What our drunk "Alter Ego" says about our true selves? Season 2 Ep. 17

Do you have an "Alter Ego" when you're drinking? What character do you become? In Episode 17 we question all things as our drunk selves. Is alcohol really a truth serum or is it bringing out buried trauma when were drinking? How did our journey through our drunk "Alter Egos' help us identify our true selves and form who we have become  today. Tune in to this episode to find out!

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Transcript

Kelly: 0:03

welcome to the LAF life podcast, a lifestyle podcast based on living alcohol free and a booze soaked world. My name is Kelly Evans and together with my friends, Tracey Djordjevic, Mike Sutton and Lindsay Harik. We share uncensored. Unscripted real conversations about what our lives have been like since we ditched alcohol and how we got here by sharing our individual stories. We'll show you that there isn't just one way to do this, no matter where you are on your journey from sober, curious to years in recovery and everyone in between, you are welcome here, no judgment and a ton of support.

Lindsey: 0:42

Welcome back to the LAF Life podcast. We are recording episode 17 of season two today. And before we get rolling, do us a favor, hit that subscribe button and that way you won't miss any of our episodes that are released each Tuesday. And when we're done here, share this with a friend because you never know. Who you might help and who is struggling or curious. So we did a poll in our group chat and one of the topics that came up for today's podcast episode was your alter ego when you were drinking. Did you have one? If you did, what were you like drunk you versus sober? You? What character were you? So we're gonna get into that today and talk about this, so let's go. I was, I don't know. I feel like drinking made me more extroverted. I feel like maybe you guys can relate to that too, and more assertive for sure. Way more assertive. I would stand up for myself more, way more vocal, way more extroverted. I would try things like experiences and new things that I wouldn't normally do. Sober, I feel like it definitely brought my guard down. What do you guys think? What were your personalities like? Like I was just like, woohoo. Especially meeting new people and I would just talk to people more easily. So Kelly, you had something super profound that you said in the group chat, and when I read it, it blew my mind about your perception of yourself when you were drinking. Tell us what you said.

Kelly: 2:28

Okay. I think what I said, first of all, after we had this conversation, I hopped in the shower and I always seemed to get clarity in the shower maybe cuz there's no distractions. But what came to me was how we talked about on past episodes how it brings you outta your shell. Yeah. And then I always ask the question why were we in our shell to begin with? So the way I was trying to be, and I'm sure I was super annoying but I was the free dancing party girl. And now I see that I am more authentically that way. So in my opinion, we're born that way. We're born free. We don't get embarrassed when we're babies. Oh, that's such a good point. What makes us embarrassed though, as a adults? Cause I feel that way. Okay. So my theory is that growing up, depending on how we grow up, there's layers just piled on. Maybe parents systems like school, society put all these layers on us, who we're supposed to be expectations all kinds of things, what we're supposed to be when we grow up, what we're supposed to look like. We're supposed to do as a job or who we're supposed to choose as a partner if we're supposed to be a mother, all of that. And obviously some people have more layers built on them than others. And I think I had a lot and I was just so suppressed and shoved into a box of who I was supposed to be and when I discovered alcohol at a young age. So I think I was. 12 or 13. The first time I drank, I noticed that right away is how free I felt yeah. That's how I felt. So the last five years has been the undoing of those layers. The layers have all come off and I don't need a drink to get on the dance floor. I'm just free. I'm just myself. Of course there's some fears and things like that Yeah. That I overcome. But I choose to try to not live in fear of anything.

Tracey: 4:26

Going back to embarrassment for a minute, I think that embarrassment comes from ridicule and shame that's put on you from other people. you get embarrassed cuz you do something authentically and then you're judged for it. Or somebody outwardly has a reaction. that makes you feel shameful or embarrassed about it?

Kelly: 4:48

Yep. I know for sure I can pick out specific events in my life where I was criticized, Ooh, for being me. or for being interested in something or expressing myself,

Tracey: 5:00

I think growing up that's detrimental to, how you feel about yourself and your ability to be more open. It can easily shut you down.

Kelly: 5:11

For sure. I see this even with my sisters who each have children and. It's funny because I watch my nephews playing and just the constant noise and sounds they make, can be really overwhelming and overstimulating as a parent, especially if you have anxiety. So sometimes I feel like I'm observing kids being disciplined and told to be quiet and, don't talk so loud and just, but that's who they are. They're expressing themselves, they're finding their voices, and then they're told to, stop talking don't make that sound and be quiet. So maybe that could be where the, embarrassment comes from, but yeah, I don't know. Yeah I'm very aware of that when I see that if somebody's trying to, and I can sense that. And I do think, I say we're all born free. I think some of us need more freedom than others. I recognize the fact that I was a wild child that was suppressed greatly. So I can really sense it when I have another one around me. Even if it's just, out and about in public, and if I see, somebody saying to their child come back, get back on the hiking trail when she's climbing, running to discover. I feel like saying to them

Lindsey: 6:27

don't do that.

Kelly: 6:28

Let her be free. Yeah.

Lindsey: 6:31

Oh my gosh. Or it's almost the overprotective parent is be careful. We're always saying that when you see children climbing on things and I've seen some things on social media that are. Just saying let your child be if they fall. How do you think they learn? Let them discover. I feel like alcohol definitely takes that. I don't know, that sense of embarrassment away, or it numbs it so that you're freer to do things or say things. Yeah, it's almost like you're literally carefree, right? Yeah. You can easily laugh off an embarrassment when you're drinking. Where that's usually not the case if you're not drinking, because I think when you're not drinking, your awareness is so much more heightened than when you are drinking and Oh, yes. It's that numbing agent and how you're not. Really in tune with what's going on so much. It's that altered state.

