CHANGE: How fear can keep us stuck & how when we change so can the people around us. Season 3 Ep.5

In episode 5 we discuss the impact changing our relationship with alcohol has on the people around us. When we make the decision to change we can't expect everyone to follow, as we were the ones who made the decision to change.  Changing ourselves can be scary for the people closest to us as our new behavior's and habits are not what they are use to. We are creatures of habit so this can make people uncomfortable. Changing can inevitably affect the dynamics of our relationships, some relationships may even come to an end. On the other side change can also welcome new relationships that are more aligned with the version of ourself we are becoming. We can also influence people in a positive way by inspiring them to make changes themselves. Either way change is a necessary part of taking a path to self improvement. 

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Transcript

Kelly: 0:02

Welcome to the LAF life podcast, a lifestyle podcast based on living alcohol free and a booze soaked world. My name is Kelly Evans and together with my friends, Tracey Djordjevic, and Lindsay Harik. We share uncensored. Unscripted real conversations about what our lives have been like since we ditched alcohol and how we got here by sharing our individual stories. We'll show you that there isn't just one way to do this, no matter where you are on your journey from sober, curious to years in recovery and everyone in between, you are welcome here, no judgment and a ton of support.

Lindsey: 0:42

Hey, everybody. You know what day it is. It's Tuesday. Welcome back to the LAF Life podcast. On today's episode, the three of us are going to talk about change. So we're going to talk about how changing our lifestyle can potentially influence the people in our lives, friends and family to change as well. Or, maybe even. when we change how it impacts our relationships in a negative way or eliminates them all together. So what do you guys think? I know that when I, Quit drinking. It was in a month. That's one of the biggest drinking months out of the year, December, Christmas, New Year's, holiday parties, staff get togethers, people are out and about socializing and there was wine everywhere. I felt in the beginning that It was hard for me to not participate, but I knew inside that I had to do this change. I had to make this change for myself, but then I did get a lot of the reactions from people initially, like family, what do you mean you're not drinking? I was like, yeah, no alcohol for me. I'm just going to have Pepsi or whatever. Like it threw people for a loop. but guess what? couple years later, now that I am a few years into no alcohol, these events, I've noticed changes in my family and friends. People just aren't drinking as much. I don't know if that's a coincidence or did a lifestyle shift for me. Influence the people around me.

Tracey: 2:16

Yeah, I'd say that I had the same or similar experience I was saying to Kel before we jumped on here. I think the initial reaction regardless of whether it evolves to positive or negative. The initial reaction is shock, and people beginning to question their own relationship with alcohol.

Lindsey: 2:35

Yes. Always thought it was interesting when I would say, Oh, I'm not gonna drink anymore. I don't drink anymore. And that's all I would say. And people say, I only drink on the weekends, or I only I'm like, I didn't ask you, right? Okay, it's okay. you don't have to explain to me. But yeah, I think for a lot of people that automatically, especially if they're maybe not 100 percent comfortable with their relationship with alcohol, it brings up something for them, which is not ever my intention.

Tracey: 3:01

I think it's just a knee jerk reaction kind of too. Defend your own actions then, because it's like it makes other people feel like then they're doing something taboo as they're standing in front of you with their drink of wine and you're like, no, I'm abstaining,

Lindsey: 3:19

It's funny that it makes people uncomfortable because it does. I noticed that, and I feel like I have the confidence now in my decision and my lifestyle that it doesn't even bother me, but it used to. I used to feel the awkwardness and the uncomfortableness of even saying I'm not drinking. Because then people are like, are you pregnant? And I'm like, what? Why? Why do you have to ask that? no, but is that a prerequisite for not drinking? Do I have to be pregnant to not have alcohol or? Yeah, what other things Oh, are you taking antibiotics? No, I'm just not drinking. It was hard for some people to accept it.

