LAF Life (Living Alcohol Free)

Running Free: Samantha Powderhorn's Path from Addiction to Marathon Mastery Season 3 Ep. 26

• Samantha Powderhorn • Season 3 • Episode 26

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This week we have an extraordinary guest, Samantha Powderhorn. From Tadoule Lake, a remote Indigenous community, Samantha's journey is one of resilience and transformation. As a full-time working mom of 6, Samantha has faced more challenges than most can imagine. She's a MMIW survivor, thyroid cancer warrior, and has overcome immense trauma and abuse. She once sought love and validation from a life marred by her parents' alcoholism and neglect. But Samantha found the love she truly needed in the most powerful place: within herself. Quitting alcohol and embracing running, Samantha has become an avid marathon runner, proving that strength and self-love can conquer all. Tune in to hear Samantha's inspiring story of perseverance, healing, and the incredible power of self-love.

Follow Sam on Insta: https://www.instagram.com/sayisitaurus/
or TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sdfn_sammi28

Recommended Reads:
Pretty Wrecked, Tracy Viola https://www.tracyviolaauthor.com/book
We Are The Luckiest: The Surprising Magic of a Sober Life, Laura McKowen
https://www.lauramckowen.com/books


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Tracey: https://www.instagram.com/tnd1274/
Kelly: https://www.instagram.com/pamperedkel/
Lindsey: https://www.instagram.com/hariklindsey/

**Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this episode are not professional or medical opinions. If you are struggling with an addiction please contact a medical professional for help.

Music provided by Premium Beats: https://www.premiumbeat.com
Song: Rise and Thrive
Artist: Young Presidents

Resources:
Wellness Togethe...

Kelly:

Welcome to the LAF life podcast, a lifestyle podcast based on living alcohol free and a booze soaked world. My name is Kelly Evans and together with my friends, Tracey Djordjevic, and Lindsey Harik. We share uncensored. Unscripted real conversations about what our lives have been like since we ditched alcohol and how we got here by sharing our individual stories. We'll show you that there isn't just one way to do this, no matter where you are on your journey from sober, curious to years in recovery and everyone in between, you are welcome here, no judgment and a ton of support.

Lindsey:

Hey everybody, welcome back to the LAF Life podcast. It is Tuesday, not when we're recording, but when this brand new episode comes out. Today, we have an incredible guest. I have been looking forward to this episode since Our guest and I connected and decided she should come on the podcast. We are talking with Samantha Powderhorn. Hey, Samantha, thanks for coming on and joining us.

Tracey:

Thank you for having me. for having me.

Lindsey:

Oh, you're welcome. Okay. So listeners get this. Samantha is a full time working mom of six kids. She is an avid marathon runner. She was just featured in an article published in the Canadian Running Magazine, and it was sponsored by Under Armour. She is a thyroid cancer survivor, a trauma and abuse survivor, an advocate for Indigenous women, and on top of all that, she is sober. I don't even know where to begin. When I met you at the gym, I was just like, okay, there's something about her. You just glow. And when we talked and I found out you're not drinking alcohol and you've been sober like me and I found you on social media and we started following each other. I was like, Oh my God. This girl is an inspiration. So I'm really excited to have our listeners get to know you a bit better. And for us to ask you some questions and just hear your story.

Samantha:

Sounds good.

Lindsey:

Awesome. Let's do this. Let's do it. Okay. So Samantha, I wanted to go back a little bit to the beginning, like we always do with our guests. Okay. First of all I wanted to know how you started. a relationship with alcohol and how it progressed, and then what it did to blow up your life. Do you want to talk to us a little bit about that?

Samantha:

Yes. Alcohol has been part of my life since I was a baby. My parents are alcoholics and it led on all my life and my parents were very abusive. I witnessed physical, emotional, verbal abuse throughout my whole childhood. It led me to probably when I was 11 is when I first started experiencing with alcohol and. Growing up in that situation it makes you rebel. So you feel like you need to belong and be a part of it. So I started and I continued when I first experienced getting Wasted was very embarrassing. I made a huge fool of myself. I was probably like 12. Yeah, I was pretty young but it didn't stop me. Every time, my parents would tell me no, you can't do that. It made me want to do it more. And my older brothers are alcoholics too. It was always a part of my life from when I was a child until I quit in 2021 and I have babies. So if I wasn't pregnant, it was weed. So if it wasn't either of them, it was food. So there was always something there that I was Comforting in but when I split up with my ex husband in 2015 is when it really progressed really dramatically, I would drink all the time it was getting pretty bad especially through COVID too, and I would have a flask. Nobody knows this. I would have a flask everywhere I go. If I was stressed, depressed, mad, angry, any sort of emotion or feeling, I would have a shot. And I would always make sure it was full, even if I was sitting in practice. At work anywhere and

Lindsey:

just to get that relief. Yeah. Just that one Ooh that's good. Like just to feel it. So it was part of my life, since I was a baby and my parents switched addiction from alcohol to prescription drugs. So it's still part of my life. Addiction is still there with my family. It's very hard lonely, I guess you could say. Yeah. For me, my breaking point was on Halloween in 2021 was Halloween and I was, Really wasted. And I took my kids trick or treating like that, and I don't remember, I don't remember. You don't remember trick or treating at all?

