Season 2 Finale, The LAF Life 12

In our Season 2 Finale we celebrate 50 published episodes by taking a moment to reflect on our own personal "AF" journey's including what we have taken away from all our amazing guests this season. We have compiled our own lists of the things we know to be true in our healing journey that we coined "The LAF Life 12". These are things we believe could be helpful to  others considering the path to an alcohol free life. Please tune in to this insightful closing episode! We look forward to celebrating another 25 episodes with our listeners next Season!

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**Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this episode are not professional or medical opinions. If you are struggling with an addiction please contact a medical professional for help.

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Song: Rise and Thrive
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Transcript

Kelly: 0:02

welcome to the LAF life podcast, a lifestyle podcast based on living alcohol free and a booze soaked world. My name is Kelly Evans and together with my friends, Tracey Djordjevic, Mike Sutton and Lindsay Harik. We share uncensored. Unscripted real conversations about what our lives have been like since we ditched alcohol and how we got here by sharing our individual stories. We'll show you that there isn't just one way to do this, no matter where you are on your journey from sober, curious to years in recovery and everyone in between, you are welcome here, no judgment and a ton of support.

Lindsey: 0:42

Hey everybody. Welcome back to the LAF Life podcast. We are so glad that you are back. If you haven't already, make sure you hit that subscribe button so that you don't miss any new episodes that come out on Tuesday. This is our last episode of this season, and we have learned so much this season from all our guests and just the conversations that we have that are unanswered every week. We were saying before we hit record. This is like a little meeting for us, we have officially hit 50 episodes. Wow. And I'm so proud of us, you guys. Yay. Yay, yay. Reflecting back on our guests and the conversations that we've had with them, along with some of our own. Experiences we were chatting about some of the things that we would recommend to friends or even our listeners if they came to us and said, I wanna ditch booze, but I'm not really sure where to start. And we even coined it, the LAF Life, 12. So today we're gonna talk about some of the things that you can do or follow or start to begin living an alcohol-free life. So let's get into it. Okay. So I don't know about you guys, but when I was thinking about this, for me, the number one thing is recognizing the need. Coming to a point in your life or in your experience with alcohol where you're like, man, shit just needs to change. I can't keep doing this. And I know when I was drinking towards the end, I would drink every weekend regardless of the negative things that happened or any negative consequences that happened. I would always say to myself, I'm never drinking again. And then guess where I would drive to every Friday? The liquor store. Yeah. What do you guys think? What would be your number one thing?

Kelly: 2:48

My number one on my list is similar to yours, I think. I wrote Surrender. Oh. So surrender to the fact I couldn't do this anymore. Yeah. And part of that for me was asking for help.

Lindsey: 3:02

Oh, that's hard. Asking for help. Oh, yeah. That officially means that there's an issue. When you reach out and ask somebody for help, that's okay, this is beyond my control. I can't do this anymore, and I need something outside myself to help me here. What do you think, Mike? What do you think?

Mike: 3:24

Yeah I would agree with what you said, for sure. Yeah. I think the number one thing for me would be to listen to your inner voice. Listen to the voice I was gonna say, was it hearing the little voice for you that was like, it just talks. It's annoying. It's trying to tell you something. Yeah. And I think it's goes with anything in life. If you were trying to exercise, if you're trying to, budget, you're trying to do whatever it is, the voice is always there and nagging at you because it's that thing that's your focus. And I think we get to a point that it starts to become our focus of, is this a problem? Why do I want to like all these things, go through your head. At least for me went through my head and I finally just, like we talked about, you try maybe a week, you try for two weeks. Or some people just say, screw it, I'm done. Everybody's got their own playbook. Yeah, that was for sure the number one, two, and three thing for me. Love that. I love that. Three strikes and you're out.

Lindsey: 4:19

That's the thing, I recognized the need for a while, but I didn't act on it. There was a long period of time Trace. I don't know. What about you?

Tracey: 4:28

Yeah, I think mine aligns with all of yours. I had self-awareness oh. Becoming aware that you have a problem, aware that you need to change surrendering to that awareness. Listening to that inner voice, so I think that's all connected. It starts with that, whatever it is for you.

Kelly: 4:47

Yeah.

Tracey: 4:47

That brings recognition like you said, I like the recognition of the need. And I assume you're alluding to the need to change Linds.

Lindsey: 4:58

You got it. Yeah. Yeah. I sat with it for a while because it's not like you recognize the need and then bang the next day. You're like, that's it. I'm quitting drinking. And that might be for some people, there are some people who do that. But for me, it's like I knew, I recognized, I sat on it for a bit. I knew I needed to make a change, but I would still go back to drinking. Despite all the negativity and the hangovers and the arguments and the hearing about the stuff I said and did I don't know, I, for me to actually make the change I had to sit with that for a bit and that's just how it went for me.