Kelly: 3:57

Yeah, it's such a thing. I think in our age group, like Lindsay, you're a little bit younger than us, but I actually got to see Tracey this weekend. yeah. So what we're at, we were at a bar and It was interesting because it was all people our age, like here where we live, I go out and see music and stuff like that and there always seems to be a mix of age, but I swear everybody was like, 48 to 52. But holy smokes, the amount of alcohol that was flowing. Really? Wow. Yes. Yeah. heavy drinking. Were people out of control? Yeah. No. Oh, see, I feel like people usually in control and they're drinking, let's be honest, but it was early on. I've been out and, usually I don't stay out super, super late. And I remember being out, I don't know, maybe a year ago, I was out somewhere and I ended up staying until the end of the night. And I was like, wow, all these people are really drunk. So it's not very often that I see really drunk people. But yeah, Saturday night, it was, did you see that? did you notice that Trace? Like how much alcohol there was? Yeah. Interesting. You're saying about our age group, because Jamie was saying when we had him as our co host about how he notices it more with our age group and maybe going back to that whole idea of, The younger people don't seem to be drinking as much but I also don't think that younger people are experiencing life in the same way as far as going out to bars and stuff like that. I don't think that's so much the norm or the common thing for people in their 20s to do anymore like it was for us. we only had the option of going out, right? We didn't have phones to sit on all day at home or whatever technology, right? that was our means of entertainment, was to go out. I think we probably started drinking a lot sooner due to that. Then that's been the pattern of how we've been socialized, our age group. that's why I was saying this, exactly that, Trace, Lindsay, how you, sorry if I can lost it. Oh, when, I'm just completely gone. I'm the one with Alzheimer's. no. We've all had it lately. Oh my gosh, thank God we don't drink. So going back to, people with that reaction, are you pregnant? Are you on antibiotics? Because yeah. Why else everybody else is drinking. So how come you're not, so it's crazy that it's that normalized that people are like, there must be some there. What's the reason they're looking for that reason why you're not. And I think too, it helps them feel better, right? Oh, you're on antibiotics. Oh, okay. That makes sense. it doesn't make sense to people for you to be like, I don't drink anymore. people like, Oh, cause It must be this. And you're like, no, it's just, I don't,

