Martin Lockett, Prison to Purpose Season 2, Ep 6

Martin Lockett blew us away in Ep. 6 with his amazing  journey from Prison to Purpose. Martin is a recovered alcoholic that spent 17.5 years incardinated for a DUI that tragically took the lives of 2 people and severely injured 1.  This episode should make anyone question every bad decision they have ever made! It's a perfect example of how poor judgement and split second decisions can severely impact the rest of our lives. Martin embodies what it means for someone to take the worst possible outcome, going to Prison, and turn it into one of the best personal growth opportunities a person could have. In an attempt to honor his victims, Martin dedicated his time in prison to educating himself so he could live a life of service to others who may be impacted by substance abuse. Martin was released in June 2021 and is now actively working as a Substance Abuse Counselor. He is also a Public Speaker, Author and Podcaster.
 
Find Martin on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/martinllockett/
To purchase his books and learn more about his visit his website: https://www.martinlockett.com/

Be a guest on our show https://forms.gle/GE9YJdq4J5Zb6NVC6

Music provided by Premium Beats: https://www.premiumbeat.com
Song: Rise and Thrive
Artist: Young Presidents

**Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this episode are not professional or medical opinions. If you are struggling with an addiction please contact a medical professional for help.

The National Behavioral Crisis Line
Dial 988

**Please remember to: Like, Subscribe and leave us a 5-star rating or review. If you enjoyed this episode SHARE it with a friend.
Facebook @ https://www.facebook.com/groups/laflife
Instagram @ https://www.instagram.com/laflifepodcast
Website: https://www.laflifepodcast.com/
Be a guest on our show: https://forms.gle/GE9YJdq4J5Zb6NVC6
Email us: laflifepodcast@gmail.com

Connect with your podcasters. We'd love to hear from you!
Tracey: https://www.instagram.com/tnd1274/
Kelly: https://www.instagram.com/pamperedkel/
Lindsey: https://www.instagram.com/hariklindsey/

**Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this episode are not professional or medical opinions. If you are struggling with an addiction please contact a medical professional for help.

Music provided by Premium Beats: https://www.premiumbeat.com
Song: Rise and Thrive
Artist: Young Presidents

Resources:
Wellness Togethe...

Transcript

Martin Lockett From Prison to Purpose Season 2, Ep 6

INTRO

[00:00:00] 

Kelly: welcome to the LAF life podcast, a lifestyle podcast based on living alcohol free and a booze-soaked world. My name is Kelly Evans and together with my friends, Tracey, Djordjevic, Mike Sutton and Lindsay Harik. We share uncensored. Unscripted real conversations about what our lives have been like since we ditched alcohol and how we got here by sharing our individual stories.

We'll show you that there isn't just one way to do this, no matter where you are on your journey from sober, curious to years in recovery and everyone in between, you are welcome here, no judgment and a ton of support.

Tracey: Hello everyone. Welcome to season two of the LAF Life Podcast. Tonight, is episode six and we have a special guest joining us, Martin Lockett. Martin is a recovered alcoholic who is dedicated his life to helping others suffering with substance abuse. Martin is a [00:01:00] substance abuse counselor. He is an author, a public speaker, and now a fellow podcaster.

Martin spent 17 and a half years incarcerated for a DUI he committed back in 2003 that tragically took the lives of two people and severely injured one. We are fascinated by Martin's story, and we are so honored to have him here to tell us about his journey from prison to purpose.

Hello Martin. 

Martin: Good evening. Thank you so much for that wonderful introduction. I am extremely honored to be here and hoping that people will come away with some good takeaways. So, I'm really happy to be here today. 

Tracey: We are very excited to have you. We've been waiting for this episode for a long time.

Lindsey: Yes. Oh my gosh. I'm so excited about this. 

Tracey: To start, Martin, tell us about your relationship with alcohol prior to the incident in 2003. What led up to that? 

Martin: Sure. So, a little bit of background. I grew up in Portland, Oregon in [00:02:00] the eighties, and for anybody who's somewhat familiar with Portland today, the whole Keep Portland weird mantra and all of that, let me just say it was vastly different back then. Portland was a war zone, I remember there were gangs that were coming up from California, taking over territory in Portland. It was the height of the crack epidemic. So, there was, gang wars for territory. I remember drive-by shootings happened on a regular basis prostitution all day long.

Crime, it was a cesspool, if I'm being honest with. However, and very fortunate to have had both loving parents in the household. Dad worked to take care of the family, family of six. I have a twin brother and two older sisters. And mom stayed home to take care of his kids and life was very normal, within our household.

My dad had us enrolled in little league sports and, wrestling and Cub Scouts and all these activities outside of school. I think primarily to keep us from these negative influences. [00:03:00] The older I get, I've kind of reflected on that. Life was fairly standard. I was a really shy kid.

So, when I got to high school, a lot changed as it does for a lot of kids when they, reach adolescents. And I would basically do anything to be accepted. And this led to me. Succumbing to peer pressure. And I remember I gravitated to a few guys who actually lived in my neighborhood, but I had never met, and I think likely because my parents did everything, they could keep us from these kids.

Nonetheless, this became my hangout crew, and we did all sorts of things kids should not be doing. We were, starting to skip school and we would steal cars and go joy riding. But I remember distinctly my first encounter with alcohol. And so, this guy we were hanging out with, he was one year older than we were.

We were 14, he was 15, but he was wildly popular, and he was a notorious gang member. So, all the kids in school, the guys feared him, the girls loved him, and we envied him. And he had taken us to this party and, kids are [00:04:00] everywhere. And this loud music just rambunctious. And he, he hands my brother and me a beer.

And I remember, and then he goes off into the crowd to mingle with some other kids. We're standing here looking at each other, in somewhat bewilderment with these beers, thinking there's no way we can drink these because mom and dad would absolutely kill us. We were not raised this way.

However, I think we also did the mental calculation that if we're gonna hang out amongst these kids and be accepted and be cool, then you know, we have to drink. So, I remember I took a few swigs from that disgusting liquid and the first thing that that happened, I remember is my chest heated up and then all my inhibitions came down.

Lindsey: Yeah. 

Martin: And I remember I was able to freely. Talk to people without breaking out in a cold sweat. Right. I could talk to girls without, fumbling over my words. It was such a miracle to me that I could finally, in an instant, I could be this Martin that I had always wanted to be, but who was buried under this shell [00:05:00] of shyness and awkwardness and just a lack of self confidence.

And so that was my first encounter with alcohol. That was my infatuation with alcohol. And that became the norm where it was just a social lubricant, right? We would go out to parties, go out to hang out with other kids, and that's when I would drink. That was the pattern for a couple years until I turned 16. And that's when things started to take a darker turn for me. 

Tracey: Was there any alcoholism or any drinking issues in your family that you're aware of? Martin? 

Martin: Actually no. And that's, I've analyzed that a lot as to why would I, amongst, my parents. So, my parents, they, they had hard liquor in the house, and they would only bring it out during the holiday season.

