So, I do wanna see the rest of their lives. And for me, it's not a trigger. I'm around people that drink all the time and I used to do the same thing, so I feel like I can't really judge them. 

Kelly: No. I'm not judging them. I'm protecting myself. 

Tracey: No, no, no. Yeah. And that's the thing. If it's a trigger for you, then that's different. Yeah. Right. For me, it's not as much as it's not my favorite thing to see, now that I have a better understanding myself, and I'm on the other side and not drinking But at the same time, becomes almost like a norm because a lot of people are doing it and is pretty much as people are still drinking, they're posting pictures of drinking.

Kelly: So, Mike isn't on Facebook or Instagram [00:13:00] and he's just been listening here. So, Mike, what do you think of all this? 

Mike: Well, I, the reason I got off of, cuz I was on Facebook, but the reason I got off was because I just think, to be blunt, I think people are fucked they think it's okay to post their life. 

Lindsey: Yeah. 

Mike: Look, there's a whole other reason why I'm not gonna get into great detail but reading things and I would voice my opinion on things. I'm a pretty opinionated individual and then I was met with a lot of flack, and I just thought the easiest thing to do was to get it off the platform. I think one of the things that I've noticed cuz I do scroll through TikTok I actually have found a few things that are good for me because of they're products that I'm trying and they're helping me in my life. And it's nothing more than just trying different things. What I see is, there’s a lot of lonely people out there, and I think they're living in this illusion that, well, I can connect with my TikTok [00:14:00] following or my Facebook group or whatever. And it's like, what the fuck ever happened to hang out with people in person? Mm-hmm. You guys have talked about, well, more Lindsay and Kelly than Tracy, cuz Tracy's with somebody.

 This whole thing about dating cuz the dating apps is an app, in some capacities it's like social media because you've got this profile of who you say you are. Yet we all know people are, oh yeah, I was connected with somebody, and it didn't look like them or they were full of shit.

It's the same kind of thing with social media. It's like, you’re portraying this thing, like Lindsay said, for likes, for approval, for people's approval, when it's like, shit, you gotta learn to love yourself. And how that ties into what we talk about with alcohol is that why are you looking for approval outside of yourself, First and foremost to feel love? You gotta love yourself before anything. When you don't love yourself, you turn to things like alcohol and drugs and

Kelly: dopamine. 

Mike: You got it. You got it. [00:15:00] So no. My take is, is that look, everybody's fucked. I don't mean one group of people is fucked. 

Lindsey: It's so true though. 

Kelly: It is the feeling I get sometimes too, Mike. I get it. 

Mike: Yeah. Like I just think that how do we, Lindsay Kelly and myself are single individuals, and I don't know about you two but for me, when someone says, well, what dating app you are? Honestly, I'm not on any of them because I don't want to meet somebody that way. I wanna meet somebody authentically, shine in the moment and this is who I am. You're getting everything about me and have a genuine conversation. But yet all I see is people making split decisions, immediate decisions like they would on the phone. Filters, You guys talked about filters. Oh, there's a filter. Oh, that girl or that guy looks hot. And it's like, Yeah, but fuck. Like. 

Kelly: No, I, yes, I go back out. I have been on the apps, and I have met some really good people on Bumble that I have dated, but the most recent time I was on there, I ended up deleting it [00:16:00] for exactly what you're saying, Mike, I just felt like. I don't have a type, a look or anything like that other than tall maybe. But um, just be honest. Okay. 

Mike: What's, sorry for those at home, what's the height Kelly? Just so we can, 

Kelly: never mind. Okay.

But I feel like that's a really shallow thing is to look at somebody's picture and decide whether, I'm so much more about energy if I met this person when I was out with girlfriends and they were charming and funny like, Yeah, it's not the look 

you get that 

Mike: from a photo.

Kelly: No, you can't get that from a photo in a one 

day. You can be able to get it from a video, but it's not. Mm-hmm. 

Mike: engaging with somebody for five minutes, like, 

Kelly: no, it's not fair. 

Mike: Remember that, I mean, maybe this is too old for Lindsay, but the eighties was like the speed dating where, you hear people meeting up and doing like five minutes of okay switch

Kelly: at least you're, you have a real ex energy in that situation. 

Mike: [00:17:00] Exactly. I'd rather do that than look at an app and go, yes or no, then people get into this whole, well, I went out three times and then we had sex and then I didn't hear from him or her, but more him, like more him. And I will say it more, probably more dudes and it's like, well, what do you expect? You're fucking, just putting yourself out there and giving up a whole bunch of yourself energetically, as you say. And then what the person got what they want potentially. But they're not gonna go and put that on their hey. Oh yeah. No, not looking for friends with benefits. No, no. I'm looking for a relationship. But then they're a fucking lying because they're dopamine, as Kelly says, is being fed, and then they're gonna go to the next one. Mm-hmm. It's, it's habitual bullshit. They're liars. Not everybody, but people are fake, and they're fucked.

Sorry. So that's my take on social media. Go back to, you know, 

Lindsey: follow Mike's new page. Fake and fucked.

Kelly: [00:18:00] Said she wanted to get creative with episode names. This, this one's called Fake. And that's that. Yes. 

Tracey: There you, you go. 

Lindsey: Yeah. I like that. I think we name our, It's all about 

Kelly: What I'm hearing so far in our conversation. The apps, social media and dating and all that is, it's creating a false sense of connection.

Mike: Yeah, a hundred percent. 

Tracey: Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah, it's a hundred percent. 

Mike: Look, there's nothing wrong with, hey, like Tracey said, I wanna see what my friends are doing who live, so far away. If they're posting a, hey, we had a family gathering and there's a couple of nice photos, that's great. But when you see the same people, it's like, Hey, I'm at the grocery store. Hey, I'm fucking like, do you really think that people really give a shit what you're doing? They don't give a fuck. They got their own problems. They really do. Who cares? 

Tracey: You don't wanna see people out there addicted to social media. Right? 

Kelly: Right. It's so, what's the opposite? We've heard it [00:19:00] over and over again, and recovery community. What is the opposite of addiction? 

Lindsey: Connection. 

Kelly: Connection. Not. Fake connection. Real connection, 

Lindsey: which is Facebook. 

Mike: Fake fiction. Fake fiction. 

Lindsey: But you don't wanna see my sandwich that I'm eating for lunch. 

Mike: Well, that's a whole other topic in itself, right?

Lindsey: Here's my food and I'm gonna take a picture of it before I start eating. Yeah. Next God guilty though. I've, 

Kelly: I've done it. Yeah. I've done all of it. 

Tracey: I've done it too. But I do unfollow people who are excessive with posting daily. I have done that. Some people that are just, 

Mike: I'm sure that every one of us has had somebody in our social media experiences that have unfollowed us for whatever they're meeting.

