Caroline Barrett, Soberme Season 2 Ep. 21

In this episode meet Caroline Barrett, Recovery Sober Coach. Caroline has been sober 7 yrs and shares her struggles with alcohol abuse and how subconsciously she always knew one day she would never drink again.  After attending an enlightening AA meeting with her brother and then losing her close friend to addiction, Caroline promised to create a life committed to helping others get on their path to sobriety.  Caroline now has a business as a certified Sober Coach offering a variety of services through Sober Me, some of the services she provides include recovery assistance, counselling and companionship services.

Find out more at: https://www.soberme.ca/
Or follow Caroline on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/soberme.ca/?next=%2F

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**Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this episode are not professional or medical opinions. If you are struggling with an addiction please contact a medical professional for help.

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Song: Rise and Thrive
Artist: Young Presidents

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Transcript

Kelly: 0:02

Welcome to the LAF life podcast, a lifestyle podcast based on living alcohol free and a booze soaked world. My name is Kelly Evans and together with my friends, Tracey Djordjevic, Mike Sutton and Lindsay Harik. We share uncensored. Unscripted real conversations about what our lives have been like since we ditched alcohol and how we got here by sharing our individual stories. We'll show you that there isn't just one way to do this, no matter where you are on your journey from sober, curious to years in recovery and everyone in between, you are welcome here, no judgment and a ton of support.

Mike: 0:42

Welcome everybody to the LAF Life podcast, episode 21. Today we have a special guest. Caroline Barrett is joining us to talk about a few things. One being her life without alcohol and some of the things she does related to that. Hi everybody.

Lindsey: 1:00

Hey, Mike. You're welcome. Hello. Hello. Welcome, Caroline. Thank you. Thanks for having me.

Mike: 1:06

Yeah, we've known each other indirectly through mutual friends, but probably over the last say five years. And yeah, we've had some good conversations about Alcohol versus non alcohol. And when we got involved with the podcast, you were one of the people that I thought of, cuz we had some, pretty good conversations about it. You were probably one of the first people that I ever encountered that was living a life of out alcohol. And I thought, is that actually a thing? So why don't you start off by telling us a little bit about yourself, but maybe we'll start with when was the first time you had a drink or got involved with drinking in general?

Caroline: 1:45

Okay, so I am a recovery coach now. I started drinking when I was 14. I drink beer. I hated beer. I hated the smell of it, taste of it, everything. But I drank beer and I remember it was Coors Light, and I'm not very big. I'm five three. At that point, I was weighing about 103 pounds. So it took half a bottle for me to get drunk. And I think I had two, two bottles. I remember it being, I liked the out of, not the out of control part, but I liked being able to act as a different person in a sense. I fell in love with that part of it. So that was my first time drinking. Like I said, it was like two bottles, maybe two and a half bottles, and then I was done. And I just fell in love with it, even though I hated beer. I hated the smell. I hate it today. I hate the smell of it. I hate all of it, but I just I fell in love with the feeling of. Not being sober. That started back then. And then I would drink with my friends. It wasn't like, all of a sudden I was addicted. It took time, right? But we'd go out, we didn't have anything to do. We were teenagers. We'd go out and we'd go like in a park and go and drink coolers or go and of course I love coolers cause I love sugar. So it was, I was addicted to that. I loved the sugar, the taste of it, and how I felt and how I acted because I felt more confident in myself at that point. I was young, so I literally took like a drink so little and I would be drunk and everyone would say to me, oh, you're so funny. When you're drinking, you're so more outgoing when you're drinking. So I thought this was a great thing, and then I started drinking like Mickey's rum. I got into this rum and coke kind of phase. And I drank like a quarter of that and I would be drunk and then that would last me for quite a bit of time, cause we'd only drink on the weekends and stuff like that. And I don't know if anybody else really was in the same spot that I was. I always wanted to escape, that's probably the right word to say. Escape from who I was. It slowly progressed from there. I had come from a family my dad drank socially. My mom never really drank, but my mom's brother was an alcoholic. He actually, essentially, he died of alcoholism. He died of cancer, but he was an alcoholic right? To the end. And and then there's like my dad's side of the family, he's adopted, but we just found his biological family. I'm thinking that maybe there might have been addiction in that part too. Both my brother and I drank quite a bit. And I think that's where I got it from, in a sense that I just, it was in my blood, it was more of a weekend kind of thing and I'd crave it even during the week. And then eventually I started working in the bar, and that's when I got way different, whole other level. Then it got to every night and then drunk every night, not just, oh, let's just have one drink or two drinks. It was continuous, getting drunk your friends all work in the bar, right? So your friends work in the bar, everyone's drinking, everyone's laughing at all the stuff you did the night before. I was right in there. Yeah, that's how it became a habit. I became a habitual drinker right from working in the bar. From that point on, my thing then was spin off ice and those things have 9% alcohol. I think it's, or something like, it's a large amount of alcohol in there. So I'd have 2, 3, 4 a night, if not way more than that if we were going out and I was drunk and then it just became every night thing that I just kept on going. And then from there it just progressed even worse. I recognized it probably about 21, 22 when I lived in Vancouver. And I was rearranging my entire life I was going to college out in Vancouver and be done school, and then I'd wanna go shopping at the mall. And then I'd think to myself, oh, I need to go home and have a glass of wine or a Smirnoff ice before I go to the mall. I knew then I had a problem. I knew, but I was still doing it. And then I would drink three or four drinks a night. This is when I was in Vancouver and I would get up for school the next morning and I would take a shower and I would scrub the alcohol off my body cuz I didn't want anyone to smell it on me the next day. Yeah. Cause we all know it just stinks, right? Yeah. And I didn't want anyone to know that I was drinking that much. It got to a point where I had to get a real buzz on to fall asleep at night to actually think I needed it to sleep. If I had one the panic I that was set in for my evening, like I was like, oh no, I have to have two or three because I have to make sure that I'm drunk enough to pass out. But little. And I know that pass out was technically a pass out, you're passing out. And then you're getting up at two or three in the morning and you're wide awake and then you have to re fall asleep because you're actually falling asleep at that point. Then of course I'm still working in the bars while going to school but they don't out there, the people that I encountered out there didn't really drink as much as we did here. So I don't know if anyone else has ever experienced that, but here it was more of a big deal yep, you work, you have drinks, you get drunk and you go home. Where at West, they would have a drink or two and then they'd go home and get up early in the morning and start their day. It was just a totally different environment. Yeah. So it got to a point where I was drinking every night Smirnoff Ice, specifically Smirnoff Ice. Once I get something in my head, that's it, I stick to that. Then, Slowly. I started drinking wine, white wine. But then I started to progress even worse with the white wine. And I started thinking, okay, I need to slow down cuz I had started drinking it more like juice, And the red wine would make me a little bit slower, drink it a little bit slower which was better. But then it was white wine or red wine, that escalated, completely escalated to a bottle of bottle and a half an night. Wow. The odd time, the very odd time I could do a magnet to myself and I was still weighing the same amount as I did. in high school

