Bryan Wempen, Author Season 3 Ep. 17

What a great conversation we had with our guest, accomplished author Bryan Wempen. Bryan had an instant love affair with alcohol the first time he tried it at the young age of 14. That was followed with many years of battling his tempestuous relationship with substance abuse. Bryan has spent the last 14 years of sobriety being actively involved in the recovery community and telling his story through his writing. Bryan has written 3 books around addiction and his life experiences. Now he is embarking on a new journey releasing his 1st fictional novel and starting his own publishing company, Red Yarrow Books, where he hopes to help other aspiring writers. We love how Bryan has creatively expressed his recovery journey with the world by sharing his books . We are excited to see where this next chapter takes him!

Find out more about Bryan:
Website: https://bryanwempen.com
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/bryanwempen
Twitter/X: https://twitter.com/bryanwempen

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**Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this episode are not professional or medical opinions. If you are struggling with an addiction please contact a medical professional for help.

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Song: Rise and Thrive
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Transcript

Kelly: 0:02

Welcome to the LAF life podcast, a lifestyle podcast based on living alcohol free and a booze soaked world. My name is Kelly Evans and together with my friends, Tracey Djordjevic, and Lindsay Harik. We share uncensored. Unscripted real conversations about what our lives have been like since we ditched alcohol and how we got here by sharing our individual stories. We'll show you that there isn't just one way to do this, no matter where you are on your journey from sober, curious to years in recovery and everyone in between, you are welcome here, no judgment and a ton of support.

Tracey: 0:40

Hello everyone and welcome back to the LAF Life podcast. This is season three tonight we have another wonderful guest accomplished author Brian Wempen and we are so excited to have Brian with us Brian has written 3 books around sobriety and recovery. and he just released his 3rd in January. So we will dive into that with Brian a little later, but we want to start off Brian by welcoming you. Hello.

Bryan: 1:09

Hey, thank you so much for spending a little time and allowing me to come on and chit chat for a bit.

Tracey: 1:17

Yeah, we're happy to have you. I know based on your bio that the first two books you wrote were around sobriety and recovery. So why don't you tell us a little bit about your personal journey to that and how those books came about?

Bryan: 1:32

Sure. That's a great way to start. Yeah, so I literally been very quintessential and, I started dabbling a little bit here and there and sneaking drinks when I was little. Then, I think at 13 actually 13, 14, it's a little blurry, but was the first time that I had absolute opportunity to just get the gas 100 percent and drink as much as I wanted to for the very first time. At an older high school party. me and another kid got invited because we were was pretty good at sports and so I started, as a freshman with seniors and so we got invited. We somehow scammed our way into getting there talking his mom into dropping us off this random house in a different town. And that was the first time. And I absolutely was beyond myself at how much fun I was having. And the very first time, that I was able to do that completely blacked out threw up. Started a fight. It was a full evening and, after that, I was like, oh, my gosh, I don't really want to wait until the next time to drink. I was chasing it because it conquered all of the voices, all the, self consciousness. I felt just as funny as I thought I was and all those things. And from there I was very preoccupied. So from the get go first opportunity, I was rolling and