Lindsey: Oh, I'm sure. 

Kelly: Absolutely. I see it all the time. 

Mike: So, let's just preface in saying we're not all high and mighty here. No. Our observations are clearly that people are living in this illusion state of likes and. hearts and all [00:20:00] that bullshit. It's like, no, you know what I honestly, when I got off Facebook, it, it's freeing. It's like, holy shit, I've did a detox, I've done a, like some sort of yeah, that's electrical detox, 

Kelly: what I need this week. Yeah, in this weekend. Yeah. I don't know how long I'll be off for, but I need to detox from it. And let's talk about what are some healthy, natural ways to get dopamine, cuz that's what we're looking for when we're on there scrolling.

Tracey: So, I just read this super cute little self care book that I'll share it with you guys. I don't have it close to me, but I'll put it in the show notes. And it was something that actually a co-worker of me. Purchase for me, I think my last birthday or something. And I had forgot about it and then I found it in my drawer and picked it up. And what have I been doing? Reading that instead of being on social media. Yeah. Instead of being on my phone. It's been a great little book. And one of the things it says about [00:21:00] dopamine is that tea increases dopamine. 

Kelly: So, does coffee

Tracey: music. 

Lindsey: Yes. 

Tracey: Increases dopamine. Yeah. And I think it said reading as well.

Kelly: Mm-hmm.

Tracey: Anyways, there's a couple for you. 

Kelly: Nature. 

Tracey: Mm-hmm. 

Kelly: dancing Hugging. 

Tracey: Yeah. What do you, 

Lindsey: Why are you laughing, Mike? 

Kelly: Mike wants to say sex waiting for us to say it first. 

Lindsey: He knows we're already working. Yeah, 

Mike: I was. I'm just listening to Kelly read the list. I'm like, comon Kelly, say it. You know, you're,

Lindsey: well. Even like movement, working out, that kind of, that kinda thing. Get in the sun, sunshine exercise. 

Tracey: For sure. 

Lindsey: Yeah. Exercise, music. 

Mike: I mean, I think you had a clear point. There has to be a, an episode that's based around dance party, like that's what I, 

Kelly: Yes. 

Tracey: So that's one thing I wanted to bring up actually on this episode was 

Kelly: we're gonna have a dance party.

Tracey: No, but I'd love to, we will have a dance party maybe one day. [00:22:00] Okay. But how much. Music talks about booze. 

Kelly: Oh, 

Lindsey: Especially country music. Yeah, everything's got whiskey in it.

Tracey: I had a very interesting conversation with a gentleman who's been sober 30 years we were chatting about music and how much it talks about booze, and his wife actually said, there's some crazy stat, like over 60% of music is about alcohol. 

Kelly: Holy. What? 

Mike: Yeah. Oh, totally. For. 

Tracey: But think about that now. Every time you hear a song, 

Lindsey: I'm gonna listen for it. I know. 

Tracey: Didn't notice that. It's all about booze 

Mike: well, a lot of heavy metal music from the sixties is based around psychedelic drugs and that's true, right? Yeah. And booze and drugs. Christ. Look at OIE Osborne, how that guy's still alive. I have no idea, but. 

Tracey: Well, look what Matt was saying. Matt was even [00:23:00] saying, as a guy in a band, he looked up to all these musicians for how they partied hard and everything like that. So, but Matt, you can't take away my music. I don't care if they talk about booze or not. I'm 

Lindsey: not really affected by that. No, I'm not either. I sing along. Yeah, I've sing along. I love songs. Singing about booze or has booze in it. I don't really, I'm not like, oh, oh my God, I can't listen to this. It's triggering me like I don't, But I don't know. Maybe some people, 

Tracey: but think about the messaging really. 

Lindsey: That's right. it's almost like subliminal, right? Cause you're listening. You're singing long. 

Kelly: Yeah, I could see, I could see how some people would be triggered by it. Yeah, for sure. There are definitely some songs that bring up memories. Yeah. For me of being the last song that they played at the bar when I was in my twenties or whatever, it was crazy times, but mm-hmm. Yeah. It doesn't make me wanna drink. It makes me thankful that I don't 

Mike: the triggers, like the whole [00:24:00] triggers in general. Right. So, we've talked about a number of different triggers like music and Facebook and Instagram and all those things. And I think each individual has their own triggers and you have to identify what those potentially are and figure out ways to not necessarily avoid them, but how you're gonna deal with 'em. Because I think if you avoid them, you're not finishing something that needs to be finished. Your relationship with regards to the trigger. Right. 

Kelly: Right. So, I was gonna say this when Lindsay, when you said earlier, I'm triggered, but I don't know why I'm triggered. Yeah. So, I just unfollowed them. I love talking about triggers and I think Lindsay and I have talked about this before, 

Lindsey: yeah, we have 

Kelly: how that's such an opportunity for personal growth.

Mike: Yeah. 

Kelly: When somebody or something triggers you, I think we tend to be like, oh my God, that person is this right because they did this. But instead, being like, oh, alright, why am I triggered? And going from there. And it can be super eye opening and sometimes painful in my case. So

Lindsey: I always think there's some kind [00:25:00] of a trauma involved, if I'm triggered by something mm-hmm. I've come to sort of the understanding like, okay. Huh. Wow. Interesting. And it's after our conversations, Kel, that I was like, Okay, I just gotta take a step back and be Okay, why am I triggered and realize there's something there that I have to work on? I may not even understand what it is, but yeah.

Mike: Yourself, the questions like, you've got like a, 

Lindsey: That's from Kelly though. Like I was, I would always just like lose my mind and be like, I don't know, this person. And she's like, 

Okay, let's calm down.

Kelly: Calm down, 

Lindsey: Yeah. Calm down. Oh God. And 

Kelly: then yeah, like, why? 

Lindsey: Think about why you're triggered. 

Mike: But that's part of the personal growth, which is good. 

Lindsey: Sure. 

Mike: I think that's awesome. 

Lindsey: I have a question before we change topics because we were talking about music. Okay. So, I'm curious, how many of you guys play your sad songs? Do you have the sad songs that you play when you wanna cry? Mike's like, no,

Mike: I [00:26:00] don't, I don't cry, really. I mean, no. Nice. I, well, no. Listen, I only cry when somebody dies. To be honest with you. I don't get, things don't, It's huge. Put me into that that point of cry. Death. Death is, death Is your really, losing my dog or losing a friend or, Yeah, something, but I'm not, I hate to say it, but women are more emotional that way than men.

Lindsey: I think that's true, honestly. But you know what I used to do when drinking? I used to have like a bottle and a half of wine and then play my sat song, and then Cry 

Mike: Wine. Jesus. 