Lindsey: 7:26

That's crazy. Because that was my drink. Loved red wine. Yeah. I was never somebody that drank every day. So I would just feel like crap the next day. But I would drink a bottle for sure. I always would say once that cork was out, I didn't keep it, I tossed it in the garbage, cuz what's the point? I'm gonna drink the bottle. Yeah. And then I would open a second bottle most drinking nights, which would either be Friday or Saturday. And I would have one to two glasses out of that bottle, but I would feel like shit the next day. Were you ever blacking out? Yep. So I got to a point where I started blackout. Yeah. It started to make me nervous because at that point when I started to black out, I had just started my business and it's a senior care company. And I was like, what if I see a client one day and not necessarily their family or whatever, and I say something stupid, that just ruins my whole credibility right there. That was really a major concern of mine. So that was one of the things that made me wanna quit drinking. I was blacking out, I got to a point where I would have two glasses of wine before I went out, or three with my girlfriends, and then I'd go and I'd have more drinks and then I would come home and make sure that there was always one glass, still at least one glass. For me to be able to go to sleep at night. Wow. I didn't need that glass, but I just, psychologically I needed to know that it was there as a security so I'd come home and I'd drink even more and then I'd get even more drunk and I'd pass out. But it's funny how, when I quit drinking, the amount of people that said to me, oh, I didn't realize you were that bad. And I was like, yeah, I got that too. Yeah. Some of them were worse than I was, but still it doesn't matter. It just

Caroline: 9:09

yeah, nobody thought that I was, it was controlling my life that much. I started getting actually depressed. I remember when my friends would say, okay, we're gonna go out tonight. And I was like, oh, no. It was like, I've already had the anxiety, already knew that something was gonna happen, that I was gonna black out and I was actually going to AA for a while. And I was with my brother cuz he's a recovering alcoholic, so he's gonna be eight years sober in December. And I am seven in September. So I was still drinking. Yeah, thanks. I was still drinking while he was going through this whole process. I had said to him, I'm worried cause I'm blacking out. He's was on a way worse level than I ever was. And he was sitting beside me and some guy was talking on the stage and he was telling his story. He goes, when you black out, you're an alcoholic. And my brother turned to me and he goes, that's you. Oh. And I, I remember that feeling of oh my God, you're an alcoholic. And I knew already cause I'd already admitted it, but I didn't need him to tell me that I was an alcoholic because he was worse than I was. So it was like that whole, chills down my entire body. I was like, okay. That's it. Yeah, I already knew, and we already talked about it, but just for him to tell me that I was like, okay, so this is it. Yeah. So then I was supposed to quit September 1st that year, and then I pushed it out to September 10th.

Lindsey: 10:28

I went out and got really drunk with one of my girlfriends and then came home and that was it. That was it. I was 37 at that point.

Tracey: 10:36

Okay. Okay. But 10 years earlier? I'd say I was 30 because I was living in Vancouver at that point. And I remember we had gone out, my cousin slept over at my house and two of my other girlfriends went out with one of my girlfriends her fiance, and he had bought us like all this wine, took us up for a really fancy dinner and got so drunk. And I woke up the next morning and I said to my cousin, one day, I'm never gonna drink again. And I meant that,

Lindsey: 10:57

wow. I meant it, my stomach, I knew it was like my gut was saying to me one day, this is not gonna happen anymore. So I was 30 and then it stuck in my head after that. And so that was it. I slowly started looking up because I had my own business. I started looking up people that were successful that don't drink. Wow. Yeah.

Kelly: 11:17

You needed to see it. Yeah, like Kim Kardashian doesn't drink J Lo doesn't drink they do periodically, but they're not every night like I was, and so I'd constantly looking at people that were successful that didn't drink but I did that for years. Years until I said, that's it. I'm done. And then when I quit, I cried myself to sleep for three weeks.

Lindsey: 11:37

Oh, wow. My gosh. Yeah. Because I felt like I lost a friend. Yes. Like it was like, that can relate. That thing was always there for me no matter what. If I was in a good mood, bad mood. I'm never really in a bad mood, but it just, whatever I was feeling, if I was sad or whatever it was there. Yeah. Then I lost that friend.

Kelly: 11:55

Yeah. I talked about that on the podcast about how it shocked me that the grief hit me. Yeah. And I asked somebody and I said, is this a thing? Is grief after quitting drinking a thing? They were like for sure that was your best friend. And it just made so much sense. But it shocked me to feel that.