Tracey: 3:00

wow. Even after puking and blacking

Bryan: 3:03

out. Yeah, it was a great, I was so ready to go again. And, once I got to the next morning and, settled down a little bit, I'm like, that was awesome. That was really freedom. It was like emotional freedom for the first time that I could remember. So move along a couple of years. By 16, I was a daily drinker and I was really good at hiding it. I was in a small school. My parents really didn't drink. We had other issues, but not so much drinking. And I had to really hide it and put people around me that would, if I got caught, would cover me. And I made a whole lifetime out of that. really how I operated, was getting people around me. I could trust who drank, tried to drink and I didn't do drugs at that time. And yeah, so daily drinker. So it was then about figuring out how can I acquire alcohol consistently? And then how can I not get caught and get in trouble and try and maintain and, wrecked a bunch of cars, almost got arrested a bunch of times. Good or bad, my father was known by the sheriff's office when they needed help with something like in the middle of the night, if they needed pulled out of a ditch somewhere, they would call my dad. And so my dad knew all the county sheriffs and police officers. So when I would get in trouble, They would be like, man, do you want us to tell your father? And I'm like, absolutely not. He was volatile at that time. And hell no, I don't want to, I'm scared to death of him. And so they would be like, okay we're not going to take you in this time. We'll take you home and we'll take your booze. But you're not going to get in trouble. So I had it covered. It just progressively got worse and, graduated early, went into the military. I had a period when I was 17, I didn't drink for five months, because I was in basic training in AIT. Which that was good because it took my mind off things and I thought it'll totally be different. I did have a thought. It would be different when I got done. And man, I got back and it was like catching up time. I had total freedom. I was heading to university. I always got fairly good grades. And always stayed out of trouble because I got good grades. I was attentive enough. I was a, I was a fairly nice person. And so I was able to navigate everything going on, and fixing the air of my ways in mid flight just to stay enough out of trouble and try and stay alive. Once I hit college though, and I had complete freedom, and that's where I actually found drugs for the first time. And that was literally like the, we call them here, the HOV lane, right? Where you get, you can go faster and clear lane. To absolute the abyss. I always worked hard, never actually got fired from a job because I was a really hard worker when I was there and I was clever enough and funny enough, and nice enough that they would just chew me out. and let me go back to work, right? Because if they needed me and they needed something hard done, they could always call them. I was always a hard worker. I grew up on a ranch. So I was a hard worker, thank God, or I would have, it would have been worse quicker, but it really did hit when I was 22. OD'd starting to do cocaine and meth and because I could drink more and every other drug I'd get my hand on if it wasn't a needle, because I don't like needles, thank goodness but I was like, if it could make me go faster, I could drink more, I could drink faster, I was all over it once I OD'd, I had a light go on, this is one of kind of those early somebody's watching out for me, not myself moments. I am like, okay, this might actually kill me. I know my drink quite a bit, but this might actually legitimately tell me. It was about a year that I was trying to quit, and I was drinking a lot more, but I wasn't using as much and then I would go out on these huge benches weeks at a time. Then I graduated, I had a university that very graciously. imparted a degree on me, which to this day, I'm very thankful that they were generous is probably a, an understatement to get me out of there. Then I moved and I completely disconnected from all of my sources for The drugs and that was literally, I used one more time that was 1990, goodness, 1993, and I used one more time in 96, briefly, and then I just never did it again, but I was drinking like, all day, every day. Just to, to oblivion. I was bartending. So I had full access literally 24 hours a day to alcohol. It got really dark and I just was in this silo, and in my own head and the silo and stuff. That's that's how I got into the working adult world. Ended up, and I was good at the call it geographics. I was good at, I'm going to take this new job or a new role and move there, and I think it'll be better, and I'm going to go here. And I was really good at fixing problems for a company that I started with and it seemed to click and they had a culture of, we don't really care how hard you party if you work hard. And so I'm like, oh this is, I literally, I think The universe is okay, we'll see how much you can actually take. And they put me in a situation where I worked really hard and I absolutely partied really hard. It was the perfect environment because they were growing fast. And I started, okay, I'll take that and I'll move to the West coast in the U S and I'll move to Puerto Rico and fix problems there. And then I'll move to the UK and fix problems there. Then I'll move to Atlanta. I was literally like the picture. And they were paying me more and more money and my dysfunction and unhappiness was far outpacing my success. And my success was really high. Like I was doing really well despite myself, and I had a lot of responsibility, had tons of people reported to me. And I created a team of people that would, get me home at night. And. would keep me out of jail and if I got arrested would come pick me up, they bail me out and they would, they were good at protecting me because I had surrounded myself with a, a team of Protectors slash enablers that, when I was not in that mode, I was good at what I did and it was helping people. And yeah, it was pretty dark. And and during that time, got married and had other responsibilities And so I started to only drink when I traveled away for our work and I would definitely make up time right soon as I hit the airport to soon as try and make it through landing get to the hotel and then hotels always had a bar. And then I was always out with everybody that I was there. And I really turned into this, I had two or three very different lives, which is, not an uncommon statement. And when I try and quit, the depression would hit. When I drink more, the depression would hit. So I was navigating this, something I didn't quite understand. and I was traveling everywhere. So it was hard for people to pin me down because I had so many places that I was doing things and had enough money to be able to bury the issues and fix the issues. Yeah, so it got to the point and come to the end here is, I met a guy cause I left that company cause it was such a toxic