Kelly: 5:36

Yeah. I think for a lot of people it's a long time. That makes me think of our guest, Caroline, this season and how. She was so young and she had that recognition and that self-awareness of, right? Needing to change. And she got, she drank for a long time. She was in her early twenties, I think she told us, yeah. When she first recognized the fact that one day she was gonna need to quit because she already had a problem. Yeah. Yeah. The second thing for me was after recognizing the need to make a change, going through your social media and you don't have to necessarily delete but be mindful of what you're consuming. So if you've got a bunch of friends that love drinking and are posting about it, if you're trying to make a change in your life, maybe hit that unfollow button. Even celebrity accounts, if you're consuming, all these party images and people who are posting their drinks and it, I think just go through social media and recognize the life that you want to start to create and if there are things that are contradictory to that, unfollow that's good. Yeah. I had self-regulate Linds, which I think, Ooh, ooh, what does that mean? Self-regulate. To me it almost ties in with that because mindful of consumption would be like self-regulation. But I was more along the lines thinking of you start to begin the process of you need to self-regulate your consumption of alcohol, self-regulating in your daily routine, and putting those kind of guidelines in place for yourself to set yourself up for success so that you can cut it out or cut down or whatever your goal is. That's what I thought as self-regulation. That's good. My number two, which was hard for me, was to forgive myself. Oh yeah. The fact that I had to give up this part of my life and the fact that I got to the point where I needed to quit.

Tracey: 7:38

Yeah. I have that Kel but mine's way down on the list. Cause to me, yes. Forgiveness comes way later and it's an ongoing process.

Lindsey: 7:49

I was gonna say yes, Tracey. It's not something that you probably just say, okay, I forgive myself. No, you're probably working. I feel like I can combine my number two and number three now that I look at them like, forgive myself and then accept where I'm at. Acceptance. Yeah. But I love that kinda similar and the same step. I love that. That's funny that I didn't even have that on my list, but I think too, when you're talking about forgiving yourself and acceptance, we had just talked about on one of our previous podcasts, the recognition that the person, you aren't the problem. It's that substance. That's the problem, right? I know that you know your actions and words and things you control that, but I think feeling shame around how you behaved when you consumed a substance that's addictive, right? And totally messes with your brain and body. I think you gotta forgive yourself. You gotta cut yourself some slack, yeah. You gotta get out of the shame cycle for sure. Yes.

Tracey: 8:52

Yeah, part of that does happen naturally when you give up alcohol. You start to slowly pull yourself out of it, because I think with every day you're not drinking and you're keeping that promise to yourself, the shame diminishes.

Lindsey: 9:07

That is so true. And I think too, the self-acceptance and then the recognition that there's a need to change. When you bring something to light, you take away the power. When it's a secret, it has such a hold over you. You work so hard to hide it and it's exhausting, another thing I have on my list here is know what your triggers are. And have a plan, right? If there's a particular environment that's causes you stress or environmental cues that cause you to wanna drink or different relationships, like you're going to your mom's house and you're like fuck, every time I go there, all I wanna do is drink wine. Or I can't stand her. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Mike's just laughing. Mike, talk to me. What do you think about that?

Mike: 9:50

No, no, they're all good points. They're all good points. I think what women do better than men, and I'm of course speaking of myself is you've really dialed it in and taken the time to think about it. I think about these things. I'm a, yeah, really bad at writing things down. I can attest that in all areas of my life, it's my number one thing I need to do better. But I think when presented with a question I can certainly talk about it. And the one thing that comes to mind too is it hints on a few things, but own your shit, man. Yes, forgive yourself. Yes, be cognizant of your triggers, but own your shit. Because I think as humans, we make excuses for ourselves to make ourselves feel better, but there's nothing wrong with owning your shit and accepting that, I'm gonna be a better person now cuz I'm owning my stuff. I'm owning it. I have to own it. Yeah. All those things you regret doing and saying when you're drunk, you own it. I, many a times stuck my foot in my mouth. Probably still stick my foot in my mouth sometimes when I'm sober, but at least, if owning your shit is part of healing in some regards. That for sure would be up there for me.

Kelly: 10:57

Trace, what's your number three?

Tracey: 10:59

Self discovery. In many different ways. I think rediscovering yourself is part of that. Discovering new things, new things and new ways to experience life. So yeah, I think self discovery is something you start early in the process and that's why I had it as number three because right off the hop for me, I was looking for alternatives to my everyday glass of wine. Healthy alternatives. What could I turn that into that would be beneficial to me opposed to something that was harming me or not making me feel good?

Mike: 11:39

New habits, new routines. Walking and.

Tracey: 11:41

Yes. Yeah.

Lindsey: 11:43

And I have start listening to podcasts about living alcohol free or about the effects of alcohol. Get a book, educate yourself. Educate yourself, and start filling your feeds with, educational things about the effects of alcohol or people who are sober. Start surrounding yourself on social media space, virtually with stuff like that. Read a book, if anybody has or wants recommendations, there are lots. You can find them online. You can reach out to one of us. But yeah,

Kelly: 12:18

that was a big thing for me too. With the podcast, I think I just, early on, right? Or very early, yes. On actually that's what led me to quit. I've started listening to them before I quit. But Yeah, that also gave me that sense of not feeling so alone. I would just listen to this one podcast where all it was an hour of one person's story, what we do with our guest episodes. But they literally just read their story for an hour and it made me feel way less alone cuz I could see myself in some way and all of them. So that really helped me a lot because I also couldn't be with my thoughts at that point. I could not. And that's ok. Yeah, that's ok.