Caroline: 12:10

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Tracey: 12:12

It's funny. I felt like that when I quit smoking. Yeah. I didn't feel like that so much when I quit drinking. But I felt like that when I quit smoking, I went through like a depression.

Kelly: 12:22

Yeah. Yeah.

Caroline: 12:22

See, and I would take cigarettes back. I quit when I was 30. I would take that back any day. Like I love cigarettes. But alcohol, I could care as much, like I like, yeah. But the cigarettes, I cried myself to sleep with the alcohol, but with the cigarettes, I had the patch, so I just felt like a little bit of rage every now and again. But like I was okay for the most part, with the cigarettes though, if my friends go up for cigarettes, I still go out with them. Yeah. I never provide myself to that. Just if my friends, we all go up for drink. I say let's go for drinks. Even though I don't drink, but we'll go for drinks and I have my soda water or my Virgin Caesar and I'm fine, I just didn't deprive myself of that. But yeah, for me, that was my best friend. That was there. Yeah, I always relied on it, wow. I think what you said about people not thinking you drank that much or that you had a problem, I think part of that is to do with the fact that a lot of us drink in secret almost. A lot of our drinking or the bulk of our drinking when we're on our own. Cuz I know that was like me too. And I could go out with my friends that didn't drink and not drink while I was out with them, but then I would come home and have wine.

Lindsey: 13:29

I was the same Tracey. I would almost be annoyed that I'd have to go out and socialize because I'm like, I just wanna go home and put my comfy pants on. And open my bottle of wine that I know is waiting for me there and watch Netflix and eat a wheel of brie. Leave me a lot of money. You know what I mean?

Kelly: 13:50

Yeah. It was, I, towards the end, like for sure I did most of my drinking at home. Didn't even really go out as much anymore. But if there was somewhere that there wasn't a lot of alcohol or people weren't drinking the way I did, there was always wine waiting for me at home. Always. Yeah. Yeah, I made sure of it. Caroline, there's a lot of your story I can relate to, but I am amazed at how self-aware you were at such a young age your early twenties and you knew you had a problem. I was like I thought everybody was drinking the way I was drinking. I was so wrong, but yeah. That's amazing. Has anybody ever,

Mike: 14:22

but were you wrong? What? There's a lot of, oh, that's such a good point's success right now.

Kelly: 14:28

No, people were not drinking the way I thought every single person that I was out with was drinking the way that I was. And that's not true. They weren't, I was the blackout queen, whatever. But have have you talked about that before in your business or have people pointed that out to you before that you're super self-aware at such a young age?

Caroline: 14:45

No, no one's ever pointed that out. But actually no. The dermatologist, when I went to go see him like years ago, he had said to me, he said you gotta stop tanning. I said I quit tanning in the tanning bed a long time ago, like in my early thirties. Now I do the spray tans. And then I quit smoking when I was 30. But like he said to me, you were young when you did that. Because normally people do that in their forties. They start to reassess everything and go, okay, no, I can't be smoking like this anymore. I can't be drinking like this. It's more of an older age that you like you wake up. But yeah, I guess that was the only person that's ever pointed out to me yeah. It was

Mike: 15:18

sounds like you were planting seeds along the way, like you just I think, yeah. Now that I look back at it, yeah, absolutely. I would talk about it and I remember saying to another friend, too, one day, I'm never gonna drink again. It was like in my gut, I knew because it really, it bothered me that I was like this, like, why am I so dependent on this? Why am I, my whole life revolved around it. See, I would've never have been able to go out with people that didn't drink like that. Wouldn't have same, it wouldn't worked for me. Subconscious is just, trying to guide you and tell you. And if you listen, like you definitely listened. Yeah. You just kept going and pushing yourself. I think that's what a lot of people's journey is about. Are you listening to the voice, right? Yeah. I always reference the little voice, the, it's in your ear, you're listening to it because it's trying to tell you something. Yeah. It totally is. Years ago, my brother's sober. He's eight years sober. And yeah. Cause I'm gonna be seven and then my best friend was a drug addict and he passed away in 2019. So that's where I had thought, said to myself years ago that if something happens, either one of them, that I would get into working with people with addiction. Wow. And that's where I got to the recovery coach because I had promised myself I would do something along the lines. Then I was told about this recovery coach, sober coach role. That's where I got into. Working with this, cuz I made it a promise. Yeah. So what was your business story before that? Senior care. Okay. So helping seniors. Yeah.

Tracey: 16:43

You were in that caregiving kind of type of role as it was. Yeah,

Caroline: 16:47

so I couldn't lose my license. I couldn't do anything I was restricted and I know so many people where I live, so I didn't wanna run into anybody and say anything else stupid I didn't wanna ruin any business for myself, so that was a big deal for me to stay, to get sober. For sure. Yeah. That's a big motivation. Yeah, I think it is common for most people. I know Mike has spoken about it and I think the girls have too I know we've all talked about how we had those moments of. I don't wanna drink anymore. And it took us a long time to actually get to the place where we weren't. But I know for myself similar to you looking at people that, were successful and didn't drink. I started doing stuff, like listening to podcasts about drinking and stuff like that. Listening to The Naked Mind, preparing myself before I quit. As inspiration, because I knew that was the path that I wanted to take too. It was just a matter of getting myself there. It's funny that you said that because for me, I was looking up those people, but I wasn't really thinking I was gonna, I had said it, I was gonna quit drinking, but I wasn't thinking I'm gonna quit drinking. You know what I mean? I wasn't putting the two together. Yeah. So when I was ready, I just, okay, that was it. I did it. You just had to jump right into it. Even if I was hungover, it didn't matter. I was still drinking the next day. I don't know about any of you guys, but I was still drinking. I was still doing what? I still had to sleep at night, so

Tracey: 18:11

I didn't get really bad hangovers. So that definitely didn't deter me from drinking the next day.