Kelly: 7:26

I was gonna say, it's that fear of being judged. Like you hear a lot of people say they drank because they need that social lubricant. Why? Why do you need that to socialize? Just show up and be yourself. And there's that fear of judgment, that their self isn't good enough, that they need this other thing in between them and other people to make it easier. But I think that goes back to your childhood experiences, right? like I know that I was made fun of a lot when I was a child about being quiet. So then I was completely self-conscious about ever trying to speak or, initiate conversation with people after that. Totally. So I tended to keep to myself and stay quiet, then I was heightenedly aware of everything I said or did and the people around me. And what kind of judgment would it bring? And then when you drank, you didn't have that?

Tracey: 8:14

No. No. I wouldn't say for the most part, people that know me, I don't think they would say I changed that much when I drank. But for me personally, the way I would say I changed is definitely to the outside world. Like you guys were stating I was more of an extrovert for sure, and much more comfortable around people I didn't know. when I wasn't drinking, I'm a lot more reserved around people I don't know. I would say that I was like the dancing queen when I was drinking, I had no inhibitions about that. I was completely free in that type of thing, whereas, when I wasn't drinking, I would be a lot more concerned about being awkward or feeling awkward if I was dancing and, alcohol obviously relieve me of that. I definitely felt more free in my body.

Lindsey: 9:04

there's a lot of people that say that you're your real self when you drink or the truth comes out when you drink. I don't know how I feel about this statement. Am I my true self when I'm acting like an asshole and, saying and doing things that I wouldn't normally do sober. That's definitely not the person I want to be. But what do you mean an asshole, Lindsay? Just Being more aggressive or mouthy or I don't know, people drink and cheat in their relationships, is that who somebody wants to be when they're sober? Then maybe that's stuff that's suppressed that's coming out. It's not in the best way. Like I said, I was super annoying, I'm sure when I was drunk. Oh, I'm sure I was too. But I do think that there is something to say about that. The truth, like they call it the truth coming out serum. The truth serum, yeah. Yeah. Truth serum, right? Yeah. Or is it your, Past traumas coming out that you haven't dealt with right when you drink? Exactly. Yes. That's interesting. Yes. Yeah. I know somebody that I used to drink with she would get really angry with her husband, at the end of the night and there was stuff, right? There was a lot of unresolved things that they didn't deal with when they were sober and it came out when they were drunk, and if they did deal with it when they were sober, it probably wouldn't have been so angry, but Right. It was suppressed. Mike's here tonight. Mike We have hijacked the conversation once again. Mike, tell us about your alter ego. Yay. What's up? I picture you as like the total party guy, he has a name, he has alter ego name. Oh yeah. Mike Tell,

Mike: 10:46

he was the, he, yeah. Mike was the party guy. could still be the party guy, just not to the extent that he was. Yeah, I listened to you guys and I was just thinking about, over the course of 25 plus years of whatever party life, drinking, blah, blah, blah. I think the way that I thought about it was is definitely a lot of the things are rooted in trauma and rooted in the inability, as Kelly alluded to freedom of expression. But the analogy that I use is, it's like a, tied up extension cord, and you slowly start to untangle the extension cord through life. And as you go through these, Experiences, you start pulling out another loop and you're getting there and you're getting there. But did I have an alter ego? Oh yeah. Oh yeah. He had a name too. So what's his name?

Kelly: 11:33

What was his name?

Mike: 11:34

His name is Wayne. So Wayne he's a fun guy.

Kelly: 11:38

He, what's his last, Wayne has the last name? What's his last name?

Mike: 11:42

I don't, I wanna say because, oh, okay. There, there's other reasons. Okay. Get into it. But anyway he just like loud and look at me and just would do crazy shit for attention. It was just seeking attention really is what it was. And I don't wanna all the time, but it was I think. When Tracey was talking about being quiet, I think the alter ego led to sometimes to being a person in a sober state. Maybe because there was still toxicity within the system that gave me the right to, be an asshole, but not just, like people giving you that kind of side eye. Who fucks this guy? Who gimme a break. Yeah. I was the type of per, and I still am the type person. It's like I, whatever, I'm gonna say what's on my mind. I'm gonna admit when I'm wrong. I've, had to, acquire that. You gotta admit when you're wrong. And I did some stupid things and said some things while I was drunk and me too, regretted it when I found out. and I didn't even know what I said, but someone would say You know what you said last night? I'm like, no. I was like, oh fuck, I gotta make some phone calls. That part really sucks. But, going on trips like the Daytona Beach when I was 19, my God, it was like you allude to Kelly the dancing on pool too. I'm not pool, I danced on pool tables. You did it. But how do you know, just doing crazy stuff. like streaking and getting there, just doing all this crazy stuff. It was all fueled by alcohol and partially probably drugs, but mostly alcohol. And yeah, I think. Once in a blue moon, if I run into somebody and they'll say, Hey, we're back time. And I'm like, yeah, kinda.

Lindsey: 13:20

but that begs the question too, I know a lot of us have experienced blackouts and it's like, where do you go when you black out? When sobriety isn't driving the bus and you lose all control, who do you become? Is alcohol unveiling who you really are and what you're feeling or, yeah, Oh my God. I thought of how men don't express themselves. I was talking about this with a girlfriend. Some men. Some men. Some men. So yeah, I was talking about this with a girlfriend last night. We were up for dinner and we were just saying I wish more men would actually tell their friends how they feel and that they love them and all of that. But look at that part of it. Guys, when they get drunk, I love you, man. I love you. It's so true. That's true. That's the truth. So true. But, and that's the other flip side of the coin or does alcohol help all of these buried emotions come to the surface.