12:56

Yeah,

Tracey: 12:57

I was like that too. Kel. I started listening to podcasts and Yeah. I was in a Facebook group. That was another thing I did too. Through the group just saw other people Trying to live alcohol free as well. Getting to their two days, five days, one year and yeah. Encouraging. And that was, yeah, that was very motivational. But along those same lines, I just had it further down my list. I had connection community, finding your tribe. Similar to what you're saying, Lynn's, surrounding yourself with the right people and the right support as well. Yeah. This community is amazing as we've spoken to so many times on this podcast. But really in doing this podcast that exposed me to what an amazing community it is. I didn't even realize how supportive and abundant it was until we started doing this. And we've had so many people reach out and we've connected with so many wonderful people and it's been awesome.

Kelly: 13:58

Yeah. I put I don't know. What number are you keep keeping track of our numbers. I'm not even, I think we're like four, four or five. I think we're on four. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Around there. I had to commit to the work, like really commit to the work around building a whole new life, really. And then digging into why I drank like that, but committing like it's work. It's takes a lot and it's hard, but I think it takes a big commitment.

Mike: 14:27

Self discovery, right? Yeah. Yeah. Totally.

Lindsey: 14:30

I have on my list number five, time to ditch it, set a date and stick to it. It's okay, this is the date. Mark it down in your calendar. And that's it. Set it and forget it we're ditching it today and then pour it all down the drain. Pour it all down the drain. I actually did that. I had some booze in my house and I was like, Kate, nope. It's all going down the drain. And then track your milestones. Yes. You made it 24 hours. Fucking mark that shit with a gold star and get some stickers and some colored markers and make mark it down in your calendar. I did, I forgot about that. I printed off calendars, like a monthly view calendar, and I had them in my bedroom and every day I put like an X on the day that I didn't drink. I love it. And then I'd print up the next month and stick it on there. I probably did it for say five, six months. Yeah. I needed that. So helpful. I love the visual of that.

Tracey: 15:25

That's part of Kelly's commitment too. And it's accountability. Holding yourself accountable. And going back to keeping your promise to yourself. I had self care, self-love. We've touched on that many a times on the podcast and the importance of that you really need to focus on that, especially in the early stages

Lindsey: 15:46

So true. Yeah. A lot of people lump in wine with self-care, Chloe danger, Mike's laughing. Oh,

Mike: 15:54

mommy. Wine culture. That's what, yep. Yeah. I think early on, I remember I think I said this to Tracey a few times, but what shocked me about, one of the reasons why I got off Facebook was Just the glorification. We've talked about this thousands of times and these Hey, it's 11:00 AM it's one o'clock. My biggest I don't even know what you call this, but it's it's okay for women, and it was mostly women saying, Hey, it's 11:00 AM and it's, but yet if some dude puts something on, it's 12 o'clock somewhere, the first person to hate on the man is a woman. And it's oh it's ridiculous. Wow. Now here I am defending the whole, it's 12, 12 o'clock somewhere, but my point I'm trying to make is that, It's bullshit from either sides, and it seemed to me, maybe it's because I'm a man, I don't know that it was more accepting of a woman to post something with a big wine glass I would agree. Ridiculously sized wine glass. You could fit a family inside of it and make a joke out of it. But,

Lindsey: 16:56

have you seen my old Instagram post? I know. I was just gonna say that was me. That was me. Oh,

Tracey: 17:02

Mike. Yeah. I think we're all guilty of that. Yep.

Mike: 17:07

But I think we do it to feel like part of a group, part of included we're talking about right now. Yeah. Yeah. There's a culture out there that Tracey just hit on it's society or it's a group, whatever you want to call it, of people who are the opposite ends of the spectrum of these other groups that people are, talking about all the time. It's. This is why you gotta clean up your social media. You don't necessarily have to delete things or people just unfollow them so that it's not appearing in your feed. Do you know what I mean? So when you're, if you're scrolling or don't go on social media

Kelly: 17:39

or don't go on social media. Yeah. But I'm like, one thing at a time. If we're gonna try and quit booze, let's not try and quit social media at the same time. But you're right. Sorry Lynn, go ahead. No. Yeah, I just wanted to say that. No, I was just gonna say, I always think about what was life like before cell phones? What was life like before the internet? Before, yeah. Facebook, we all lived, we're alive when these things were happening. So there's something, I don't know what it is, but I wonder if there was a way to do parents, the socialized, it was always drinking, at least as far as, yeah. I remember my mom taking my sister and I to a friend's house, and for sure she'd have a glass of wine. It wasn't like she was getting bombed, but it was just socially acceptable. And I think now it's not, but maybe it's more, I don't know. I don't know. I think that, I was thinking, as you guys were talking earlier, I think a certain personality can do certain things that another can't, like introvert versus extrovert passive versus aggressive. Some are good at some things and some aren't, and maybe that has a factor in how someone goes about quitting. Like you guys alluded to, Kelly said, gold stars or, markers visualized being visual. Yeah. Yeah. And I would never even think to do that, but it makes a lot of sense. Goals, I think if you're not taught that in other areas of your life, then yeah, maybe it's time to explore it. For sure. That was already part of my life. Yeah, that makes sense. That I did it right.

