LAF Life (Living Alcohol Free)

Spirit-Led Sobriety Explored: Wisdom from Paulette Kengg Season 3 Ep. 23

• Paulette Kengg • Season 3 • Episode 23

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Great conversation with author Paulette Kengg exploring her spirit led sobriety. Paulette came from a very tragic childhood growing up with 2 alcoholic parents. Surprisingly her own drinking was never problematic until she experienced an extreme bout of  insomnia in her early 50's and an old friend recommended "just have a glass a wine" as a cure to help her sleep.  Initially the wine worked but to Paulette's utter shock she quickly found her brains response changing as she rapidly became addicted and dependent on alcohol. After a life threatening accident and many attempts with different recovery programs, Paulette finally decided to turn back to her faith and found sobriety in her surrender to God. Paulette feels she was called by God to write and share her book Spirit-Led Sobriety. By openly sharing her story, she hopes to help release others from the overwhelming shame around alcohol abuse that continues to linger in the Christian Community.

Connect with Paulette on Insta: https://www.instagram.com/spiritledsobriety22/
To purchase your copy of her book Spirit-Led Sobriety go to Amazon: https://a.co/d/e0xiHaS
JOIN Paulette's private Facebook Group:
 https://www.facebook.com/groups/879472050408496/

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**Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this episode are not professional or medical opinions. If you are struggling with an addiction please contact a medical professional for help.

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Song: Rise and Thrive
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Wellness Togethe...

Kelly:

Hey everybody, we've got a great episode for you coming up where we interview Paulette. She's amazing. You'll love it. Wanted to start off with a trigger warning that we do discuss rape in this episode. Welcome to the LAF life podcast, a lifestyle podcast based on living alcohol free and a booze soaked world. My name is Kelly Evans and together with my friends, Tracey Djordjevic, and Lindsey Harik. We share uncensored. Unscripted real conversations about what our lives have been like since we ditched alcohol and how we got here by sharing our individual stories. We'll show you that there isn't just one way to do this, no matter where you are on your journey from sober, curious to years in recovery and everyone in between, you are welcome here, no judgment and a ton of support.

Tracey:

Hello everyone and welcome to season three of the LAF Life podcast. Tonight we have another incredible author with us, Paulette King, and we are so excited to have her here and learn about her journey and about her new book, Spirit Led Sobriety. So welcome Paulette, we're so happy to have you. I am so excited and grateful to be on. Thank you so much for having me. No problem. It's our pleasure. To start our listeners would probably like to get to know you and know more about how did you start out being introduced to alcohol? And how did it progress?

Paulette:

Sure. I had my first drink of alcohol At 14 years old. It was the night that my father was shot and killed by my drunk uncle.

Kelly:

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Paulette:

And so my oldest sister was married. She lived about an hour away. She came and picked me up. I'm the baby of the family. She came and picked me up and had Jack Daniel's straight because you know what, that's all she knew to do. We were raised with two parents that were unhappily married and they both drank a lot. Five kids in six years in an 1100 square foot house. Back when I was growing up. You don't talk about these things

Kelly:

and

Paulette:

it was so weird. You I think it's a very common and families that grow up with alcohol with both parents. It's even the kids know, you're not supposed to talk about it, even with each other. My sister, Pam, was giving me Jack Daniels straight the night my father was murdered. What was so tragic about that, you guys, is that, and I'm not going to sound like a victim here, but my father was the parent that loved me. Okay. My mom had three girls. And the pressure is always on women to produce the almighty son, nothing against men. So she finally has a son and she thinks she's done. Here I come. And I didn't ask to be born. God love her. I was the last thing she wanted was another child. As a mother myself, If I had been in her shoes, I would have felt the same way. My father, I think instinctively could sense her complete neglect of me. She never held me. She never told me she'd love me. And I'm not saying this from a victim point of view. I understand my mother as a mother myself, she did the best she could. But my parents, they both drank a lot. My dad would get into drunken rages and try and strangle mom in the master bedroom and all of us kids would be scampering around the bedroom crying and screaming and nobody. We were witnessing and hearing things no child should hear. I remember one time my brother jumped on my dad's back and my dad, just with one arm, just through my poor brother against the wall against the air conditioner. Somebody in my family would eventually call one of my other uncles and he would God love him. In the middle of the night, come and faithfully pick up all five of us kids, take them to his house, wake our cousins up in the middle of the night where we sleep in bed with them again. not only was that trauma, but it was shame and that shame is hard to get rid of. So that was my 1st introduction to alcohol, but I didn't really attach to it in high school. I would drink a lot, because that's just what people did.

Tracey:

Did you know that your dad had been shot? Were you guys there?