Kelly: 14:11

That's what I mean, that's why I asked you about being an asshole. Were you really being an asshole or is this just stuff coming out?

Lindsey: 14:17

Stuff coming out. That's for sure. Really when I look back, I'm like, oh my God, I was either in the wrong relationship, not happy with myself. Compromising my boundaries. So many things, and then I guess getting drunk was almost like the excuse, I would just say and do things people would be like, holy shit, you said this last night. And I'm like, I wasn't even there. I said, what? But it's I don't remember it. I didn't catalog that memory. So it's oh God, now you guys film. People film stuff, right? So That's right. You see it and go, oh my god. And people post it too. So yeah. Hypersensitive to. Embarrassment, I think is definitely out there, right? and I think what I would do is when something bad would happen, my anxiety levels would get to the point of, oh my God, I'm gonna feel like this forever. And it was like, somebody else is gonna do something tomorrow or the next day, and you're not even gonna be the front page news anymore, it's not an excuse, it's never an excuse, but why do you want to get to that point of regret? But I think, I know, I think we need to get there, aside from the alcohol side of things, it's more from the ego side of things. We need to get there sometimes to say, oh, okay. Reality check. Your shit does stink like everybody else's. There's a little bit of give and play, I guess with alcohol.

Tracey: 15:34

I think you definitely, there is an element of truth that comes out. Yeah. You guys were alluding to. I mean I had the same experience with my ex-partner as your girlfriend, Kel. The majority of the fights we had were when we were drinking And it was because we didn't communicate when we weren't. All the emotions would come out at that time. And even for me, the fact that I was quiet, but I really had so much to say inside I feel like alcohol helped me with that. There was a part of me that wanted to be that extraverted person because I felt that inside I felt like I had so much to express. And alcohol really brought that out, but and definitely helped with inhibitions. and. although I feel like it didn't change my personality that much. I definitely know there were times I made some really poor decisions that I would not have made otherwise if I wasn't drinking right and those parts did not feel like myself. that's when I really feel like the substance took over.

Lindsey: 16:35

Okay, so let's go over this too. There's different types of drunks. I used to hear that as well. The happy drunk, the person that drinks and the more they drank, they just become happier. Yeah. That was me, until bedtime, we wouldn't get in angry fights, but I would cry to my ex Absolutely. And talk about what was bothering me in the relationship. Yeah. But is that the drama? Drunk drama?

Mike: 17:00

No. Is that crying a drama drunk?

Kelly: 17:02

No, that was the truth. That was the truth coming out. Okay. Like I was a ha I was a happy drunk all night long. And then when it was bedtime, I was crying because not every time, but yeah, it

Mike: 17:13

was a release of, it was like detoxing. But yeah. Cuz we, we weren't talking your emotions. Yeah. We weren't talking about it when we were sober.

Lindsey: 17:22

And I've definitely experienced people who were angry drunks, right? Like drinking, just brought all of that out. And I feel like I could be that too. Like I could start the night and depending how much I had to drink, I'd go through all of the different personalities. the I love you, the affectionate drunk oh my God, we're best friends. I love you so much, and everything's amazing. At one point I would probably end up crying and then I would be angry, sloppy, and then blackout oh my gosh. I think there's a lot of factors in that too. Like you're saying the different types of drunks. I know for me it would be, what did I drink? What kind of alcohol? And I would have a different outcome depending on the alcohol. That's interesting. And then there's always the quantity too. right? I think all those things factor in, and then based on that whole equation, it's who you become.

Kelly: 18:20

Absolutely.

Mike: 18:21

Oh yeah, shots. Shots is what does it for most people. Oh, mixing period. what? What? You were just like, you were fine two minutes ago and all of a sudden you're What? What happened? Yeah. Zero to a hundred in like super quick.

Tracey: 18:36

Or asked you girls about the red wine. And Mike's talked about this with women too. I know a lot of women who had issues with red wine and me for sure. And that's when the angry would come out.

Lindsey: 18:47

That's all I drank was red wine.

Tracey: 18:50

Maybe that's why you were angry too. I could be. Lot of suppressed stuff. Red wine was my thing. Yeah, except for if I was at the cottage then it was more like vodka coolers and stuff, but both of them I was happy drunk. How do we become the person that we are when we drink? How do I even say this? You guys might have to help me. The true self. Like how do you become your true self if you're using alcohol? The layers. Peel the layers. Peel the layers. So what does that mean? Heal. Look at yourself. How do we do that? Heal and look at yourself. Go to therapy. you're like, call a therapist.

Kelly: 19:29

Go to therapy. Learn how to, find a healthier substitute to alcohol. First of all, stop using alcohol. All the things, there's so many things and everybody's different, but like for me, it's moving my body what I eat, how much I sleep, everything. Journaling, expressing my creativity, speaking my truth. Clearing my throat chakra, that was a huge thing for me was my throat chakra was so blocked from not speaking my truth for so long. Wow. Yeah. Peel back. Practice. Practice. It takes years. It takes practice years and years in practice of speaking your truth. Being true to yourself and knowing yourself. What? Watch the Matrix. What does it say? Know, your, know thy self. And I said today in the group chat, it's all about a journey back to ourselves, right? Is that what I said? think so. about a journey back to ourselves. Like I said, it's like you're born free, you put on all the layers. And for me, I couldn't take the layers anymore, so I drank and drink. And drink because after I drank it felt like the layers were coming off. But that was temporary, so I had to put, that's right. I had to put down the drink and then peel the layers off. Not do anything temporary. This is real, like strip'em down, take, get it all.