Tracey: 6:51

it's an actual choice. It's a choice. And yeah, Oh, I always think about more normal. It is. And it is, I really do believe that it is going to be the same as, cigarettes. Yeah, I was with somebody the other day and we saw people smoking outside and we're like, yeah, you don't see that very often. I hope that one day it's the same with alcohol, wow, those people are drinking alcohol. I do feel like I see less of it and less of people overindulging. So I definitely feel like since I stopped drinking, and I don't know if it's just who I'm surrounding myself with now, or it's just a shift in general, but I feel like been very rare, with the exception of when we were out Kel, and that's probably because we're out in a public place, that I'm with people that they're just getting So totally intoxicated. the majority of my social life is spent with people who drink pretty responsibly. Yeah, I think it's, that's what it is, Trace. I do think there's still a lot of it going on, especially in our age group, but I think that's what's happened with me too. I'm around people that don't do that. They don't engage in the heavy drinking anymore. Do you find, this is gonna sound, weird, but do you find that your lifestyle change brings on feelings of jealousy from other people? Yes. Because I feel like it might, but then I'm like, is that an egomaniac thing to say? And I'm just like, no, why would someone be jealous of somebody else making a positive lifestyle change that makes them a better version? Yeah. Can I say what I think? I would love to hear what you think. This is so insightful. and it isn't just alcohol that, I go against the norm or whatever. Like I live a different lifestyle than mainstream. I'm not a mainstream person. So I think I get that judgment with other areas of my life too. And I think it's a, some people make the choice of. Going against society and doing things in an opposite way, and some people are not maybe brave enough to make that change and just want to follow the rules because that feels safer to them. I think it's the betterment of yourself too, right? That you have, sometimes it comes down to willpower there's a lot of people that lack willpower. I don't know how many people have said to me throughout the years when I've done something that's a self improvement type of challenge or thing where it's like, Oh wow, you got so much willpower. I think that's something that sometimes people struggle with, but I think people in general struggle with, seeing people doing better when they want to do better themselves, but they don't have the ability or the motivation or that drive to do it for themselves. It's that lack of whatever it is in that moment that's holding them back or keeping them stuck in a rut. I think we're just fear. I think it's fear that keeps people stuck. I don't think I don't know what willpower is like, what is that? I don't even believe that. I think it's just fear. Fear keeps people stuck more than anything else. Fear of change. I was so freaking scared. if I think about making the change to take alcohol out of my life or making the change to start a business or whatever, it's fear that kept me stuck until I decided to just Move past that fear. I think it's a lot of things. Cause I think there's also the self awareness element. People that aren't self aware aren't generally motivated to improve themselves. Or know how. Or know where to start. But if they know they're jealous, then they're pretty self aware. I don't think they know they're jealous. I don't know they're aware they're jealous. That's interesting. Just their behavior. Uncomfortable. It's noticeable in their behavior. We probably recognize it. Do they themselves recognize it? Probably not. No, they're not sitting there saying, Oh, I'm so jealous. But they are definitely judging. For sure judging. I feel like that I've been judged. I do a lot of posts on social media about it. About what? Just like lifestyle change and transformation and self improvement and stuff. And that includes It's not drinking. And sometimes I feel like, oh my gosh, who am I going to trigger or piss off? And I posted anyways, because it's me living in my truth right now. my hope is to inspire. I don't think I can do this. I want what she's doing, but I can't. I'm scared. If I'm not drinking... Is my relationship with my spouse going to be worse? Are they going to think, okay, she's not fun anymore. How are we going to have fun together? If you lose weight or make changes to your body, your partner or your friends might think okay, now what you think you're too good for us. Are you out of our league now? yeah. Fear that kind. It's fear. Yeah. It's all fear based. You're right. When I was saying willpower though, an inner will is how I see willpower. Yeah. You might be looking at willpower or something else. I'm not looking at willpower as just restraint. I'm looking at willpower as an inner willngess. To change, to improve, to go past the fear. Not everybody has that. And that's what I mean. not everybody has that gear. It goes with the self awareness too. I think it then brings up insecurities in other people. For sure. A hundred percent. Even people have said to me, good for you for having the self awareness to do this or that, recognizing that they might not have that so much or they're not quite there yet in their life, because they could be working towards that. I think there are people that definitely are working towards that, but know, they haven't got there yet. I was just going to add to I think when you're making a lifestyle change, you get to a point to where you look around and you say, who is benefiting from my dysfunction, right? and that could lead to relationship dynamics changing or just falling off. All together, as you progress and grow, because I just think the people that are meant to be, in your life are going to want you to be the best version of yourself. And usually it's people who are doing the same things that you're doing who live sort of similar lifestyles, right? So as you change and grow on your journey. I think naturally some people are going to not come with you, and I think you have to be okay with that. Yeah, that's, yeah,

Kelly: 13:54

that makes me think about the decision to quit and I think what kept me stuck for a long time is, I think, deep down, like I wasn't self aware enough because I was, so numb to everything but I think deep down I knew that me quitting drinking would be. The beginning of the end of the marriage.

Lindsey: 14:09

I was just gonna ask that. But that fear of change, it was a lot. It kept me stuck. I think I felt that too because I knew that if I quit drinking, that was also going to lead to the end of my marriage. Because I would recognize, hey, this doesn't feel good. This doesn't feel right. I'm gonna be More clear headed, and I had a vision for what I wanted my life to look like, and how I wanted to feel, and I knew drinking, I wouldn't have to alter anything or rock the boat, and I could just stay in the same place, even though I didn't want to, but it was like I was very scared and apprehensive and had a lot of anxiety around, I don't know what my life is going to look like When I do quit. So it was just easier to drive to the liquor store and get a bottle of wine every Friday.