Paulette:

No. My parents had been separated at the time, and this makes it even more sad. My parents had been separated for some time. Daddy had gone into I guess it was some kind of rehab. I was 14. I was very young but they had worked things out. February 24th of that year was my sister Linda's birthday. February 24th of that year was my sister Linda's birthday. He had come over to the house where we were all living. He was living with my grandmother at the time, my grandmother and drunk uncle. He had come over and my mom and dad were flirting like mad. They made the announcement. They were getting back together. Daddy was moving home the next morning. We had our dad back. Our mom was happy. We were going to be a normal family. And when my uncle found out the next morning, daddy was moving home, he got drunk and shot and killed my dad. There's a lot more to that story, but that's the bottom line of my first introduction to alcohol

Tracey:

How was it presented to you by your sister? Like just drink this. Yeah.

Paulette:

Drink this. Drink this. And I remember, it tasted nasty. It just lit a fire down my throat.

Tracey:

What do you think she was trying to do for you? Numb the pain or Numb the pain and put me to sleep.

Paulette:

Yeah. Yeah. And yeah. It was awful. It was just awful.

Tracey:

Yeah. I thought it's terrible. Sorry to hear that.

Lindsey:

Did you experience any anxiety or anything like that as a result of all of this toxicity and trauma that you were living?

Paulette:

I did in the sense that we weren't allowed to talk about it, right? And we would go to church every Sunday and daddy would be in. Sure. And we'd all have these. Lace things over our head and yeah, the whole hypocrisy, we've all listened to enough podcasts? How many times have we heard from the outside? We look like the perfect family. Exactly. Yeah. And behind closed doors. We were 5 scared little puppies. Screaming and not knowing what to do not being in control. I can remember in the summer, as we got a little bit older, my mom would send us to her sister's house about 4 hours away. We would go to stay with aunt midge. for two weeks. And that was heaven on earth. Those were the two best weeks of our summer every year. Like clockwork for these people, my aunt and uncle to take on five kids plus their two boys every summer for two weeks. But what's so sad you guys is every summer on the way home My mom would be drinking. She would get in a horrible car accident. I really think she was trying to kill herself. When we would get home from the best two weeks of our life, she would be in a hospital bed. Back then it was called traction and it was just scary. Metal bars in her arms and limbs would be placed in just awful positions. Again, we'd be shipped off to relatives because daddy had to work. She was in the hospital for months on end. It was a hard childhood. There's a lot of people that have had it a lot worse than I, so I'm not going to discount or say. For me, I'm just explaining the situation,

Tracey:

right? You're just telling your truth, which is, part of what makes us who we are, right? And why we end up having our own journeys and alcoholism in a family is very impactful. I know myself, my dad was an alcoholic too, and there's a lot of alcoholism in my family as well. It goes deeper than that. And, it is a hard thing to shake and it's a hard cycle to break.

Paulette:

When I got to high school, that's what everybody did on the weekends. You just drank and we drank a lot but. I never really attached to it. I would have binge drinking moments, but I could take it or leave it. I could go for weeks at a time and not drink. It was just not a thing. But, looking back, I was blacking out while I was driving. I would get home. How in the world did I make at home? Wow. By the grace of God. And that's really scary as a parent. Yeah.

Lindsey:

Paulette, you said that you guys would go to church on Sundays. Did you ever pray? Did you ever say, dear God, please make daddy stop drinking or did you ever feel, I don't know, I feel like people reach out to God or whatever they believe in times of distress when things are so bad or I guess another thing I want to know is were you ever mad at God? Like, how can you let this be my family?

Paulette:

I did not pray out to God when I was young because I was raised in a very strict religious upbringing where you stand up and sit down and say this and say that, and none of it made sense. And, do not ask questions.

Lindsey:

And

Paulette:

I was never taught. It just astounds me. I was never taught. God loves you, Paulette. God has a plan for you. Never. We never read the Bible. It was like, that's what I grew up with. No, I did not turn to God at that time. It wasn't until years later when I was a single mom and had gotten laid off from my job and had to find employment and then you really hope there is a God and I'm here to tell you there is a God and he listens to us.

Lindsey:

I love that. I asked the question just because your book spirit led. sobriety, right? And I was just like, oh, just wondering how it was as a kid. Cause I remember even for me growing up, like a specific situation that stands out for me in my head is our family home being renovated. It was fun because we were sleeping on cots, right? Because we were putting an upstairs on our home and another family room in the back and stuff. But my dad was a drinker. So sleeping on these sun chairs, the suntan beds that my mom put out for us. And it was me and I had two. Sisters, I'm the oldest, it was like camping in this living room, but then hearing the door open and my dad getting home, walking in and walking into the kitchen and slamming things because he was had been drinking. I just remember feeling so anxious yeah,

Paulette:

you never

Lindsey:

know, you know. Yeah,

Paulette:

that's going to happen.

Lindsey:

And the same was with us. We went to Sunday school. I was in Sunday school for years. I was in girls of Mary. My dad went to church every Sunday. It was like, we were Ukrainian Catholic but we were a mess on the inside of our house. Yeah.