Samantha:

No. Oh my goodness. I blacked out, in and out and I'm so grateful that nothing happened to my kids, thank God. And that next morning, November 1st, I woke up and when I woke up, I seen my kids and it brought me back to when I was a kid. When I was a kid and I woke up and I seen my parents passed out, the house is a mess, there's no food and there's a bunch of people all over the place and it brought me back to that place and I'm like I'm repeating the cycle and that's when I was like, okay, I knew that I had to change it. I knew I had to break the cycle. I did try to get sober two times before that, but it didn't work. It didn't work.

Lindsey:

Did you try on your own or did you do any meetings or anything like that?

Samantha:

I tried on my own. And when I first got tried was, I think it was in 2018 or 2019. I tried, I think I was up to 300 days sober. And I fell off and I believe it's because of my relationship that I was in, it was like a codependency relationship and, alcohol was what kept us together. So I felt like it was a control over me and I fell off. It was a long distance relationship. So we weren't living together. So whenever he was not here, I would go sober. And then he would come back and then I would fall off. So I knew, yeah, for the third time I knew, I was like, okay, if I'm going to become sober, I know that this relationship's not going to work.

Lindsey:

You can't stay in your life, right?

Samantha:

Yeah. Wow. And it was funny, I made a TikTok. I think it was a month before I made the decision because I knew it was happening. I'm like, I have to let go of something if I want to do this in my life. So I got sober and like I said, he wasn't living here. So it was easy. But then when he got back it was hard because I was like, whoa. And then I told him straight up that I had to prioritize my Sobriety. And he was like, Oh, he was making like comments like, Oh, I thought it was just for a little bit. You know what I mean? I'm like, no, this is going to be for my whole life and I'm going to need a partner that's going to support that and encourage and hopefully join me on it.

Lindsey:

Exactly. In a way, I guess you were inviting him to join you. Did he join you? No. What? No, he was not. Did he join you in? In quitting drinking or no, yeah,

Samantha:

not even a thought a try or whatever. But

Lindsey:

Before we got on here, I was looking at your social media and you had posted something. And I think I responded to it with a reaction. But it really hit me. I'll have to get Samantha to tell all of our listeners where to find her, because she just posts some really hard hitting truth. But this one, you posted, when breaking generational curses, don't expect support from those who passed it on. And that freaking hit. Talk to us a little bit about what that means to you.

Samantha:

Oh, this is gonna get deep because like I said I'll probably get emotional because it's okay. It's very deep for me. It's something that I'm actually currently working on myself. And it's, Of course, the intergenerational trauma brought on from my parents and it's, I knew for a fact that once I became sober, that relationship would disconnect and the one with your parents, both of them so I'm on this journey alone. All my siblings are addicts my parents, that was basically the reason why I said that. And it's hard. So hard. Because. Because I've went through the whole neglect as a child, emotionally physical, all of it, right? And I'm 38 years old. I just turned 38 years old. And I still just want my parents to say, I love you. But in reality, I won't. And, oh, sorry. No, don't ever apologize. It's okay. It's something that I'm really struggling with right now and I'm working with. Because I found out when I first started my sobriety journey I went straight into working out and running and it distracted me from working on the mental part of it. And since February, I am suffering from injury and it told me to slow down. And so now that I'm slowing down and I have to grasp all these thoughts and these feelings and it's coming out now. And I'm like, wow, this is deep, and I know my parents have Their trauma with residential schools and 60s scoop and all that all I want to hear is. I love you. You're doing good, Sam, and yeah, but it's never gonna happen. It's something that I have to accept and I'm trying to work on it, so

Tracey:

can I ask you something, Sam?

Samantha:

Yeah, for sure. The relationship with your family did it. Change because you chose to put boundaries in place with them for yourself, or did it just change because they're not accepting or they're not okay with the fact that you're sober. So the dynamics has changed. I would say it started off with me setting boundaries,

Tracey:

right?

Samantha:

Because I'm going to be straight up here. I'm going to be honest. I was an enabler. I would buy the drugs. And send them home to my parents and that was our connection. Then I was like thinking one time I'm like, wow, I'm just destroying my people.