Kelly: 15:04

Yeah, the fear of the unknown, right? One of you said, am I going to be fine? Am I going to be able to have fun? Is anybody going to want to hang out with me anymore? All those fears.

Tracey: 15:15

Yeah. I think there's people that might want for you to be the best version of yourself, but they can't watch that happen because it's too much of a reflection back on themselves for sure. Yes. Yes. I feel like people were watching me really close people and Observing the disaster, but not saying anything to me about it, and hoping maybe that I would just figure it out for myself and make the necessary changes. So I guess in that way, I think family and friends may have enabled me to keep going how I was for longer, because nobody really sat me down or said Hey. I think you've got a real issue here. I think you're abusing alcohol, and it's not anybody's responsibility to do that. The onus is on me, to recognize that, but Yeah, that was just something that crossed my mind when you guys were chatting. For sure, yeah, because if you have a relationship with that person, that includes drinking, and you stop drinking, and you're one of their drinking buddies, and that could change, that means that they have to change too. Something in their life is going to change that they're uncomfortable with. it goes back to the fear, right? Then they have that fear of how the relationship is going to change. Yeah. We've talked and touched a little bit on enabling and enabling is a big part of it. I'm sure we've all experienced. I know I had a lot of friends that would say, Oh, You're fine, you don't drink too much, I had that too. I drink too, just as much. When you quit, Trace, after you quit? When did that come up with them? More when I was drinking and I was questioning my own drinking, and then trying to have conversations with people about it. Because I did. I tried to have conversations with my friends and other people about it. And they just always blew it off. But I think they blew it off for their own. Yeah. Even my partner when I quit, he didn't understand. He's I don't understand. You enjoy it. what's the problem kind of thing. And even he expressed a fear, what if you don't like me, sober? It just brings up a lot of fear. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. in the moment, he said it in a joking way, but I think that was a legitimate kind of fear, right? Because, Yeah. again, it was that fear of I'm making this major change and how is it going to change me? That's the thing. People are scared too. How is it going to change you? Which in turn will change your dynamic with them. Yeah. Especially people that you're in a close intimate relationship with, like you guys were saying about your own husbands, it did inevitably completely change your relationship to ending it. Yeah. that is a legitimate fear. But again, going back to, I think if the people in your life love you unconditionally and want to be a part of your journey to be the best version of yourself. Then they're going to stay on that journey with you and. Inevitably, it's unless you don't want them to, then you don't have to. Yeah. True. Yeah, definitely. And there could be a good cleaning of house in that department, right? Which also happens for people. But I think, the people that are close to you, you may surprisingly influence them in a positive way, because that's the other flip side to change, right? when we change and it influences people to change for the better themselves, or it can also improve relationships in general, right? We've had a lot of people on this podcast talk about how they had. Really damaged relationships, due to their drinking problems. I think that's the other side that after giving up drinking, you have that ability to, mend those relationships. Yeah. Can we go back, Trace, to what you were saying about influence, influencing in a positive way? Yeah. I speak for all of us, and this is not about showing up at Easter dinner and standing on a soapbox and be like, Hey, everybody, I'm this many days without alcohol and you should to. It's subconscious. it's just you living your life. And people see, I know we've all had this experience of people being like, Oh my God, you look different. They see the light come back on. They may not even recognize, exactly what it is, but they feel something different and then, the next dinner they see you and you're still not drinking and, you're doing all these other things and your skin looks a little bit different, I think it's all really subconscious and, oh, she does still have fun. She does still, go out and whatever it is, Maybe it's on a subconscious level, addressing those fears that they've had about quitting drinking, validating them. I love that. Wanted to say that because I've never gone to an event and told anybody they. Shouldn't drink anymore, or been in a social situation and announced that, I think everybody should stop drinking. It's on a subconscious level. With change, I think there comes a lot of assumptions. It could be with anything with smoking, eating, consuming alcohol. When you change your pattern or your habit, it's easy for the people around you, the people you're in relationship with to assume things, right? And what's the quickest assumption when you say you're not drinking? Are you an alcoholic? Do you have a problem with alcohol? So I think to instead of a little bit, it's on us, cause with change, you want to inform the people around you. when you're ready instead of saying something like I can't drink. Or, I'm not drinking tonight. You could turn it into a positive, and say something like, I'm choosing to focus on my health right now, and alcohol just isn't in that equation for me at the moment. there's no, I'm not drinking. Cause I think it's really easy for the people that you're close to assume things. But also, I think the people that are close to you see things, and know things. And they don't even tell you about that, people who were really close to me when I was drinking, I'm sure they were, seeing me at family Christmas, blacked out, drunk, that's not normal, right? Not everybody said anything to me about it. In fact, nobody did. But, yeah, I think when we're implementing this change, We should be spinning it and putting a positive light on it, because that's exactly why I did it. I was like, I don't feel healthy. I'm not the best version of myself. I just feel like crap all the time. I don't want to be hung over anymore.