Lindsey: Mm-hmm., 

Martin: because we would have guests and I think I may have seen my dad drink, I don't know, maybe twice in my life. He would have maybe liked some rum and eggnog and drink like half of a glass or something. He was not a drinker, nor was my mom. I've thought about that, as I have gotten clean now and looked back on my [00:06:00] alcoholism and, but it, the reason why I. Was much different than what anybody else in my family was struggling with. And so, what that looked like at the age of 16 was just a horrible, horrible sense of self. I had no self concept, I had poor self-esteem and I had no identity. And so, I remember distinctly, I would drink before I went to school. I would drink during my lunch breaks. I would drink after school. Oh. I would literally come home from school with a 40 ounce of malt liquor and lock myself in my room and turn on some sad music and drink the night away at the age of 16.

Tracey: Wow. 

Martin: Because I was battling these deep-seated insecurities, and I'll tell you where they started. When we were 10 or 11 years old, and my dad had us enrolled in Cub Scouts, and the Cub Scout meetings were about 15 minutes away. in a predominantly white middle class neighborhood. 

Lindsey: Yep. 

Martin: And I remember, it was a whole new world. It was manicure [00:07:00] lawns it was new vehicles. There was no trash on the street. It was the total opposite from where I lived. And so, in my 10-year-old brain, I drew the conclusion that all white people, right, cause you think all of something, or all of, I thought all white people get to live this ped way and all black people have to live in this, these horrible conditions.

And why is that? And I thought that there must be something inherently wrong with me and people who look like me, that we would be confined to live this way and they get to live that way. Mm-hmm. And so that was when kind of this, poor self concept started to manifest. Throughout the years and, looking at society at large and. Kind of thinking of who I'm gonna be in this world, coming from where I come from, where I don't see anybody around me really, getting any upward mobility or, they're not, you know, driving the Lexus and working in, the high rise building downtown and wearing a suit when they through [00:08:00] Friday, right?

That's for my counterparts at school who get to live in the middle-class neighborhoods and when they turn 16, they get their first car and, they live a much, different life. And so, it, it really got to a dark place at around 16 years of age. And because I didn't have the coping skills to be able to process all of that and this lack of identity left me at everybody's mercy.

And so, I remember I would wear the baggy gangster clothes. I would carry the handgun. I'm selling a crack cocaine to be accepted amongst my peer group in my neighborhood., but I also had a job at an ice cream parlor after school because my parents were adamant about us having a job. Mm-hmm.

understanding the value of a hard-earned dollar and all of that. And so, I had a job at the ice cream parlor, and all of my coworkers were white. And I would hang out with them after school or after work when we would get off work at about 9, 9 30. And I would literally bring a spare change of clothes that was Tommy Hill figure, Ralph Lauren Polo.

Wow. And, and just, this, this preppy clothes Yeah. [00:09:00] Right. To hang out with them, change the way I spoke, and did what I needed to do to fit in with them. And so, I'm literally trying to navigate between two worlds. But I'm hon honestly, I didn't feel that I was fully accepted in either.

because I wasn't being me. Right. 

Tracey: Right. 

Martin: I'm being whoever I think they want me to be. And I didn't even know who, who Martin was. So, I later learned that we go through a period that in cycle social development, superior between 14 and 19 roughly, give or take, where we go through this, they coined identity versus role confusion. And so, we try on different identities in those adolescent years. That's why you see some kids will, experiment with this or, dye their hair or, wear this makeup or wear these clothes and then change 'em in for these clothes and hang out with these kids. And that's a natural process, right?

But if there's no parental guidance or structure within that process, and especially if a kid is feeling that they're never really settling on, on an identity at [00:10:00] all, then they're at everybody else's mercy and they get to dictate who that person is gonna be, who that kid is gonna be. And for me that was, there was too many negative influences. Around me for me to find myself in a safe space as I navigated that process. So, learned about that a lot later on. But certainly, that was where things began to get really dark for me, and drinking became my, my comfort during those years. 

Mike: Man, there's a lot of questions that could be thrown at you Martin, so it's interesting to me how you live these two lives per se, as you said, with the Ice Cream parlor gang and then the boy’s gang from when you were younger. I'm interested to know that I imagine there's a lot of stress, but how much stress did it put on you to put on these acts daily? And did that start to contribute to excessive alcohol use at that young age? and one other question. Start just mm-hmm. How old were you at that party? Was it, were you 16 or was it younger?

Martin: I was 14 when I took that first drink. 

Mike: Okay. 

Martin: But I was 16 when things really started to take a [00:11:00] deep dive. 

Mike: Right. When you were going into that dual life.

Martin: Exactly. Exactly. And so, the stress factor. At an all time high, right. At an all time high. And even though, like I said, I had both loving parents in the household, at that point, my dad was working swing shift. So, he was gone from two o'clock in the afternoon to midnight, working to take care of the family. My mom's health had started to really deteriorate. She had been sick our whole lives, and so she could never work. But her health really took a dark turn, especially during those years because she had found out that my dad was having an affair with a woman that he worked with.

So, I think that sent her into a depression. Mm-hmm. And there was no way she was gonna reign in to 15, 16-year-old boys who had started to run a muck and had taken to the streets. Even though I was really close with my mom, I didn't feel that she was equipped to be able to have these heavy conversations with her 16-year-old son and what he was going through. And so that left all the stress and the. Of that conflict, that internal conflict, on my shoulders.

Mike: Sure. Mm-hmm. 

Martin: and I [00:12:00] didn't have the coping mechanisms to be able to grapple with that effectively. So, it was just, much easier to just drown it in alcohol. Oh, for sure. And so, it certainly exacerbated my usage.

And if I wasn't at school, I wanted to be drunk. Even when I was at school, I was drunk. I had gotten expelled during my freshman year for passing out in one of my classes and they had to call the poison control. They thought I had drunk too much. Cause I'm turning purple and green, and my dad comes up there and they have to wheel me out in a wheelchair. I vaguely remember that cause I was kind of coming too as we're going through the hallway just in a drunken fog. So, I got suspended and I had to start the next school year at an alternative school, a drug and alcohol based alternative school. But ironic, not ironically, it's, it's very understandable.

When I was there and I was separated from my peer group, I was getting a straight ass and some bs. Wow., it wasn't a lack of ability. Mm-hmm., it was just the forces, the forces amongst my peer group and that need to be accepted and to belong [00:13:00] was more powerful than my need to do well academically and achieve success and build an identity around that.

Tracey: Mm-hmm., 

because where I come from, that's not what you get celebrated for. In fact, there's, there's some repercussions to going to all your classes and getting good grace and making the honor roll. And that's not what's celebrated. From the culture that I came up in, and so going to jail as a 16-year-old and getting juvenile detention and getting put on probation, that's what got you some credibility, right?

Mm-hmm. 

Martin: And that is what happened in my case. But as I got older, 18, 19, 20, things like. I maintained a job, which was something that was instilled early on. So, I maintained a job. I didn't graduate high school. I got my G E D, and then I enrolled in community college courses at 22 because I wanted to become a nurse because my mom had spent a lot of time in the hospital. And I remember she would always come home and talk about if her nurse was really nice to her and all the difference it made in her stay, or if the nurses were not [00:14:00] so nice and she couldn't wait to get out of there, right? And so, I knew I wanted to help people, and I figured, well, this is a way for me to get a good job and have some financial security.