Lindsey: 20:46

Because it's still there. When you sober up, it's all still there. You haven't done any feeling, right? You're just numbing those layers. You're not helping yourself in any way.

Kelly: 20:56

Everything. All the suppression, all the trauma, that's when you see it all is once you put it down. stopping the drinking is almost like the easy part. It's what comes after that. That's where all the work goes. I'm sorry. Oh, Mike, you said something there. No, I was just gonna say, people want quick fixes for not just this, but for everything today. Yep. Like we live in a, oh my back hurts, and we take a frigging Advil. And it's a Band-Aid and it's just the same thing. It's like you have to sit with things and you're gonna be in uncomfortable situations where your mind's gonna just. play fucking games with you. And if you do need help in acquiring skills with therapy, support groups, a friend, there ain't nothing wrong with that. I think I wouldn't have been able to I don't know that I would've made it right away without going to four years of therapy prior, because I went to therapy and got a lot of us, the Kelly's saying the layers out, but I still drank, I still right know, the things I was doing, but I finally got there and it wasn't overnight. It takes time. It's tough. I'll tell you cuz you guys were talking about the happy drunk and I love you and guys and whatnot. So a buddy of mine's birthday was last night and they wanted to go out to celebrate, just watch the hockey game. They said, will you come? I said, yeah, I'll go. and they're all drinking beers, doing shots. And I'm watching and I'm just like, holy shit, I don't miss this like one bit, and they went from, Hey, what's up? Good to see you buddy. To eh, they couldn't even talk. And it was, I said, okay, so I'm driving you guys home, right? How are we gonna get home? And every guy might drop, I love you man. I love you. Thanks. And it's, made me laugh as you were saying that earlier, I thought I just experienced that last night. True. Yeah. And then today when I woke up, I'm like, I'm hungover, but I'm tired, hungover, cuz I stayed out longer than I normally do. And I didn't get to bed till damn near one o'clock and I thought about those guys. I saw it. They must have felt like hell today. hell Yeah. No, don't miss it at all. Oh, that's good. I was gonna say another big thing for me. I was listing off all those things. And I'm not a medical professional, so please do your own research and get advice. But a huge thing for me has been psilocybins as far as peeling back layers. And what does that mean, Kel? Psychedelics. So magic. Magic mushrooms. Magic mushrooms. Magic mushrooms. I'm a huge advocate. I think they've been just amazing for me. So other people do other stuff. We've talked about it. Ashwaganda. I heard that.

Tracey: 23:36

What about, how about that, Mike? Because I take that as a supplement.

Kelly: 23:40

He meant Ayahuasca. I met Tracey. What do I not know about this? What am doing?

Mike: 23:50

Ashwaganda helps with depression. thats documented. So I was saying it. I did, you're right, Kelly. You caught me. I was referring to Ayahuasca, but Ashwaganda too. It's a natural supplement, it helps with a lot of stuff. Yeah.

Kelly: 24:05

But I did do a ton of my own, reading and reading studies and things like that. There's amazing research on psychedelics. There's a really good documentary series on Netflix called How to Change Your Mind. if you're curious. And what I really love about that is how we got this stigma around plant medicine. And you'll see why, like it happened in the seventies, but before that they were already finding evidence of how this is curing. Some people would cure their P T S D in one treatment, two treatments. It's just incredible research around it. Yeah. Seek medical help. Yes. Yes. I am not a medical professional, in my experience, it has been extremely positive and extremely helpful.

Mike: 24:48

Back in the party days when the magic mushrooms were out, it wasn't. Hey, take a small little bit and enjoy. It was take a frigging gram and sit back and enjoy the ride.

Kelly: 25:02

That could be healing too. It was.

Mike: 25:07

Yeah, it was fun. All three. But

Lindsey: 25:09

Is that the same thing as using alcohol though? That's something that I have a hard time with is like let's do mushrooms instead of drinking. It's still a substance. No. And you're still altering yourself. Some of our listeners might be like, because that's how I feel, I'm not sure about those kinds of things.

Kelly: 25:28

this podcast is about being alcohol free. So do your own research and read about it and form your own opinions around it. A lot of it, a lot of our belief around plant medicine, and I've never abused it, I've never been addicted to mushrooms. I've never been addicted to cannabis. So my opinions are a little bit different for myself. But yeah, that's why I like this podcast cuz it's about alcohol free and you. define your own sobriety. Yeah. Yeah, so I don't know. In my opinion and my journey, I don't see it that way. It works. Yeah, it works. Yeah. I was alluding more to using the psilocybin in a recreational standpoint as opposed to what Kelly's referring to in microdosing, because there's a lot of evidence related to microdosing for for many different things. In theory I abuse, I would've definitely agree that I abused those situations. Just much like everybody at those parties wouldn't change it for the world. Cause who knows what it did to set the course of things. I'll never know,

Tracey: 26:29

And as we've spoken to before I think part of our journey. through the drinking was really getting us back to this place where we are now. Kelly alluded to really bringing you back around to your true self, right? If we didn't have those experiences through alcohol, which really created awareness of other things, when you think about it, would we have really been as aware as we are of the things we had to work on or the things that, we were lacking or we were needing,, like Mike for instance, you saying that, you obviously when you're drinking, you craved attention or that's when that kind of came out in you. For the most part. That's something that, I'm sure you've thought about now, why is that, what was that part of you that needed that attention?