environment. Oh my God. There was every rule violated. From human rights to pick a category of discrimination. It was not a great company and the leadership there. So I decided I couldn't do that anymore. It was horrible. So I left and started my own consulting firm, which is, not great when you're, a heavy drinker because nobody then is, paying attention. So bought a software company, started a consulting company, had all these things. I ended up merging my company with somebody else. this is really important. He was in recovery I'd been exposed to 12 step programs and different stuff through some family members and had. actually tried to go to some meetings, some AA meetings and take that pathway a few times. And, just wasn't there. And I met this guy and I'm like, Oh, that's interesting. Cause he was a great guy, but he had a story. Wow. but he was now successful. He was in recovery and he came into my life. We merged companies. And he was more gracious than he probably should have been as a friend based on my behavior. And how I, took all the shortcuts around stuff in business. So we ended up, parting ways. I left the company after we merged it. But we always stayed in touch, always did. I just knew he was important to me. I just didn't know why other, he was a great guy. I got a DUI in 1995 and was out with my boss and the people working for me with that old company. And so I never lost my license. It never hit my insurance. Literally, I did some community service and got navigated a loophole in a system that allowed me to walk away from that. With really no other than it took 10 percent of my annual salary at that time to sort out that deal, but I had no lasting effect. And so I don't drink and drive anymore because part of the deal was I could never get a second DUI or it was a felony. That was part of the deal. And so I was really good about that. And then February of 2010. Something happens. I don't know what it was. And it was like, I crossed the line where I literally had this emotional, like I, I said it out loud. I just don't give a fuck anymore. Like I crossed that line, the barrier had been crossed. And I've said that many times, but the line had moved to, I literally don't care about anything. And it was a really dangerous line because. I started, driving while I was drunk again and blacked out and started getting totally wasted at industry functions with colleagues and stuff very public. And it was so unusual cause I was so guarded about those things. People didn't right away put two and two together, so there were a couple incidents that were getting there and I was like, whatever. And I was in Chicago on May 8th. I went for a conference I was speaking. And I was at the Witt Hotel in Chicago, and I literally was so miserable, I was so deep in the darkness that. I just am like, I don't care. I literally don't care anymore. And the interesting thing was that wasn't that wasn't like a top 50 bad night. That was a night that was just normal, bad, not super bad. And did some things that all of a sudden, cause social media was just coming around then. And I was really getting involved with Twitter as somebody within a certain sector of business that was really gaining a fairly big following. And I had a podcast then that was really popular speaking of podcasts within the segment. And so people really were starting to pay, like they were noticing who I was and stuff like that. And so the next morning on May 9th, I woke up cause I just speak that morning. And was moderately hung over, but I felt horrible, like inside out, it came to the surf, and I was sick of what, like I was sick of everything. And I literally remember, sitting, crying, because I felt so bad in my room before I went to speak. And that wasn't super typical because it was really emotional. But I'm like, something's got to change. I know I'm not going to make it through this. They're going to do something stupid and somebody's going to get hurt which would be God awful. then I'll be in prison and have to think about that for the rest of my life and it's interesting because I really didn't, and I heard this on one of your other shows, That somebody had talked about. I really didn't think about ending my life, right? That wasn't the option. I knew it would be another way. And I spoke that morning and I was literally sweating it out and, mainlining coffee and trying to get my heart going again. And then I immediately, I'm like, I got to get out of here. And literally broke down in the cab to the airport. Like just completely broke down and. The poor cab driver is probably I don't know what's going on back there, and I'm like, I just don't know what to do. And the thing that came to mind first, and this is where, there's something bigger in the world, whatever it's called from us, I feel in me. And I thought, I got to call that guy. I got to call the guy that I'm still friends with. From all those years ago that I stayed in touch with. I've got to call him and ask, what do I do? I'm at the end and He was so gentle and gracious and didn't have any idea. And he's you make it to tomorrow? Cause I'll meet you for coffee in the morning tomorrow. I can tell you what I do and share. What my path of my journey was. And I'm like yeah, I can make it till tomorrow. And we sat down and he shared and it makes me emotional to this day is, that was almost 14 years ago. And he said, look, here's some things to think about. Here's what I did. Here's my whole story. And he goes just, let's just think about today. Don't worry about tomorrow. Think about today. Let's just bite size this down. And let's just figure out what, let's talk about what you're going to do next. And he was really prescriptive on helping me plan out. And now that I'm years into recovery and I'm in the mental health and addiction recovery space, one of the important things in early sobriety or early recovery doesn't need to be sobriety, but recovery is planning out. So you don't have to think about it. You can just do right. You start doing things and it's about action and it's about, okay, I'm going to do my checklist. I'm going to do these steps. I'm going to do whatever. And he really set me on a really healthy path. I talk about him actually in the book that I've talked about him in a couple of books because he's he's so important in my life. To this day, we talk every couple weeks. If I'm lucky every week, but every couple weeks and we live in different towns now. So I saw him a couple weeks ago. I was back in the town where he lives and we had dinner and it's just such a pleasure to be able to see him. And that's that started getting the substances out. And then really getting into the hard work, which is dealing with all the other shit that I need to unpack and sorting out the mental health and the emotional stuff and that's been a very interesting and what's the right word? Curvy, bumpy. At times inspiring, path, right? Cause that has a bunch of different ongoing complexities to it. So yeah, that's my sort of abbreviated long story. Wow.