So, I started to do that, but I'm still drinking. And I think what, the reason why I was able to justify my drinking and I drank like a fish. I mean, even though I worked from seven to three 30 every day when I would get home. I would go straight to the store, and I bought 4 24-ounce cans of beer, malt liquor. So that was 96 ounces of beer that I drank. And I don't know what it is in liters. I wish I could do the conversion. I can't, but it's a lot. And then after that, I would start drinking the hard liquor when my girlfriend would get off work and come home. Then I'm drinking the hard liquor with the juice and whatnot.

And I would drink until 11, 11 30, pass out, wake up early the next morning, go to work, did it all over again every single day. And on the weekends, I would drink at seven o'clock. Am I, because I was always in early bird, so I would literally get up and start drinking hard liquor and orange juice before I even had a piece of toast in my system. [00:15:00] 

Lindsey: Wow. 

Tracey: Right. But I was able to justify it like many people do because I was paying my bills. I moved outta my parents' house. I'm living with my girlfriend in Vancouver, Washington. I'm going to school. My grades are decent. They're not great, but they're, they're average. And so, there was these, areas in my life that I could point to and say, well, all of, all of this is in order. So, if 95% of my life is going the right way, I can play with the other 5% is what I mentally told myself to make it. Okay. And our addictive brain, I like to call it our addictive brain versus our rational brain. It will tell us whatever it needs to tell us to keep us using, right? Mm-hmm., that's his sole focus, is to keep us using. That was my rationalization for drinking the way that I did. And that carries us into the night. That is the reason why I'm. 

Lindsey: I have a question, Martin, where did you get the alcohol when you were drinking in school and stuff at like 14 to 16. And did your parents ever ask you, cuz I know we talked about this on another [00:16:00] podcast, but my parents never had these deep conversations where they're like, how are you doing? Are you okay? What do you need from us? And my entire childhood was full of anxiety. I couldn't even explain why, but I always like to ask that question when I'm chatting with people because when I meet somebody whose parents were like that and kind of always checked in with them, they are really different, where did you get the alcohol at that age? And were your parents ever checking in with you? 

Martin: Two really good questions. So, the first one, we would steal alcohol a lot when we could, but then it was so commonplace for us to stand outside the corner store and to give somebody a dollar who was going in to buy alcohol themselves, to buy us. Just a dime a dozen people in my neighborhood Sure. Do that. Yeah. So that was how we got it. And then secondly, no, my parents did not check in with us and, and see how we were doing emotionally and things like that. Right. And, I was thinking about this, as I was, you know, getting [00:17:00] sober and working on myself.

Mm-hmm. and I, I think. They did what had been done with them. Right. For in their generation. Absolutely. And the sole focus was graduate high school and get a job. Yeah. As long as you graduate high school, you get a job, then, then that's a success for a parent. Mm-hmm. But, when I talk to people who asked me about advice, well, what would you tell a parent who, if their kids start? And I would definitely, I always say, make sure you understand how they're doing. Right. Create that open space for them to talk to you about anything. Mm-hmm. And don't be so quick to lay the heavy hand down if they make a mistake, because I'm telling you, that's gonna turn 'em off and they're not gonna want to come to you when they're dealing with some real problems.

Right? Yeah. You want them to feel extremely comfortable. You're not their friend, you're still their parent, but you want to create that safe space for them. And I think, in fact, I know that had I had that, then I wouldn't have felt that I had to carry such a heavy burden, such a heavy load. Thus, the need to [00:18:00] drink and suppress everything that was going on would not have been what it was. And so, but again, I think my parents did the best they could because that was what they knew. And 

Lindsey: for sure 

Martin: that was what it was. 

Lindsey: Well, I even remember my mom, I would walk in the door from school, and she would be like, how was your day? And I'd shut it down right away, fine. And I'd just walk away, and then we've had this conversation cuz I have two sisters and we often talk about do you remember this when we were growing up? Or this? And my mom would be like, I used to ask you girls, how you were. And I'm like, Yeah, but it was so superficial, and we would shut it down right away and walk away and then that was it.

But not to say that our parents were bad, like you said, they're doing the best that they could. You said your parents were loving people, they were good. They're doing the best they can with what they know, with what they've experienced. Right. And right. Yeah. Can you imagine having social media at that time too, 

like folks Oh my goodness, right.

Martin: Well, and, and we know, we know so much more about [00:19:00] mental health and we have made it, you know, is gotten in a public domain and is, back then, not only just, just from a societal standpoint, but even from a cultural standpoint especially. Yeah. In black households, I can say that we keep a lot of stuff in. We do not go to the counselor down the street now, we do much more today, but there's still a lot of stigmata around airing your dirty laundry and that's true. You don't tell what's happening in the household outside of the household and get other people in our business. And so, it's always just kind of generationally fed this idea that, our problems are for us to deal with by ourselves.

And that's never a healthy recipe if you're someone who's struggling with mental health and or substance use disorders. Right. That's, that's because 

Lindsey: that's how you end up dealing with them. Right. 

Martin: Exactly. 

Lindsey: You're trying to escape. 

Yeah. 

Martin: Right. 

Kelly: I had a question about when you were speaking about being so high functioning, I could relate to that. Were you having any sort of mental struggle within that, while you were justifying keeping the [00:20:00] alcohol and drinking as much as you were, do you remember. Struggling with that mentally 

Martin: I do, because I knew, I knew in my rational brain that the, the, the rate of my drinking was not sustainable. I knew that. In fact, there would be times where I would, when I would get off work and I've got this, you know, this first cold beer in my hand, and I would crack it and I would take a few swigs off of it, and there would be this gut wrenching pain that would be right here on my left side.

And I would just take a deep breath and just and let it subside. And then I would just continue to drink. And I knew like that pain, I knew that was, alcohol related. And I'm like, Martin, you cannot continue at this rate. But you know, again, you always think, well, someday day, someday, someday, someday.

Mm-hmm. And frankly, in my case, I learned lessons, hard ways. Unfortunately, I wish I could learn just by watching somebody else's demise and say, oh my God, I don't wanna be that person. Let me stop now, mm-hmm., I have to kind of learn for myself and bump my [00:21:00] head, a few times myself.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And unfortunately, it was gonna take something really drastic to, to make me quit, even though all the signs were there, that this was not a sustainable way of living. And I knew that mentally and it was a struggle. And I did feel guilty, and I had grown up in the church and I had gotten away from the church, and I even felt some spiritual kind of, poking and prodding when I was taking that first drink.

Kelly: Right? 

Martin: And so, there was some guilt. There was also some help. I literally felt helpless that I couldn't, even though I knew I needed to change to some point, I didn't feel that I was capable in and of my own volition to do that. Mm-hmm. 

Tracey: Wow. I was curious, Martin, when you went to the other school, if you temporarily stopped drinking then, and if your family knew at that point that you had a problem with alcohol.