Lindsey:

Wow. Oh, my God. I shouldn't be doing that. And then when once I was like, okay. I'm done. I'm not going to do this anymore. And I told my parents that and I told them that's my boundary. Now, don't ask me. I'm not buying although it wasn't for me, I was doing it for them just because they're my parents. Stopped. And then ever since then, that's where the disconnect happened. And when I became sober, I have a few years later, that's when it disconnected even more because I didn't allow that in my home. I'm like, okay, if you're going to be doing drugs or whatever, you're not allowed in my home because I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it around my kids. What makes it okay for you to do it around my kids? So although they're here sometimes in the city, I don't see them. Do you think you just so desperately wanted to hear that I love you that maybe you thought supplying them with what they wanted? Would connect you and that was your way of seeking love from them.

Samantha:

Yes. Yeah, I believe so it's something that I don't really talk about because yeah, it's really

Lindsey:

vulnerable

Samantha:

And I feel so strong now that I could talk about it and not bawl my eyes out Because you have that would be Thank you. Thanks.

Kelly:

Yeah, accepting that is really hard. I know with the inner child work for me, it's like a journey of learning how to give ourselves. It's hard. It is hard.

Lindsey:

Especially when it's your parents. Oh my gosh.

Samantha:

Yeah. So when I'm feeling lonely or sad and I need some support from my parents, I don't have that. And it's tough sometimes and very lonely.

Tracey:

Did you feel like you had that before though? Did you feel like you had that from them when I was enabling. You probably, didn't have to process it before because you were just numbing out yourself with the alcohol and the weed. But now you're not using anything. You have to face those feelings and it probably seems a lot harder. I'm sure

Samantha:

it is. It's really hard. Yeah. Yeah, I've been trying to process ways on how to forgive them too. So that's my next step is forgiving them. And I've been stuck on that step for two years now, and I just don't know how to pass it. But my kids always give me reassurance, they're the reason. They always say they're grateful of me every day and it's amazing for me, and I like hearing that and it shows me that although that I'm sober and breaking cycles and feeling this way, I'd rather it be me than them. Because I'm making it a better life for them. And that's all part of breaking the cycle. I feel that. I call it my painful but beautiful journey.

Kelly:

Yeah, that's exactly right. I noticed, Sam, when you talk about, You say become sober. So you wanted to become sober and then you say you became sober. So I'm curious, did you have a vision of what that would look like or an idea of what that would look like? Or was there anybody around you that was sober that you could see what that life was like?

Samantha:

I would say TikTok was a very big inspiration for me especially with like Indigenous communities. I would see them, I'm like, wow, that's amazing. I thought of it for a few times because I knew it was getting bad, like out of hand. And I'm like, this is not healthy. This is not the way it's supposed to be. And my X would be like, Oh, as long as we have our life in control, we got this. I'm like, I don't know. So yeah it's something that I believe, no, it is something that I wanted to do, but I just didn't know how to get there in the beginning.

Kelly:

So what did you do? Where did you go? What kind of support did you get?

Samantha:

I didn't have any, I just got sober and then I started working out and running. I'm a stubborn ass. Sorry to say, I'm like, Oh, I got this. I'll do it my own. I'll do this. But fast forwarding to now, I wish that I would have dealt with the mental part. Of it first with therapy and AA and all this stuff. And now I'm 30 months sober and I'm finally getting therapy and getting I'm starting, I'm going to start a program. I got intake on Friday and I really did it backwards.

Kelly:

That's okay. That's okay.

Lindsey:

You did it how it was meant to be for you. Yeah. There's never no right way. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I think we get stuck on that sometimes. Yeah. Yeah.

Kelly:

But I think we're ready to, you are going to come to a place where you're gonna be able to forgive your parents, and, I honestly believe that we don't come across. The things that we come across until we're ready to see them or ready to deal with them or ready to heal them, so it's yeah, no, you're doing a beautiful job.

Samantha:

Thank you are

Lindsey:

Samantha. You're not from Winnipeg originally, right? Can you tell us where home is for you and how you ended up in the city? Yes. Okay. So I'm from Tadouli Lake, Manitoba. That's far north. If anybody knows where Thompson is, it's an hour fly in. So you can drive there. And I moved to the city in 2017. I was seven months pregnant, four kids, and just recently split up with my ex husband. I came to the city. in December with my kids and homeless. I had to live in a hotel for a month and I was seven months pregnant. And yeah, so

Samantha:

I went to the holiday towers downtown where it's like a monthly thing and it was furnished and it was very expensive, but I had no choice. Within that month and I was. Eight months pregnant. I had to go look for a home and it was nonstop every day. I was looking online. I was looking everywhere for a home and I would view a home, but they won't call me back because I'm just going to be honest. I'm indigenous. They're like, oh, she's not. So that's the truth of that. Then I was like two weeks before my due date and I found a home. I found this place in Transcona and I was like, that's so far. I don't know if I want to live there. It's so far. I'm like, you know what? I don't have a choice. So I went there and I viewed the home. I'm like, okay, fine. I am gonna have a baby soon. I have first month's rent damage deposit. And they're like, okay. Then two days later they called me and got the home. We moved in, we bought four air mattresses. Oh, a tv. Oh my God. And I bought myself a bed because I was pregnant, right? Yeah. So I only got a bed the kids would live with the air mattress. So we lived like that for. A few months and two, two and a half weeks later, I give birth to my daughter. She's six now. Now I'm sitting here and I'm like, I have a nice home and I have a good job. And you have a very good job. Yeah, and I just upgraded my vehicle. So all my hard work is paying off and I'm very happy. I'll just rewind a little bit. 2015 was the hardest year of my life and I find that April and May triggers all those emotions and feelings because of those months. So in 2015, April 1st, I was diagnosed with stage two thyroid cancer. And then two weeks later, I was diagnosed with stage three thyroid cancer. I don't know, my brother dies and then two weeks later we had to bury him and I had to do all the arrangements even though I just found out I was sick. So I had to put on the really strong hat and arrange my brother's funeral and it was really tough. But I knew that I had to do it because my parents and my siblings weren't. They weren't in the mind to do it, right? So I had to do that. And then, beginning of May, we buried him, had his funeral, very beautiful. And then end of May, I had my surgery. I had to get my thyroid taken out. When that happens, the thyroid is very important to you. It's like an engine, apparently. My body went through this full shock that I had to get used to the thyroid meds that I had to be on. And it takes four to six weeks for it to work. I was in a deep, dark place and every chance I got I was drinking, right? That's how I was dealing with it. Everything was, Being okay, like it was starting to come together. I was starting to heal. I was starting to go back to work. And then in the same year in August, my dad was diagnosed with stage four cancer in his jaw. And then he had to have major surgery to them. He's still alive today. Strong burger that one. And he had two major surgeries on his jaw. He doesn't look like the same person. Totally looks different. And then to top all that off, in November of 2015, me and my ex husband decided to split after 16 years.

Lindsey:

Oh my goodness.

Samantha:

So 2015, really, I think that was the breaking point of me just digging more deeper into my addiction.

Lindsey:

Okay.

Samantha:

And it just progressed after that. When I moved to the city thankfully I was pregnant so I couldn't drink or do weed. Exactly. I was eating a lot though but then as soon as I give birth, I went straight back to it. Yeah.

Kelly:

Yeah. How old are your kids?

Samantha:

My kids, I have six. So 22, 18, 15, 10, six, and five.

Lindsey:

Oh, wild.

Tracey:

Wild. You don't look old enough to have two.

Lindsey:

I was going to say, six kids, Samantha, geez. Oh my God. And you don't even look like the same person. You just showed a picture before we hit record. Yeah. Of what you used to look like. And how many years ago was that? You remember?

Samantha:

That was 2019.

Lindsey:

And you have changed quite a bit. I did. So you've lost how much weight? 100 over 100 pounds.

Tracey:

Wow.

Lindsey:

Incredible. Yeah. So talk a little bit about your feature in the Canadian running magazine.

Samantha:

This is my favorite. I love

Lindsey:

I want to know. Oh my God.

Samantha:

I love telling this story because it's really saved me with my sobriety, right? It's part of my sobriety journey. So in 2021 of April, it's so weird that April was the month that I decided to run. And April is the month my brother died, right? So it's it was weird, but I'll tell the story in April, it was COVID. I started working out at home, but I felt like I wasn't really doing much. I felt like I wasn't getting the burn, the heart racing. And so I was like walking one day and I'm like, Hey, maybe I should run. I was over 200 pounds and I'm like, Oh my gosh, what am I doing? But then anyways, I ran and I couldn't run one minute. I was like, this is crazy. Who does this? But then the stubbornness in me and the determination and all this in me, I was like, okay, I'm going to run further and further every day. So that's what I did. And in I think it was April 15th was The day that I ran 2. 1 kilometers straight without stopping, and I was over 200 pounds. And I'm going to tell this story. It was very deep for me, very spiritual. As I was running and I was like huffing and puffing and just struggling and whatnot, I was like, okay, I'm done. I stopped at 2. 1 kilometers and I was listening to music. And then right when I was done, Tom Petty comes on my earbuds and Tom Petty is my late brother's favorite band. And that song really, it lit me up. It made me happy because I knew that he was there. And that he was telling me that you got this and good job and whatnot. That's when I just started liking to run. And then I was doing it for more for me. Every now and then I would run and I only do only, I'm saying only now, only five to six kilometers I was doing. Then one year, this fellow comes up to me and he says there's a polar bear marathon that happens in Churchill. And I think you'd be great for that because you're running. I'm like, I've only ran five kilometers. I'm not set for a polar bear. Half marathon. He was like, Oh, just talk to the guy. Maybe you can just do 5 or 10 kilometers. I was like, okay, and then the guy that runs this marathon, he sponsored me 100%. So I didn't have to worry about getting their food, a hotel, everything was covered. Yeah, God, and I was like, okay, so it was all covered. I didn't have to worry about anything. And then I went up to Churchill in 2022. This was my first 10 K ever in my life. So I ran my first 10 K in 2022 in Churchill. And when you get your medal. There's only 10 people that run this marathon, right? So everybody gets to tell their story. And then there's this old fella there. He's a running coach. His name is Jim. Everybody told their story and then afterwards we sat down and we were talking and he calls me kiddo, right? He's so kiddo what's your next move? He says. I'm like, I don't know. I did 10k. I think I'm good. He's I'm good. You're a natural, he says. And I'm like, really? And he's yeah. And then we started talking and he started wanting to know more of my story. Then I told him about my kids, about my job, and my history. Then, we've been keeping contact then. And then he was like, before we separated, right? Because everybody goes home, right? So he's so kiddo, your next mission? Is 10 miles and that's 16 kilometers. I'm like, Oh boy. Then, like I said, because I'm so stubborn and so determined that I'm going to, okay, so I got home and I put 10 miles on my vision board in 2022. And then right after that, I don't know who asked me something, but they're like, Hey, we're training for the Manitoba marathon. I'm like, Ooh, okay. I knew that I wanted to try, but I wasn't really committed to it. And then I asked my coach, he was like, Oh, you got this. You got it. And then I was like, okay. When you sign up and register, it's like committing to it. I couldn't do it for a month. I couldn't do it for a month. So I signed up. I'm like, okay, this is it. I'm going to do it. And I remember my previous coach, she was like, just do it. Get out of your comfort zone. It's all about getting out of your comfort zone you learn and you grow more when you come out of your comfort zone. So I'm like, okay click. I'm in. And then I started training for my first half marathon, which is just last June. And I. Did it in two hours and two minutes. And holy smokes Yeah, that's a really good time. It is. It was pretty amazing. And after that, I decided to do the polar bear marathon again. So right after that marathon, I started going to train for the polar bear marathon, which was in November. I think I had a month break or whatever, but then I seen this other marathon come up, which is a reconciliation run and Oh, I'm going to go back to the Manitoba Marathon. I'm an advocate for MMIW. So for the Manitoba Marathon, I didn't realize that it was sponsored by liquors and lotteries and stuff like that. Yeah, exactly. It triggered me a little bit. And I was like, should I run it? Should I not? But then I'm like no I'm just gonna do it. So what did I do? I went to the marathon. I had my MMIW shirt, I had my hand printed on my face. I saw it. I just ran. I just ran that marathon like that. I'm like, you know what? I'm gonna do this.

Kelly:

Can you tell the listener, Sam, what that is, what that organization is, and what the hand print means.

Samantha:

The MMIW, it's a red print on your face and it's for missing and murdered Indigenous women. And I'm going to get a little deeper here. It's very close to me because I am an MMIW survivor. That's why I advocate for it all the time is because That could have been me. And it's something that I want the world to be aware of. And if my message got to one person, then that's perfect. Yeah that's what MMIW means and it's something I'm always going to advocate for. And I'm not going to stop there. So then my next marathon was the reconciliation run. And I knew I had to do it because my parents, although there's so much disconnect, there's still that love. There's still that there's connections there a little bit that I thought, you know what, I'll do this run for healing for myself. And that's a start, right? So I went to Birtle not knowing what kind of course it was and it was gravel and hills, kicked my ass. I'm sorry to say, but it was very, Tough one, the toughest run that I've ever done. Actually, no, it hasn't been. But anyways, I got that done in, I think, two hours and five minutes. And it was very emotional because we were around one of those residential schools were running by. It felt very it felt very healing, very powerful. And as I was running, I was thinking of my family, my community. And I was just like, yeah, this is what I was meant to do. So I did that one. At that moment, I knew that my runs had to be an honor of some sort. That's what I'm going to continue to do and then it leads on to the November. Polar bear marathon and all this time, coach Jim has been coaching me. And if it wasn't, for coach Jim, I don't think I would be the this runner that I am today. He was the one that actually really pushed my story onto the Canadian running magazine. It was a back and forth for a while. I would say probably from my second marathon until the Churchill marathon. So then the Churchill marathon happened. And I think this is what just made the deal happen was I was training for half a marathon in Churchill where it's minus 30. It was minus 30 and it was really cold. And I got there, I'm like ready to go and whatnot. And I'm like, okay, let's do this. I ran the half. I was like, you know what, I feel good. I'm going to keep going. So I kept going.