Tracey: 17:54

That is quite a story, Bryan. Wow. I do have a couple of questions. Obviously there was a lot in there to unpack, but I just wanted to start out by asking when you were younger. How were you getting access to alcohol every day?

Bryan: 18:10

Great question. And, 1 of those people that just reference things I write in books. Cause it, it sounds. Ridiculously idiotic when you do it, but it was in my second book. So I had a cousin who was older and me and a group of kids pooled our money. And every week we would give him money and he worked in a different town. And so every Friday he would bring back our order of alcohol, we were like 14, right? So it started out as a 12 pack and a case, then a case and a half of Budweiser bottles, really specific. And a bottle of pink schnapps, which is horrible and a bottle of Southern Comfort, which is even more horrible. And every Friday, He would bring that back and then he would take a six pack and, just as bringing it back. But that's how we had like a process we operationalize what that whole supply chain look like. And if for any reason, it didn't happen. And I had a backup with another person I knew who was a functioning alcoholic and actually had three refrigerators in his. Workshop that I knew that I could get into and get alcohol if we didn't get it so I had a backup. I got a plan B. I was a very strategic. Resourceful. Free alcoholic. Yes, resourceful. That's the word I was looking for, resourceful. So I was going to say calculated. All the above. All the above. So it kept us, in booze and I was able to, I had to up my game a little bit when I really truly got to daily drinking. So I would get, oh my God, what was that called? It was grape Everclear and I could put it in grape soda and it would mask it enough that I would be literally buzzed all day and you couldn't really smell it on my breath. And, it was jet fuel it was great jet fuel and I was sipping on that all day long and that allowed me to, when we'd start drinking after school, whatever, they're like, wow, you get drunk really quick. And I was like, yeah, cause I'm two sheets to the wind all day long. So that was, that's kinda, it just was resourceful. That's probably a a good way to put it. It's very interesting considering you said your parents didn't drink. So you don't have any history in your family of alcohol abuse that you're aware of? I do. So I am actually adopted from birth. So my mom definitely doesn't drink. She's probably been drunk two times in her entire life. It just isn't her thing. My father, on the other hand he's one of those people that naturally can absorb a barrel full of alcohol and you just couldn't tell. And I never saw him drunk, but I saw him drink him and my uncles. I would bartend when I was a little kid for them. It was great. And I was like seven or eight. But they would drink, and I never saw him drunk, he really didn't drink when he got older. That was my environmental piece growing up, and but when I got older, I actually reconnected with my birth parents. And both birth parents. my. birth Fathers passed away. Both parents, alcoholics. And I have two half sisters who are in their own programs, right? from the perspective of a genetically I was absolutely 100 percent genetically predisposed to, the chronic, the brain disease of addiction, right? Whether, and it's not just alcohol. You can pretty much, go down the list and I've taken a tour of duty on almost all the isms for all the, all the addictions. That's just, It's the personality. So yeah. That was 100%, part of it. Wow.

Lindsey: 22:01

Listening to your story, Bryan, I have a question. We often think that when we drink, we get something from alcohol or being drunk, but. What I'm hearing and even, my own personal experience it actually take from people like it takes I'm hearing when you're 16 and you're drinking and then. It becomes a daily thing. And you're going down a slope here where towards the end, you've got a group of people at work that are literally no, okay, we've got to keep them out of jail. And, there's DUIs and all this kind of stuff. So my question for you is, what did you think that you were getting from alcohol? Yeah, it's an absolutely insightful question. And I did some thinking and had discussions on this like specific question. And what's interesting is what I was getting from it was initially it was a coping mechanism. I hadn't developed coping mechanisms. And so You know, drugs and alcohol aren't always a cataclysmic, right? And you're not always, burning your life down. You might just be, starting the fire, starting a burner on the stove to make dinner. That's the version, right? And then you figure out that's not really doing anything for me. I need other coping mechanisms to deal with things. Unfortunately, I am not that person, right? That was my go to coping mechanism, to deal with trying to change how I felt. And I found it when I was 14. And you're exactly right is, it works till it doesn't work. And that's a very different spectrum of how that happens and what severity and, what degree of consequences and damage that it does. And so mine came pretty fast and furious. I would say within a year it was all that I was thinking about. And part of what I've thought about that is, and this is a fairly recent conversation, because I heard this in a meeting with a recovery group. And they talked about all the things that stopped when they found drugs and alcohol. All the things that, when you're young, you're trying different things on, do I write my creative musically or writing, or do I like sports or do I like whatever it is, you have all these interests, right? Curiosity is a very human thing. And all of the curiosity stops because you've found the silver bullet. The Holy Grail, the golden lasso, if you're a, Wonder Woman fan. And so all those things just stopped. And so it's interesting. I started losing what I was gaining. I was losing more than I was gaining. Exactly. And we returned to it despite the negative consequences. Like I would have a night blacking out, acting like a fool. And then the next day feeling such shame and guilt. But what do you think I would did? The following weekend, like we continue to go back to the thing that's literally taking from us and changing us and we become these people at the end that we're like, okay, I don't even know who I am anymore. So that's a really good point that when you're using substances, drugs and alcohol, the curiosity stops.

Bryan: 25:16

It's totally absolutely just paused. this is interesting. I see this in recovery, because I'm very, blessed, grateful, whatever the description, I get to see people come in that I am not, I really would almost put money, they're not going to make, it right? It's a really desperate situation. And they have everything in front of them that says it's too big of a hill to climb. And somehow they get their life back and they turn into this entirely different person and they go from absolutely uninteresting and totally self absorbed and self involved and they go from this person that I have zero interest to be around into this absolutely interesting, curious, fantastic personality. That, really wants to know about what's going on in the world, and what you're about, and they ask questions, and it just is fascinating to see the extremes of that arc. Right. But to your point, you have the scale working. And once you're like, okay, you start hitting the, this makes me feel good and this protects me and this changes things for me, the migration to that becomes like a survival mechanism as part of your coping skill, battery, right? And then everything else stops, right? Emotionally, all coping skill development stops, all emotional development stops. Because you now have again, mine started taking much quicker, but it wasn't readily apparent because I was managing it. I had my mask on I was good at the facade. I was clever enough to stay ahead of the curve. And so it took a long time. And there was a lot of damage done, right? Even today, I really think about things recently, I'm like, okay, I've got to start development again from when I was 14 I'm identifying that as part of my recovery. Part of it is the emotional recovery. I've got to start understanding how to communicate, how to emotionally regulate, right? The list goes on and on of all the things that I've been able to unpack now that I'm in recovery through therapy, through, group recovery, through my own personal exploration. With breath work, meditation, and then we can go down the list of trying to find these healthy things to try and just get better and feel better and try and be a person that can be a good steward in the universe to help other people. I was going to say, considering you started so young, yeah, you must have really felt like you had a lot of work to do to get to where you are now, because. You started at an age where you really hadn't developed any of those skills yet. And then you basically put them on pause for how many years? 27. Yeah. Yep.