Lindsey: 19:07

Interesting. Yeah. It wasn't for me. I'm stubborn, I just was like, no, I'm not doing this anymore. Willpower, is when you wanna call it, it's funny because people have said recently, oh hey, you don't drink. How long has it been, you say, I don't know. Three years. Three and a half years. It's not even a number anymore. Oh, good for you. Oh, that's great. Good for you. And it's thanks. Yeah. I don't dunno what to say. Yeah. Thanks. That's all you have to say. Thank you. Yeah, it's weird. Thanks for what I know. Thanks for being a rebel in this society. That's so completely boo soaked, but is it them saying, Good for you. Because they're trying to subliminally say they wish they could do it,

Kelly: 19:48

or they probably think they could never do it. I don't know about wishing they could do it, but they probably think they wouldn't do it. It's interesting. Ooh,

Lindsey: 19:57

interesting. I think, yeah. I'm trying to think back too, when somebody would tell me that they were alcohol free for so many months or years, I would be like, good for you. That's awesome. But I would say that from a place of, I don't think I could ever do that. Oh, too, I was like, fascinating. I'm like, what? How.

Mike: 20:13

Yeah. No, I probably would say you're wasting your time. good luck with that.

Kelly: 20:18

Yeah. Yeah. I get outta here. Yeah. Get outta here. Okay. Where are we? What's next? Lens?

Lindsey: 20:25

Oh, geez. I am number six on my list was find. Wait, you wait. Oh, no. Number five. I didn't share number. Okay. What was your

Kelly: 20:32

share your Similar to what's already come up, but find replacements. Be open to trying new things because if you've just been drinking, like I was, drinking was my hobby. That was my hobby. Me too. So I didn't know what kind of hobbies. And I've talked to other people with similar, experiences. So like I don't even know how to fill my time now. Cuz you do end up having a lot of time when you're not Yeah. Drinking and chasing hangovers. So for my top three replacements for wine moving my body, spending time in nature and what I put in my body, like food wise. I love that. That's what I have on my list. That's next. Find new beverages. Find new things that you like to drink, enjoy. So kombucha. Some people are like, hate kombucha. Great. Then don't drink it. There's a lot of alcohol free. Beverages that are delicious. I've got this Cavita sparkling fermented drink It's like a lemon cayenne thing. And I get it at Superstore in the green aisle and it's one of my favorite things. Take a trip to the health food store. The health food aisle, or in, you live in Winnipeg? The sober markets. Sober markets, yeah. All those places. St. Leon Lens. I know you love. Yes, I They've got tons there. Yes, they have tons of boost free choices this year.

Tracey: 21:46

I'm only on number five too. And number five for me was self. That's okay. Got number five for me was what was self preservation setting boundaries, which, oh gosh. We had a whole episode on boundaries. Such a good episode.

Lindsey: 22:02

Yeah. Would you set boundaries? With other people, set boundaries with people, set boundaries with yourself. Set boundaries for things that trigger you, right? Your environment. So yeah. Whether that be social media, whether that be social events, whatever it is. So it's okay to say no and not participate and remove yourself even if in the middle of something too. If you're not feeling good about it, it's okay to be like, okay, I gotta go now. Yes. See you later. And you don't have to explain either. No.

Tracey: 22:33

Yeah. Like I said, I think it's about self preservation in that period of your life when you're trying to accomplish and do something better for yourself.

Lindsey: 22:43

Yeah. And be kind and gentle with yourself too, right?

Tracey: 22:47

Yeah. And then my number six was connection and community, which we already touched on. That was seven. Number seven for me is find support groups that are supportive of your new healthy life that you're trying to create for yourself, because you are the average of the five people that you hang around with the most, right? So it's about either connecting with new environments and people weed'em out. We weed'em out, right? If you've decided to uplevel yourself you've made it clear what you're doing with your life, a vision you have for yourself. The substance no longer fits. And you invite them up to join you and they say, no, we're gonna stay down here. That's okay. I'm not coming back down. I'm gonna stay up here.

Kelly: 23:37

And that can be really challenging. It was for me. I'm not sure if I ever shared this on the podcast before, but I remember I was having some trouble in some of my relationships when I first quit. Friendships, marriage, all of those things. And I remember my therapist saying to me just remember Kelly, you are the one who changed. And I think that's really important. We can't expect other people to come along with us. Or even like that we've changed. And that's okay. That's okay. That's the point. Yeah. That's okay. That's true. I think it's important though and we've touched on this you need, some sort of level of support from people that are in the same place as you. Other alcohol free people. Yes. Like we have connected with one another, but that doesn't necessarily mean, as we've alluded to, that you need to do the 12 step program. Find what works for you, find the support group, whether it be the three people that we have right here, or one person even. That works for you. Yes. My number seven was mindfulness and meditation. Oh, that's good. I can't believe I don't even have that on my list, but that's so good. I know Mike would agree with that one because he is touched on it many times and he utilizes that one for himself.

Mike: 25:03

Not lately, but maybe you need to get back on it. That's a daily, multiple times daily practice for me at this point. But yeah, if I'm not carving out a little bit of time to meditate a few times a day it's gonna be a pretty chaotic day in my brain.

Lindsey: 25:18

I have that on my list. Start a new hobby and practice healthy living. Walking, joining a new gym, swimming, I don't know whatever it is. Golf. Golf. Yep. Knitting, crochet, something yeah. I don't know. Start something new. Oh, yeah. I, you don't wanna listen, I am terrible at golf. That would probably, yeah. And find some golfers that don't drink because that is a big place for drinking. That's, you're not the right people challenge. Yeah. But there are people that don't drink that do golf. There are people.