Caroline: 18:17

Okay. I did, as I got older, I did and I would eat like poutine every time

Kelly: 18:24

we've talked about that.

Caroline: 18:26

P tried to train and to

Kelly: 18:28

nourish my hangover with a green smoothie to start, but always ended up eating fries. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my God. And then knowing that the only thing that was gonna make the hangover go away was more booze. Yeah. I can relate to your not being able to go to sleep without alcohol. I always made sure I had alcohol and if for some reason I didn't drink that night, I was drink, like I was Yeah. Drinking

Caroline: 18:49

night. Yeah. Oh yeah, I've done that. NyQuil and wine. Yeah. I just said to my old roommate the other day we're still friends obviously. We were walking and we were in Toronto and I said, do you remember when we used to drink NyQuil and drink wine at the same time? And she goes, really? I don't remember that. I'm like, oh yeah. And whose idea was that? That was mine. Cause I like that little buzz, that little right before you go to sleep. Yeah. Yeah. That's what it was, right? The buzz before you go to sleep. It's like when you take melatonin too, kinda like that. It gives you the tiny little bit of that feeling as well. Yeah. Yeah, I still take every day.

Tracey: 19:25

So were you never a good sleeper or you just found that became your norm when you started drinking? Or you got that in your head?

Caroline: 19:33

I got it in my head. I think it was all psychological. Yeah, I honestly think it was all psychological because I sleep just fine. And I feel like I, I did before yeah, I think I just stuck it in my head. It was part of the disease, thinking that no, I need this to get by today. Like going before I go to the mall, I need to have a bottle of Smirnoff Ice. I didn't need that, but in my head I thought I did.

Tracey: 19:54

Yeah. Cuz I, I would say I slept a lot better when I stopped drinking. Oh

Caroline: 19:59

yes. Oh yeah. Yeah. Because you have a real sleep, like you're actually sleeping. You're actually Yeah,

Tracey: 20:04

exactly. It's not rest. Resting your body. Yeah. It's not disruptive.

Mike: 20:09

Do you guys have dreams when you, when you drank?

Caroline: 20:12

Yeah. Like how do you mean remember?

Kelly: 20:15

How do you mean? Yeah.

Lindsey: 20:16

I don't remember dreaming at all. Cause I was usually blacked out and not remembering even going to bed. But I just had a dream. Actually, I just told a friend this. I was on a work trip and I woke up. I had a dream that I was so drunk. Oh, this I'm having a lot of these. This is gonna be, this December will be four years alcohol free.

Caroline: 20:36

Good for you. Yeah.

Lindsey: 20:37

Thanks. But it's like I'm having a lot of wasted dreams where I was really drunk in this dream. I was at a hotel and somebody kept saying, you're so wasted. And I was acting like I wasn't, but I knew that I was, and I could feel that feeling in my dream of me acting like an idiot. I was like, oh my God. So I have dreams now.

Kelly: 20:58

I've had those. Yeah. They're awful. I haven't had one for a long time. Yeah. But they're the worst.

Mike: 21:03

So you did. I never had dream, like I didn't have dreams for 10 years, easily. I think it was.

Lindsey: 21:09

Why do you think that is? Because you were drinking,

Kelly: 21:11

you don't go into the REM sleep

Mike: 21:12

because of the the alcohol and weed. Yeah. Oh, think the excessive weed. Mixture with alcohol. Yeah. Put my dream on pause. But I have crazy dreams now. Like ridiculous. Yeah. Me what you're saying, Liz, but

Caroline: 21:31

What

Lindsey: 21:32

like some real vivid ones and you're like, oh my God. They're like movies. I'm like, who wrote this stuff? This is crazy. That movie.

Mike: 21:40

Yeah. There you go. Yeah. What kinda movies Kelly.

Kelly: 21:45

They don't even make any sense. Actually we should do a dream analysis episode, but I'm always in a hotel or a mall or like a conference center. No. And I'm always like not always, but I al also have luggage dreams a lot, which, interesting. Yeah. Yeah. Baggage. Yeah. Yeah.

Caroline: 22:07

Do you look them up afterwards? Yeah, I do. Obsessively.

Kelly: 22:10

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Caroline: 22:11

I'm, I do the same thing whenever I dream I, I always look it up yeah. Yeah. It's interesting. But yeah, like that

Kelly: 22:16

when we're drinking, we don't get that rem sleep, so we don't get into that deep state where we do get to dream. Yeah.

Tracey: 22:24

I always find it funny that people smoke weed to sleep well, I never sleep well, anytime I've ever smoked weed, it gives me anxiety. Yeah. People say that. Yeah, I don't think it really agrees with me, that's why it's good. It's never been my thing, but the few times that I have done it I'm like, I don't even know what you guys are talking about. I don't sleep well and then I wake up and actually for me, smoking weed is worse than waking up hungover cause Oh really? I wake up and I have zero motivation. Weed was the hangover cure for me. That's probably how I was able to drink. Four to five nights a week and go to work. Wow. It was like, oh my God. It was the first thing I reached for, as pathetic as it is, it's just, it was like, yeah. I did smoke weed for a bit, but not I never really got, it was alcohol. It was a hundred percent alcohol for me. Yeah.