Lindsey:

Whoa.

Samantha:

And I kept going and I was like, just going, I think the first half I think was two hours and 20 minutes. And I was like, okay, I'm just going to do this. So I decided you have to have a driver with you because you're in Churchill, right? There's polar bears. So you had to have a driver with you. So I asked them, I was like, are you okay with, Driving while I go back and he's yeah, let's do this. He's also from my reserve. So it was pretty good. And then as I was running, I was like, okay, my goal is 30 kilometers and I'm done 30 kilometers and I'm good. That will be my goal. And as I was getting up to it, 30 kilometers just around the corner and then the guy. In the car, he's Sam, you're going to be the first woman from Sisyphus nation to do the full marathon. I'm like, Oh boy, this is what did it. I'm like, I got to go past 30 kilometers and finish the marathon. And I did it was a struggle, but the Churchill marathon. It was really a deep one because I am Saisi Dene First Nation and the Saisi Dene First Nation was relocated to Churchill in 1962 and I ran for my people. It was very amazing. I cried when I was done because it was like, I felt the emotions. 250 people were relocated from Duck Lake to Churchill and half of us died. Why? Because of alcohol. Oh. It was a very powerful meaningful run for me and it was very emotional and I'm very happy that I was able to do it. And then after that I was like, okay, I'm done. I'm probably never going to do a full marathon. I'm glad it's for this cause and for my people. A lot of people don't know of the ice in First Nation relocation. And it was very amazing. So I did the full in five hours. It was, oh my gosh. I lost my eyelashes. I lost, oh my gosh, probably half of it.

Lindsey:

it looked like a bald bug-eyed furby out there running.

Samantha:

Yeah, it was pretty intense and I couldn't walk after it. Yeah, and then after that That's I think that's what really brought the attention from the Canadian running magazine was how much of marathons I did in a span of six months and to do a full in that short amount of time of just running. So I think that's what really, sealed the deal for the Canadian running magazine, and it was in January where we started connecting and talking and having interviews and going over questions and it was published in March of. March 23rd, I think it was published and it was pretty amazing. It was sponsored by Under Armour. Now they're donating 5, 000 worth of product and I got a plan on what I'm going to do with it. So I plan. Yeah, I plan to get runners with that amount and take that home and do a maybe a run walk at home and distribute those runners to my people to give back. Yeah.

Kelly:

Beautiful. What do your kids say about this magazine feature? Oh,

Samantha:

They're amazed, considering from where I was to where I'm now and they're very proud. For them to say that to me all the time it's very amazing. Running has been really helpful with my Sobriety. It's my connection with my brother, with my family. Like mother nature, it's a time for me to be alone, to think, to feel, to cry, to do all these things. And it's been hard since February that I've been going through an injury, which caused me not to be able to jump or run. And this is what's making it hard for me to deal with certain things within my sobriety now. Yeah it's a tough one. I'm going to be honest, it's making me depressed that I can't just do what I was doing before. I got to be very mindful now. just did a marathon in

Lindsey:

You're in Vancouver.

Samantha:

Yeah. In Vancouver, just a few weeks ago and I had to learn to listen to my body. Now. I ran, I think it was 14 kilometers and I was like, I could feel my injury just starting to scream at me. So I had to run, walk, run, walk. And I did it in two hours and a half. Yeah. Yeah. Amazing.

Lindsey:

I love it. I just love the story. I wanted to point out another thing. Another thing that you posted on your social media that really grabbed me. Is this quote you posted this quote, and it said sobriety is when your family can look at you and trust what they see. Talk to me about that. My kids. My kids are. They see me like before I was a mean person. I was very mean. I was very grumpy. I was very edgy. I would yell all the time and now. Being in my sobriety journey, I've learned that caused them to block certain things of coming to me for, and I really had to accept that and take accountability on myself that I fucked that up and, I had to learn it and then I had to communicate that with my kids. And that's what we're working on right now. We're working on that as we speak. Me and my daughter, she just turned 18 and she would never talk to me. She would never come to me. She would look at me and be like, I can't do it. But now she's coming to me. She's talking to me. She's being open with me. And I'm very happy that's happening and it took a while for us to get there. And we were even talking about that a few days ago, or she was like, mom, she was like, a few years ago, we wouldn't be sitting here laughing and talking and being open and honest about everything. She was like, you really changed. It's a very Amazing thing that I've realized and took accountability for. I'm still learning how to fix certain things because I did damage a few things with my kids because of my addiction and learning it and accepting it is progress, right?