Tracey: 28:12

It doesn't sound like you had a lot of consequences based on the fact that you were good at, like you said, to disguise the mask outside of, you said you got a DUI, but even that you got off of, you didn't have, harsh consequences for that. Did you have people in your life, like your wife, for instance, Two questions. Are you still with the same wife? Because I know you do have a wife. And two, did she question or did people in your life close to you question your relationship with alcohol or your drinking or were they showing concern? Very good questions. No, we divorced after 19 years. And we worked very hard to make that. As gracious as possible because I very much respected that time. So we actually divorced three years after I got into recovery. And I am remarried now for seven years two part answer. So the other one is, I think because I was so good at compartmentalizing my life, I didn't have a lot of people questioning because I would make sure there wasn't a lot of close relationships. Just to give you an example on this, I thought about this again, also very recently is I don't really have any relationships from high school. I don't have any relationships from college. And it's not like I didn't have friends and, when I was done. I just didn't have an ability to, be a good good friend. I couldn't attach to a relationship and make it equitable. Cause I've, I went back and revisited periods in my life. I really didn't, other than the one guy that I called. and family members. I really only had and one other exception. I only had one person, the one guy that I called who I had a relationship. I didn't really start relationships until I got in recovery. And at that point is when I'm like, okay, I need help. And I can't do this alone. I heard that message, thank goodness. And so I started forming these relationships that to this day are so special and it's not like I talk to people every day, but when we do talk together, it's such an intimate conversation because I can share anything. They can share anything. When they ask how I'm doing, they mean it. When I ask how they're doing, I want to hear what is going on. And as an adult, It's always interesting to find those really intimate adult relationships because, adulthood is a hard place to do, that. And because people are busy and they have social circles and all those things. And but I've been able to start to form those relationships and they're very important to me now. But I think back and I just mentioned this to somebody yesterday who's in recovery that. It feels like I have a lost decade. Like I don't feel like I'm 10 years younger because I'm in a phase where what I should have been doing 10 years ago, I'm now starting to think and do and be able to do and all that stuff. This weird, surreal Delta where, and I just have to reconcile, it's not everything just built to this moment and be in now be very present. And don't worry about that last decade because one, you can't do a damn thing about it. And just take full advantage of the time you have and, be present. And but I did I met somebody when I was in recovery. She's not, she's just normal drinker. But I was very focused on the fact I didn't want to take all of Those bad coping skills or lack of coping skills and repeat them in a new relationship. So we were both very clear and she was married previously for a long time. We both wanted to work on ourselves. So we really set some pretty strong guidelines to how all that was going to work. And had our own lives and all those things. We literally, we dated and spent time for three years before we actually got married. And I think we have an incredibly, hopefully knock on wood, she hears that. But I think we have an incredibly healthy relationship because we put it all on the table. We communicate, communicate. And are, I think we're very great. We're very considerate of each other. And she puts up with my idiosyncrasies and, she doesn't have a problem saying, maybe you need to go to a meeting or maybe you need to go spend time with one of my good friends who is in recovery. That sounds like a good idea, right? Which means I must be getting a little bit. Cranky or something. But that's good, right? That's what you need is we're a team and I love being on her team. So that's great. That's beautiful. I love that. Good questions by the way. I'm going to circle back. So you ask about consequences and you are exactly right. In my lifetime, I have wrecked probably seven cars. Wow. And, got thrown in jail and had to get bailed out and had so many close calls and, have had to, pay significant amount of money to pay the owner of places that I've destroyed when I'm in a blackout. But I truly did navigate. a lot of the consequences that you hear, and never actually, I should have, but I never actually got fired from a job. when they say miracles happen, that is a miracle. So as I did about everything to try and get fired, it felt but, again, one thing I can say about my parents are incredibly, hard workers to a fault. So one of the things that I battle all the time is, being a workaholic, right? Because I do enjoy work, right? Because I don't know any different, first of all, but, so I have to really focus on work life balance like intention. I set a lot of intention around that, and it's something that I always can get better at. Seriously, that's a conversation that we make sure and have just so I don't lose track of getting I got to do this. I got to do that. I got to do this. I can fix that. Because that's a really easy one to get wrapped up into because my identity gets pulled into what I'm doing, not who I am. So we revisit that conversation on a fairly consistent maintenance based

Kelly: 34:33

What about your health, Brian? Any consequences with your health after all that? The only thing is, I think my memory used to be a little bit better. But that's one of those things that, I'm not a hundred percent sure. I have been really had the birth lottery on having some ridiculously resilient DNA. My DNA is Kevlar. It's bulletproof. It's weird. All that I've done to it, for the last decade, I've ate pretty healthy, of course, I always try and exercise more, of course, could lose weight and all those things. So that's always top of mind, but as far as like anything that sticks out no, actually bodies are incredibly resilient, your minds are credibly hearts, souls are incredibly resilient. Nothing has popped up in a way that I did any lasting significant damage that I know of yet.