Lindsey: 23:18

I just wanted to know so when you quit, did you ever have a slip up or drink again after that? And what did you do to keep yourself sober and stay on track? I worked out, so I worked out, I went to this the gym. I kept myself busy with that and I didn't have a slip up. And in that time, since I've been sober, I lost my best friend due to a drug overdose. saw him dead on the kitchen floor. But I chose to see him dead because I needed to register. And then my dog, that was my baby died and then my ex and I split up. The only time out of all that was when my ex and I split up that I really felt like I needed a drink. I just kept on thinking of my why. Why do I not drink? Because I don't wanna get into that. I would've been way worse. Yeah, at this point right now, I wouldn't be here at this point in my life, it would, I would be still drinking and it would be awful. It was a choice. Either I go down that rabbit hole and get really drunk and get depressed, or I just try and fight it. And that's what I did. So that's the only time in the seven years. Because I was really distraught over that breakup. Yeah, sure. Yeah. You know what it was a different from my friend dying was he was dead and he I knew he loved me. It was a totally different feeling, and he was gone, whereas this one was still alive and just chose not to be with me. So that was, that's a whole different feeling. Yeah. Yeah. It's a lot to process those feelings without numbing them. Yeah. Yeah.

Caroline: 24:57

Yeah. That was the first time I had to do that. Yeah.

Tracey: 25:00

Yeah. I've had that experience since I've been sober. Just having very hurt feelings and then trying to process them and really fighting that kind of feeling of wanting them to just go away, which would be naturally why I would drink. Yeah.

Caroline: 25:18

Yeah. Yeah.

Mike: 25:19

That's part of the growth is that you. You go through it, you sit with those feelings that you never sat through. It's, it sucks shit. It really does. Yeah. And I think it's, and I don't speak for anybody else, but I think we've all kind of been there in certain levels and, whether it's losing a friend, a relationship whatever it is we have to go through, you have to ride through it. Cuz those temptations are there to say, deal with it tomorrow, come visit me. Yeah. I went golfing on the weekend with some guys and it's, Hey, I miss old Mike. I've told you guys this before. And it's I just look at them and I laugh and it's a challenge. It's a challenge to sit there and say, what's one beer? Like? What's one beer? And it's to me it's one beer is right now. It's not the end of the world, but it took a lot to get to this point. Why do you want, and would it be one beer, Mike? No, that's the thing too, right? I dunno. Honestly, I think I had one beer and I'd be on my ass. I used to smoke weed when I golfed cuz I would focus, you couldn't distract me. I would be focused looking at the ball again. Okay. I tell myself one, two back through or whatever, and now I have to go through the voices in my head like, oh, don't hit it. Oh know, don't stub the ball. I'll shut up. I just want to swing and hit the ball. Those things, it's, I don't know, part of me is like, what would it be like to be honest with you, but I haven't done it. So

Lindsey: 26:45

Do you ever miss it? Anybody on the podcast here? Do you ever miss the feeling of, I don't know. Cuz when I used to drink, I used to like that first drink. It's oh, okay. I'm relaxing. But then it's at a certain point it turns, but sometimes if I'm honest I've even said this on the podcast sometimes I miss it. Would I ever do it again? I feel like I've come to a point where I know my answer is no.

Mike: 27:09

Yeah. I can't say that. And we've talked about this before. I just don't know. I think so, but I don't know. We all talked about during Covid, every single person was like, I'm drinking too much. Oh my God. Immense amount of people were like, how do you get through this whole lockdown scenarios without drinking? It's I don't know. I just,

Caroline: 27:29

I feel my feelings.

Kelly: 27:30

Yeah. Yeah, I don't miss drinking at all, and I'm grateful, I just find at least one moment every day to be grateful that I don't have alcohol in my life anymore. And my intention is to never, ever drink again. I've worked really hard on this whole alcohol free thing and I don't want it to go away. It's pretty, pretty beautiful.

Mike: 27:50

What about you Carolyn? No, I'm good. I'm got done but the only thing I miss, sometimes, I'm dating now, right? So it's hard because oh, here we go. A lot of guys my favorite, second favorite topic, yay. Oh, these girls love you for bringing this.

Caroline: 28:05

Sorry, I got two things against me. I want kids still and Yep. I, yeah, and I don't drink, so it's like guys my age don't technically want kids unless I've got one that's that has probably hasn't had in years. Is a total family guy in school having five or six. Also I don't drink so quite often if they find out I don't drink, they're gone. They are gone within a second. Wow. Can we ask how old you are? I'm 44, so yeah, so guys my age don't necessarily wanna have kids and I've noticed that, I'll say to them all I don't drink, and then with I'm on the dating sites and then all of a sudden I'm deleted. So it is what it is. I feel you, I'm in the same boat. Yeah. It's brutal.

Tracey: 28:47

I did say to a girlfriend the other day that I am happy that I drank through my daughter being a toddler and dating. Yeah. Because I swear I survived those two things because of drinking at the time. Yeah. But other than that, I don't miss it. I think it's the best decision I've ever made in my life and I find many opportunities to show me why I made that decision. I just had one recently and I couldn't have been happier that, I wasn't drinking anymore and that wasn't my life.

Caroline: 29:24

Yeah. I actually drink the fake wine. So I go to Fortinos or to Sobey's. I might run after this to go get some, but it's just the fake red wine and it tastes exactly like red wine no way I shouldn't be doing it because technically when you quit drinking, you shouldn't be doing it. But it's that's says who though. Yeah, exactly.

Lindsey: 29:42

I was gonna say no, don't say that. You do. You do. Yeah. It's my treat. It's my treat at the end of the night. So I put it in a wine glass and then I'll go to parties and have it in a wine glass. I went to my cousin's baby shower a couple weeks ago and this couple came in and the guy comes into the house and he goes to the host. Can I have a glass of red wine for my wife? And she goes, yeah, go on the counter there and go grab some while He grabbed my red wine so I went up to her later and I go, that was non-alcoholic red wine. Just so you know. And she's really? She goes, I would've never have known. No. It tastes just like it. Now there's new things. There's gin, there's vodka. It's all non-alcoholic or going, having mocktails at the bar instead of having a soda water like I do or Virgin Caesar. There's more options now. Yeah. So yeah, now I'm in that habit of going and getting a nice big, a bottle of wine and I drink that I was drinking them like I was drinking alcohol before, so I was like, okay, I need to slow down, so stop for a minute. And now I'll have one glass of. So unless I'm at a party and then I'll drink the bottle, it's okay. Then I feel included, right? I feel like I'm a part of the everyone's except for I don't get the hangover, which is fantastic. That's so cool. That's awesome. Yeah. Tell us a little more about how your business came about then, and so was how long you've been doing that.