Kelly: 22:04

And you're talking about people that you're close to, you can simply say to people, I don't drink. And I love that, because you have said in past episodes, you don't owe anybody an explanation. No, you don't. You don't but you're I'm assuming you're talking about like people that you're close to close friends and family. Yeah. Yeah. But I also like what you say Linds about informing, you can inform people, educate people on the things that drove you to change without preaching. Yeah, that can be another approach. And you don't know how that might influence someone. But going back to what you said, Kel, about people see it within you. It's like I said on our higher vibration episode. Because you're living now at a higher vibration. And you're giving that vibration off to people. And that's seen in really subtle ways. Like you're saying, whether it be in your skin, in your smile, in, the way you're presenting yourself a certain comfortability with yourself in your own skin, I think that alone, if people start seeing that and understand that you don't need to have that mask on and that you don't need alcohol. To be comfortable with who you are, that without alcohol, you actually come more into yourself. So true. I just thought of something earlier to about, I think it came up on our last episode of the episode before, but how you can inform right like Lindsay has made like an obvious physical transformation. And she posts lots of, very inspiring things, but I love that she told us that. Lindsay, you always say to people, cause I think when people they're like, what do you do, right? what have you been doing? And they want to know, tell me the supplement. tell me the quick fix. what do I need to stir into my drink to make this happen to me? and the first thing you always say is.