Martin: I couldn't drink at the school. Mm-hmm., right. Like I could in my regular high school. So no, I didn't drink while I was at school. But when I would get outta school and go home and my friends from the [00:22:00] neighborhood would come over, then we would drink. My parents knew we drank and, they would obviously not encourage it, but I think they more or less condoned.

Because I'm assuming they never says so, but I'm assuming because we did it at home and we stayed home. Oh yeah. We were at home like 75% of the time when we drank and had our buddies over that they felt like, well, if they're gonna drink our rather do it here then to be out in the streets and who knows what can happen.

I don't know. We never had a candid conversation about that, but they certainly knew we drank because, we even kept all the beer bottles lined up on my brothers in his closet as kind of souvenirs as to how much we had drunk, just bottle after bottle after bottle. And so, this was my life, New Year's Eve of 2003.

It started off like any normal day. I was living with my girlfriend in Vancouver, Washington, which is just a half hour from Portland. I worked at a warehouse in Portland at the time, and I go to work at seven o'clock in the morning. I remember we had gotten off work early because of the holiday, and [00:23:00] as we're wrapping things, For the day.

My boss had joked with us and he's like, you guys go out and have a good time tonight. Do your thing, but please do not let me wake up and see you on the front page. Of course, we laugh it off. Mm-hmm., everybody clocks out for the day. Never thought anything of it. 20 years later, almost. I've never forgotten those prophetic words.

Lindsey: Oh my God. 

Martin: So, I left work at about 1130 and I headed it straight to the liquor store where I bought a fifth of, of Jen, and I think that's a little less than a liter. I'm trying to do the calculation. Pretty, pretty big bottle for one person to consume. Went to my parents' house to hang out with my twin brother.

That's where he was living at the time. I drank that bottle of alcohol over the course of the next two or three hours by myself, and then he and I had made plans for later that night to attend a friend's house party, a guy we had gone to high school with. So, after I drank that fifth of Gin as was customary, I went back to the store.

I bought four. 24-ounce cans of beer. I drank those between about five and eight o'clock that night. And then my brother and I decided we would go to another friend's house in the meantime to hang [00:24:00] out because we didn't want to get to the party too early. So, we get to that friend's house, three of us hang out, we drink a pint of hard liquor between us.

It's now about 11 o'clock. So, we go to exit his apartment and here's warning number two. His mother from the kitchen yells as we're leaving. You guys be careful tonight, you hear? Of course. We all reply. Yes ma'am. We're good. Obviously, we had no intentions of being careful that night. Mm-hmm. So, when we get to the party, we see a bunch of the old classmates.

We have a ball drink, more alcohol. Of course, celebrate the new year. Everything is great. We exited the party at about 12:15 AM and the three of us get into my vehicle. And no one thought at this point to take Martin's keys because he had been drinking too much because sadly, we all did this every day, and I did the math on it later.

I literally drank and drove every day for 19 months leading up to this, this day, right? So, it was inevitable, sadly. So, I take my friend home without [00:25:00] incident. I get back onto the freeway to take my brother home. And at this point, all I'm thinking about is feeling is, is how exhausted I. and I can't wait to get home because I, I know I didn't have to work the next day, but I need to get my brother home.

I still had another half hour or so to drive to my house in Vancouver, Washington. So, I began to elevate my speed to about 80 miles an hour on the freeway. And this makes my brother nervous. And he says, hey, you should slow down. You know, the police are out there being a holiday and all. And I thought, that makes sense.

So, I went ahead and slowed down and we exit the freeway and we're now driving in a residential area. And again, I get impatient. I just wanna get him home. So, I, I pick up my speed again. It's about 60 miles an hour. And this time he, he starts to yell at me, slow down before we crash, and I snap back at him.

Calm down. I know what I'm doing. I've got this, I've done it a hundred times. Just calm down. But just to appease him, I wasn't here to slow down. So, we continue to drive, and I'm just about to get into the left-hand turning lane to drop him off at our parents' house. And then he suddenly realizes he's all out of [00:26:00] cigarettes.

So, it says, hey man, let's go up the road so I can get some cigarettes. I'm all out. And then my mind, I'm thinking, Great, here's one more stop that I don't wanna have to make. So, we continue to drive for a couple blocks, and then about two blocks from that point, there's another intersection and I'm looking up at the light and the light is yellow.

The store we need to get to be just beyond the intersection, and I don't wanna wait for this light. And I knew I was not gonna make this light as intoxicated as I was. There was no question about that, but it didn't matter because in a split second, I made up my mind, I'm not gonna wait, I'm going right through.

So, I committed, I became tunnel vision. I don't see anything to the right or left of me, and I punch the gas. I'm in a newer model vehicle, so I accelerate, pretty quickly. And within seconds, boom. I mean, just this earth-shattering crash. And I remember the airbag embellished my face and it feels like I'm being suffocated by a parachute.

And my car comes to a slow winding halt, and I immediately look to my right to see if my brother's okay, he's kind of moving. So, I'm somewhat relieved that we're both alive. [00:27:00] This is good. Guy comes rushing up to the driver's side door frantically. Are you guys, okay? Are you guys, okay? Yeah, we're okay.

I tell him and I step outta my vehicle. And my first instinct, sadly, was not to go check on the people I had just hit, or rather to assess the damage on my car because it was my status symbol of success, right? I was so superficial and self-absorbed. That's all that mattered. So, I'm walking around my vehicle and I'm looking at my custom rims that are completely destroyed.

The entire front end is smashed inward, and I'm devastated because I'm looking at my prize possession. And the heap of crumpled metal. Then my brother gets my attention, and he starts to point across the street where the car had spun about 70 feet before it stopped. And he's pointing at somebody on the ground, and he says, Hey man.

He said, I think I see somebody lying down on the pavement over there. And I don't think they're moving. So instantly I snap out a bit and I start to process the magnitude of what I had just done. Within seconds, license, sirens are everywhere, rushing toward the scene. So, the policemen are on the scene and they [00:28:00] talking to me and they take my brother a few feet away to talk to him.

And about two minutes into that interview, that officer had confirmed to me what I had, intuitively known to be true, which was the personal with lying on the pavement, had perished. And he informed me that another was being driven to the hospital just blocks away by ambulance. I'm placed under arrest, and I'm put into the back of the cruiser, and we head for downtown for processing.

And from the back seat, I'm listening to the police radio cuz there's a lot of chatter, about the crash as you can imagine. And about 10 minutes into that, ride it comes over the police radio. That unbeknownst to me, apparently there was another passenger in the vehicle who had been pronounced dead at the scene.

So, I said, Excuse me sir. I said, Did I just hear that correctly? Did I just, did I just hear them say that somebody else was in the vehicle and they didn't make it. And they said, unfortunately yes. I'm 24 years old. I'm processing the fact that two people are now dead. Because of me, two people I had never [00:29:00] met, will never have a conversation with or did another is, on his way to the hospital with life threatening injuries.

He could lose his life in the coming days on one hand. And on the other hand, I'm also very keenly aware of the mandatory minimum sentencing laws in the state of Oregon that require no if, ands, or buts about it, that require a 10-year sentence, day for day. You cannot earn a single day off for good behavior or, you know, working a job or get an education you will do 10 years day for day for DUI manslaughter.