Mike: 27:23

I was self-acceptance. I couldn't accept myself, right? And that's still a work in progress, I think, for everybody. I know, for me, there's certain points in time with business personal whatever. There's just, there's moments and it's fuck, tomorrow's a new day. You're focusing on something that's irrelevant. Just and that's old triggers coming in, right? And And that's part of the awareness of that. And sitting with that, like I said, is knowledge base. It's gaining knowledge and learning more about yourself and go, just keep going. You got another choice. There really is no other choice. You can keep going and do the things you're doing to numb and suppress and not deal with it. And then you get to the end of your life and go, fuck, why didn't I do this earlier?

Lindsey: 28:05

Do you guys think your true self changes as you do the work on yourself do you think as you grow and learn things and deal with trauma that your true self evolves? I do. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. I feel like I'm more me than I've ever been before. Me too,

Mike: 28:22

but more of a person you don't even bloody know. But it's like the light bulb gets brighter and brighter. Yeah. You're changing things. You're like, oh wow. What about you, Lindsay?

Lindsey: 28:32

Do I think. You, yourself changes. I do. Yeah. I think as you, work on yourself and discover the things that trigger you and make you sad or make you angry and irritated, I think who you are and who your true self is definitely evolves over time. If I'm thinking back to who I thought I was when I was 16, what the hell was my true self then I couldn't even tell you. Or thinking back to, when you're a child, that's who you really are and that's your true self Before we're disciplined and all the layers are added to us, but I'm like who was I as a child? I was really shy even at two or three years old. So is that my true self? I'm a naturally an introverted, shy person, but I'm really extroverted as well at times. And I think as you grow and work on yourself without consuming alcohol, you're discovering more about yourself, your boundaries, who you are as a person, what kind of life you wanna have. And I think it changes. I think my true self last year is different than my true self this year. True. Or did you just shed more layers? Ooh. That's a really good, that's a really good, I don't know, statement. That could be Right. That could be,

Kelly: 29:55

maybe you're just revealing re you're revealing more of your true self. That's what I see. I think

Mike: 30:00

what about if it was for you, if you looked at it from a perspective of. the whole spiritual side of things. Cause you talked about it's your soul's journey. As people will go, who, what, who is this guy's soul's journey, blah, blah, blah. I don't know. There's something to it. There's something to energy. There's something to all these things. Because when I reflect and look back at some things that happened in my life, it's like I never would've saw it in a drunken state.

Kelly: 30:26

There ain't no Exactly. Yes. No bloody way. Yeah. Clarity. The soul wants to learn something, it's gonna figure out a way to do it. I don't know. I'm not a big religious guy or anything like that, and it's just, there's something to it. I'm not religious, but if I didn't have spirituality in my life every day, I would not be where I am today.

Mike: 30:48

If I didn't meditate. I don't know where I'd be. Really Don't and I can't explain what the hell it is, but it just changes you. It just changes your whole thing. Yeah. Your whole vibe. It's what? Just it's like charging your cell phone. It is. I've been going to the Buddhist center here, they have regular events, but they do once a month, they do a day long, like an eight hour meditation retreat. Whoa. And oh my God, if anybody wants to learn how to meditate, learn from a monk, it is just, it's amazing the tips that you gain and, having to sit, I'm finding it more difficult physically than mentally at this point, cuz I am a daily meditator. But a long meditation, sitting for that long. I'm like, okay. I don't know if I could, I'm like, Kelly your leg is not gonna fall off. I know your foot's asleep, fast pace world. Fast paced world. Yes. But it's amazing just spending time in that space and anyway, I doubt you'd ever have to pay to go anywhere in the area that you're in, if, wherever you're listening from. But find the local Buddhas center and join in on some meditation events and they don't have to be eight hours there's one here once a week. That's an hour one that's an hour and a half

Tracey: 31:54

oh, cool. It's been really cool. That's actually what my partner's religion is

Kelly: 31:59

Buddha. Oh yeah. And there's a really good this came up when I was there on the weekend I read it at the very beginning of my alcohol free journey. It's called Refuge Recovery. And it's the Buddhist way of getting sober. Oh, cool. Oh yeah. Interesting. Yeah, it's a great book.

Tracey: 32:18

Yeah. We've been to the temple here a couple times. Yeah. A temple here. I shouldn't say the temple. Yeah. It's not actually even in our area, it's in Mississauga. But yeah, we've gone a couple times and yeah. There's a whole energy there. Yeah. Just even some of the scriptures and stuff they have up on the wall. Yeah. Yeah. It's really neat. But that's good to know. I didn't think of it from the meditation. point of view. So I'll look into that. That's cool. Yeah. Yeah. Good.

Lindsey: 32:45

I think coming from a Christian point of view too there's a different train of thought about what truth is and your true self. I know the mainstream attitude is live your truth, and you do you, but it's if you are speaking biblically, there's only one truth. Like the truth is the truth and it's written and it's in the scripture because we're human beings. We are imperfect people. Our emotions our feelings, our impulses, we can't be trusted. So you have to look to those teachings to be like, no, this is who you are. You're a child of God and you are good. You deserve the best. And that's the truth because yeah, it's for me, like I'm a Christian person, but I hear a lot of no, you do, you kind of thing all the time. And I'm like, Ooh, that could really get you in a lot of trouble. The you doing you thing, you doing, you could be drinking and doing drugs and it's no, this is who I really am. But is it I don't know, maybe at that point in time it's right. Maybe. Yeah. Yep. I've listened to different podcasts and stuff and one of the churches that I listened to online has that mentality there is only one truth. It's not you, do you? Because we as human beings, we just don't have that, sense we have free will to do whatever we want, but we have to remember who we are. And live accordingly. So what's your intuition? That is, that I depends on, I guess who you ask for me. That's God for you. Yeah. That's God. Yeah. My intuition, my gut feeling. that is God speaking to me. So what is it for you?