Lindsey: Oh man. But like, I don't know. I was listening to a podcast this morning as I was getting ready for work and somebody in the podcast was touching on this emotional release of crying and relating it to. Not drinking alcohol and then, oh, don't you have your sad songs that you throw on? And you know, it'll elicit that emotion and you'll cry when you feel like you need to get that emotion out. And the other person was [00:27:00] like, oh, I used to do that. I used to just drink to do that. I'd get to a point after drinking and then just be a balling mess and have that release of emotion about something. But the person kind of. Well, now all I have to do is play a song and I'm just like, Okay, it'll, it'll release. I just thought that was interesting. So, I was curious. You guys all looked at me like I had four heads 

Kelly: so that's super interesting. Like there's definitely, I'm not afraid to stay sad for a little while. If something makes you, you're good about that, sitting in it, like, I got a whole playlist for that. I'll sit in the bath and cry and, just let it all out. Because I learned from drinking when I was drinking. I wasn't feeling anything. Mm-hmm. other than happy let's drink. I 

Mike: comfortably numb. Comfortably numb. 

Kelly: Yeah, exactly. It's almost like I celebrate being able to feel all these emotions I didn't feel before. I still work with anger. That's not an easy one for me. I've mentioned my year before. But you know, I'll learn. 

Tracey: [00:28:00] I definitely don't utilize music for crying. I don't cry very much either. Something has to be really sad or really hurt me to make me cry. I'm not a crier at movies or anything like that normally, so 

Mike: it's a Sag thing for sure. Trace, 

Tracey: that's, yeah. Music, music is like my happy place. It's not, not to say that I don't have a whole shitload of sappy music on my playlist because I do but it's not something I turn to put it that way. 

Mike: I had an interesting question post me today that I thought about. So, I was golfing, and I was with my accountant and the two other guys that were with us those two guys and then third guy, the four of us are going to the Blue Jays game on Saturday. And I said, I'll drive, right, because I don't drink. And those guys, they drink he said, how do you deal with hanging out with drunk people? And I said, it doesn't really bother me. I know in the back of my mind that I have to be with these guys [00:29:00] for X amount of time. I've taken on the responsibility. 

I'm gonna drive them. I'm gonna have a good time. I mean, I want to go watch the game. I like baseball. And he said, Yeah, I kind of know my limits on and who I can hang out with. And he's older than I am too. I just found it not awesome, but interesting that that was a question that he posed me knowing full well that I'm gonna be hanging out with those two guys that, they're gonna, they're gonna be drunk.

I know they're gonna be drunk. They're already planning where we're going before the game I'll have lunch, but they're gonna go and obviously have pre-game games and stuff, so. Yeah. Right. Definitely be an interesting, interesting day. So, I'll follow up with that next week. Let you guys know how it goes.

Kelly: Yeah. 

Tracey: What's the guy you were talking to? Mike a drinker or? No, 

Mike: I've known him for 10 years and my God, I've never seen him have more than two beers ever., He's a baseball guy, right? No, not, I'd say very casual. Just a responsible professional. Again, we do know that a lot of professional [00:30:00] individuals, some have bad drinking problems, but not mm-hmm.

not to my knowledge. He, I've never seen him have a beer when we've gone golfing. He's always drinking a water or Gatorade or something. I think why he was asking was because this is a little bit off topic, but he said, I've gone to baseball games with him and he's very analytical mind, and we talk about the game, hey, positional wise and blah, blah, blah.

I won't get all the details. baseball is like a, it's a bigger game than just a sport. There's a lot of strategies involved, and he and I would talk about that, whereas these guys will be talking about, oh yeah, fucking. All right, who's rounded beers? Is it, hey, you see those girls over and blah, blah, blah, blah. That's what it'll be like. So, he's trying to say, how do you well, how do you deal with the two sides of, going to a game or an event with people like that? I said, I just say, do like, do you miss it? And I go, no, I really don't. I really don't. And then another guy came around and said, you don't drink.

Cause I hadn't seen the guy in five years. I said, no, I haven't, I haven't drunk in almost three years. He's like, really? He's like, Good for you. That's great. [00:31:00] I don't know how you guys feel about this. But do people approach you when they say, when they realize you haven't had a drink in so long, and they're like, Good for you. That's really good. Mm-hmm., do you get that? And do you, you think, do you think that is a way of them saying, Holy fuck if they can do it, can I do it subconscious 

Kelly: sometimes? Mm-hmm. 

Mike: I always find that amazing. I don't know what to compare it to, but it's like, oh my god. 

Kelly: I think it just goes to show how much people like me, I didn't think I had a choice. I'm like, this is just what we do. Right. So, it is amazing to people that are in that mindset. I remember meeting people and being like, What? How, Huh? Mm-hmm. And I've never been a diet or anything like that, but I was a big gym girl. Even when I was drinking tons and any program that came my way that told me not to drink wine, I'd be like, no, fuck that. Like, everything It was part of, so, right. 

Mike: Oh, there's, they're all like, people are, there's a lot of people like that. For sure. Still. Yeah. So, I think I'm just fascinated cuz it's not normal, that's why. [00:32:00] Mm-hmm., I think they say like, Oh my god, Good for you cuz 

Tracey: you're outside the norm.

Mike: Well, isn't it amazing how it's been created as a norm, and don't you think that social media definitely, as Lindsay says, fuels the feeds. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Hey, fuck everybody. Barbecue time. Look at the beer, chest, the wines over here. It's a joke. It's a free go. 

Lindsey: I wanted to say something before I lose it because I'm gonna lose the thought. So, at this conference that I was at in the Yukon, we had somebody come talk to us about addiction and trauma and stuff. And this is something that this speaker said when you beat something like cancer, what do you do? You wear the pin, you wear the t-shirt, you shout it from the rooftops. But when you beat addiction, nobody wears t-shirt. And Kelly, you were, you just said something like because it's hidden or something. And I was like, Huh. we tend to hide it. it's not like when you're battling something like [00:33:00] a disease, like cancer or something, you're very vocal about it. When you beat it, you're super proud there's so much stigma still around like, oh, I beat addiction, I beat alcoholism, or whatever. I think it's a little bit different now with social media because changing you can post about it. Yeah. And it is changing, which is a good thing. It is hidden for the most part.

Kelly: Yeah, for the, But I think that's what we're doing here is changing it and making it. Okay. Like that TikTok that trace sent in our group chat, she's wearing a t-shirt that said, I think it said sober mom. More of that. We need more of that. Exactly. 

Mike: We also need more authentic conversations with people that mm-hmm. that you can share your genuine experience with people. Yeah. It doesn't mean you're like, hey, here's a flyer, let's sit down and talk about No, it's just like, hey, let's have a conversation. What's going on in your life? Oh yeah. And then maybe that comes into the convers Yeah. And you, and you get it out.