Lindsey: 24:03

Step one, I stopped drinking. That made the biggest impact. On everything that I am today. But it didn't happen, it's not like when you quit drinking, all your problems go away immediately. No. And all the weight comes off and the puffiness goes away. But I truly believe, and I see it in people who are still drinking or drinking heavily on weekends that are taking the supplements and doing the workouts and the money. Probiotics. They're spending money on probiotics and then they're destroying their gut on the weekend. With the alcohol, I know. Such a waste of money. Yes. It is. I was that person. But no, I just love that. Yeah, me too. I know. But yeah, I like that you say that is the step. it's the first step. Yeah. It's like getting the alcohol out and then. Yeah. And it takes time. it takes time for your body to heal internally, because I bet you there's a lot going on inside that you don't see or understand. And then it's like, all of a sudden things do turn a corner. And now people are like, Oh, what are you doing? But the first secret ingredient that I'm not so secret about is step one. I eliminated alcohol. And then what do people say? Because if it was me, if this was six years ago and I met you and I asked you that and you said that to me, I'd be like, Oh, nevermind. Yeah. What else are you doing? Yeah. That's not the answer I wanted to hear. Cause I'm not giving up my wine. That's the thing. I wasn't ready yet. Points either, I had been watching you, I had been watching other people who were open about saying I don't drink, or I've given up alcohol. Given up is like a term that means, it had some value. Like it's a punishment. yeah. Yeah, I don't know, maybe at first when you're unsure and unsteady, it might feel that way, but it's honestly the best thing you could do for yourself and your relationships because It's freeing. Yeah, you can't have real connection with people in these amazing relationships when you're Intoxicated. Or I don't know, it was always a source of a fight. It was always, I don't feel good so we can't do this on the weekend because I just want to be in bed and I want to eat McDonald's. it impacts everything. It sure does. Change is hard, right? It's like a double edged sword. It's inevitable, and it's necessary. But we fear it out of, being creatures of habit and comfort. I've probably said this podcast, but one of my favourite quotes is, Comfort is the enemy of progress. Comfort is the enemy of progress. Yeah. Yeah, I would agree. Yeah, for sure. I was talking to somebody at yoga this morning and we go between two different studios. Our membership is good at two different studios here. And we just have noticed each other a lot. I've seen her a lot over the years, but lately we've been at the exact same classes. And, so we realized each other likes a certain type of class, we don't like the one where you have to hold your poses for a really long time and there's no music. We like the one that keeps us moving. So we just got into a really good conversation about that, about change. And we said, Oh, maybe we should go to those other classes. And she said, yeah, I try and go to a different spot in the room every day. And Of course, me, I go to the exact same spa. I would do that too. yeah, but yeah, you got to shake things up sometimes and get uncomfortable. It's funny you say that, Kel, because I do that too. I'm going to change it up. yeah. I was just at a conference and it was a two day event. And day one sat at a table in a certain seat and guess what I did on day two, all the chairs and tables are reset. I went right back to the same seat on the same table. everybody did. Yeah. Yeah. It's funny where you are. Yeah. We're creatures of habit for sure. Yeah. A hundred percent. But those things keep us in our fear the only way to push past our fear is to attempt to make a change as small as it may be. And we always say, with drinking, it's just making the choice to not have that drink. It's one drink that you're choosing not to have, for that one day. Start there and then see where it goes from there. I love how Lindsay lately has been talking about, take the same approach to not drinking as you would to drinking, right? Is that what you said? Absolutely. Yeah, I'm getting that right. But you nailed it. Yeah. Give it the same chance. Yeah, give it the same chance. because here's the thing for however long you've been drinking, like I was at a point where I was drinking and I didn't drink every day. It was weekends only. It was one day out of the week, usually a Friday or a Saturday, but I would go all out. It was a binge fest. And then I feel like crap. The next day, I'd be super hungover, so unproductive, it would impact my entire week. And then what did I do Friday or Saturday the next week? Drive to the liquor store and buy wine and do it all over again. And I kept giving alcohol chance after chance, after weekend, after waste of time, after. Illness after sickness, feeling like crap. And I kept going back to it. Fights, yeah. Fights arguments. Yeah. arguments, injuries, blackouts saying and doing things that were completely out of character and completely embarrassing. And I kept. I would do it again the next weekend. So hear me out. Try a weekend without alcohol and do the same thing the next weekend. And then the next weekend, just like we do with drinking. It seemed like no matter what negative thing happened, I would always go back to it. I love that. It's amazing thinking about it. If you did that in reverse on the positive without alcohol, right? If you gave not drinking this weekend a chance, and you woke up feeling amazing, and then you gave not drinking a chance next weekend, and you woke up feeling amazing, and you went and did a workout, and you went and made a really healthy meal, and then you replace that with a Nice cup of tea at the end of the day. And then you did that the next weekend. And that's where you build that