Kelly: 34:35

Yeah, same I'm not Christian. Yeah. But I would say the same. And I'm not attached to any words. And sometimes I think I have an advantage when it comes to spirituality because I didn't have any sort of religious upbringing. So I'm very open-minded. Yeah. I can use the word God, universe, source creator, I can use them all inter interchangeably. Interchangeably. Yeah. Yeah, I feel the same way. That's what your intuition is. Yeah. Yeah.

Lindsey: 35:00

Do you think when we're drinking, Ooh, I think we do this. when you drink, you are suffocating your intuition or are you heightening it?

Tracey: 35:09

we're on the compass off,

Lindsey: 35:11

I think throwing off the Compass Both. Yeah. I see. That's what I would say. Yeah.

Mike: 35:16

I had times right towards the end where I'd be at a bar and I'd be in the men's room and my voice, it was just, it was like, are you done? Are you done? Is this, it was insane. It was frigging insane. And I, we would come up the next day going, what is this? Trying to tell are you done? You gonna listen? Wow. You should at least try it. Now the current one is sugar, so I'm working

Kelly: 35:37

on it. one thing at a time.

Tracey: 35:40

Hey, I'm 50 days without sugar, Mike. Whoa. Oh my god. way to go Trace. Holy.

Mike: 35:46

I think sugar is You, devil. is the devil. Yeah. Sugar. No, sugar is the devil. My God. no sugar. Free Life podcast. Oh,

Kelly: 35:57

Oh, like a whole nother Like a spinoff. A spinoff. The sugar free life. Yeah. Sugar's in fricking everything like it's holy smokes. you are making your own ketchup over there. Trace or what? I am paying attention, but it's obviously in everything and there's gonna be things I'm eating that it's in. Yes. So ketchup is full of sugar, but Right. I'm not eating ketchup. I know certain sauces, dressings, I tend to make my own dressings anyways. I'm having natural sugar like fruit, but Yeah. Yeah. But not any added sugar. I'm not having any sweet treats. So how are you feeling? What have you noticed

Tracey: 36:36

in Oh, really good. Yeah, really good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've noticed that I think my moods are more level, my energy's been better, but I've been doing a whole challenge. I've been doing a lot of things. It's hard to pinpoint it to the one thing of not having sugar. I'm also exercising every day, getting outside every day. So more vitamin D and reading every day and feeding my mind. There's a lot going on but physically less beloated for sure. A lot less inflammation probably in my body cuz sugar definitely does that. But it is a known fact that people after they give up alcohol crave sugar. I have actually totally read that is a legitimate thing. Yes. Just recently, actually after us, talking about this on here, but we all talked about how we experienced it and it is really just to make you feel better, Mike a, a legitimate thing. Mike, you said something about artificial sweeteners. Yeah. Artificial. Is that what you said? I think that's even worse.

Kelly: 37:39

Yeah, don't eat that. Don't eat that shit.

Lindsey: 37:41

I think that's even worse. But alcohol. What is alcohol? It's like literally loaded with sugar. Sugar, of course. I'm drinking how many glasses of wine a night? Of course when I give it up, I wanna have chocolate every day.

Kelly: 37:53

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Your body's wait, where's all that sugar gone. Yeah. You do get to a point where you don't crave it anymore though. Mike, if you can give it up for a certain period of time,

Mike: 38:09

I know what I cap of, it's just, I'm just making excuses, it's just like the alcohol Ah tomorrow I, sugar is related to stress. I got a lot going on with work and my business, but I gotta figure out ways like you're talking about to be constructive though, in because, okay, I'll tell you guys I had a Mars bar, I think it was Monday. And I literally, before I opened it and said, count how long it takes you to eat this. And it was like, whatever, 30 seconds and minute, whatever it was. I didn't enjoy it. And I was like, you fucking idiot. You're just wolfing this. And the same thing with beer.

Lindsey: 38:50

I would do that with wine. I would just, down the glasses, it wasn't even

Kelly: 38:54

so glamorous. Holy. I looked at it as you're just appeasing something within you. Yes. With sugar, it's guess what? Your insulin levels are going all over the place, like a Ferris wheel. You're gonna want more. And the more you learn about those things and how your body, I didn't know anything about the body work. I didn't give a shit. But now I'm like, I better learn about this. I'm getting older and things are gonna go. all over the place, like with women in hormones and men in testosterone. And these are serious things, right? A whole other topic. But yeah.