It's just, I look, I think the sober [00:34:00] mom, TikTok or whatever in that community, because we know that talks got a big, sober community is great. It, it is. More real everyday conversations need to be taking place for a plethora of topics we've talked about. Dating mental health. Yeah. Variety. I mean, the list goes on. I mean, we need to connect with humans more so now than we ever have because we've lost that genuine connection with people. Well, it's bloody sad to really, really see, and people feel alone, or people are feeling lonely cause they express it through social media, but yet if someone goes to approach them on the street, now we got these labels of like creeps and yeah. Listen, there are lots of creeps out there. I'm sure there is, but I don't know how I even comment or even talk about it, but the fact that I think. don't be so apprehensive when someone tries to approach. I don't know. I'm not a woman. It's probably a lot worse for a woman than it is a man, but, Sorry, Kelly. Go. 

Kelly: You are doing that by [00:35:00] just your friend that said like, so you don't drink. So, what's it like when you, and then you're open right? To having that conversation and you're honest and you say no. Exactly what you just said. I'm not gonna repeat everything you just said, but you are speaking your truth and saying this is what it's like. And I find people are very curious. We have a lot of people that listen to this podcast that don't have an addiction, right? Mm-hmm., but they are curious about alcohol and how it's affecting them and maybe questioning, if it's good for them or not. But I think that just, yeah, being out in the world and saying like, I don't drink. And it's not, Sorry I don't drink cuz Don't say sorry for that's nothing you're not sorry about. Good. That's right. It's, I don't drink and then see what happens. See where that conversation goes so that you don't get to the pamphlet. Whoever just said like, you're not out there handing out pamphlets.

You're living your life and showing exactly what this podcast is [00:36:00] about. That life can be beautiful, and you can have fun and be free without it and show other people that and then they'll be drawn to you not everybody. Some people, I think I told a story on here in the spring I went to a party, and somebody found out I didn't drink, and she wouldn't talk to me for the rest of the night so, you know, 

Lindsey: I think you can piss some people off Totally. I think. Totally. I think it really, really bothers me 

Kelly: back to the social media. Like I have lost people for sure. Absolutely. Of what I post about. Yeah. Not drinking. Mm-hmm., 

Lindsey: wouldn't it be facts about alcohol? Right? 

Kelly: Mm-hmm. 

Lindsey: that pisses people offs.

Kelly: That's all right. I don't need everybody to like me. I just need to like me. 

Mike: So, what happens though? I think it's so funny if you put those people on the spot and say, oh, you know, the reason why I don't drink is because I have a medical condition. Not that it's any of their business, yeah. My liver is destroyed from my abusive alcohol, so I decided to stop so I can move a little bit longer. Would, right. Do you think that would [00:37:00] change for too liver? 

Lindsey: I've don't drink poison overshare for sure.

Mike: It's so fucking, it's so bullshit. These people will live this bullshit illusion that I'm getting. I'm getting just perturbed social media. 

Lindsey: I wanted to say this too, because I was just looking at some articles and not that Teen Vogue is a reliable source, but you have that on your coffee table Lind’s Teen Vogue. Yeah, I totally do. Oh my God. No, I don't, But it's online and I'm actually, I'm like, Team Vogue. That's interesting that they're posting or, presenting this article in there. But here's the thing, this really gets me addiction to social media. A psychiatrist has said that this problem is probably as big as climate change. And I was like, Holy cow. So, Anna Limp md, Psychiatry professor and chief of the Addiction Medicine Dual Diagnosis Clinic at Stanford [00:38:00] University. And Tristan Harris, the co-founder and president of the Center for Humane Technology. Both of these individuals noted social media companies use mechanisms in our brain to hook us on social media for sure. Making us dependent on the platforms that are enriched, the more we use them. And it also talks about, if anybody wants to dive more into how social media, like the likes, the comments and stuff, fuel the dopamine in our brain. Watch the social dilemma. I don't know if anybody here watched that documentary.

Kelly: Yes. Very good. 

Lindsey: Yes, it's a very good one. And these social media platforms exploit our human vulnerability. They spread misinformation and prey upon users. Ha-ha. The feed, right? Like huh? But it's been linked to. Increased anxiety, depression, sleep disruption, antisocial behavior, and even found to be a predictive of future suicide risk in teen girls.

Mike: A hundred percent. 

Tracey: Wow. 

Kelly: Terrible. Yeah, 

Lindsey: [00:39:00] it's crazy. See it. 

Kelly: I can see it. Yeah. Well, surprised. 

Tracey: I was gonna ask you guys, if you notice, cuz this is something I notice that there are a lot of teenagers or kids out there that I feel like have almost no social skills. 

Mike: They have skills like adults too, yeah. But they have no relatable skills with regards to building relationships for sure. 

Tracey: Yeah. I find that more and more with the younger generation, just because I don't think they're forced to be social or forced to use social skills because all their socialization is through a screen. 

Kelly: Yeah, yeah.

And texting. I made my kid make a phone call. It was a while ago. It was about a year ago, He had something, a question about his banking or something happened with his banking. I'm like, well, you have to call them. 

Lindsey: And he's like, What? Now? I 

Mike: you make a super good point. Think about what the damn world's gonna be like for businesses that have salespeople [00:40:00] that, they used to drive me nuts. I used to say to my workers, don’t fucking email somebody something that's important. Pick up a damn phone. These people are learning these skills. Well, well, I'll just send them an email. Okay. So that thing that that person needs ASAP is now gonna be delayed a day because you didn't pick up the phone and call and ask the question, what if the email gets missed?

Kelly: Well, my business, over 17 years has changed a lot and its sales, and we used to only do phone. I have one consultant who does phone now, and she is successful. Mm-hmm. But that's out of like 800 people,

Lindsey: and how do you eliminate social media when my businesses are based on social media alone? Right, right. That's so difficult because now I've gotta be a content creator. I've gotta make stories, I've gotta do reels. I've gotta do all these things on social media to stay relevant and reach my audience because [00:41:00] that is where everybody is. 

Tracey: Well, it's a double edge sword, right? Yeah. You can't really get away from it. That's the problem. That's what makes the problem worse. 

Kelly: If that's your business, right? If your business is social selling, which is what Lindsay is talking about, in my opinion, I think it's just finding the balance and you're doing a really good job of showing that too, that you're using your social media to show that you do have a balance. You're out in nature lots and doing those things. Now, a challenge to anybody out there who does love, nature is not to bring your phone with you. Never. I do. Every once in a while, if I go somewhere new, like today I went somewhere I've never been before and I did some really cool fall videos, but now I have nowhere to post them.

Lindsey: Cause right when I was in the Yukon, know what I said to Stephanie one of the girls, she's a fellow dental hygienist. And we were on this beautiful hike in Miles Canyon, and I'm walking with my phone recording a video and I looked at her and I said, this is so fucking dumb. I'm missing it all.