And now I've got two of them. So, I know I'm going to prison for about 20 years. I mean, to say that that was the worst day of many people's lives would be the biggest understatement of the year. 

Tracey: Did they say to you or know right off the Hop Martin that you were drunk? 

Martin: Yes. 

Tracey: Like did they do a, I don't know, breathalyzer or whatever right on the spot? As soon as they showed up on the scene. 

Martin: Right. So, so they did the field sobriety test where they'd make you walk the line and touch your nose and all that, which I failed miserably. [00:30:00] But whenever there's a DUI fatality involved, they have to draw all your blood to find out what the blood alcohol content level was.

Tracey: Right. 

Martin: So, they took me to the hospital and the DA had been woken up at one 30 in the morning by the time I got. And so, he comes down to the hospital and they draw my blood. They had to get a judge's cuz I initially, told 'em, no, you can't take my blood. I don't know why. I'm just, I don't know.

But I denied them taking my blood and they got the judge to sign a warrant to take my blood and all that. So, by the time I was processed into the county jail, it was about 4:00 AM. And I get there. I understand what had happened. The next morning, I, go down and call my family, and my dad is just paralyzed.

 I'm talking to my mom and I'm asking, how's dad? And she's like, Martin, he won't come out of the room. He's, he's so devastated, you know, he's blaming my brother and my friend for allowing me to drive. And I'm, I'm saying, Of course, it's nobody's fault. It's my fault. It's, mm-hmm.

but it was just the biggest blow I could have dealt my parents, and there was so much shame and guilt around that, on [00:31:00] top of the fact that I'm responsible for two lives and so, Three days later, I'm in my cell. And I remember I'm just minding my own business and I noticed someone had slid the statewide newspaper underneath my door.

And I couldn't understand why, because I didn't ask anybody to see a paper. But I figured there must be something in there for me to read. And so, I pick it up and I'm thumbed through this paper, and I see my picture on the front page of one of the sections. And with each paragraph that I read that morning for the first time since this had happened, my faceless anonymous victims became people.

And these people had a story, and their story was that they were recovering addicts who had actually turned their lives around. and we're now helping other people get clean and sober. They would watch women's children so that these ladies could attend 12 step meetings. They were volunteers with Mothers Against Drunk Driving, No Less.

The night that this tragedy happened, they were returning home from a cleaning sober New Year's Eve party when they were struck and killed by a drunk driver. And so, the [00:32:00] columnist had called it a palpable irony. It was a palpable irony that these people who had devoted their lives to helping people get clean and sober would have their lives cut short by a drunk driver.

And then he says something at the end of the article to change my life forever more. He said, Perhaps the person they will have ended up helping the most is the man who's charged with killing them. And it was such a heavy statement, but I'm also still very cognizant of the fact that I'm gonna go to prison for about 20 years.

So, I couldn't fully appreciate, the value in what he had just said, but I knew those words were supposed to mean something for my life, and it was on me to figure out how I was supposed to apply those words to my life. And so, I remember for the next, six or seven months, I would meditate on that phrase. I would hear it when I woke up in the morning to go to breakfast. I'm hearing it when I'm walking around the track outside. I hear it when I lay my head down to go to sleep at night, just over and over and over. I'm praying for revelation into these words and how they're supposed to apply to [00:33:00] my life. And then it came to me one day. It wasn't some vivid dream or some supernatural, occurrence. It just came and, the firm conviction that the only way this tragedy would not be in vain. Is if I carry on these people's legacies, if I literally make it my life's mission to do everything I possibly can to ensure that something like this never happens again, if I do everything I can to help people who are struggling in active addiction so that they don't continue to cause further harm to the, to themselves, to their families, to the communities.

So, in that moment, that's what I vowed to do. Now, I didn't know what shape that would take. I didn't know how that would manifest. I didn't even know how long I was gonna be in prison for at the time, but I knew I was committed to that cause. Several months later I was sentenced I'd a plea bargain for 17 and a half years to avoid getting a maximum 28 and a half years. And so, with that, I was sentenced to state prison and, and went off on my way. 

Tracey: Wow. I have so many [00:34:00] questions. One I wanted to ask from an alcohol perspective, when you were in jail were you going through alcohol withdrawal once you were in there? Obviously now you're drying out. Right? 

Martin: Right. So, I never became physically dependent. I know some people get physically, chemically dependent. They go through the dts and, and sweats and things like that. I didn't go through that. And at that point, honestly, even psychologically, yeah, there was psychological dependence when I was out and I felt I needed it to, cope and get by. But I knew that with this tragedy and, just the, the horrible, horrible place that I found myself in. At that point I had to swear off alcohol, 

Tracey: right? 

Martin: There was this no, conceivable way that I could ever allow alcohol to touch my lips again.

Tracey: Did you feel like it was kind of Yeah. Game over? Probably not even something you were thinking about at that point, because you're so consumed by what had happened. 

Martin: Right. There was no question that I would never [00:35:00] touch alcohol again. 

Tracey: Right.

Martin: And I knew when I made that commitment to honor these people's lives, which was it. And it's simple for me. Right. What has compelled me to do everything I've done, and we're gonna talk about that in a minute, and to do what I'm doing today, is if I put myself in these people's shoes and I say, Well, if somebody had done this to my mom or dad or brother or sister mm-hmm. , what would I want the final outcome to be?

Would I want them to merely go to prison for 17 and a half years? Get out, go on with their life as though nothing ever happened or what. I want them to try to learn everything they possibly can about their addiction so that they can then help others who are struggling with addiction and carry the message forward so that other families don't have to feel this horrid pain.

Tracey: Mm-hmm. 

Martin: and devastation. So, if I would want that for somebody who had done this to some, somebody that I love, then what excuse do I have to do anything different?

Tracey: Right. 

It's as simple as that. So, with that, I went into this mission. When I got to state prison, I [00:36:00] said, Okay, well if I want to help people in addiction, then I should probably become a counselor. In order to do that, I have to have an education. At the time, they were offering one community college course at the prison. One at a time for 25 bucks. So, I said, Okay, let me just start somewhere. So, I started taking those and I figured if I take enough, I guess they'll gimme a degree at some point.

I don't really know how this works, but we'll see. So, I do that for about three years and then my father passed away, very unexpected. It just turned 60 and he passed away suddenly. In the aftermath of that event, cuz he didn't talk to us a lot about stuff, and I wish he would have, but he had in life insurance policies, three or four different policies that we didn't even know existed.

His pension, we got his pension. So, I'm getting all this money and now I'm able to actually, accelerate my courses, my education by taking university courses outside, the prison. And so, I start taking courses from Louisiana State University and Indiana University. And I parlayed all of that into an associate degree in [00:37:00] 2010 from Indiana University.

And then I went on to get a bachelor's in sociology from Colorado State University in 2013. And then I went on to get a master's in psychology from California Coast University in 2016. As I'm taking all these courses, I'm starting to unravel and peel back the layers of my addiction and my negative behavioral patterns and kind of the origins of where things start to go wrong for me.