momentum. Yes. That's literally how those building blocks of your vibration start to slowly increase. And then it's amazing all the other areas of your life that transform because I'm looking at two people right here. And I know since you guys gave up drinking, so many levels of your life have transformed. Yeah. And so has mine Exactly. It's just. Level up. Level up. Leveling up. And yeah, it's amazing what happens when you give it those chances because consistency compounds. So keeping consistent over time, the benefits just multiply you gain a sense of confidence. And self love and purpose and you start trying new things and you start putting yourself out there in different ways, either at work or with friends or in relationships, and you show up differently and then people over time start to notice hey, you're different. What's different, and then you're like, I don't drink, and they just go, but yeah, just yeah. Just like Tracey said, every weekend, just give it that chance. I heard a good quote today. If you're not making changes in your life, and you're ignoring the signs to yourself that you need to make a change, what we resist persists. That's great. Really does. Keep on showing up until you listen. Yeah. I think it's important. Just to let people know don't let fear of the changes in your relationship scare you because those changes in your relationships could possibly in a lot of ways be for the better, just like everything else. I am a strong believer that. The universe has a plan for us. So when we make a shift in our universe, the universe is automatically going to shift in the direction it's supposed to go. And if that's away from people that aren't, contributing in a positive way in your life. Then that's the way it's meant to go and the people that are contributing and being part of making you the best version of yourself are going to be in your life still, or you're going to find those people along the way and along your self improving journey. Make room for more. Absolutely. The words that I live by, whenever there's a choice, and I have a this little tattoo is my reminder. It's the one I can see the most. But in every situation we're faced with, we have two choices. We can choose fear, like we've been talking about tonight, or we can choose love. And it's as simple as that. The decision that we all made to put the alcohol down was a choice of love towards ourselves. Oh, I love that Kelly. And it wasn't easy. Cause yeah, I kept choosing the same ones, like how you were saying, like I did this weekend. Like it was a continuous, fear of change, continue to drink. It wasn't loving. That's for sure. I hated myself those next mornings. Deep down. Heck yeah. I felt the same. Yeah. Shame. Embarrassment. Self loathing. Self loathing. Yeah. Wanting something better, giving alcohol another chance the following weekend, you just gotta decide. Make room for and that plan. Yeah, like that plan that trace was just talking about those are all moving towards the love making those decisions so that plans always there for you. But the more we choose the fear then we don't get to move along on the path we just stay stuck and then we get the things that pop up that are like hey. You sure this is what you want to do? You sure you want to drink again this weekend? You sure you want to continue this relationship? Yeah. And you don't know who you'll motivate or inspire along the way. wouldn't you rather be, the reason why someone changed for the positive than be the reason why someone stayed stuck? Yes. Because we are talk. We ourselves can be therapy. We can be the enablers too. Oh, for sure. For sure. For sure. Yes. Yes. I was that. Yeah. In my relationship for sure. Yeah. He quit drinking. That would mean that I would have to quit drinking. I'm not going to point anything out. And nobody, same as Lindsay, nobody said anything to me about my drinking. Yeah, me neither. Me neither. Yeah. I did have a few like hurtful things, non supportive, are you sure? You don't really seem to have a problem. that wasn't very supportive. Yeah. Because those were people that wanted me to keep drinking with them. Yeah. Sorry, Linds, you were gonna say something there, too. I feel like it was probably along the same lines. You just have a way of wording things so great. I'm like, yeah, that's what I was thinking. Oh yeah, do we have anything else to add? We're all always going to have haters, right?

Kelly: 35:57

This is what we were talking about before we started recording was, yes, we can influence. and inspire, but we can't make anybody do anything. And we also, I think need to drop any expectations. So for me, when I did make the change, it was hard. And I had a couple of relationships that, that People had a hard time with my changes and I talked to my therapist about it and she would just remind me, she'd be like, Kelly, remember you are the one that chose to change. So we keep doing our thing and other people will come with us or they won't or they might catch up later or, we don't get to choose what other people are doing. We can't force any of this stuff on them or have any expectations.

Tracey: 36:44

I think whenever we have expectations, we can set ourselves up for disappointment. So anytime we can let that go. It's always for our better. Absolutely. Such a good convo. I feel like this is so needed. Yes. Man, I hope somebody shares this episode. You never know sharing stuff like this. You just never know who you can impact and help, don't forget to subscribe and follow our show so that. Every Tuesday you get the latest episodes wherever you get your podcasts thanks for tuning in. it means so much to us that, we've got people that are following us, engaging with us, asking us questions and, wanting to be on our show. Tune in next Tuesday. We'll be back with a fresh new episode and... Until next time, you guys know what to do. Keep laughing.

Kelly: 37:41

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