Kelly: It's like, 

Lindsey: yes, I'm trying [00:42:00] to capture the thing. Phone. Yes. So, I could post it in my story on social media. Yeah. Because also here be in the moment, I know. Mm-hmm. 

like wanting to be sharing my life because I wanna be relatable and I want people to know who I am, but it's. 

Kelly: I think it's just finding a balance. But yes. I think the same thing every time I see a and see people with their cell phones out, I'm like, just put it away. Enjoy. None of that sounds good on social media anyway., 

Lindsey: No. It doesn't 

Mike: pull out your cigarette lighter and rule it in the air, 

Kelly: like the old day-old goal. Yeah. 

Lindsey: Like you just don't care.

Tracey: Yeah. Well, even speaking of algorithms and going back to the dating apps, they all have their own algorithms too. Yes. 

Lindsey: So, keep showing me those toxic guys. Yeah. Yeah. 

Kelly: Wait, wait. Is that what's happening? 

Lindsey: That is what's happening. 

Tracey: That is what's happening. 

Lindsey: what's happening, yeah. 

Tracey: Yeah. It's all, it's all [00:43:00] fed on swipes and likes and the feet stuff too. So don't kid yourself that it's not that you, Mike's gonna chime in, Sucked into that. 

Mike: Lind’s the universe is just setting you up to teach you. Yeah. Yeah. These are the scumbag that you don't need in your life. Go meet somebody organically for crying out loud. Yeah.

Lindsey: Do I have to, Mike? 

Mike: Well, I think we all do. Me included, like, yeah. I don't know. I just think there's a lot to be said about, I think you're right. Mean, listen to the stories of all the people that are, say in the 70, even 60, but mostly say 60 plus. How long have you been married? 40 years. And if they talk about, and they genuinely like their partners still because we know, 

Kelly: Well, see, there's my question. Okay. 

Lindsey: Do they,

Kelly: do you like each other? Are you having sex still? I need details before I say congratulations on 40 years. I need some more detail. 

Lindsey: Because you know, you're right though, Kel a lot of people stay together and they're fucking [00:44:00] miserable. Oh. Their relationship is not thriving. 

Kelly: Our society celebrate, 

Lindsey: hate each other.

Kelly: Longevity and I And 

Lindsey: not happiness.

Kelly: I do not agree with you on that. Mike. What were you saying, 

Mike: No, I was just saying that yes, talk. There are people that have a genuine interest still in someone after a long period of time, but there is a hell of a lot of people that don't. I totally get it. Mm-hmm. But listening to those people. Where did you meet? How did you meet? Oh, they remember the first date, what they did, Da, da, da, da. Those are great stories to hear. I'm often envious of hearing these stories because it's so rare. But when I start thinking back about my dating life and life prior, it's like every, single person with every, I can't think of one where I met that maybe when I was a teenager, but alcohol wasn't involved. And its that liquid courage and it's like, okay, you don't even fucking know the person if you're drunk. Mm-hmm. you really don't. Here's to the authentic meeting. Movement, [00:45:00] Lindsay. 

Lindsey: Okay. Let's do we make t-shirts? 

Kelly: Yeah. My other 

Lindsey: authentic meeting movements. 

Kelly: Sweaters. 

Tracey: More sweaters.

Kelly: More sweaters. We're still waiting for the first. You just have to circulate. Just have to get out and circulate. 

Tracey: Well, I'll tell you a little story. I was on the dating apps too when I was single. No, and like you Kel sadly, I found myself being a lot more superficial than I ever would've been. And I hated that. Cuz same thing. I don't have a type; I could easily meet someone and be a lot more charm by their personality than care about what they look like. Yes. My point being is that I ended up. With my partner who I did not meet on a dating app. I did reconnect through Facebook. So again, Facebook was on my side for this because that's the other reason why I love it. I have reconnected with a lot of people from my past on Facebook. I went to high school with my partner. [00:46:00] That's how we got together. So, it was very authentic, and we had a much stronger connection because we had so much more common ground than meeting these random people online. And then trying to find some sort of common ground and building something from scratch that really is hard to do when you're starting at zero and. Trying to build a relationship with someone pretty much virtually or via text or messaging or whatnot. So, I would definitely agree with Mike if you can do it the organic way, I highly recommend that. And the whole time I was doing the online dating thing, it became like an experiment. It became like a joke and fun experiment because I never believed for a second that was where I was gonna meet my person. 

Lindsey: Hmm. 

Mike: It's an addicting illusion. 

Kelly: Addicting [00:47:00] illusion. 

Mike: Well, meaning these people are, most people are phony. They're full of shit. They're just, they're not who they really are in person. And even on first dates and stuff, Yeah, it's nerve wracking and all that stuff. Don't get me wrong, but. I don't know. I guess think there's a lot more to be said when you meet somebody and there's no pressure of, oh my God, there's a date or a blind date or whatever you wanna call it. It's like, hey, oh, you're hiking. I know you wouldn't, this is probably bad, but hey, do you mind if I hike with you? I mean, yeah, that's probably a little bit. 

Lindsey: No, your stalker. 

No. Yeah, exactly. You know what I mean? But, But 

Kelly: don't do that. 

Lindsey: I don't recommend. Don't do that, Mike. 

Mike: Fuck. You guys just got 

Lindsey: backpack and everything. Film. No, cannot. 

Mike: I'm just saying with a date. It's planned, right? Oh, the restaurant. This is, Hey. Just by chance you meet, and you start talking. You're like, you know what? That person was pretty cool. 

Lindsey: And yeah, there's no worry that you don't look like you're filtered picture. You know when somebody meets [00:48:00] you and you're like, oh fuck, 

Kelly: dogs are good for that. Dogs are good walking a dog like to get a dog because my dog wants to meet every dog. So, dogs are good for that. 

Not good. So, nobody, nobody's connecting. Somebody told me I was the tallest person they ever dated, and I'm five. So, he has a type 

Mike: and you're five? Five. Yeah. I guess you would be Okay. I'm five. 

And you're five two Lindsay? 

Lindsey: I'm five two. Yeah, I'm little. 

Tracey: You're little. 

Mike: Do you sit on a phone book when you do this or are you just in a regular 

Lindsey: No, but Tracey, 

Tracey: I'm one outta the three of us and I need the phone book.

Kelly: You talked about that before you got on. Tracey needs a phone book. 

Tracey: Yeah, but I like, I'm sure people didn't date me cuz I was tall or swiped away from me because I was taller. 

Mike: No, we know why Trace because it was your rbf, right? 

Kelly: Resting bitch face, 

Tracey: Oh, I have one of those two. That too. 