Mm-hmm. from a sociological macro perspective, but then also from, an intrapersonal. Psychological perspective, it's starting to make sense and it's starting to become clear. And I'm using this education to not just, understand and help myself, but I'm starting to mentor young guys in the prison because I'm also working as a G E D tutor helping guys get their education.

But I'm also using that time to talk about life and to talk about childhoods. And I'll tell you, prison is not the safest place to be vulnerable and talk about mm-hmm. childhood trauma and, [00:38:00] you know, being sexually molested as kids and things like that. And guys would open up to me about the most sacred stuff because I shown that I was trustworthy.

They saw the way that I carried myself and the way I did my time, and that I didn't run with this group or didn't, hook up with these guys over here trying to be tough guys. I kept my head. I stayed mission focused, mission oriented. I started to do in 2015, I started joining aa, and then that's when I learned the difference between sobriety and recovery.

And I assumed for all these years because I hadn't drunk, and I, I've got these degrees and I've done all this psychoanalytic work on myself, and I'm helping guys. I assumed I was in recovery. I was not in recovery. I was in sobriety. Mm-hmm. So, I'm starting to learn about. All these, character defects and, submitting, to higher power, which I had already done, I started to go to church again and kind of got back to my Christian roots and things like that.

Martin: But then I get into this program, this actual treatment program, and I'm learning about the biocycle social spiritual model of recovery, this [00:39:00] balanced approach to recovery. Because when we're in our addiction, biologically we're compromised psychologically, we're, not handling our emotions well, socially we're probably hanging out with the wrong people and spiritually we're bankrupt.

So, if all four areas were compromised in my addiction, it would make sense that I would need to have a concerted balance effort in those aspects in my recovery. So, I'm learning about all these tools and relapse warning signs and triggers and all this and that, and I was able to use that to then start interning there to get the clinical hours to become the.

A certified counselor, and they didn't have a program at the time that actually, that was sanctioned by the, the government for that. But because they saw I invested so much money and time of my own into my education and my pursuits, they allowed me to accrue those clinical hours in the program.

And so, I did that, and I got certified as a recovery mentor in 2018. And then in 2019 as a substance abuse counselor, and I'm starting to lead [00:40:00] the group now. I'm up there wearing the same inmate clothes as my peers, but I'm leading the groups, right? Mm-hmm. I'm doing one on ones, in a clinical sense and doing assessments and doing orientations and quality assurance and getting these clinical skills.

 That really reinforced to me that this is my mission. This is my purpose, right? This is how I honor my victims every day. But it didn't stop there because they started to bring in DUI victim impact panels within the prison. They started a brand-new program while I was there, and I have no doubt there was no coincidence that I ended up at the one prison out of 14 prisons in the state of Oregon where that program would be started.

And so, a guy who has started it, he said, hey, I know why you're here, and I know you take accountability for what you did, and I wanna know if you would be our first speaker. I hadn't told my story at all, and at that point, 12 and a half years. But he gave me the opportunity.

And so, I tell my story there was a volunteer that came in from the outside who had [00:41:00] lost a daughter to a DUI driver. So, she told her story first. There are 50 inmates sitting in a circle. There are guys in there, double homicide, life without parole, never going home. Everybody's there voluntarily.

And believe you me, there. Tears, genuine tears. There were hugs. It was, it was so cathartic and so healing. You have this woman telling this devastating story and then you have guys, consoling her thanking her for her bravery to come in and share this story, with us. And then when she got done speaking, then I told my story, taking full accountability and remorse and contrition.

It was such a restorative justice approach, because we know that when somebody offends in the community, that pain is felt in a communal sense. So, it would thus make sense that if the healing is gonna happen, it's also gotta be in a communal sense that includes both victim and offender.

And so that's what happened in that room for the next three years that I was there. And then I [00:42:00] transferred to my final prison in 2019 before I would. Finally, be released last year in June of, of 21 is when I was released. And since then, I have worked as a substance abuse counselor remotely.

I also work on the National Suicide Prevention line and connect people with resources in their communities. And I speak at D u I, victim impact panels. I've spoken all throughout Oregon, and then I speak remotely with the trauma nurses at the hospital that the guys survived in, where they treated him.

They speak to, they have a class for first time DUI offenders every month. And I speak to them, and I tell my story. I've spoken in some high schools. I'm going to be speaking in some high schools here in Pennsylvania coming up. I constantly tell my story because I'm telling you, we never think that our addiction is gonna take us to the absolute rock bottom, right?

Mm-hmm., we always think, I can't tell you how many times I've seen it on the news where somebody had committed a fatal [00:43:00] crash after a heavy day of drinking, especially on New Year's Eve, but we convince ourselves, at least I convince myself that would never happen to me. Mm-hmm., right? Because, you know, those are lightweight drinkers, they can't contain their alcohol. I know how to contain my alcohol. I'm a better driver when I'm drunk, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I am telling you; you never think it's gonna happen to you until it does mm-hmm. until it does and it's too late. And so, I always encourage people that if you are thinking about getting sober, if you're sober, curious, if you wanna just give it a try, if you're worried about.

All you have to do is reach out and dial 9 88. That's a beautiful thing. It just started in July. The National Behavioral Crisis line is 9 88. You will talk to somebody like myself or one of my wonderful colleagues, if you're in the state of Oregon, whatever state you're in, you're gonna talk to somebody.

They're gonna sit with you through that heavy moment and help you process what you need to, and then they're gonna connect you with the resources in your community so you don't have to do this alone, [00:44:00] because none of us can do this alone. Mm-hmm. We don't do this in isolation. We do it in community. And so, you are not alone. And I tell people, you don't have to see the whole staircase to take the first step. Just take the first step. And we got you. We got you. 

Lindsey: I don't even know what to say. I have chills. I have tears. I feel like your energy, and I know I've been on your Instagram, you are a good person. And I am gonna get emotional saying that, but you have so much purpose. It's crazy. So, thank you for sharing your story because it is honestly so powerful. I cannot imagine being drunk, being at the scene, not even realizing what the hell's going on, being arrested, sobering up in jail and realizing you've taken the lives of two people, potentially three. So, thank you for sharing this because it's just like this has all worked together for [00:45:00] good. And I have a question. Have you had any contact with the families of the people that passed away? 

Martin: So, thank you first, first and foremost for everything you said. And that's a really good question. And I was fortunate enough to have contact with one of the daughters of one of the victims, the one of the women who passed away. So, this was at the outset of the pandemic. At that point, I still had a little over two years left on, or one year left on my sentence cuz I got out in June of 21. So, this was in March of 2020.

And I get a letter from an unknown person, but I recognize the last name. And I opened up the letter and it's just on a little yellow notepad and it's just three short paragraphs. And she said, hi, my name is blah, blah, blah. My mother was blah, blah, blah. And of course, my heart is now in my stomach because I don't know what this letter's gonna say. And she goes on to start talking about. She can't help but to think about all of us who are locked up during this tough pandemic time and how horrible it must be in there. And she said, if there's any way I can send [00:46:00] your toilet paper or food or money or, or whatever, just please let me know. She didn't even mention the crash. She didn't mention what things had been like over the last, 16 years. Nothing. She's just literally pouring out her and seeing how she can help me. I just had to sit with that for a couple days before I could even muster, a worthy response.