Tracey: 39:25

I wanna throw something out there that I was chatting with my coworkers about the other day related to this, and I think it can be related to alcohol as well, or something that people should consider if they're thinking about giving up alcohol. Because what I started to think about as far as the sugar went, and I can relate it back to drinking too, I started to think about, stop treating it like it's a reward. Yeah. Change your mindset and stop thinking of food, alcohol, whatever it is, as a reward to yourself and start really thinking and being conscious of what it is you're putting in your body and how it makes you feel. It's your fuel. If you think about alcohol in the moment, it makes you feel good. No different than sugar, but how do you feel after the fact? How do you feel when you're hungover? Is it worth that small bit of, instant gratification? We've been conditioned for this. Yeah. We've been conditioned for the dopamine hits and the instant gratification. It's you're right. Trace. That's a saying in the 12 step program. It's play the tape forward. You can do it with food, everything. how am I gonna feel after this? I do that with my kids. I've always been super try to eat as clean as possible. But of course my kids will, every once in a while would have McDonald's. I'm like do you feel? 30 minutes later, I want you to remember this feeling right now. Cause I know you feel like garbage, right? Yeah. And then make a different choice. But yeah it's, play it forward. How are you gonna feel after that? But we gotta find replacements, I think for those things, we're managing stress and things like that. I find myself comfort eating too sometimes. Yep. But my thing's not sugar. It's chips and stuff, right?

Lindsey: 41:10

Yes.

41:10

cause those are so much better, right? No. I'm not saying they're better, but I'm saying how do we find a, a not so instant gratification. I agree. Something a healthier replacement. You're right. But I think it's goes back to you have to put a spin on your mindset, right, like you said, we're conditioned and it's a matter of changing that conditioning. So that's how I've tried to rethink the whole sugar thing. like I might look at something and trust me there's been shitloads of fricking sugar in this house. I keep saying to my partner have you eaten more cookies since I started this challenge on a normal given day? Because there constantly seems to be cookies around. They're like staring at you And I've just made it a practice to look at it and think about how really it would make me feel and almost visualize the instant bloat. I would feel and gut rache. Yeah. And just, no, it's not worth any of that. And how much better I feel not having it in my body. So you're being really mindful about Yeah. And I think it's the same with alcohol, right? we're all saying we would be chugging it. It's not like you're sitting there and enjoying and savoring the flavor or whatever, or even like having one piece of chocolate who does that? It's no different than the wine You aren't having one glass of wine. You're not having one piece of a handful of chips, one chip no, I have a handful of chips while I'm deciding if I want to eat chips. Yeah, exactly. Standing in front of my pantry. Yeah,

Lindsey: 42:43

What? No. Oh my gosh.

Kelly: 42:45

Oh, fuck. Yeah.

Tracey: 42:47

Yeah. What do you guys think about this? I think a lot of this stuff too, I'm learning or realizing comes with age immaturity. like I, even my body, like you were saying, Mike, we're getting to an age where I've become a lot more aware of how things affect and feel in my body. Yeah. It's shut down. It's gonna shut down again. If we were drinking, would we be that aware or would we just be numbing all that stuff? No, with alcohol too. No, just you go and get the doctor and say, oh, I want, I, am I having this happen? They'd give you some sort of medication and then you'd still drink. it's It's ridiculous.

Kelly: 43:27

Yeah. We're not, nobody's getting to the root of things anymore. We're here to talk about all three egos and Oh yeah. I'm like, what was the topic again?

Lindsey: 43:34

took Wow. We've taken a detour there.

Mike: 43:37

Totally. How we had a sugar rush, got distracted. But that's important. I guess Cause I'm sure people can relate to all that food stuff too, for.

Tracey: 43:48

Yeah. One thing I wanted to mention was, one of the reasons why I thought about this idea was because Sonya, our guest mentioned it on her episode, but prior to that, actually my partner was like trying to throw out ideas for us because he's listening to the podcast all the time. He's thanks,

Kelly: 44:08

Randy. Yeah. He's

Tracey: 44:09

Oh, I was trying to think of maybe something that might be interesting or funny for you guys to talk about. And he was like, why don't you guys talk about if your drunk personality was like another person? Was it a character? Was it a superhero? What would it be? Oh yeah. So then when Sonya brought it up too, I was like, you know what? I think this would be. Topic. So I thought, yeah, that is great. I would mention it today. I think in the moment I thought it was a superhero while I was drinking, but then the next morning I was like, whatever. What would my character be? Some embarrassed shame filled, tiny little, ugh, ugh,

Mike: 44:50

Just describe this little bug course. Like shell,

Tracey: 44:57

I think the character I could state more so than a super super hero,

Lindsey: 45:04

super asshole superhero.

Kelly: 45:08

Super asshole.

Tracey: 45:11

Yeah.

Kelly: 45:12

So we all agreed. Yeah. Sorry, go ahead.

Lindsey: 45:15

No, I was gonna say, I was actually gonna say that we all agree that our drunk personalities are actually very similar to our sober selves. Yeah, so how, like I was saying, I do feel like I am. more me than I've ever been, which is who I was trying to be when I was drunk, so I'm really happy about that. And I don't need the social lubricant and I don't need the drink to get on the dance floor and all that stuff. How do you guys feel about that, where you're at right now on your journey? I wouldn't stand up and do karaoke, that's for sure. But you know what I'm just thinking too, why do we have to do these things? If our natural inclination is to not, why do we need to drink a substance that then makes us do these things that we wouldn't normally do? like we don't have to. I can be the person on the sideline sitting and watching. I don't have to participate if I don't feel the need to.

Kelly: 46:03

You said something this morning about dating. What did you say? I have a lot of things to say about dating. About dating Andrew. Here we go. Mike here. Oh God. Back to dating everybody. This is why he sticks around. Okay, wait. I'm gonna find it.