Paulette:

Yeah, daddy would sleep. Sometimes he would sleep in our front room. There were two double beds and two sisters in one bed, two sisters in the other. When daddy was drunk, mom would make one of us sleep with her and put daddy in. And, he would urinate all over himself. It was just disgusting. Yeah, but you know what they really did the best they could you were not allowed to talk about Alcohol and AA was the only thing available and I have nothing against it. It just didn't work for me

Tracey:

I was gonna ask you about that Paulette because I read that you had tried it and I'm surprised actually because a lot of people like the concept of AA, because it is God driven in ways, and some people are deterred from it for that reason, if they're not someone that's religious or, follows a practice.

Paulette:

I don't want to bash AA. Okay, I can share my experience of why I think it didn't work for me if you would like.

Tracey:

Yeah, none of us, Kelly attended some meetings, but none of us went through the whole program either.

Paulette:

Let me tell you, I really tried because at the time, that's all I thought was available. And I was really scared because I kept going back. The sponsor, at the time I went, I was a Christian. I had been saved and been following God and, all that. But she, when I had a relapse, I hated having to walk the aisle of shame to get the chip again. All that shame. All that did was make me want to leave the meeting and go drink

Kelly:

not the 1st time. I've heard that.

Paulette:

Yeah, and I remember she said, you of all people, you have the power of the Holy Spirit living inside of you. You should not have had to have a relapse that's what happened, lady. And I don't need your judgment and condemnation. I think it's Romans 8 says there's no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. So where do you get off? It didn't help. Let me put it that way.

Tracey:

Yeah. Yeah. I can understand that.

Paulette:

So I tried very many times and it just didn't work.

Tracey:

That's okay. Yeah. Yeah, we don't need it necessarily. There's some people it works great for and everybody's got to find their own path.

Paulette:

And I think God had me. I was in bondage for about 10 years. To be honest with you off and on

Lindsey:

what do you mean? What do you mean when you say that I was in alcohol prison? I was addicted.

Kelly:

Okay. Can we go back a little bit? I know you drank in high school. You guys drank a lot on the weekends. You said you weren't really attached to in high school. So I'm curious to know how it progressed from there.

Paulette:

Sure. So I go to college and the night of my 19th birthday. This guy had a birthday party, a surprise party for me. There was lots of alcohol. And, I own it, I drank, but I really think he put something in my drink, I really do, and the reason I say that is because one moment we were all dancing in the apartment, just having a blast, when you remember, alcohol could be fun, having a blast The next thing I know we're in my bedroom. He's on top of me. My pants are down. He is raping me. I am a virgin at this time at 19 years old. Even back then that was a commodity. I was so naive and stupid. I actually asked him, are we doing it? And he just laughed and kept on going and left and I woke up anybody who's ever gone through that experience, you can't take enough showers to feel clean. And I did not tell anybody what happened for about 25 years. Oh my God. Yeah, I was so ashamed. The religion I was raised in was extremely judgmental, and you just did not have sex outside of marriage, and I must have done something to deserve it. I checked myself into the university clinic for about three weeks. I couldn't stop crying, and I just didn't feel good. But they didn't ask. They should have asked questions, and so this guy that did that to me was in several of my classes and I just couldn't handle it. Ladies. I quit school after about 3 weeks. The final nail on the coffin for that. Guy I went to his apartment. He shared with a couple of other guys and they always left the door unlocked I knocked, but they didn't answer. So I went in and I went upstairs to his room. Open the door, he was going at it with another woman. He's look. He turns around, sees me, see him laughs. And keeps on going. That's when I lost it and turned in my resignation. Why is that so tragic? Because I had to go home to drunk mother. That was my choice. stay at a university with the guy that reminds me every day of what happened and not have anyone to talk to because I feel like I'm the most horrible person in the world and I deserved it and I really believe that and I did not deserve that. And so I moved home with drunk mother who of course I didn't tell. There I was with drunk mother. I met this guy he was my young and stupid marriage, anything to get out of the house away from drunk mother. We, bought a new house and I didn't love him, but He got me out of the house and when he lost his job he was okay with staying home and smoking dope with our three week old daughter while I went out and worked for jobs and, that just was not okay with me. So when we eventually got foreclosed on, I was just like. Goodbye, I'm out of here because I didn't want my beloved daughter to grow up thinking this is marriage. I did not want her to have any memories of her dad. To me as a mom, it was better for her to not have any memories than to have a relationship and split apart. I just, maybe that was right. Maybe that was wrong. That's what I did for my sanity. We got along and everything was okay. Four years later, I meet husband number two, who is the exact opposite of husband number one, good looking, makes a lot of money, super smart. He was a big drinker, but see, I was used to that.

Kelly:

What was your relationship to alcoholic at this point?

Paulette:

I could take it or leave it. I really didn't.

Kelly:

Still. Hey, yeah.