But I did, and it was in the form of about a six-page letter front and back. it was important for me to let her know everything I had done over the years to honor my commitment. Because when I stood up at my sentencing and I told the courtroom, media and everybody that was there that I was gonna make this my life's.

Right. And then I knew it wouldn't, it wouldn't bring, these lovely people back, but this is the least I can do. And I needed to show her that I stayed true to that promise. I wasn't just saying what sounded good, at the time. And so, she writes me back and she says, oh my goodness, this is the best, outcome we could have asked for.

I'm gonna share this with my family. Thank you. I mean, we had a great exchange, two or three [00:47:00] letters back and forth. And then I didn't hear from her for about the last year that I was out. And then now that I'm out and I'm on supervision, I'm prohibited from, reaching out to anybody on that side, which is fine.

Now they can reach out to me if they want to, but I can't make contact with them. Honestly, I may never hear from any of them again, but it's okay because I felt like the validation that I got from her in that exchange, I didn't even know I was. Waiting or hoping for that validation. Honestly, I felt that I had done enough over the years to kind of, make amends and to stay true to my, what I said I would do.

But when she told me that, it hit me in a way I did not expect. And it was just a beautiful, beautiful exchange. And so, we don't have contact today and that's okay. 

Lindsey: Wow. 

Tracey: I think one of the most incredible parts of your story, Martin, is that it could be any one of us. You are a good person. I think we're all good people. And good people make poor decisions and, and bad things happen. So that's what blows my mind about the whole situation is that I know. [00:48:00] Myself for sure, and maybe Mike, I'm not sure about. Kelly and Lindsay have probably been in a scenario where we drank and drove, so that could have been us. So, I can't imagine either, like Lindsay said how you felt and the impact of that. And it makes me feel very grateful that, I was able to pull myself out of something before anything that terrible ever happened. 

Martin: Absolutely. 

Tracey: What an incredible story. Not only are you such a great role model for Everybody in this type of community and all the work you're doing, but you're just a great role model for anybody who spent time in prison, how productive you made your time there instead of making it this horrible experience, right. And letting it dictate the rest of your life for you. So that in itself is an amazing accomplishment that you should be super proud of, and you are a huge role model for that alone. 

Martin: Thank you, Thank you so much. That's really humbling and, and really touching and, it is [00:49:00] important for me to let people, and as I did when I was inside and would be mentoring young guys and even older guys that I would tutor, and I did want to be that role model, just to let them know that this doesn't have to be where your story ends. You can go on and do so much more if you utilize this time productively and to learn and to grow and to mature and to discover things about yourself that you hadn't before. It's really a rare opportunity, right? You don't have the distractions of your neighborhood friends and things going on that can get in the way. You literally have all the time. You need to just work on self. You really do. I was fortunate enough to have the support of, my family and now my fiancé, she was with me for 16 of those 17 and a half years. We lived together today, that's why I moved to Pennsylvania from Oregon.

 I'm just really, really blessed and really fortunate and I wanna do the best I can with what I've been given to help other people find that confidence and belief in themselves and to discover that purpose from their pain so that they can be better. And then [00:50:00] to make those around them better.

Mm. 

Kelly: Love your story, Martin, All of it. Thank you. And I really love the, I see it as maybe a way that you were able to honor your dad with that money, that you weren't expecting and. Yeah, it's beautiful. Love the way you honor your commitment and your mission. And I really see your high school visits as something, that's where it started for you. And I just know that you're gonna make a huge impact on people in that way. It's beautiful. Thank you. 

Martin: Thank you so much, Kelly. Really appreciate that. 

Mike: Hey Martin I had a couple questions, but definitely before I ask the questions, we haven't never had a guest like you and to be so vulnerable, I guess, in some capacities to share your story. I think it's gonna hit a lot of people's minds about making decisions about where their journey's taken in with their own struggles. You've connected a lot of dots, if you will, through one giant. Experience and I want to thank you. Like the girls have said. Thanks for sharing. 

Martin: Thank you. 

Mike: Kind of a comment and then into a question.[00:51:00] I think you probably agree in saying that a lot of people's um, decisions about trying to take a break from alcohol or quit or even contemplate it, is all based around fear and what's my life gonna be like without it? I think it's safe to say, based on what you shared with us so far in your younger years, did you think that that played a role in, are the boys gonna still call me? All those wonderful thoughts that we love to make up in our head about what's my life gonna be like? Did that have an impact on you at all back then, or was it just, Yeah, start there and then I'll ask my other question.

Martin: Sure. No, that's a really good question. when my drinking had, escalated into me drinking now to suppress my pain and, kinda that internal conflict, it wasn't about what the guys thought if I drank or not. It was the fact that I can't cope, with life on life's terms, as they say, unless I'm drunk. I just can't, I can't face myself because I always. Inadequate. I always felt that I didn't measure up to societal standards. Right. [00:52:00] And so I put on this facade and, I had the nice car, and I had the nice clothes and things like that, but I'm living with my girlfriend and I'm paying her like 200 bucks a month for rent, I got like 300 bucks in my bank account. I'm not that guy. I'm portraying to be that guy, I'm having people around me think that I'm, I've got it like that. I didn't have it like that. And I could never escape that. And the feeling that that gave me, so yeah, the fear was if I stop drinking, then how am I gonna, how am I gonna get by? There's just no way. 

Mike: Mm-hmm. 

Martin: So that became the fear. And let me just say this, the six months before I got out, and I'm starting to really think in concrete terms about my release, fears start to set in then as well. Mm. Because I'm wondering, I know I'm not gonna drink. But is life going to be boring because I'm finally gonna be out in the free world and be sober for the first time in a really, really, really long time.

Mike: Right. 

Martin: And what would activities be like and if, people I'm hanging around if they're drinking, how do I navigate that? 

Mike: Right. 

Martin: So, there's some fears [00:53:00] starting to set in. But let me just say that since I've been out, almost a year and a half now, I have lived my absolute best life.

Mike: Nice. 

Martin: I have done things I wouldn't like, I'm afraid of heights. And I went skydiving 14,000 feet in the air two months after I was out just because I could, I went surfing right on the Oregon coast. I've gone, rock climbing. I've gone taken a cruise to The Bahamas, I've been to Vegas, I've been to dc, I've been to Seattle to see my dad. I have lived my absolute best life and it has been a thrill. And the fact that I can wake up the next morning and remember what I did the previous day, is an awesome thing. It is, it is an awesome thing. So, I get the fear for anybody who's contemplating maybe getting sober, but is life gonna be boring? Is it gonna be overwhelming? It's gonna be this. I'm telling you, you will be utterly amazed in a good sense with what life is gonna offer you when you are sober, [00:54:00] and you get to go through it with a clear head and a rational mind and, having your wits about you and remembering what you did the next day.