Lindsey: 46:16

What did I say? I say a lot about dating. I don't know. I feel like not drinking. What does it say? Okay. But the not drinking is coming up for me in dating. Sometimes I feel like if I had a drink I could open up more easily and be more carefree, especially in intimate situations. Like I just shut down or feel anxiety. Is it the wrong person? Is it anxiety? Because if I was drinking, I'd be married by now. That's how I got married in the first place. pretty much. Yeah, this comes up in, in my head, like not actually in conversation, but sometimes I'm like geez, shit, this would be a lot easier if I had a glass of wine right now. Or

Kelly: 46:56

What

Lindsey: 46:56

would be like just the relating to somebody, talking to somebody

Mike: 47:00

Braveheart Brave. Brave. Brave

Lindsey: 47:02

heart. Yeah. Yeah, it would just be easier to, I don't know I don't wanna say be me because I'm not me when I'm drinking. It's not the me that I wanna be. But it would just lower my inhibitions to a point where I could just be silly and ask questions and not give a crap. Not be oh my God, what do I look like? Oh, is this role showing? Oh my God, do I have something in my teeth? I wouldn't care. I'd be like, this is me. Take it or leave it. But, great.

Kelly: 47:30

That's the, yeah, that's the green flag for me is when I can be completely myself. Ooh. Yeah. And I have met those people like I have been. I feel like I, yeah, so maybe it's the people. It's either, it's one of two things. You shedding more layers or just haven't met the right people that you can totally be yourself with. Yep. Or a combination of both maybe. So then

Tracey: 47:56

that's, it could just be the pace Linds. Like maybe the pace expectation is quicker than you're naturally ready. Oh, yeah. I've experienced that. Yeah. Maybe you're feeling like you should be at a place you're not yet or haven't got to yet. You know what I mean? Yeah. With certain people like, yeah, maybe alcohol sped that up for you. You know what I mean?

Lindsey: 48:21

Yeah. It did. You're right. For sure it did. Come on. I'm sure it did.

Mike: 48:25

Absolutely. All the scenario situations that you're like not you Lindsay, but in general

Lindsey: 48:30

no. I get it.

Mike: 48:30

what the hell? What a waste of time, you gotta go through those things cuz you're gonna set up your red flag, Oh, this is like schmo and bob and whatever.

Tracey: 48:41

That's what I was gonna say. It's good in a way because it hopefully is at a pace where you catch the red flags. intuition. Intuition.

Lindsey: 48:50

Yeah. I've also experienced catching the red flags, but drinking to ignore them and be like what red flag? I don't see that. No, there's no red flags. Of course. Yeah. So other things you wanna accomplish that you know you don't care about. Elaborate what they are. But I'm just saying other things that wanna get accomplished by ignoring the red flags. Voice is telling. Your little voice is telling you, red flag. Red flag is Shut up. Shut up. I wanna enjoy tonight. I don't care.

Mike: 49:18

Same thing with sugar. It's the same kind of thing. We do it, we're all guilty of it. Whatever it is. Yeah. So the main point is you're not perfect. I'm not Wait,

Lindsey: 49:31

kidding. What? No. Oh my gosh. Learn so much on this podcast. I know. I love free therapy. Braveheart, that's what you, Braveheart. Just be yourself. Just be you. Not the character in the movie. Brave and Heart being two things. The braveness for your, that's what you're looking for. I'm, and if you don't know who you are, do some work to figure it out. And that's okay if you don't. I met somebody with in meetings. He quit drinking just a little bit after me, but he was like an older brother. I loved him. He was this big, huge guy, but super sweetheart that came to all the meetings and he drank for a long time. And his friends were, trying to be supportive and they would invite him out to do things. And he just expressed in a meeting once how annoyed he was with himself. Like his friend said, do you want to go out to a snow maze? It was the wintertime. He's snow maze. I don't even know if I like fucking snow mazes. So if you don't know who you are and you don't know what you like, that's okay. Like it's all of it. All of this takes time. I didn't know. I remember buying coloring books and I didn't know what to do with myself. Just try different things. Pay attention to what other people are doing, in their lives that are living healthy lives. Use them as inspiration. I love our Facebook community because there's some great people in there, but yeah, look and see what other people are doing. Try them out. And if you don't like them, that's okay too. Like I didn't stick with the coloring. I'm just gonna say Aw. Yeah. I think if you're more introverted or like private person too, Linds, that definitely like Kelly and I'm sure this is why she's that way. And I can say the same. It is a connection with a certain individual that's gonna bring out yourself. There's just gonna be, and it might be a select few people that are gonna just make you feel comfortable enough that you'll shed all those layers. That's amazing. Yeah. I love that.

Mike: 51:33

You don't go through life without you never master it, no. Oh, I like that. Fucking worrying about, all the stupid, and I'm guilty of it too. we're all We just gotta get to that Buddhist state, as you

Kelly: 51:42

said, yeah. There's no destination, it's just No, you've become more and more free and, alcohol's not gonna get you there. The alcohol will definitely not get you there. No, that's, no. Your only goal should be a little bit better tomorrow than you were today. Yep.

Lindsey: 51:57

Thanks for listening everybody, and you can always check us out on Facebook. We have our support group LAF Life podcast, and we are also on Instagram at LAF Life podcast., if you want to be a guest, reach out to us. We would love to have you. Thanks so much for tuning in and for listening. So until next time, keep laughing. Bye bye.

Kelly: 52:23

Thanks guys. Audio amigos. Bye bye. Bye-bye. Was that Wayne? That's Wayne what? Okay, you have to tell us about his last name.

Mike: 52:36

Okay.

Kelly: 52:38

Thank you for listening. Please give us a five star rating like and subscribe, share on social media and tell your friends. We love getting your feedback and ideas of what you'd like to hear on upcoming episodes of the laugh life podcast. If you yourself are living alcohol free and want to share your story here, please reach out.