Tracey:

I wanted to say though, Sam, that you're giving your children an incredible gift.

Kelly:

I was just going to say the same thing. Yeah,

Tracey:

just by breaking the cycle. Yeah. Incredible. I do know how that feels and can relate to that because I felt the same with my daughter. I had a lot of alcoholism in my family as well. Sorry, I'm getting emotional now thinking about that because yeah, it's it is, it's a beautiful gift that you've given your kids and

Lindsey:

you should be so proud

Tracey:

and you have the opportunity to rebuild with them. That's beautiful as well. Yes. And better late than never. Like it is. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yes.

Lindsey:

So good. You guys. You're such an incredible person. You just glow. Every time I see you at the gym, I'm like, Oh my God, the energy that just comes off of you. You're such a genuine. Person, and I just want to thank you for being vulnerable with us today and opening up to us and sharing your story, because you've accomplished so much in your life. And. I think more than most people and you;re 38 years old, exactly. And the circumstances that you've, yeah, things you've been through, the things

Kelly:

you've seen, your determination is just incredibly inspiring.

Lindsey:

Yeah.

Samantha:

So you want to know what's on my vision board?

Kelly:

Yes, I was trying to look at it when you went to get that picture earlier. What have you got?

Samantha:

There's write a book on there.

Kelly:

Oh, yes. Oh, yeah. I would read. I'd read that. I would read

Samantha:

it. This is something. I'd buy it. This is something Coach Jim said, he was like when am I going to read your book? So that's where that came from.

Kelly:

He knows how to put that bug in you. Yeah, he does. Plant the seed. We had a guest on Not That Long Ago named Tracy Viola, and she wrote a book, and you have to read it. I read it in two days. It's so good. You'll love it. But it'll inspire you to write.

Samantha:

What's it called?

Kelly:

Pretty Wrecked.

Samantha:

Pretty wrecked.

Kelly:

Yeah.

Lindsey:

Okay. Get it on Amazon and it's incredible. I binged it. I couldn't put it down. It was insane. Insane per book.

Kelly:

But it's inspiring to read, for writing too. Like I love to write as well. Awesome.

Samantha:

Yeah. I've been doing this 75 hard. This is the second time I'm doing it. And It really taught me to enjoy reading because I was never a reader. I'm a math person. I love math and I just like, Oh, reading is not my thing, but now I love to read. And I'm like, give me all the books.

Kelly:

And we are the luckiest. That's a really good book. We are the luckiest. It's a great one.

Samantha:

Okay.

Kelly:

Yeah. You love that one too.

Tracey:

I did 75 hard last year, Sam. And I finished, how many books did I finish during it? I think I finished three books during it.

Samantha:

Nice. So

Tracey:

I was pretty excited about that because I had those books looming around. And that really pushed me and motivated me to finish them.

Kelly:

I know, I keep buying books, I gotta finish them. I know, Randy just bought me a book and he's have you started it yet? And I'm like, I'm still working on the other one, I've got too many going on right now. So how many books do you have going on? Oh, like three. Yeah.

Tracey:

I haven't finished Pretty Wrecked yet. These girls are way ahead of me. That's awesome.

Kelly:

It's so good to get into a book like that. It is.

Tracey:

I did want to say to Sam that your story is so important for your people to hear. Yes. Incredible. Yes. I went to school for social work. And we actually spent a good portion of my program doing a whole section of it on working with indigenous people because there was such a dire need. And this is going back 25 years ago for social workers in that area of the field to help in your communities. It is such a great, resilient, powerful, inspirational story that you have and that you're sharing it out in the world. And I really feel like you are going to empower so many of your people by sharing this. So thank you so much for that. Sam. I can't wait to read your book.

Samantha:

It's so funny I didn't mean begin. I don't think because I actually just got accepted to college and I want to take addictions and mental health and use that and do more of this and be that advocate for my people. To be able to. Inspire and tell my story and show people that it's possible to recover and to break cycles, especially when you've been through so much trauma and so much shit. So hopefully that works out, then I'll be going back to school and I have my first speaking engagement in September for. The same reason that I'm on here. So I love it.

Kelly:

Yeah, you're doing it. You're doing it. You're doing it by the way you're living your life right now and showing what is possible. You are doing it. Without the course, without the book, you are doing it, you're living it and you're showing it.

Samantha:

I appreciate that. I feel like I needed this because I don't have much people, like I said, around in my life that are sober and I really appreciate you ladies for having me on here. I'm gonna cry. You're amazing.