Tracey: 35:26

Did you have physical withdrawal though, when you quit?

Bryan: 35:29

When I actually self detoxed off of there were a couple of times with drugs I did, but I didn't with alcohol. And in part was because I would only drink when I traveled. I think my body was used to the extremes right complete saturation maxed out. To being just a absolute, not, dry drunk as they call it, where I was just white knuckling and in between the traveling horrible to be around. So my body was used to that up and downs. And so I didn't have any. Because those are legitimately dangerous and you can very much die from that. Those were all and I talk about that pretty frequently you need to be a lot more careful than I was. Because I've lost people I know because. They didn't survive a withdrawal. And that's legitimately a medical, should be medically supervised in some respects, right? There's some that it's probably okay, but there's other that are absolutely, it needs to be medically supervised. It could need to be medically supervised. It could be a medical prescription based detox involved. When you start talking about all the complexities of what's out there now with opioids and everything else in the mix. It's a more complicated world. And we live in today than it was, 14 years ago. I would've never survived. I guarantee it. If it would have been today, I definitely would have been in prison or I definitely would have been dead. There's no doubt in my mind. Wow.

Tracey: 36:59

So why don't you tell us a little bit about the inspiration for your books, Bryan, and a little more about them

Bryan: 37:05

Yeah, no, absolutely. And, and I actually have a question. It's everything I could do to subdue the interviewer in me, right? I just. What would be a book that each one of you would write if you were like, I want to write a book or. I want to write my next book. Maybe you've published books. What's a book that you would want to write just to flip the script here for a second, Tracey, let's start with you.

Tracey: 37:29

All right. No pressure. I think I would really just want to write about how amazing life is without alcohol. Like for me, you alluded to feeling like you're 10 years behind, Bryan. I call that being a late bloomer. So I say I'm a late bloomer because to me, it's like my life has just been on an upward trajectory since I gave up alcohol and I was doing life fine and functioning or high functioning as people like to call it, which we say is a facade. I was doing life fine and just going along and I was successful in my own right, but my life has just been at so much more of a higher vibration and I've had so much more success because of that and the way that I'm choosing to live today. So that's what I would want to probably utilize that to inspire other people. And what a great title, Higher Vibration. So that's a book that I would walk across the street to go by. So that sounds awesome. Lindsay, how about you? This is how you're sitting on my screen. So I'm just going down.

Lindsey: 38:41

Yeah. No, that's great. What a great question. I feel like I've said this on the podcast before and I've had conversations with these ladies that I feel In my forties now, and of course being alcohol free, it's like right now that I'm just starting to really know who I am because I remember when I was just, I don't know, developing as a person, I was really shy. And I think that's part of the reason why I used alcohol. I feel like. It helped me come out of my shell, gave me confidence, but it was all Really fake and it wasn't real and I think something about just confident and investing in yourself, with the things that you feed your body and your mind. It's about the people that you surround yourself with because we've all heard this or the average of the five people that you're the closest to or that you hang out with. So just be really mindful. Of who those people are and what you're putting in your brain and in your body and not being afraid to speak up, even, like something as silly as being on an airplane and you're in the middle seat, but you have to use the bathroom. And I would always be so afraid to say something to the person sitting beside me. Like I have to get out to, to get up, but it's I think that's why I used alcohol too. Because it's I was shy, but also felt like I couldn't speak up even just like little things like that. So I think my book would be something of a self exploration discovering who you are, how to build confidence. And for me, it's keeping the promises to myself and showing up for myself and those little things stack. Yeah, just how to, speak up, not stay quiet. And not feeling bad about it either. I don't know if any of that makes sense.