Paulette:

Still. Yeah. But with husband number two, he was very abusive and I would get in trouble. Use your imagination. Ladies. I would get in trouble if I didn't start drinking with him at 10 in the morning on the weekends. Yeah. Yeah. I would get in trouble and it was nonstop beer, beer the whole day, whether my daughter was with us for the weekend or not. I hated it, but I didn't want to get in trouble. Okay. So you do what you have to do. That marriage ended the night that he slapped my daughter, my nine year old daughter on the arm for asking an innocent question the night of her birthday. You can do what you want to me, but if you have kids You know what it's like. I divorced him and was so happily divorced for almost 20 years, god gave me the career change of my dreams without a college degree, without a foot in the door. I loved my job. I couldn't believe I got paid to do my job. It was the most fun. I bought a house on my own. I didn't have to have a cosigner. I didn't have to have a loan. That was a big accomplishment for me. For someone that was always told you'll never amount to anything because you don't have a degree. That's just not true. When you have God on your side, hey. Don't tell me what can and cannot happen or don't tell him right so where am I at the story? Where I really got addicted, it was in my mid 50s.

Kelly:

Really?

Lindsey:

Wow.

Paulette:

And not only at this point had I had the career change of my dreams for about 10 years, but I had gotten laid off for about a two year period. My career change was I wanted to travel and write full time for a living. I just could not imagine anything more fun. That's what I wanted to do. So during that two year layoff, it was like him saying, how bad do you want this? So he laid out some really ridiculous steps for me to take, but I took them and like Joshua in the Old Testament every place I put my foot, the ground opened and it was just amazing. So by the time I was in my mid fifties, the two year layoff ended and I had the best job ever. I worked from home. I was in charge of the magazine. I got to decide what stories to cover. I got to decide who to interview, where to travel, budget, So much fun. I worked from home, right? I loved the job. I could not turn my brain off. I would get up at all hours of the night, walk 15 steps down the hall, get on the computer, email my boss, all these amazing ideas. And of course, she loved it. She's man, I have the best regional editor of all of us, and, I developed chronic insomnia. Have y'all ever had insomnia for one night? Okay, chronic insomnia is really defined as four or more nights a week of no sleep, month after month. This went on for eight and a half years. Wow. Okay. During this time God brought my third and final best husband ever. We've been married 16 years. Brought him into my life. Alcohol was just not a thing. Take it or leave it, social drink or have people over, go to whatever, but he snores. Okay. So we sleep in separate bedrooms. I didn't know he snored until after we got married and I moved in with him. And I need complete radio silence. I had tried everything melatonin, over the counter sleep medicine, all this stuff. During this time, I ran into an old friend from high school out of the blue. When you do that, you, Oh, let's get for dinner. And you go for dinner and you catch up. So I was telling her my situation. She was, Oh my gosh, Paulette, just have a glass of wine before you go to bed. That'll help you fall asleep. Alcohol was such a non thing. It never occurred to me to try that. So I talked to my husband, Preston, and he's it's the one thing you haven't tried. Go for it. So I did and it worked. It relaxed me and it put me to sleep. I don't know if y'all know anything about the science behind addiction. I don't know if you have heard about neuroplasticity and how the brain just when the brain identifies something as a solution. That's it. My addiction, I promise you formed in my mid fifties after about a week, I would have the glass of wine by my bed. Inevitably, two or three hours later, when the alcohol wears off, a stress hormone called cortisol starts ramping up in your brain, you wake up you're filled with anxiety. I just. poured another glass of wine and drank it. I literally took it as if it were a prescription drug. That's how I looked at it. It wasn't like, Oh, this wine tastes so good. Let me have some cheese. I could care less. This shit was working for me. Okay. In a week's time, I knew my brain had changed to the point where I told him something's wrong with my brain. Something has changed. I can't explain it. I don't know why, but something is wrong. I'm not processing alcohol the right way. I can't stop drinking. I don't think he took it as seriously as I did, but I had been big time hiding my drinking from him. I would go to the liquor store and get wine. And hide it under my pillow, because, we slept in separate bedrooms. So I would hide the bottles under my pillow, go to bed early, close the bedroom door, drink my head off because I was addicted, then I would hide the empty bottles in my cute black and white polka dot rubber rain boots in my closet and just the stress of it all, I would have to wake up early, run to the store, look for the exact wine bottles, because he has a photographic memory and replace the bottles when he was still asleep.

Lindsey:

Resourceful. Wow. That's a process.