Mike: 25:55

Yeah. Yes. Usually my experience with golf is you want to golf with the people who drink the morning after, after they've gotten drunk.

Kelly: 26:02

Cause then your game is gonna be way better than yours.

Mike: 26:06

They're hungover then. Yeah. It's good. Nice. It's good. But no, that's yeah that's challenge. Challenge for me, golfing with most people I golf would drink, but for the most part. They're not pushing it on you or anything like that. That's good. Yeah. Some people just golf to do drinking. Oh, yeah. They golf just to drink.

Lindsey: 26:28

I used to go just to drive the cart to drink. You drink beer?

Kelly: 26:32

Yeah. Oh, yeah. If I think of any golfing that I've done in the past, there was a lot of alcohol consumption. There's guy drunken cart driving for sure. Oh, for sure. There's the guys that will buy the first drink and then have 20 drinks in their bag, just it's, comic. Yeah. Not just guys, Mike. Not just guys.

Mike: 26:51

Yeah, fair enough. Fair enough.

Lindsey: 26:54

I would have on my wine bra. No, I'm just kidding. Have you seen that? Geez. Yeah. There.

Kelly: 27:08

Okay. When I made this part I must have been thinking about going through the healing process because for me, a lot of my drinking has to do with unresolved childhood stuff and stuff like that. Yeah. So I wrote surrender to what comes up when it comes up. Like I really believe that we don't get these things that come up to deal with until we're ready. So surrender to it and be like, okay, time to deal with this thing. And then

Lindsey: 27:35

was I'm no. It out. Yeah.

Kelly: 27:39

Something that I work on daily is dropping the self-judgment and any time expectations. So sometimes I'll, do all this work around healing and then it takes me so long sometimes, or I think it's done and then it comes back so I can be really hard on myself with things like that. So just dropping the self-judgment and not having any expectations as to how long this thing is going to take to heal. Just I love that I said like I have on this list too, but what goes along with this? Oh, you think that what you guys said was the self-love and the self-care, it's gotta be part of that and be, what did you say there, Lynn? Be kind and gentle with yourself. I think that's all part Patient. And patient, my gosh. Yeah. Patients tattooed on my forehead. I said, why do you think it comes back? Because I'm not done with it. Or it's not done with you or it's not done with me. There's still something for me to learn

Lindsey: 28:29

but you spent so many years drinking, for me, you spent so many years, we're talking, we crazy. I drank for 30 years. That's fucking crazy. Think about that. Abusively. Think about that. You're gonna be just magically healed in 30 days. This is a lifelong process of, being alcohol free. Oh shit. Why am I crying so much? I don't know. Let's maybe start journaling. Oh, why does this trigger me? I don't know. Okay. Write it down. Why does this trigger me again, it's the same thing. I don't get it. Let's think about this. Let's listen to some podcasts about trauma and relationships. Oh, okay it's not gonna be a nice package of this is how you're going to heal and get messy, sober. And it's a

Kelly: 29:12

freaking, it's messy

Lindsey: 29:14

mess, and you continue to do the work. Sometimes there are days I just unexplainably unexplained, what's the word? I can't even say it without explanation. I'm just bawling my eyes out, yeah. I, and then I'm like, what is that all about? I don't flow, let those tears. But yeah. Like I just feel better after, or, yeah. You're not drowning yourself in alcohol anymore and Oh, that's right.

Kelly: 29:39

Brain was always there. I just drank so I didn't have to deal with it and cry and feel angry for 30 years. With that, sorry, I'm just gonna go with these here. Just go for it. Yeah, that's okay. Because it kinda all goes together. With that acceptance of your past, accepting every single thing.

Lindsey: 29:57

Mistakes you made, everything shit. You said shit. You said shit that happened to you, shit that other people did to you. How long you stayed in relationships that you shouldn't have stayed in accepting everything. Thanks. And then what also goes along with that is forgiving others. So forgiving other people that maybe played a part in some of those things. Do you have to physically contact them and be like, oh, very good question,

Kelly: 30:26

Lindsay. I wrote in brackets, like I said, often without getting an apology. So forgiveness doesn't mean getting something from somebody else to me to on my journey.

Tracey: 30:38

No. Forgiveness is a gift to yourself. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. What do you guys got? Oh I had journaling, which Lindsay just brought up journaling or writing stuff down, getting, I would not be to hear if I didn't journal. Yeah. Getting your thoughts out on paper, even some way creatively, if that helps. Or even to a therapist or whatever, however you want to get something out of your mind and. Out in the world. Yeah. So we don't keep it all locked up there where we were keeping it when we were drinking and just flushing it down.

Lindsey: 31:16

So good. After on my list, starting a new hobby and practice healthy living, then I had the celebrate my milestones and track things and focus on experiences and activities that support your healthy lifestyle.

Tracey: 31:32

That's a really good one. You should celebrate yourself. Totally. Absolutely.