Bryan: 40:33

Sure. Now that's a, how powerful, right? And, and I love, part of being an author is, I'll share a little after here in a second after we're done coming up with the title, is a really fascinating, like you have a very fascinating relationship with the title and the cover of your book, and like your book sounds like a title would be like little things matter. Or excuse me, I have to pee. Oh, dude, that's way better. That's that's the type, that's awesome. But little things do matter, right? I feel like little things matter. And, this is why, I don't know if you've read Matthew Perry's book. I just cannot stop talking about that book. I listened to him speak it on audible and it was insane, but I feel like something so small, like feeling abandoned by his mom when he was, younger. I'm like, damn, these little things like that do matter. And they really shape us. Yeah, it's important messaging. Yeah, no, your title was way actually way better. That was awesome. Kelly, what about you? Oh, title, I don't know. What you said about the curiosity stopping really, speaks to me. I started drinking either 12 or 13 and abused alcohol until I was 43. So 30 years of thinking I needed it to be me. Sure. And so for the last six years, I have been writing writing, writing every day. And I just recently moved and I've got this box full of journals. So Maybe that'll be a book, who knows, but it's it's been a like, like a self discovery that turned into a really deep spiritual journey and being of service to others and just all about love, loving ourselves so we can love others. Same thing. I would go out of my way for a book like that, right? We need, that's the type of stuff that, the physiology is survival, so we migrate to the negative so much quicker. So setting the intention and finding really trying to lock into the vibration of the positive takes a lot of work because you're circumventing what's naturally, as a human being, we're survivalists. And that's everything the wiring is survival. Yeah that's fantastic. Actually, just to switch gears here. One of my acknowledgements I actually talk a little bit about again, another tragedy that losing Matthew Perry was. Because it happened right as I was doing the final edit, know that he died. And he was doing such good things. And yeah, he was, he just was really trying to, use the resources that he had in his journey To try and not make it as so bad for other people. Which is right. I know what you do. You got to give it away to keep it is one of my most favorite sayings that I'll ever going to hear. And I really remember that at all. It's part of the mantra. And I'm not a natural writer. I think I probably skipped that class or I wasn't paying attention. And so I have to do a lot of work. And I've evolved as a writer actually, but. It's not like a natural English major type fluidity. I was probably, oh my gosh, probably four years sober. I'm a total abstinence guy. I can't do the harm reduction route. It's just not me, and I don't say any pathway for anybody because that's up to the individual, but for me, it's. I can't do it period. And so I was about four years sober and I'm like, I think, I'd really like to write a book. I talked about it for a couple of years with a couple of my business partners and kicked it around and I'm like, okay, I'm going to, I'm just going to write. I'm going to read a little bit on how to do it. And then I'm just going to start writing. And I'm, and my first book was a collection of 99 stories. I'm like, And I really struggled to write, like it was something that I was really frustrated. I happened to read a book by an author named Steven Pressfield, if you're familiar. He wrote the War of Art. And turning pro and he stitched screen plays like the legend of bagger Vance. Was something that he had wrote. And so he's a pretty prolific, author. And I read his book and I'm like, okay, that's how I want to write my book. So I found a writing style that actually made sense to my mind. Cause I tend to be a bit of a, an academic, like I'm going to go find somebody who's did it and I'm going to read how they did it. And I'm going to see if I can do it the way you're supposed to. And I just was so frustrated when I read his book. I'm like, Oh, that's totally the way that I think, I'm going to write like a talk, which is a little bit abstract. And I didn't send these weird, ongoing sentences and it's hard to read at times and which is a quote from my wife, by the way. And so I'm like, okay, I kind of hit a way to write a book. Then I reached out to a couple of my friends. I'm like, Hey, can you just write, give me 600 words. And I want to put you in as one of the stories. So I just wrote a collection of these stories about going through recovery. But I wrote it in a very, not exactly saying recovery way, right? I wasn't completely coming. I wasn't so overtly saying it. So I broached just life and some things. And so that was the first one in 2015. Four years later, I published the next one was very overt. It was called sober is better. My note to self and it's all part of a note to self series, right? It's about self awareness. It's about self exploration. It's about understanding self abandonment, which is one of my new terms I recently learned. So the second one was like zero to 18 years, right? There was that phase of life and then some other commentary and all right, past that. And so that second one I tried different writing styles and. And that was a kind of going to the next level about understanding writing and being an author and, then I got to this last one. The last one was really interesting. It took me a lot longer to write it. But the last one, which is called, fuck my demons redefining normal. I went super edgy on the title. I had two titles and that one, one out. And I really talk about angels and demons, just, symbolically throughout it and the journey to find spirit, cause I, I didn't really understand that. I wasn't opposed to it growing up. I didn't have anybody having a bad experience, but I didn't grow up religious. So I really didn't have any bad feelings about it. And I'm like, I hope there's a higher power. I hope there's a God because I'm screwed if there's not. And somebody has got to be watching out for me. So I always thought that privately. This has been an incredible journey, but this one kind of goes from 18 to today. And it's the last series and I wasn't going to write it because I thought I didn't have anything more to say. And then I finally, the last 4 years in the world has been unfortunately very interesting and complicated and tragic and inspiring in some regards. So I'm like, okay, maybe I do have a little more to say. And I wanted to say it and so that was really where we came down to the writing this book and kind of getting it out into the world and I'm currently working on a couple other books now one fiction, which I've never written. It's all nonfiction so I'm writing a nonfiction one, and I'm working on my first fiction one. Which is really actually a lot of fun because I don't have any deadlines it's really just in concept and I'm taking a little bit of a break because I pushed to get this one done and get it out and I'm just really busy. Life gets too busy. I know it and I start feeling it. So I've got to be a little more intentional on my time. But it's super fun. I love writing. It's become really cathartic. Absolutely. I'm trying to think about writing very differently. And I have in the past because I'm a binge writer. I write like I used to drink. So I'll go, I'll walk into a room and I'll write for 12 hours straight. Once I get in the zone and then I'm like, Oh my God, I can't think about writing for weeks because I've got this writing hangover. So I'm trying to change that behavior. So I'm trying to write more consistently just a little bit every day to reform those habits. And those behaviors into something that's more healthy because I've just been reading about some of some different ability to change how you write and so that it's more an even stream versus like these binge writing episodes, because it feels a bit manic. And so I'm just trying to change that up a little bit. Yeah, so that's the writing. And I have one other book, but it's about workforce capital and data and it's boring. And. I don't ever talk about it because I don't, I got paid to write it and it's not exciting, nothing at all. I've never read it. I've never went back and read it, but it's, it's just there. So yeah.