Paulette:

Oh, such a process. Such a process. And I asked him, please put a lock on the solid teak liquor cabinet. He did not want to do that. My husband he likes the finer things of life. This was an expensive piece of furniture, but he loves me and he did that. My story would not be complete without me telling you about my special accident at our lake house. He was at a conference at a town. So I went to the lake by myself. To relax and enjoy the view, because that's what you do. And about 5 o'clock in the afternoon, I thought. Oh, I'll just, it's time, but five o'clock, I'm going to get to have a drink and read my Kindle by this time I was drinking two bottles of wine and then I would drink straight whiskey and lots of it. This particular night. I decided I would take an Ambien so that I could go to sleep because I thought all that alcohol, the stress hormones were really gonna freak out. So I'm gonna negate that with an Ambien. I had a horrible accident in our lake house alone. I almost bled to death. It is a miracle. I drove myself 10 minutes into town. My glasses were broken. I had bruises. I couldn't see. I had a puncture wound on this side, actually, and I'm blind as a bat, ladies. So my glasses were broken. I was smashed and, Ambien, you don't remember what you're doing. And I just remember blood gushing out. There was one point where I was just like, I'm so tired. I managed to get back to the couch and I passed out again. I kept blacking out. Chapter one of the book describes the accident. When I got to the clinic, they called the ambulance immediately. They called my husband and man, I was just begging God to let me die. Because I just knew he was going to divorce me. Talk about guilt and shame. I was here. You have to under,

Kelly:

yeah,

Paulette:

but this is not what he signed up for. You know what? It's not what I signed up for either. This addiction was, truly accidental. Yes, I'm the one that drank it. That's what happened. There's a whole lot more to that accident story and detectives were called and just all kinds of stuff.

Kelly:

What? Oh my gosh. Okay. Now we all got to get this book. What did you do? How did you hurt yourself? Do we have to read the book?

Paulette:

You have to read the book, but I like take a Pepto Bismol or something because your stomach is going to burn. My stomach churns at the thought of what I managed to do.

Kelly:

Oh my gosh. It is truly it's a miracle. I'm not lying. It is a miracle I am alive. Wow. Wow. So that happened and. I remember we had to tell my siblings, and that was really traumatic because it brought up a lot of stuff of childhood, and also one of my older sisters. two weeks earlier had fallen down a flight of stairs and had her own drunk accident. She had to be lifelighted for a five hour emergency brain surgery. So me having my accident, it was extremely traumatic for our siblings. And nobody talked to me for weeks because they made a lot of wrong assumptions. Based on the full story of the accident and the conclusion and, that made me want to drink, but you know what? I was in so much pain physically a 3 to 4 inch puncture wound hurts. It hurts to breathe. It hurts to move. It hurts to cough hurts to blink your eyes like. And it takes a long time to heal and I was on some heavy pain medication. So it was around this time that I really started researching other ways to find help. Celebrate Recovery didn't help. I'm sorry. I know it's a Christian program, but it's, we're all different. And God created me. I'm a retired editor, which means I'm very nosy. I was really good at my job asking lots of questions. That's how who, what, where, when, why loved it and So I just started using my analytical brain. Why is this happening to me? How did this happen? And I'm sure y'all probably heard of Annie Grace's book. I knew you were going to say that. Yes. But you know what? Hers was the first. Yeah. I do not give her all the credit. There are a lot of people I have to give credit to. Hers was was the first book that really made sense to me. I read it like a thousand times, listened to her podcast. I did probably three or four different online quit alcohol programs by three or four different people.

Paulette:

I read chapter 10 of my book. I probably have. 70 to 80 resources. Between the number of books I've read, I've taken a lot of the online courses that Annie took that she, referenced in the back of her book. I took a lot of courses, I read a lot of books, listened to a lot of podcasts, and I had a lot of therapy. I did EMDR therapy. I did regular therapy. I did biblical counseling. Finally, it's really sad. It's a sad thing to say the one place I thought I should have been able to go first. My church family of 30 something years was the last place I went. And I called one of the elderly pastors who I've known for many years. And I just told him and he said, Paulette, I've been clean and sober for 20 years. Nobody knows. And just God was just like, and so he put me in touch with a biblical counselor I worked with her for a year and a half. She gave me a book to read called the heart of addiction by a guy named Mark Shaw. That book broke my heart. That book is. Mr. Shaw's perspective is not that it's alcoholism or a disease. His perspective from a Christian point of view is that it's the sin of idolatry. You're choosing alcohol over going to God to help with your problems. That's not going to hit with everybody, but I tell you what, as a Christian for over 30 years, it broke my heart that I was totally convicted. So we worked for through that book. And then there's a, an accompanying workbook that I worked through. And here's what's so exciting to me. And I cover it in my book, Spirit Led Sobriety. I really think God had me go through 10 years of this so I could try all of these things and I was helped like it's patchwork quilt, a little help from every little thing. But when I got to Annie's book. I have an analytical mind. There's nothing wrong with that. Annie's book explained the science behind alcohol and addiction and how it affects your brain and body. And the neuroplasticity, it's when your brain's wiring literally changes. You can look it up. It literally changes. Changes like Plato or something in your head well in the Bible, I think the book of Romans, the apostle Paul talks about transforming and renewing your mind from the inside out. That's the spiritual version of the science version of neuroplasticity. So when I was able to put those two together, boom, freedom.

Kelly:

That's really good.

Paulette:

It was exciting. It was exciting. And yeah, because it was what I needed.