Kelly: 31:38

If any of our listeners aren't following Lindsay on social media, she does a really good job She's part of a community. It's like a workout gym, right? Yeah. I, you guys all work out together, but you guys also celebrate together too and we do those really fun pictures and Yeah. I like how much you guys celebrate your milestones and stuff. Good. Yeah. It is awesome.

Lindsey: 31:59

And then I only have one final point on my list. I had 10 things, but I thought this was important to realize, don't freak out if you slip up. I haven't, this December will be four years alcohol free for me. Sometimes I have dreams about drinking or being drunk, and sometimes I'm like I've had thoughts in the past like, Would I ever drink again? I don't know. But I think if you had a slip up, if you've gone any length of time, even like new 30 days in, and then you had a drink I don't think that it erases all the work you did. I think you just have to be like, okay let's recalibrate here. What are my priorities? Why did I decide to ditch it in the first place? Because I know for me, it didn't work in my life at all. It was very destructive and came with so many negative consequences. And then start over what do you guys think? What's on your list? Oh, talk to

Kelly: 33:03

mem. I was gonna just say what you said I love some of our guests and how many times they tried, yeah. How many times? Just keep trying just keep trying. Don't quit. Have as many quitting day. Yeah. Don't quit quitting. Have as many day ones as you need to have. You'll get it. Like you will get it. Mike, what do you think?

Mike: 33:24

I think having, back to what you said, it's you start something because you're tired of the way your life is, or you've got something need that needs to be fixed. I think there's a lot of good to be said in the fact that you're working towards fixing something. And I've always said that I don't know if, I can never say never. I just don't know. And I know you guys have said, I, Kelly said, I'm never again. I just don't know. I'll still say that. I just don't know if, I could never say never. But I think for damn sure the last three and a half years it's been such a. Rewarding experience for myself to know that I can do things that I didn't think I could do. Yes. And yes, I did those things for myself, not for anybody else but myself. Nobody no one challenged me. No one bet me

Kelly: 34:15

no anything, no ultimatums.

Mike: 34:17

Yeah. There was no you're going to jail if you don't do this. Nothing like that. It was own your shit. I had to own my shit and I got tired of, getting myself into bad situations and amongst other things. And I just, enough, it's unfortunate that, it got to a point of a bad scenario of what I perceive to be a bad scenario in my mind that I had to stop I think it was you, Lindsay said, pick a date, send it and forget it. That might work for some for sure, but, I wish it was that easy for me where I said, this is the date I'm doing it and, I wish I could do that with other stuff. How did you do it again? Remind me. Cause just you, you weren't a picnic date and said it. No, I just woke up after being crazy drunk and just, that was it. I was done. I physically was done. I think for me, what, so you felt it That really pushed me over the edge was I went on a trip with my buddies to play in a tournament in Arizona the month prior. It was every single day there was drinking. It was just constant drinking. You'd finish game beers and then we'd drink all night, get drunk, wake up at, 7:00 AM and go play in the heat. And it just was like, I'm physically worn out, and I told you guys this, I found a video where I videotaped myself walking home the last night, and I saw that and I thought, what the fuck, dude? You don't even remember taking this video. Yeah. And I swear there's cop sirens and there's all this stuff, there's all this background noise. It's like literally a scene out of a movie where a guy's what the fuck's going on? Are you gonna change or what? And I don't know that I saw that video after the trip or what, but I was emotionally and physically done. I just, wow. Wasn't there yet. From the end of that trip, it took maybe six more weeks and then I was like, okay. My analogy is 12 round boxing match. You're getting the bejesus beaten out. You're like rocky gotten the crap beating outta you. Wow. Yeah. Just absolutely knocked out. Here we are. And I feel, my brain feels better. Yeah. I do. I feel physically better some days. But yeah, my brain feels better. There's, not brain fog. There's so many pluses. And Kelly alluded to, you deal with a lot of suppressed 30 plus year bullshit that you never dealt with. Cause you drank it, you drank, you just pushed it underneath the carpet and it sucks.

Lindsey: 36:49

Those recordings, like your walking recording where you didn't even realize that you maybe took that video, or you see it the next day and you're like, oh my God. I'm like, those are divine things. Oh, yes. I think, yeah, I think you were meant to see that and maybe you're not even conscious that you're doing it, but I remember seeing things or picture or videos that people took of me and I was like, holy shit.

Kelly: 37:12

Yep. Totally. Can I say what my next thing is? Cuz it's totally like what you just said. A huge thing for me is my spiritual practice. I would not be still alcohol free without my spiritual practice. I know for sure that's something that was lacking in my life, my whole life. I'm not talking about religion but spirituality is a big one for me. And that helps obviously with, I mentioned surrender a few times and that obviously helps with surrender. Cuz I believe that there is a plan for me and I am guided divinely like Lynn said. Yeah. Love it.