Tracey: 49:20

That's awesome, Bryan. Tell people where they could find your books and where they can find out more about you. Perfect. Perfect. Thank you very much. And again, thank you so much for the conversation, having me on. You do incredibly good. Storytelling and the way you do things with your podcast is fantastic. So thank you for putting that into the world. First of all they can go to my website. My author website is just bryanwempen. com. I think there's only two of us in the universe, so it's pretty easy to find. And then, I'm on Barnes and Noble and Amazon and, all the different places. And my publisher for the first two books was Inheritance Press and they really got me going. So find it through there. And then for this third book, I actually started a publishing company that I went through the learning, the publishing process, why it's part of the reason it took longer. And so I've started a publishing company called Red Yarrow Books, and I was able to my, this book through my own publishing company. And so That's one of the things I'm going to do in 2025 is look for more authors as you think about writing your book. Very cool. We know where to go. Even if it's to ask what do you think or whatever. But, so yeah, so I'm just excited to dig into that. But yeah, so bryanwempen. com, you can find pretty much anything. Or our friends from Google, you can definitely find. Pretty much find me everywhere there. We'll put your website in our show notes for the podcast here, Bryan so people can find you. Are you on social media at all? I am. I've got a fairly large I've been on Twitter for a long time. So I've got a fairly large group there. And I do on LinkedIn a lot. I'm not on Facebook. I'm on Instagram because I think it's interesting and it lets me connect with some interesting people. And I love getting lost in Instagram for a little bit. I think it's fascinating. And I follow a lot of music there and some comedians and a lot of, My wife's Mexican American, so I follow a lot of stuff from Mexico, culturally and different around the world. But yeah, other than that, it's mainly Twitter and linkedIn, and it's all Bryan Wempen. I've stuck to that specifically. So I haven't got super creative outside of that. I just wanted to ask you one last question because there was a quote in your bio there that. I thought was interesting and I liked it so I wanted to know what it really means to you. You had, I am interested in whole person healing and expanding life adventures, not just sobriety.

Bryan: 51:51

Yeah. That's always good to highlight because I love, and I'm very respectful of people that their sober community and their recovery community is really what they've built their life around. It feels good. That's a great group of people to be around. And that's exactly what they want. And I respect that. Absolutely. I want my life to be very multifaceted and I know that my recovery is absolutely the number one thing that I start my day and end my day with, right? That's the discipline and structure I put in place to ask for help, something greater than myself help me be a good person through the day. And at very least, I meditate, And at the end of the day, I try and remember to, just thank you for getting me through the day and letting me do it, in recovery and sober, right? And thank, the great mystery as some of my native friends call it. I thank them for putting the people in my life that I have in my life today and the opportunities I have to actually be of service. and be a positive person in my own life, first of all and other people's life and just be, try and help. So that's what that means I want my life to be very full and I want it to be about culture and I don't want to avoid things because there's alcohol or, I don't tend to stray into where there's hardcore narcotics being used. I'm not. open minded yet, but I try and stay out of it because it's illegal first of all but I tend to, go to places, and alcohol is all right for a lot of people. Like it's fine. Like they're good. They can drink their half a glass of wine or they can have a couple sips of, a high ball and they're good and it doesn't matter, but it matters to me. So I have to just be like, okay. I'm good with it, right? So that's what that means. That's the long answer to the question. But I do have one more thing I want to go back on. I think lots of people approached me about their concern of my behavior and drinking over the years. And I absolutely don't remember it. And I didn't choose to hear it. I didn't have a capacity to hear what they were asking about. And I think that probably happened. And I'm really thankful they tried. I'm very confident that people tried because I've had a lot of good people in my life that, I just wasn't able to maintain relationships with, and I can't believe they all were, I'm not that good, that I could hide it that well. I just think I didn't remember or I blocked it out and just didn't pay attention. So I just wanted to go back to that.

Tracey: 54:29

No, that's great. Thank you so much, Bryan. It's been such a pleasure. Thanks for spending time with us. It's been such a great conversation and we've really enjoyed it. And we'll make sure that we share all your info out there we'll look forward to seeing your next book. That should be interesting. So good for you. Good luck with that one. And you can find us on social media at LAF Life Podcast on Instagram, LAF Life on Facebook. We have our Facebook community, and we have our website, laflifepodcast. com. Until next time, you know what to do. Keep laughing.

Kelly: 55:09

Thank you for listening. Please give us a five star rating like and subscribe, share on social media and tell your friends. We love getting your feedback and ideas of what you'd like to hear on upcoming episodes of the LAF life podcast. If you yourself are living alcohol free and want to share your story here, please reach out.