Kelly:

Yeah.

Tracey:

Yeah. And I read Paulette that you also did a lot of research around, which I think is great as well. And I'd like to get your perspective on this because we talk about this a lot on the podcast about how the media influences drinking and all the marketing of it.

Paulette:

You will love. I don't mean to sound like a commercial. Hold on, I have a chapter on alcohol marketing. cause it makes me so angry. One day, one day I went into the grocery store doing my shopping and I passed by all the wine and I'm like, look at the names of these wine bottles. I took pictures of the labels of all these wine bottles and I listed them in the book and the names are so subliminal and they're so evil, wicked sister. And there's a reason. The hard liquor is called

Lindsey:

spirits,

Paulette:

like put that is that not evil or what? So true. Yeah. So one of my little cheapo promotion things, I've ordered some business cards of my little book. And I'll go to the liquor store now and to the grocery store, and I will just slip my card into all the,

Kelly:

I love it.

Paulette:

For 10 bucks. Yeah. And I've had people, I have a private Facebook community called Spirit Led Sobriety on Facebook and people have actually joined. From seeing those business cards.

Tracey:

Wow. I love that. That's awesome. So great. That's great. But see, God gave all of this goes to the Lord. I could not think of any of this on my own, but I just thought, this is fun. This is fun. But yeah, the alcohol industry is so targeted to women. It makes me really angry. Yeah. And if you just read the news, all of these. the accidents, the marriages that are destroyed, the children's lives, the people that are killed, maimed, paralyzed, the first responders who lose their lives, rescuing drunk people. It's disgusting. So I have a whole chapter on that. Wow. Yeah, I thought that was I also liked, I read a quote from you. Describing it like Groundhog Day, which is hilarious to me because I refer to that all the time. I say all the time that when I was drinking, my life was like Groundhog Day. The same thing. Over and over

Paulette:

again over a day, and you wake up every morning, I'm not gonna do it again. I'm gonna go replace those bottles and that is gonna be it. And it was never it. The guilt and shame. I tell you what, there was one time where it had to have been I had so many. The horrible accidents, not the only one I had. I had fallen before and broken the bone and broke bruised eye and things like that. But I remember 1 time waking up with, I didn't want to wake up. I was not suicidal. But I remember telling God, why don't you just call me home? Let's just call it good, another thing as a writer, I have journals. This is from two, I don't know if you can see this. This is from 2014 to 2016. I started keeping journals when I was 14 years old. That was my therapy because I didn't have anyone to talk to and journaling. I highly recommend because nobody's going to see it. You can really put out what you're feeling and shredded. So 1 of the things I do in my community is because I really want people to understand. I know what you're going through just this week. I posted an entry from, I think it was April 29th and then April 30th and April 29th. Here I am feeling guilt and shame. And here's how much I drank and I'm never going to do this again. But I did happen to take some hydrocodone tonight. Also, while I was drinking and then the next morning, I throw all the hydrocodone down the toilet trying to be just. It's a nightmare. It is a nightmare. Yeah, and you think you're thinking clearly, but you're not,

Kelly:

you

Paulette:

don't think clearly for a long time. But people that follow and they read these entries, they tell me so much. It helps them. And that is what I'm about. I'm not a coach. I don't have an online program. I have nothing to sell you. I do have a book I wrote. God gave me this book to write plain and simple. He downloaded into me, it was written in about three weeks and published it took me about two weeks to learn formatting, which I hate. But there's no question. There's no question. He gave me the gift of repentance, delivered me, gave me another chance and has given me this ministry. And I'm now working on a companion workbook to it. And I'm not calling it a Bible study. I don't know what I'm calling it other than it's a workbook going through and giving a lot of journal prompts anyway, all I want to do is encourage people, if I can get through this, anybody can get through this. God is no respecter persons. I am not anybody special. There's no reason why he would do it for me and not somebody else. The only thing I will say in my favor is that I did not give up. I don't know how I had faith. But I did, I just, I am my father's daughter. I refused to give up until I got free. I was trying everything. I didn't care. I didn't care. Whatever I'm doing it and eventually the answers came.

Tracey:

Have you been sober now?

Paulette:

December 30th, 2022.

Tracey:

Okay.

Paulette:

Yeah, and the man, the night of December 29th, 2022, I had been drinking. And my husband was in his office I ended up on the floor on my face crying and praying. And it sounds goofy and weird and all that. But remember the first Terminator movie when Arnold Schwarzenegger falls down to the earth from that vortex. Do y'all remember that? Did you even see the movie? Am I that old? Arnold Schwarzenegger comes from a hurricane, tornado, and land on Earth. That is what I felt like the night of December 29th, 2022. And it was like, God said to me enough, she is mine. And what a thing to hear. It was like a total spiritual warfare kind of thing. I don't even know if y'all ladies are women of faith or not, but I'm just sharing my experience and I haven't had a drink since and I don't want it. Teak liquor cabinet is wide open. There's plenty of wine. I could care less. I have no temptation, no craving, nothing.