Tracey: 37:46

I have a couple here that you guys hadn't mentioned yet. Ooh. I had gratitude, oh practicing gratitude. I think that there's so many things to be grateful for. Grateful for the fact that you've made this decision in your life, grateful for the people that are supporting it. Grateful for the fact that you might not have ended up in the same rock bottom place that other people did. So yeah, I think gratitude is big. And my last and final thing was self-actualization. And I had self-forgiveness, but I had those as my last two things because I think those are the things that are ongoing that we continue to try to do is to go through the self-forgiveness process. For me, it's ongoing. You forgive yourself for a lot of things I find, and then something comes up or something triggers you and then you have to forgive yourself for that too. And then self-actualization, same thing. That's throughout your whole entire life. But that's what I think we all work towards when you're a person that's self-aware and wants to improve themselves. Continuously. Yeah. That's really good. That is so good. I love that. I have two more. Oh, that's hear. Do you have any more left? No, that was my list. Lindsay, you said this one as your number two, but weed out, like when you mentioned social media, but weed out what and who's not in alignment with your best. You. And I just, oh, I love the way you worded that. I love that. I really think the energy is everything. It's everything who you share your energy with, what's in your space, what your space looks like, where you live, who you spend time with, what you consume, social media, things like that. Then my last one I said, there is no destination. You are perfect now. Practice presence, be here now. And not everything is going to change at once. That's good. Yeah. So good. That's really good. That is so good. I was gonna say just a little earlier when Lindsay, when you were talking about having a slip up and just in general when we're talking about trying new things, it's like we just need the reset button. It's just a whole reset on life. And then same thing if you feel like you failed because you had a slip up. Just press the reset button. Yes. Yeah.

Kelly: 40:12

And it's never too late. Love that. Like it's never too late to ditch it. Sometimes it takes people 10, 15 tries. Yeah. Yeah. It doesn't mean you're a failure. We're human. Human. Sorry. Yeah,

Tracey: 40:28

I think we had a lot of guests that are good examples of that.

Kelly: 40:31

Yeah.

Mike: 40:32

So what if it's about, you've said slip up, reset, everybody's alluded to those things. The bigger thing I think is, I think you guys would agree, is that we know what the positives that have come out of this experience to this point in time for each one of us. And if someone decided to, Go a year, two, three, whatever. Just the realization that how did your life change? How did it become better? And if you decided that you were going to drink and I've known people that went four years and went back to drinking and they went back for, six months and they said, no, that's it. I shouldn't have done it, but whatever. I'm cool. The awareness factor that everybody's alluded to, I don't know about the whole flip the switch or whatnot. I think I definitely understand the meaning behind it. Just, yeah. My message was more be cognizant of the things that you've done in the time that you weren't consuming alcohol that are benefits to your life and, ride with it cuz you know that you can do a lot of good. It's not a negative, I guess is what I'm trying to say. That if you decide that, you want to go back, I don't know, slip up.

Lindsey: 41:43

I think if that's the case, that for whoever it happens to, I think that was the experience they were supposed to have because they were supposed to learn something from it.

Mike: 41:52

Yeah, very well. Could be very well. Don't dwell on it as a negative, I guess look at it as, yeah, hey, I have a skillset now where I have experience in living that way and I have to assume a lot of the positive aspects of that experience helped me and not me. The person in general get somewhere where they were struggling to get for sure. So it's interesting. That's for sure.

Tracey: 42:18

So before we conclude, has everybody finished their list? Yes. I just wanna give a shout out to our guests this season.

Lindsey: 42:28

Yeah.

Tracey: 42:29

Can you guess, how many guests we had in season two? There's a trivia question for you.

Lindsey: 42:36

Oh, geez. Are we bad podcasters if we don't get it right?

Mike: 42:40

How many we had? You said 12. 12. I was gonna say 10. How many had or 10? Many. Many. How many have

Tracey: 42:46

you had? We had in season two.

Mike: 42:49

Oh. And that's since when to when? What month? September. Eptember to now. Sorry. 12. 12. September. To now. Oh, I'm gonna go with 14.

Kelly: 42:58

You guys are so close, but nobody's lucky number 13.

Tracey: 43:06

Yeah. Okay, so starting with our friend and fellow podcaster, Matt Gardner from Recovery Roadmap. Oh, good. And fellow Canadian too, which is awesome.

Kelly: 43:19

And I was on his podcast. I was a guest on his podcast. Oh yeah, that's right. That's right. You guys didn't even listen. Thanks a lot. No, we will have to listen. I'm not, I don't think you advertised

Tracey: 43:32

it enough for yourself there. Kel,

Kelly: 43:38

did you post that on social media, Kel?

Lindsey: 43:41

I didn't see, I remember seeing it. Yeah, she did.

Tracey: 43:46

Our next guest was Kelly's friend, Jamie? Yes. And what's okay, because I've bastardized this season with people's last names. I should have a whole blooper reel of doing thatwe. No Swalie. See. Look, I can't do it.

Kelly: 44:04

I know, but British Wheel's fun to say weird.

Tracey: 44:09

Yeah. So Kelly's friend, Jamie, he was great. And our next guest was Martin Lockett.

Kelly: 44:17

Oh.

Tracey: 44:19

That was an extremely intense and impactful episode. Guys, if you haven't listened to that episode, after you finish with this one, go to Martin Lockets episode and hit play. Just do it and

Kelly: 44:34

follow him on social media and see the amazing work he is doing.

Tracey: 44:38

He's really turned into an inspiration, that's for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Steven McDonald, our friend Steven, who wrote his book of collection of quotes

Lindsey: 44:50

from you guys. I just got that from him in, from Amazon. I did. You just got it a week ago. Really? He sent me

Tracey: 44:57

yeah. And I'd like to mention he wrote another book of poems that he sent me as well. And I do have copies. I just need to send them to you guys. I just got it as well.