Caroline: 30:58

Technically I've been doing it for 20 years cuz I've been helping people get sober for that amount of time. But then I found out about it and I didn't even know that this was something that you could do, being a recovery coach or a sober coach. And then from there I looked it up and got the course ready. I took a course I actually took about three courses and just got all set up with it. I did it online, and then I just started, now, I'm a recovery coach, sober coach. So Rob Ford had a a sober coach. I don't know if you recall when he was going, through his whole thing, he had a recovery coach and he was in the papers, and I do recall seeing him. There's not many in Canada. There's tons in the states, but he's been doing that for a long time. I did know about it a long time ago, but it didn't click until it was actually brought to my attention. I made that promise that I was gonna help people with this I know every angle being a family member with a loved one that is going through it, me going through it, and then losing my best friend to it. I know in all aspects. I understand it. What's the process? The course itself?

Mike: 32:02

Yeah, what's the process for somebody who would use you for your resources? They would contact you and what are they to expect from working with you? So what we do is we work out a plan to help them get sober and stay sober. So basically it's an everyday thing, I'll go to AA meetings, na meetings with them, I'll do all that stuff. I'm their support. And then there's other like a companion where you can go to like events, if they feel like they're gonna have a slip up they would have me as their date in a sense, and to be there to stop them from having that temptation to drink. The process is they reach out to me and then we go from there. We work at a plan. We work at the plan A to get them sober. If they need to go into a rehab facility, we work on that. And then keep them sober afterwards.

Lindsey: 32:49

So are you meeting with them then, or having calls or Zoom calls

Caroline: 32:53

or, I'm getting a lot of calls. Yeah. Personally for me, I prefer to meet them in person, so they'll call first, then we meet in person. it's better to meet in person because it's more of a connection, person than being, yeah. Especially with somebody who's struggling, it's just better that you're there and they can see you and you share your story. I don't have to share my story. There's little bits and pieces that I do share with them. I'm pretty open about it. I'm on Instagram and I share it there, but yeah. So we go through that. We sit down, we talk aspect. Yeah, exactly right. Yeah. So that, I've been through it, so I know. I probably don't know every aspect of what they're going through, but I do know a great deal of it. Great. And then we go from there. Yeah.

Tracey: 33:33

do you find a lot of people reaching out to you are people trying to get sober? They know or have acknowledged they have a problem and they're looking for assistance to get sober. More so than say, people that need the support after the fact. Yeah. When they need to get sober is, that's it. When their wife has left them, or the hospital says, listen, you gotta be very careful because you're walking on eggshells now. So it's at that point they call me quite often, they'll call me and I don't hear from them. I'm not chasing after them. They have to wanna do this. Yeah. So I'll wait for them to call me and I'll be there. I've learned to this is my life. And if I have plans at night and someone calls me and needs my help. That's how it's gonna work. I'm gonna be there for them. This is what I'm giving up in my life to do. So That's amazing. I know, how crucial it is that like, when they've made that decision, it's gotta be done right now. Let's go ahead and let's get them started. Yeah. I'm curious if you continued on with the 12 step meetings. Did you go through that whole program? I did a year. Okay. And then I was like I needed a break. I was good. Yeah. Yeah. So I would like to go back. I'm starting to slowly go back. My schedule is still crazy right now, so, I haven't had a chance, but I wanna start to get back into it maybe twice a week because I went back, a friend of mine who's trying to sober her up. We went in Toronto, and I went and I was like, huh. It was just, it felt good to be there. Because they talked about being a dry drunk, and I was like, oh. Maybe I am, it's it's just those little things of you're still those mannerisms of being drunk and like an addict, but you're not drinking. I could see that in myself and it's just a good reminder to get yourself grounded again and be like, okay. Yep. I need to do this. Yeah. So I definitely wanna go back.

Kelly: 35:14

Cool. Yeah, no, I was just curious. That's one of the reasons why we decided to do this podcast was just a lot of people, Think that's the only way to do it. So we've talked to so many different people that have taken so many different paths. So I was just curious, but I had that moment that you had with your brother in that meeting. I had a girlfriend take me to my first meeting, and it did happen to be my only meeting, but still the realization. I remember going through my head like, oh my God, girl, you got yourself here. This is where you are. Yes, you are in a church basement at an AA meeting. It was a big eye opener for me. Yeah. I could relate to that part of your story. I remember the chills, like all day morning. I was like, oh, I was so mad at him. Like I was mad at him, but I wasn't mad at him. Yeah. You were mad at yourself. That's it. Frustration myself. Yeah, she's Okay. Fine. Yeah. So yeah. What a great way for you to serve the recovery community to be a coach. That's awesome.

Caroline: 36:13

Yeah. A couple months ago, I started a grief group as well for people that have lost something due to drugs and alcohol. Because when my friend died, I reached out to a lot of people and there wasn't much out there. Because I wasn't a relative I had people say to me we can't help you cuz you're not blood. You're not his sibling or whatever, or his wife. No, no way. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Wow. You're not his wife. I can't help you. So I called because his brother and I wanted to go together because his brother was really struggling with it. So they said we can help his brother, but we can't help you. Oh, wow. Yeah, and I called I reputable places, and this is what I got back in return. I started Monday meetings for people grieving and dealing with this, because you're going through this way beforehand, right? You're dealing with somebody who's an addict and then afterwards you have to deal with them die, so it's like you have got the be before and after. I started that on Monday nights, and I stopped in the new year, but I think I'm gonna start back up again because I think it's so important that there is somebody for people to talk to. Yeah. There's such a stigmatism. I went to therapy shortly after he had died it was a group therapy and there people were all passing away from cancer. So when I would tell my story, they were like, oh it was and I kept on saying he was really educated and he was really good with his money, and it's I shouldn't have to make those say that. No. I shouldn't be a part of any process. Yeah. So I'd like to start that back up again. Monday nights. Yeah. That's great.