You talked; I had my fake profile pictures. you talked about that. Filtered one. The filtered ones where I was smiling, [00:49:00] you know, 

Mike: talked about that RBF all the time. Yeah. I'm not very approachable. My RBF is 

Lindsey: just, Yeah, it's level 10 for me, I think. 

Kelly: Yeah. You think so, Liz? Yeah, I do. Let's go out. Let's go out. You should. Or we went dancing Saturday night. Let's go out. 

Mike: Okay. Bring a Go Pro and film it for the God man content. 

Kelly: Okay. Yeah. And I'll tell you, if you talk it up 

Mike: organically, me people and film it. I will try to do it at the Jay's game, but no drunk 

Kelly: thing in your ear, and then we'll tell you what to say and like, be like, 

Lindsey: Yeah. I'll be like, what do I say now, guys?

Kelly, 

Mike: Girls. I Facetime some. Okay. FaceTime says, oh wait, does she need the height? Oh, wait, okay. Yeah. 

Kelly: Yeah. 

Lindsey: I like meeting somebody organically because I'd never thought about this before, this conversation today, but when you do meet somebody organically, just like Tracey was saying, If they're into you, it's, it's pretty real. They're not looking at you on a [00:50:00] profile or on Facebook or on Instagram, and they're seeing you in real life. So, they're seeing your height, your body, your face, your mannerisms, your personality. They see it. You see it all. And 

Mike: and what else? Your energy. 

Kelly: Your energy. 

Tracey: Mm-hmm., nice energy. 

 not reading some,

it doesn't, 

Mike: You're bad man. Geez. 

Tracey: But they're not seeing your fake, resume basically. That's right. Right. Or your potentially filtered pitchers. They're seeing your natural right in person and getting a feel for your personality. The real authentic 

Lindsey: and filters are addict, addictive, 

Tracey: not the one on paper.

Lindsey: Once you start using those, every single thing you post, you use 

Mike: filters to make you filter filters. Color. Yeah. 

Lindsey: No, I don't think, Are 

Kelly: you asking for a friend? 

Mike: No. I'm just curious. No, a genuine question. Did you guys get misled by a filter on someone's [00:51:00] height or? No, 

Lindsey: but I have been misled by somebody who wrote not the correct age and not the correct height, so that when you meet, you're like, what's the point?

Tracey: I did have someone misrepresent their size, like they took pictures to make them look like a lot more. 

Mike: What? What do you mean? What size? What size? What size 

Kelly: of what? Like they made, they took pictures 

Tracey: on an angle that made them look a lot beefier. Like, 

Mike: Okay, 

Kelly: why? 

Tracey: And they then I met them, and they weren't, and they did lie about their height on top of that, 

Lindsey: so that's a red flag. I'm like, if you're lying, I don't know 

Kelly: The very first person that I dated has a picture of him with like ripped abs on his profile. And this is three years ago that I dated him, and he didn't have them. And his profile popped up again for me. And it's still same picture. I'm sure he doesn't have them like 10 years old.

Lindsey: That picture is probably, and that's what people can do. [00:52:00] They can use older pictures. 

Kelly: Bullshit's the point you're gonna find out. As soon as he took his shirt off, I was like, Hey, liar,

Tracey: put those ab goes. 

Mike: Did you kick him out? 

Tracey: I didn't, I didn't sign up for that. 

Kelly: Maybe five months later, Mike. 

Lindsey: Well, maybe social media's making him feel really insecure.

Mike: Guilty. Guilty. You're guilty of your own. That's your punishment. You're, you should have said, 

Lindsey: is that social media karma? 

Mike: This needs to end right now because, That's a flag. Huge. 

Lindsey: That's huge. Super 

Tracey: flag, right? Yeah, true. It was a, it should be a flag that they weren't being authentic, right? Mm-hmm., I've learned a 

Kelly: lot in the last 

Mike: That's good. That is really good that you've learned a lot for sure. But those flags, it's just like, okay, well if you're lying about six pack, what the fuck else are you gonna lie about? 

Tracey: That's true. True. Something so minimal and superficial, really. 

Mike: Look, whatever you do in life, don't fucking lie, lying. Never, ever, ever solve. Say you're gonna get caught, 

Kelly: It always [00:53:00] comes back. It the truth gonna get caught. 

Mike: It may not be right away. Could be a year or two, two years later, and think about how two years later when that lie comes around, it's like, oh my God, what else have you lied about in that two-year span? And then there's no trust, right? That's the problem with relationships in general. Yeah. Not just romantic, but. Relationships in general. Just tell the fucking truth serious.

Tracey: And how exhausting is it to keep up with the lie anyways? Yay. Like, let's be honest, how much energy does someone exhaust? Yeah. Keeping up with that back, us 

Kelly: topic of social media and like the lies, like I said, I was struggling with, relationships stuff, because I'm like, What? What do I want a relationship for if it's all fucking lie? Like these people that are saying, they're like, oh my God, my fricking like happy anniversary to my dream guy, and I know that you hate each other. 

Lindsey: Or you're like, you're like, I know that you guys are cheating on each other or something. Right? You're like, Okay, 

Kelly: how does that, that's, they're living a lie. How does that person feel going to [00:54:00] bed at the end of the day after putting it out to fake book about how happy they are? 

Mike: Well, how, maybe that's how they're, Yeah, you're probably drinking. They're fucking right. 

Lindsey: Yeah. Maybe that's how they try to feel better. Maybe it's a way of numbing out. It's 

portraying. 

Tracey: They're trying reality and booze 

Lindsey: yeah, but you're trying to portray the life that you want on social media for everybody to see and praise. And it's not really reality, but when you get those likes and the comments, Oh, gorgeous. Beautiful couple, happy anniversary. We're so happy for you. It's a dopamine hit to your brain every time, and you are just stuffing the reality down. And now you're living on this fake social media in that little life that you've painted in that square or whatever it is. It's, I don't know. It's, 

Kelly: And that perpetuates addiction. How many times has that come up with our own stories and our guests? It's like, it all comes down to, for most people, like you weren't [00:55:00] living your truth. 

Tracey: Mm-hmm. So true. 

Lindsey: That's really good. Yeah. Has anybody here ever just been like mindlessly scrolling, scrolling, scrolling, and you feel like you can't stop? 

Kelly: Sure. 

Mike: Yeah. Yeah. Probably. 

Lindsey: There's actually some science to it. It's called a dopamine deficit. one of the scientific things here, you might be able to tell you're in a dopamine deficit. When you're scrolling through social media and you feel like you can't stop, it doesn't necessarily feel good and you're not getting anything from your actions, but you just keep scrolling. So, when you're in a dopamine deficit, it can feel really similar to depression and anxiety. So, if anybody's listening and you constantly find yourself mindlessly scrolling, think about other ways to increase your dopamine levels in your brain. 

Tracey: That was good. That's crazy. That's a very good point there. That's crazy. Yeah, that is crazy. 