Lindsey:

Wow. Your story. Kelly and Tracy, you guys must remember Ellie from season one. So Paulette, this is so crazy because Ellie, I actually met her at church and I didn't know this about her, but she had been a real. struggling addict, addicted to alcohol. And she has the same story. She wrote a book, but it was like this one day God just said, that's enough. She was fighting, she would drink every day and it was like a fight to not. And then all of a sudden, she had tried everything. And then it just one day it was like, she felt God she got baptized. She got baptized. Yes. Her niece. Yeah. That's right. And then that was it. After that she never drank again. Yeah.

Tracey:

Yeah. She believed she was born again in that moment. Wow. She probably was. Yeah. Yeah.

Paulette:

I had been born again in the early two thousands. So I had been a believer for many years. And that's why when I read Mr. Shaw's book, it really cracked me open. Wow. To think that I had hurt God that much, but that's what I needed. You need what you need. Yeah.

Kelly:

Yeah.

Paulette:

And I think I went through so much pain and just, the childhood I got a lot of therapy, dealt with the trauma trauma can live inside your body. Yes. It does. That's like a physical truth. Yes. And sadly the same sister that fell. down the stairs. She passed away November 19th. Three years ago, she drank too much one night, fell, hit her head, bled to death. Her body was discovered two days later by my other two sisters. So yeah. See, alcohol, it really goes after the women. Yes, I agree killer and it's a killer and it pisses me off because excuse my language, but it's like the industry's telling these young mothers. You can't possibly parent your children without drinking.

Kelly:

I was thinking about that today. Again, we've talked about it so many times on here, but just how disempowering the marketing and the getting sucked into it and saying, or even your friends saying to you, Oh, you just have a glass of wine to sleep. Like people say that to moms, I'll just have a glass of wine at the end of the day. I'll never say that again. And let me tell you, I'm free of the insomnia. Oh, good. Listen, this is how bad it was. I had a year and a half, three doctors. My primary care, then a board certified sleep specialist, which the board certified sleep doctor, and then a cognitive behavior therapist specializing insomnia for 1. 5 years. These 3 doctors play tag team. They shared their records with what they were doing with me, what was working. It took a year and a half to crack the code of this brain. I no longer have to drink for any reason whatsoever. And I have zero interest. If you paid me a million dollars, if you paid off the debt of everyone I love. In exchange for me drinking, I would not drink. No,

Lindsey:

that's freedom right there. That is inner peace. I love that. I think this is important. Coming at addiction and alcohol use from a spirituality perspective. I remember going to church on Sunday morning. I was teaching Sunday school and I was hung over as shit. Do you know what I mean? And I was going to Bible, like home group studies and small groups. And, I really just, I was going through a really hard time when I was going through a divorce and I was using alcohol to numb and it just really got out of hand, blacking out a lot, drinking wine at home alone. But, I just think women, people in general are just scared to talk about this in church groups and stuff. And I really feel like it should be a Bible study. And I feel like people who are at their wits end, who literally have tried everything. It's a shame that you're a

Paulette:

good Christian that nobody is talking about. And that's why I really think that's why this book, God gave it to me to specifically to Christians. Yeah, because there are too many brothers and sisters in Christ suffering silently and abused every Sunday.

Lindsey:

Absolutely.

Paulette:

Absolutely. So people are just, I don't have many reviews on my book. I am a horrible marketer. I don't have the money to hire a publicist. God's my PR department, and the reviews are good. I don't have that many, but people are finding my community one way or the other. That's great. It's especially in the Christian community. They realize they are not alone. Exactly. And it takes a while for some of them to open up and ask for support. And man, everybody just it's a beautiful thing.

Tracey:

Inspiration to those people for sure, Paulette to be putting your story out there vulnerable and open because like you said, a lot of people that are struggling in that community. There's so much shame around it that it's hard for them to open up,

Lindsey:

You feel like if you have those problems, then if you're a believer in God if you were a good Christian, this wouldn't be happening to you.

Paulette:

Yes. Yes. I just love God so much. I'm so grateful that he delivered me. I'm so grateful. Romans 8, 28, he brings all things together for good, that those who love him, that those who are called according to his purpose. Yeah, this is a perfect example. What's so awesome also is. Listen I mean it. I'm no special person. I'm no better than anybody else. God gave everybody gifts. Each of y'all have a gift. And when you use it for his glory and to help other people, this does not work for me. This is a joy. This gives my life meaning and purpose. Purpose. Yeah. I didn't go through that for nothing. Yes. I'm still writing this. It's like a companion workbook I don't know how it's going to end up. I've got two more chapters to do and I'm really excited about it and I really hope that it will help people. I don't want people to follow what I did. I want them to follow the Holy Spirit's leading in their life because they're different than I am. They didn't grow up. In the house I grew up with parents,

Kelly:

yeah.