Tracey: 37:33

That's great. Yeah. I agree with you that there's probably not a lot out there. I lost my stepbrother to addiction too. Actually, interesting, it would've been his 40th birthday last week, and, I know my stepdad has still obviously struggles with it being his son. Yeah, I don't think there is a lot of support out there for people going through that. You're right. So good for you to think of that and provide that as well. Yeah. It's a hard process, right? Are you finding that a lot of people that are coming to you for help are similar in the sense that maybe, They think their drinking is normal or people think that they don't really have a problem or what kind of area are they at in their life? Or are they really just hit rock bottom?

Caroline: 38:20

I think a lot of the times that someone else has told them, listen, you gotta stop drinking. And that's why they're not calling me back. Those ones are not calling back because they're calling me because someone else told them to call me. And they say, I need help. I need help. And then, okay, awesome. I'm here to help you, but they're not ready. They haven't hit rock bottom rock do it for themselves. They can never do it for somebody else. Yeah. That's why I don't call them, I don't chase them because if I do that, then that's not doing them any favors it's more like they need to call me and then wanna do this. Right now some of'em are calling and they don't call back. they have to be ready, honorable. I think two people are scared, right? I think sometimes you're scared to change, too, scared to change, and you're scared of oh my God, how am I gonna live without this substance? I can't visualize how life is gonna be without it, and I don't know if I really wanna give it up. Am I ready for that? The social part of it. Everyone drinks. Yeah. Their friends are drinking and what am I gonna do? Am I to sit at home? No, you don't need to do that. I go out with my friends and sometimes I'll stay up till two in the morning with them. Not always, but yeah, for sure. You know what I mean?

Kelly: 39:19

I think some of our listeners would like to hear that part of your story that you are still really social and you do still go out. It doesn't sound like you miss much, and I think that is a big fear, like Lindsay's saying, there's a lot of fear around it and a fear that you're gonna miss having fun. When I quit drinking, I was worried that I would be, I was part of the Chamber of Commerce and I was not shy, but I was never shy in my life, but I was more Worried about approaching, when I drank, at least I felt that I was more relaxed and I could approach people more. I was part of the Chamber of Commerce. They have those business nights and then you can go and just Hey, how are you? Blah, blah, blah. But I find that it took a little bit of time and now I'm totally fine. I can do that to with people. Whereas I wouldn't have done it so much before. I would've had to have a drink before to go and socialize with people. You just have to get through the rough patch and then you can get to this part in your life. I have more of a social life now than I've ever had. And it gives you confidence. Doing all this work and doing all it gives you the confidence to just be whoever you're supposed to be in any situation. That's what

Caroline: 40:23

it does. It does. Because I'm self-conscious before, I was drinking, I was feeling for sure. And now I'm like, No, I'm good. I don't need to worry about what I'm gonna say tonight. What I'm gonna do. Yeah. Yeah. Am I gonna embarrass?

Kelly: 40:37

Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

Tracey: 40:39

Yeah, you can also discover along the way that your interests are in different things, that maybe your interests isn't to be out at the bar with your friends all the time. Yeah. Totally. Yeah. I think I am by nature a more introverted person, although I can be extroverted as well. But I think that I've resorted back to being more introverted. I was more introverted before I started drinking, and I think naturally that's who I am. The drinking may be more extroverted, and I think it's okay that I'm don't have to be that person all the time. Yeah. And sometimes we're drinking because we're doing things that aren't in alignment with who we really are. Yeah. We're around people we're not really supposed to be around, yeah. Yeah. Did you find that you lost a lot of friends when you quit drinking?

Lindsey: 41:24

Naturally, I didn't wanna hang out with people that I was naturally people, not just alcohol, but my whole personal growth. My marriage ended a year after I quit drinking. So just the natural process of my whole healing thing, not just the alcohol. Yes. People left and I also chose to leave situations. I found that people would be like, oh, I'm only drinking this. making excuses around me. I was like I'm choosing to do this for myself. Yes, for me, it was actually a three month plan that it was supposed to be, and then I end up, someone said to me you might as well make it life changing and just keep going. And that's why I kept on going. But people would be like, oh no, I'm only drinking this much. And I said, I don't care what you drink, I'm doing this for me. And I found that my friends that drank didn't call me so much. Yes. Now they do, because I still, again, I'm like social, so they see that I'm not staying at home and stuff like that. So they're okay with, us going out and I don't judge them. I don't care if they drink, that's up to them. They can make that decision on their own. Yeah.

Kelly: 42:19

Yeah.

Lindsey: 42:21

When I think back to me quitting drinking I was listening to a lot of podcasts too, or reading books. I started to get curious at first, but I think. The easy part in this process is quitting the substance or reducing the amount that you drink. But the hard part is recreating your life to not include the substance and then filling it with things that excite you or, spark curiosity and, help you realize what your dreams are. When I quit, I didn't even think about, contacting a recovery coach, but I think that's where someone like you would come in, is to help somebody see, okay, we're gonna reduce or quit the substance. That can be the easy part sometimes, but then it's now what? I think that's what holds people back from actually quitting because they're like wait, what? What am I gonna do?