Kelly: 45:08

And he read us a poem at the end of that episode, so make sure you listen to that. Yeah, that poem was awesome. Yeah. Yeah. That was great. And then we had Kim Kearns on the Edge of Shattered, another author. Oh, yes. That was a good one. Has anybody read her book yet? No.

Tracey: 45:28

No. I know we should because I know we all were interested in that and we,

Kelly: 45:33

her story was very relatable to me. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. And then we had my yogi friend, Deb McNain Oh. From Shadowlands Yoga. And she has also doing great work Yeah. Y 12 yoga program that is supporting people that our in the sober community. Then we had our friend Sonya Kahlon, another Canadian to start. Now she's American, but she was Canadian at heart from ever bloom. And she says, oh yes, she's doing great work and the recovery community. Oh yes. That was my favorite after recording conversation. Yes. Oh God, we shoulda kept recording.

Lindsey: 46:17

Yeah. We shoulda have kept recording.

Tracey: 46:19

She was a lot of fun. And then we had. Sweet, sweet Carter Evans, Kelly's son.

Kelly: 46:26

Oh my God. One, yeah, I was traveling I think. Yeah. Yeah. He's still living alcohol free.

Lindsey: 46:33

He's awesome.

Tracey: 46:34

That's awesome. Yeah, he was so sweet. And then Ben, Tuff Swim tuff. Ben's documentary has started to be released in a couple of different cities in the US There's been some showings. It'll be great when we can get it on YouTube or whatever platform it ends up on. I'm very excited to watch that.

Kelly: 46:55

Yes.

Tracey: 46:56

And then we had Hayley Schreders

Lindsey: 46:59

Got it right this time you did get it right? Yes. You did.

Kelly: 47:04

Living over the influence.

Tracey: 47:06

Another fellow Canadian Haley was awesome too, and she's doing some great work in the recovery community as well. And then we had Mr. Jamie Wild from Feragaia, our first non-alcoholic beverage company. I missed yeah, that was pretty amazing what they,

Kelly: 47:26

and he has a crush on Lindsay or Lindsay has a crush on him. What was that?

Lindsey: 47:29

I have a crush on him. I'm just gonna put it out there. Also, do you know Kelly? They have his product Feragaia at supermarket. Oh, really? Carry. Okay. We'll have to go check it out. That's awesome. Yeah. Yep. We'll have to do a shopping. Day there together. Yes. Stock up for our summer supplies. I love it. I love that. That's a good idea. Girls. Dry July.

Kelly: 47:55

Yeah.

Tracey: 47:55

Throw together some mocktails for dry Ju July in support of dry July. That's a hard one to say. That's like a freaking, I love how you say it. Yeah. Like slur in my words here. Not seeming to dry on that one. Anyways, and then we had good old Caroline Barrett, which was Mike's friend from Sober Me. She is doing great things with the recovery community as well. Yeah. Lots of recovery coaches, which is awesome. Yes. So much support out there. I love it. And then last but not least, our new friend Deb Masner, and I think I got that one right this time too. From Alcohol Tipping Point and Deb is been posting all over her social media for us today. Yeah, she is awesome. And I loved it. Cause she's a nurse and she comes from that health background, so

Kelly: 48:52

Yeah. Yeah.

Tracey: 48:53

No, and I love that she is, trying to spread awareness on the health risks. And that is her mission and her big focus. And I loved her alcoholidays.

Kelly: 49:04

Yeah. Alcohol day. I was just trying to remember what she called that. Yeah.

Tracey: 49:07

Alcohol. Oh, I love it. Yeah. Oh my

Lindsey: 49:09

God. So great. And you wanna

Kelly: 49:10

take it so grateful that we've been connected with all these people. Holy. I know. I never imagined I'd meet that many people around the world and, yeah. This is amazing.

Lindsey: 49:19

We're interviewing guests, you guys that's awesome.

Tracey: 49:24

And so many people are just so passionate and creative, in what they're doing. And like I said, I just can't, it's like an immense amount of support that you receive from all these people. And it's amazing.

Kelly: 49:38

That's another thing we could add to our list that we've made is being of service, and that's what we're doing here. Oh. And I am finding I'm gaining so much for my own alcohol free journey. Everything that I'm learning from you guys and from the guests is being of service. And it's keeping me accountable too. A hundred percent. So true. Yeah. Yeah. But all of these guests are of service in the community. I love it.

Lindsey: 50:01

Yeah. Yeah. I guess that's the end of season two. We are so grateful to you guys for tuning in every Tuesday and listening and we would love for you to. Share this episode especially if you think it can help somebody that you know. So we're gonna take a break for the summer. We will be back in the fall with exciting guests and interviews. If you wanna be featured on our show, reach out to us. We would love to hear from you. And thank you for the support. We love you guys. Until next time, keep laughing. Bye everybody.

Kelly: 50:38

Bye guys.

Lindsey: 50:39

Mike is word. Word.

Kelly: 50:42

Thank you for listening. Please give us a five star rating like and subscribe, share on social media and tell your friends. We love getting your feedback and ideas of what you'd like to hear on upcoming episodes of the laugh life podcast. If you yourself are living alcohol free and want to share your story here, please reach out.