Paulette:

God knows all of us. He knows exactly what we need. My role is to show, I know how you feel and God saved me. He's going to save you, but he wants you to follow his lead. This book and the companion workbook are meant to draw you closer to God. God is the one that can help you. Friends, I might be a conduit, but he's the one that was the answer. It's not me. I just write what he gives me.

Tracey:

Tell our listeners, Paulette, what you're going to give them, what we're going to have after the podcast episode.

Paulette:

I don't know if y'all can see my book. I don't know if you can see it, but I'm offering, okay, I'm giving this away. It's up to these beautiful ladies to figure out how to run the contest and draw the name.

Tracey:

We will,

Paulette:

they're going to send me the winner and I am going to be so excited to send you a copy.

Lindsey:

Wow.

Paulette:

And yeah. You'll read about that accident. You'll read about the detective.

Kelly:

Yes, we need to. We all need to read about that accident.

Lindsey:

That is a crazy. That's crazy. Detectives involved. Holy smokes. I'm intrigued. Yeah.

Tracey:

I have to say Paulette, you're extremely resilient individual for everything that you've been through. That in itself is very inspiring. I think you are going to help a lot of people, especially in that community. I think that it's amazing that you're standing up and being an advocate for those people to go. Yes. All of us for all of us. Yes. There's enough around it for everybody, let alone, an increased amount in certain segments.

Paulette:

Exactly. We all have our own audiences, so to speak.

Tracey:

Yes.

Paulette:

Can I invite people to join my spirit list?

Tracey:

Absolutely. So tell everybody where to find you and then we'll wrap her up.

Paulette:

Thank you. On Facebook, I have a private community. It is called Spirit Led Sobriety. I am on Instagram at Spirit Led Sobriety 22, the numbers 2 2. But I'm more active in this online community than anything else. I want to be there. I have face timed with people that have private messaged me. I have been on the phone with them. If I could meet them in person, I would do it and give them a hug. We need to love each other through this. And I really think only people that have gone through this freaking nightmare can really understand people that love us want to understand. But my husband, he could never have a clue. That's amazing that you're supporting people like that.

Kelly:

How can they buy your book? Oh, Amazon. In fact, I lowered the price today a little bit.

Lindsey:

Oh, wow.

Paulette:

Yeah.

Lindsey:

I'm going to head over and buy it.

Tracey:

Yes, it's on sale, listeners. Head over and buy it.

Paulette:

Yeah. Please consider leaving a review because there's not that many. Absolutely. But they're all good. They're all good.

Kelly:

Good. I'm so happy for you. Yeah. Yeah. You should be very proud of yourself. I'm really happy that I'm free. Yes, I'm so happy that you're free. I'm so happy that we're all free. All four of us.

Paulette:

Free. Free indeed. I love you guys. Y'all have been so nice to talk to. Thank you so much for having me.

Tracey:

Thanks for coming and sharing your story. It's pretty incredible.

Paulette:

My website is spiritledsobriety. com. I forgot about that.

Kelly:

Perfect.

Paulette:

Yeah. I'm trying to send out a newsletter now and then, but I love my community and I want everybody to join. You will feel at home. There's no judgment. There's no condemnation ever. There's not been one incident of any judgment or anybody harping on anybody. For one thing, I have that in the rules. If you have to agree to that the strategy God has given me for this community. It's a spirit led strategy every morning, prayer, praise, The wisdom of Proverbs, the community, everybody in it has agreed to pray out loud these prayers every morning for each other and everyone in the world that suffers from addictions. It's so amazing because people are telling me, I have two weeks for the, I haven't had two weeks ever. And I think it's because of the prayers. Of course, it's from the prayers

Kelly:

powerful,

Paulette:

if two or more gathered in my name, he is there with us. And we've got almost 260 people praying for each other. God's doing this. Absolutely. So anyway, I'm on my tippy toes. I'm so excited.

Tracey:

Okay we'll put all your contact information in our show notes so everybody will be able to find you and be able to find the book, Spirit-Led and Sobriety.

Paulette:

Good luck to whoever wins the book. I'm so happy to send it to you. I can't wait.

Tracey:

Amazing.

Paulette:

God bless you all. Yes. Thank you. Thank you to our listeners for tuning in. You can find us on Instagram at LAF Life Podcast and on Facebook in our community at LAF Life. You can also visit our website www. laflifepodcast. com. And thank you again, Paulette. Until next time, you all know what to do. Keep laughing.

Kelly:

Thank you for listening. Please give us a five star rating like and subscribe, share on social media and tell your friends. We love getting your feedback and ideas of what you'd like to hear on upcoming episodes of the LAF life podcast. If you yourself are living alcohol free and want to share your story here, please reach out.

People on this episode

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Kelly Evans

Host
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Lindsey Harik

Host
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Mike Sutton

Host
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Tracey Djordjevic

Host