Caroline: 43:13

Yeah, I think it's just that scary thought of oh my God, I'm never gonna drink again. So I just tell people think of it, it's one minute at a time. You can't jump the gun because that's gonna make you wanna go back to drinking. You have to just take it one step at a time, one minute at a time. Yeah. You don't look at it like, oh my God, this is never gonna happen again, because yeah. It might never happen again. And really, to be honest with you, it doesn't really matter. It really doesn't matter. It's just that you're in a panic at that moment in time. So yes. Sometimes a thought of things is worse than actually doing it. Yeah.

Lindsey: 43:42

For sure. That's for sure. I think it's good too, you've got professional, you've got the course and all of that behind you, but you're also a peer, you're somebody that's gone through this. Yeah. So you've got like the both perspectives on it. Yeah. Yeah. On every angle having a sibling that's an alcoholic, I'm myself and losing somebody. So yeah. The experience I didn't really wanna have, but I'm glad I didn't have it. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's beneficial and what you're doing though, people wanna know that you can relate and understand where they're coming from, right? Yeah. I think it would be hard to take someone's advice if it was coming from someone who had never drank or had that experience, right? Yeah. So true. I'm sure your experience really helps when you're working with people. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah.

Tracey: 44:29

Where can people get in touch with you, and what kind of services are you actually offering? The recovery coach, sober coach. Basically, like I said, we work at a plan to get people sober, stay sober. I'll go to NA meetings, AA meetings, we'll sit down and discuss however they wanna work. And then if they have to go into a recovery facility, then I will help them get into that as well. How they can reach me is on my website would be probably the best is www.soberme. ca. And then you can always email me. I'm having issues in my email address right now, but it's caroline@soberme.ca and I'm on Instagram as well, soberme.ca on Instagram anyone can reach out to me there too. And just follow my story as well. Okay, perfect. We'll put all that in our show notes so people know how to get ahold of you. So you're doing primarily one-on-one type of stuff then? No meetings or anything like that, other than the grief group. Is it a group that you started yeah, so I was doing that. I haven't started back up again, but I'm going to within the next couple of weeks get it going. But yes, all one-on-one, okay. Okay. Confidential, nobody needs to know. No one gets told anything. It's just between myself and the client and yeah, we'll go from there. Okay. That's great. Thanks for joining us, Caroline.

Caroline: 45:47

Thank you for having me. I really enjoyed this. This is good. That's awesome. Oh yeah.

Mike: 45:51

I knew, like I said, way back when we first met. We met through my sister indirectly and we had mutual friends and then we talked one time and it was like, I honestly, I was like, wait a second. What? You don't drink? I swear to you I thought he doesn't drink like everybody drinks, but then. And I was going on a trip to Arizona to play baseball and I don't think the thought started there, but ironically, three years later when I went to that same trip was the last hurrah for me. And I came back and I drank every freaking day and I thought, I can't do this anymore. I actually was cleaning my phone out about a month ago cuz it said no memory. And I started deleting photos and videos. I would look at them before I delete them. There was a video that I took at that Arizona trip. I was so drunk and I was walking home from the bar and I was videotaping the sidewalk as I was walking there, cough sirens. In Scottsdale Arizona. It was just my feet, just down the sidewalk. And I thought, oh, that's probably a good indication that it's time to have given it up, yeah.

Kelly: 46:58

I always think we're meant to see those things, those little things. Yes. What's that Kel? I always think we're meant to see those things.

Mike: 47:05

Thousand percent? Yeah. Oh no. A thousand percent. Yeah. And some of the old photos are still out there that are, old trips. I'm sure everybody's got those and those are good to have because you know what, you're allowed to live, you lived your life back then, and you can't be ashamed of every single moment of your life. No, my God, you wouldn't be who you are without some of those moments. So take the good with the bad and it's, you can conquer stuff. It's amazing what you can do. And if you've got a person like Caroline, that can be helpful.

Kelly: 47:33

There you go. Whoa. It's funny that you say that, Mike, because I remember saying to somebody once I wasted so many years in the bar drinking I'm so mad. And she was like, yeah, but you had a lot of fun. Still, to me that was a waste of time, but I wouldn't be where I'm at today without drinking the way that I did. Yeah. I would be able to be doing this without having done that. So Yeah. And it's like just an example of don't ever look back and think, oh my God. Why did I do this? Why did I do that? It got to you to where you're at, so I agree. A hundred percent. Yeah. A thousand percent. A thousand, 10000%. Yeah. I wouldn't trade any of the DeBry. There's just no way. So we all needed that experience to be who we are today.

Mike: 48:18

Hundred percent. Thanks for joining us. It's been great getting to know a little bit more about you, and I'm glad you got to meet the Ladies of the LAF Life podcast.

Tracey: 48:30

Thanks for joining us, Carolyn. Thank you for having me. I appreciate It's a pleasure meeting you. Thanks Listeners. You'll be able to find us on our Instagram LAF Life podcast and our Facebook page at Laugh Life that's a good Mike. I like that voice.,that's great. This is a new one, Mike. This isn't going on. What? This? The stripper DJ one.

Mike: 48:54

why? I'm working strip bar. I've been to too many strip bars. What is this one? Drinking Boring.

Tracey: 48:59

This is like the commercial Mike voice or something.

Lindsey: 49:03

Wasn't there a nickname? What was the nickname? I can't remember. Didn't, wasn't there like a Oh, it's my alias, it's Wayne Maplewood. Yeah. Yes.

Kelly: 49:19

Thank you, caroline. Nice meeting. Yes. nice meeting you too thank you guys. Thank you for listening. Please give us a five star rating like and subscribe, share on social media and tell your friends. We love getting your feedback and ideas of what you'd like to hear on upcoming episodes of the laugh life podcast. If you yourself are living alcohol free and want to share your story here, please reach out.