Lindsey: So, keep yourself, if you're always scrolling mindlessly. It's a sign. Your [00:56:00] brain is in a deficit. 

Kelly: Go outside, go, and go outside. Leave your phone and go outside. 

Tracey: One last thing I wanna hit on is the fact that I find, and I'm not sure well, actually, Mike, this might be interesting from a male perspective, I find that there are less men on social media though than women. I know my brother is not on social media at all. My one brother, my other brother is only on Facebook, not on Instagram. I actually find it more common with men not being on social media. Do you guys find that, or have you had any thoughts about that?

Kelly: I've never noticed. 

Mike: I got lots of buddies that aren't, well, not lots, but some, my good buddy never has ever signed up. Looked at it, never on any, social media platform no interest is of the mindset of I don't really give a shit what somebody I went to high school with is doing with their life. If they're in my life, then I'm going to have those connections with them [00:57:00] organically. Mm-hmm., and I think, you know, that, that's, what we need more of? We need the rotary phone. We need to bring back the rotary phones and give it of the cell phones and telephone and writing letters. Yeah. Bring it all back. Old school. 

Tracey: Well, it's interesting what you're saying, Mike, because that is my brother's attitude towards it too, is if somebody wants to find me, they'll find me. Yeah. If they really wanna know what I've been up to or whatnot. But the other interesting thing kind of on that topic for me is that my ex was not on social media. So going from being with someone who wasn't on it, had zero interest in it to someone who was heavily on it was a big adjustment relationship wise for me. Mm. Because it wasn't something I ever had to deal with in my previous relationship.

Kelly: Are you talking about like jealousy, like interacting with people of the opposite sex or what? Oh, 

Tracey: I think like there's a whole lot of things that go with it. Right? 

Kelly: Right, right. My ex wasn't on social media. I think he is now, but he wasn't when I [00:58:00] was married. No. 

Tracey: Yeah. So, I mean, I don't know. Tell it'll be interesting. Maybe we can broach this topic again. Yeah, that's true. If you get in a relationship with someone who is, because yeah, it definitely adds a more complex layer that I didn't have to deal with before. Right. Or think about before. 

Kelly: Mm-hmm. 

Tracey: So anyways, I thought that was kinda interesting 

Lindsey: about, I probably have maybe almost 900 friends on Facebook, a lot of those are women. I don't have. A ton of guy Facebook friends. That is interesting that you were saying it's more women are on Facebook than men. 

Tracey: Even the guys I know there seems like that. Yeah. That are on it, right? Mm-hmm., or if I have friends whose husbands are on it, my girlfriends are way more active than their husbands are.

Lindsey: Ever see those accounts where it's like the husband and wife? 

It's one accounts. Yes. My girlfriend has one of those accounts. 

Why? Because it's like they don't trust each other or what? I don't get it. 

Why? 

Tracey: You know, I don't think, I don't think her husband's [00:59:00] on social media, like really. 

Lindsey: Oh, I see. 

Tracey: So, but I even think of my mom and my stepdad, my stepdad's on there, but not actively mm-hmm. Yeah. 

Kelly: That's my dad's never posted anything in his life. He wouldn't know how. Mm-hmm., he, he tells me he sees stuff on Facebook. I'm like, Dad, that's called, You're a creeper. 

Tracey: Yeah. 

Lindsey: He's just getting dopamine in alone. Alone. 

Kelly: And he calls it the Facebook.

Lindsey: I love it. The Facebook. 

Tracey: That's the other thing I have dated, and I also have a guy friend who were on Facebook too, as aliases. Oh. Just to scope people out and see what people were doing.

Kelly: Oh man. What a world we live in. 

Tracey: I know. 

Lindsey: Crazy, right? 

Mike: I'll preface and say I have an alias for my business account, but I don't use it. Really. I have, cuz you have to have, I think, a certain number of friends to make it look like you have a fucking account. And I don't even post for my [01:00:00] business on it anymore. So, it's really a waste. 

Tracey: Yeah. But you always had your own personal account. 

Mike: Yeah, when I did, I had my personal account, I got, I deleted it. 

Tracey: So, it wasn't like you were trying to be, incognito like these people? 

Mike: No, but

Tracey: just creeping people. 

Mike: The reason why I didn't use my real name for the whole business account is because I didn't want customers bothering me personally. There's a way to conduct business with me. It's via email or via phone call. Not, you know, using that social platform at that time. That's the only reason why I really did it. So 

Lindsey: do you wanna know what I just wrote down? Cuz this also just occurred to me real. R e e l and real, r e a l. They want you to think the reels are real. I don't know. This is all created by design. Yeah. I don't think there's any coincidences. All, 

Kelly: Let's see how unconscious we can make people. 

Mike: Yeah. Yeah. 

Kelly: Let's start a new [01:01:00] episode. Stop and record. And. 

Tracey: Maybe next episode? We all see what's people screen time. 

Kelly: Curious to see. I will not, I would not like cross my mind to look at my screen time on my Instagram before I deleted it last night, but I'm like, I don't even wanna know. I'm just gonna delete it and see how it goes. 

Mike: Will it tell you how long you play like you’re on your phone?

Tracey: Yeah Yeah. 

Mike: Is, my screen time is playing Uker 

Tracey: It is 

Kelly: an Ontario thing, I miss it. It's an a second. I have no idea. Never heard of Uker. We used to play all the time in high school. Did you play Trace in the, in the front. 

Tracey: I do not know how to play. My parents play. They still play in a like regular, once a month 

Kelly: group. Sally I'm sure used to play cuz we used to play all the time in Micro's basement. 

Tracey: But it's funny, I was telling Randy that we should get my family to teach us how to play at Thanksgiving. 

Kelly: It's fun. That's a good game.

Tracey: Last time we were at the cottage, my parents were [01:02:00] playing with a couple friend of their Yeah. And they were saying you guys should learn how to play. It's a lot of fun.

Mike: Yeah, it's fun, engaging, and you can communicate with people without your phone. 

Kelly: That's what I think we need to do is find more things to do.

Mike: Game night 

Kelly: without our phones. Yes. Game night, Game night dancing. Dancing 

Tracey: for sure. 

Mike: Kelly, keep going. Nature walks nature just like riding, playing tennis, playing baskets. 

Kelly: Just sitting and talking to a friend and don't have your phone there. There's a challenge too, if it's, those things are too big for you. Start small. Like the next time you're with another person, don't take your phone out, leave it in your jacket, or leave it in your purse. 

Mike: Leave it in your car, whatever. 

Kelly: Leave it in your car. 

Tracey: Read a book 

Lindsey: well, think about this. How much have you guys paid for Facebook? 

Mike: Paid? 

Lindsey: Yeah. How much have you paid to use Facebook?