Lindsey:

You're the perfect fit. You're amazing. I don't ever want you to for one second guess that your value and worth because you're, like, girl. You're just on fire and the changes, not only in habits and lifestyle, but even just ways of thinking, ways of living and the changes you've made for your kids and their kids, it's all started and rooted in you. So thanks for coming on and being vulnerable and sharing with us. I can't wait till this episode comes out. You're amazing.

Samantha:

Thank you. Thank you for having me.

Lindsey:

There was one other talking point. Maybe if you just want to take a minute or two, there was something else that you had posted before I wrap it up. You posted on your social. Oh, and speaking of socials, I want to ask you for our listeners where they can find you on social media so they can follow you. But one thing you posted something about flight mode and you said that it was a form of trauma response. So what did you mean by flight mode?

Samantha:

Always being busy. Always doing something on the go go. And I never, like I said before, I've never really sat down and did minimal of things until my injury in February. So I was like, wow, this is something it really brought to me. I'm like, wow, I'm always going and I'm not allowing myself to slow down and to heal and feel my traumas and to be able to deal with them. So it was very touching for me because it's been all my life I've been like that. Since I was 16, yeah, since I was, I would say 16. That's when I first started working and I was like really deep into alcoholism that time too. And I almost had my kid taken away from me that time since then I've been on the go. Trying to just be okay with quotations. So I was always in flight mode and it is because of trauma. I've been through so much, my parents, alcoholism, which would be physical, emotional, verbal abuse emotional neglect. Which led into me being that alcoholic person, which led to me getting abused sexually, mentally, physically, spiritually, verbally. So it led to all these traumas for myself and Even getting cancer is part of that, too, and I'm still dealing with the effects with living with thyroid disease is really, it's hardcore sometimes, I'm really excited for the next steps of my journey because I want to really learn more on this flight mode, to be able to unwrap it and deal with the things that made me stay in flight mode all my life. I'm ready for that. Yes, you are. I've been feeling it. I've been feeling it like the past few days. I've been a bit sad and depressed and that's okay. Cause we have to feel it, right? It's part of healing and growing. The only important thing is we don't stay there and we don't go to that bottle because the past few months, it's been hard. I've been triggered a few times. And I'm glad that I. Can sit with my kids and just when I'm in that triggered mode, I go and sit with my kids and I get the reminder of why I'm on my journey. So I got to scratch the flight mode out and work on it to see you.

Lindsey:

Thank you for sharing all of that. You're just so full of wisdom. Where can our listeners find you, Samantha, if they want to follow you on Instagram or on Facebook?

Samantha:

You can find me on tikTok too. My, yes, I'm very big on TikTok. I actually started these TikTok lives. I call it my sobriety lives because I started them when I was seven days sober. Now I'm 30 months, so I've gained a lot of followers from doing that. Yeah, my handheld is. S, Powderhorn is my handheld. And then Instagram is sayis Taurus. And then

Lindsey:

we'll link it all in our show notes. And then Facebook is just, Samantha Powderrhorn. You can see me. It's my Under Armour picture. It is your Under Armour magazine shoot.

Samantha:

Yes, it is. Oh, yeah. And the TikTok one is a side by side of my transformation from big to small. Wow.

Lindsey:

Big to strong.

Samantha:

Big to strong. Yes. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. You are not small whatsoever. You're a big energy girl. Like you are a force. Thank you. Samantha. I just from the bottom of my heart, I want to thank you so much for joining us on the podcast today. I really truly believe your story is going to change somebody's life and inspire you're amazing. I love seeing you at the gym. You work out like a beast. You're just this crazy runner. I'm just so grateful. And I know these ladies are that you came on today and you talked about some really hard stuff. I think talking about these things it needs to be done because secrets have the most power and hold over us in the dark and you're changing things for your kids and for other people that you don't even know and you've never even met. All right that is a wrap on today's episode and don't forget to follow Samantha Powderhorn. And also, don't forget to follow LAF Life Podcast you can find us on Instagram at LAF Life Podcast. We have a website, laughlifepodcast. com. Head on over to our Facebook page where we talk about all things alcohol free, sobriety, all the things, all the struggles. We handle it over there too, so don't forget to check us out on Facebook. We will see you back here next Tuesday with a brand new episode. So until then, you guys know what to do. Keep laughing.

Kelly:

Thank you for listening. Please give us a five star rating like and subscribe, share on social media and tell your friends. We love getting your feedback and ideas of what you'd like to hear on upcoming episodes of the LAF life podcast. If you yourself are living alcohol free and want to share your story here, please reach out.

People on this episode

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Kelly Evans

Host
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Lindsey Harik

Host
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Mike Sutton

Host
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Tracey Djordjevic

Host