Mike: Right? It's, I think what I've used before is the, it's the voice. I just say there's that voice in your head and you kind of referenced it in your own way, but it's that voice those chatters at you, and it just keeps playing with your heartstrings or your mind, or whatever you wanna call it and saying, don’t do it, do it. Don't do it, do it, do it today, tomorrow. I mean, we've always talked about it, but the question I wanted to ask was, so your experience did it help with anybody close to you? And what I mean by that is, did it change anybody's life? Like your brother or some of your, your old boys from back in the day, martins gone. He's serving his time. Oh, maybe he wrote to your brother and obviously I'm gonna assume your brother knew what was going on while you're away with your schooling and whatnot. Did that have any impact on their lives and anybody like that? 

Martin: Another really good question. You guys are coming up with some great unique [00:55:00] questions. I have not been asked these questions on other podcasts, so good for you guys. This is good. It did impact my brother significantly, as you can imagine, he was in the vehicle when this happened. Yeah. 

Lindsey: Wow. 

Martin: My brother did not touch alcohol for the next three and a half years. Didn't touch it. He does drink today, but he does not drink and drive, so he is responsible. So, for that, that's a, that's a good thing. Mm-hmm., sadly another couple buddies of mine, the first one I had dropped off and then another buddy of mine that I'm close with have gotten one, got one DUI while I was in, and another had gotten two DUIs while I was in 

Lindsey: mm-hmm.

Martin: So even though this happened to somebody as close as we were, again, we still will delude ourselves. Mm-hmm. into thinking that we're unique. And that this is never gonna happen to us. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Thankfully they didn't kill anybody or crash or anything like that, but they, they certainly, made the poor judgment of drinking and driving.

Mike: I think it happens more, I mean [00:56:00] listen, it does happen at all ages. I'm not gonna say that, but it obviously happens more when we're younger cuz we feel we're invincible. And I can fully admit, I couldn't even tell you how many times I drove drunk. I've driven into ride programs legally drunk and got out multiple times. How? I don't know, honestly, I really don't know. I remember one New Year's Eve, I went from one end of Hamilton to the other and that's probably in reference that you'd be able to equate would be like, I don't know, like 20 miles and all through a downtown stop light could have been ride programs. Avoided it all to go meet a girl at a bar. And when I got there, and I'll never forget it, I got there and she said, oh, what are you doing here? I was like, oh, I wanted to come sees you. She's like, how did you get here? Oh, I said, I took a taxi. And she looked out the window and she said, but isn't that your car out there? Oh, oh, yeah. And that, and then I had to go and call a guy that I played hockey with, and obviously nothing ever happened with her after that. And I had to call him at like two in the morning and say, Can I come sleep in [00:57:00] your couch? And his wife was like, furious And, oh, it could happen to anybody, you know?

Martin: Yeah. Mm-hmm., thankfully it didn't happen to you. Mm-hmm. 

Mike: Yeah. You're not, you're right. And I heard your story tonight and I just started thinking to myself, definitely could have happened to me. I had a good friend of mine, my definition definitely was an alcoholic, and he was hit by a car walking. Because he was drunk, and he was almost killed. He got hit 80 kilometers an hour. 

Martin: Wow. 

Mike: And I was just talking about it before I got on tonight with somebody else. Cause they were asking me, how’s he doing? And we're about eight years since the accident and he's doing pretty good. His life is completely changed and yeah. Thanks man. For sharing. Definitely gotta talk to you again. 

Martin: Thank you. 

Mike: There's three or four hours worth of good stuff to talk about because it's insightful. It can help. I mean, it definitely can help we're all constantly on a journey or a ride to, better ourselves. Much like what you've said, with your own story, so thanks. 

Martin: Yes sir. Thanks. We do this in concert, and as long as we're breathing, we should [00:58:00] be learning. We should be growing, nobody arrives, I don't think. Anyway. If you're breathing, there's something to learn. And we do that by, working with one another and talking to one another and, and sharing and being open, right. To hear other perspectives and things like that. And so, we feed each other. 

Mike: Yeah. And it doesn't always have to be about alcohol. It could be about mental health, like you said, we're all in this together. And what better way than to be an ear for whatever it is. I mean, yeah, we all have our bad days, but we can also have good days too, so.

Martin: That's right. Thank you. 

Mike: Yeah. Well, thank you. 

Tracey: Like you said, it takes a community, right? They say takes a village. That's right. And that's true. Even community in general, they say that people that have a community around them live longer, right? So, there's obviously something to be said with surrounding yourself with people and having that type of support system. We've definitely found since we started this podcast and been involved more deeply in the sober [00:59:00] community, it's just an amazing supportive community out there. And there's so many people that are trying to give back after they've been through their own journeys and are on the other side of recovery.

Martin: It's the way it should be. 

Tracey: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Thank you so much. Like Mike said, we could probably talk to you for hours. Martin, there's definitely more questions I had, but we should probably let you go. We wanna thank you so much for coming on. We were really excited to have you and you did not disappoint for sure. Your story's fascinating. It's inspiring. Like Lindsay said, it's so powerful and thank you so much for what you're doing. The redemption that you're giving back to everybody out there that's struggling as well. and I definitely believe that your victims. They're looking down and thinking they were open hearted people just like you based on what they were doing in the sober community themselves. And they're probably feeling [01:00:00] very thankful that this is how you're trying to honor them. 

Martin: Thank you. Tremendously for saying that, means a lot. And thank you guys for having me and allowing me to share my story today. And for continuing to make us all better with what you guys do. You guys have great guests on, You guys are friends. That’s good energy that comes through these conversations. They're very engaging and they're powerful, mm-hmm. and people resonate with that. And people take from that and they're able to use what they hear and apply it to their own lives. And so, lives are being touched by what you guys are doing and, and just keep it going. We all have a part to play in this recovery journey and this recovery community. And I'm just really honored that you guys allowed me to play a small part today. So, thank you so much. 

Tracey: So, tell people, Martin, how they can find. 

Martin: Easiest way. Well, if you're on Instagram at Martin l Locket, and then I have my website@martinlocket.com.

Tracey: Okay. We will put that all [01:01:00] in the show notes so people can find you. And what's the name of your book, Martin for people? 

Martin: So, the first one, the memoir is Prison to Purpose Pipeline. And then there's a second one that is called My Prison Life, which is a collection of blogs that I wrote about the prison experience while I was in. 

Tracey: Okay, awesome. And I'm assuming, can they purchase it through your website?

Martin: They can through the website. There's links there and then on Amazon. And so, 

Tracey: Fantastic. Okay, everyone you can find us on social media too, on Instagram @laflifepodcast or you can join our Facebook community at LAF Life. Thank you so much again, Martin, for joining us. I'm wishing my hosts a great evening, and until next time, keep laughing. Goodnight, guys. 

Kelly: Bye. 

Lindsey: Thank you. So, thank you so much, Martin. 

Thank you, guys. This was awesome. [01:02:00] 

CLOSING

Kelly: Thank you for listening. Please give us a five-star rating like and subscribe, share on social media and tell your friends. We love getting your feedback and ideas of what you'd like to hear on upcoming episodes of the laugh life podcast. If you yourself are living alcohol free and want to share your story here, please reach out.