Kelly: My soul. 

Lindsey: Oh, you mean like what? What money? You've paid [01:03:00] nothing to use these platforms. Right? 

Kelly: What does it say in that documentary? We are, what was it, Lynn? 

Lindsey: Well, here's the thing, how are we paying nothing to use these platforms? But they're worth like trillions of dollars, right?

Mike: Advertising. 

Lindsey: So, they don't sell your data, they sell the capacity to influence and manipulate your beliefs, your thoughts, your actions through advertising. 

Mike: Well, they did that before with television, right? I mean with commercials. But now they just magnified at times a zillion. Mm-hmm., they've got, 

Lindsey: it's a business model, like designed to make sure that we become addicted to it, and we use it as often as possible.

Kelly: Yes. 

Mike: Because you don't wanna miss the next greatest thing, right? 

Lindsey: Mm-hmm., fomo. 

Tracey: Yeah, 

Mike: that for sure. 

Tracey: That's a real thing. 

Mike: I related it more to products than mm-hmm. What? I know what you mean. You're definitely right. Mm-hmm. 

Lindsey: Yeah. It's crazy. The simple answer. Just log off, right? 

Tracey: I was gonna say, let's all agree or [01:04:00] even challenge ourselves and our listeners to take a break. Yeah. Let's all agreed that everybody can benefit from, yeah. Listen, social media break

Mike: episodes of LAF Life if you need to pass time. 

Tracey: A detox. 

Kelly: Yeah. Detox. 

Tracey: Yeah. Listen to the podcast 

Lindsey: for sure. 

Tracey: Catch up. 

Kelly: You don't have to be on it all the time. You don't have to respond to messages instantly. You know, like we've become a slave to this little rectangle.

Mike: Here's thing, here's test we've been on for say what? An hour and a half 

Lindsey: we got really fired up on this one., 

Mike: how many messages has everybody missed and do you really care? That you've missed them? No, for me, no, because I'm here with you guys, I'm present. Mm-hmm., and we're doing this mm-hmm., and I think you'd all say the same.

Mm-hmm. 

Kelly: What I use something you love, find a hobby. This is something that we all love. It's use, it's creative, it's we're connecting

Mike: Here's a Facebook thing. You know, when people post, I miss the good old days of mm-hmm., you [01:05:00] know, the kid riding the bike and jumping the ramp over the kids or the streetlights or they're reflecting on the days of the eighties and in the seventies and whatnot, pre cell phones. And it's like, well you can do that. You can easily do that. Mm-hmm., it's just your brain is wired to, and I'm guilty of it, to grab your phone, mm-hmm. Mm-hmm., you gotta get better at it. 

Lindsey: Addictive behavior. 

Mike: Yeah. Gotta changes as a society and figure out ways to get back to organics and I think starts by getting a rotary phone. I'm bringing it back, gonna start a business. The customary phones 

Lindsey: Hey, that's cool. Make your t-shirt just with a big rotary phone on it. 

Kelly: I took one of my kids to a, what do you call it, antique store. It was a rotary phone, and this was probably five years ago. I'm like, this is how we called people, how do you think this worked? And he could not figure it out. 

Mike: Yeah. There's a challenge that's so funny on [01:06:00] social media where they did the exact same thing to kids really. Oh yeah, like try to dial it. Here's the number, trying to call it. And they're like. 

Tracey: Well, they wouldn't know the number either because we have none memorized anymore in our phone. Long gone are the days where you had to remember someone's phone number and it's pretty 

Kelly: anything. 

Tracey: It's pretty sad. Pathetic that when you got a phone call, cuz I know this happens to me. That I'm like shocked when my phone rings because who's actually calling me other than the telemarketers people call.

Lindsey: I'm like, just fucking text me. 

Mike: Oh, you're, I know. I love phone calls. I love them. 

Tracey: I love phone calls. 

Kelly: And that's the other thing too, I've seen memes of people that don't want talk to people in public and stuff like that. I think that's so sad. 

Mike: Yeah. 

Lindsey: And I'm the jerk. Really sad at those. I think Wes hilarious. Cause I'm like, Oh, that's totally me. 

Yeah. 

Mike: Lindsay 

Kelly: makes me sad. 

Lindsey: I [01:07:00] know. Okay. 

Mike: All right. Start phone and Lindsay more Kelly. That's what you gotta do. 

Kelly: I'll phone her. I'll come to her house. I'll make her go for a walk and then I'll make her go dancing and smile at everybody. 

Mike: Anytime you feel like you need to get on Instagram, you pick up that damn phone and you phone Lindsay, there's through Outlet, right?

Lindsey: Yes, 

Kelly: we do talk on the phone. So 

Lindsey: I would answer for Kelly if I saw Kelly come up on might call display, I'd answer for 

Tracey: sure. Mike and I talk on the phone. We call each other, but why? We're pretty good at that. I, 

Mike: Well, why do we have a phone then? It's more like if you, like Lindsay said 

Lindsey: for Instagram 

Mike: text me. Just text me. It's like, yeah, no, no, bring the phone back. I don't know what it is. I really don't bring the phone back. I missed the days of coming home and seeing phone John. Called at 4:00 PM written down on the of paper. Yeah. And it's like, yeah, fuck. I'll call him tomorrow. And then you call John tomorrow. He's said, What's up? Not called six hours ago. Or why you, what [01:08:00] the fuck's wrong with you? Do you hate me? 

Kelly: I do something wrong. Did I offend you? Are you mad at me?

Mike: I'm serious. God. Crazy 

over. I phoned you. Yeah. I was busy. 

Tracey: Well, cause we're living in a society full of instant gratification too 

Mike: that's connected to social media, which is bingo topic. And I think, you know, we've talked the hell of a lot longer than we ever have.

Lindsey: Geez, we gotta wrap 

Tracey: this. There's 

Kelly: a big chunk that's gonna get, 

Tracey: you gotta wrap it up. Okay, 

Lindsey: Well, everybody, that is a wrap. Thank you so much for tuning in. And don't forget to like us, subscribe and share. Head on to dopamine. We get our dopamine. Head on over to Instagram. Give us a like, we'll be waiting for you. I'm watching, our Facebook page, LAF Life podcast. Let's log off. I guess everybody should give it a try. [01:09:00] Until next time, keep laughing guys. 

Kelly: Good night. 

Tracey: Good night. 

Lindsey: Bye 

Tracey: Call me. 

Mike: Call me 

Lindsey: or bring back the rotary phone. 

Mike: Quit logging off. 

Closing

Kelly: Thank you for listening. Please give us a five-star rating like and subscribe, share on social media, and tell your friends. We love getting your feedback and ideas of what you'd like to hear on upcoming episodes of the laugh life podcast. If you yourself are living alcohol free and want to share your story here, please reach out.